the cats are sitting at the window watching all the shit blow around from the crazy wind. ug. I don't smoke in my house and have been putting off my morning cigarette for like an hour cause I don't want to go out there!! at least is isn't currently raining. we have a leak in our kitchen cabinets of all places and my landlord hasn't come to fix the damn thing yet. grumble grumble. i reminded that he is a public figure (sorta) and I could crush him if necessary. haha. ok that's really just some fantasy of mine that will never see the light of day, except here, which I am not convinced is the light of the day. as you can see, my self induced isolation is making my a little nutty.

in other news, I am going to send in resumes and cover letters today to at the least three potential employers! I have been being a total lazy douche about getting a job and its time for me to get off my ass and get moving. I can't sit at home like this forever or I might lose my mind! I have not found anything even close to my dream job (which I don't' know what that is yet) and I will most likely get back into the working with folks with developmental disabilities field because honestly, that's mostly what there is out there in the non-profit/ human services field that doesn't require an MSW, which I don't have. I just need another year or two of experience with direct care and I think I will have some leverage with that and a master's degree. I hope. so yeah, wish me luck folks.

First of all, felly and I put up our Frost King plastic kits on the windows yesterday, and boy was it satisfying! I had read (e:libertad)'s comment about the satisfying-ness of it all, but I wasn't exactly sure why. Now I get it! I thought we were going to be blowdrying the tape, not the plastic. fancy business.

anyway, felly let me turn on the heat now that we have the plastic up. i guess this house is kinda old, cause we have these vents in the walls that blow out heat and vents in the floor that take that cold air out (?) I think. anyway, the air coming from the vents in the walls kicks in every now and then and my cat. hates. it. he lets out this... oh i dunno, sad pathetic yet extremely grating meow letting me know how much he doesn't like this vent system heat. i hope he will get used to it. poor kitty.

Hey folks...question for the masses. We are planning on putting plastic on our windows in preparation for winter. Already feeling the effects of having large windows in our-what was once an open porch but is now part of the living room-section of the apartment. Just looking for suggestions on the best product to get, the best way to put it up, things to avoid, etc.

Thanks!

Something got ahold of (e:fellyconnelly) last night and she brought me home flowers, wine, and took me out for dinner. We decided to go to Mode. Why, I don't know, but that's what we did.


We got a bottle of Relax, Riesling from Germany and it was mighty tasty. What was even tastier was the cheese board appetizer that had brie, pecan encrusted goat cheese and gouda on it, accompanied by some strawberries, apples and bread. Oh my god, I love cheese. I ordered the pan-seared scallops on corn puree with chipotle sauce. I was honestly a little nervous about the whole corn puree thing. Didn't sound very appetizing to me, but I love scallops so I went for it. turns out that corn puree is mighty tasty and goes well with scallops. Who knew. And the chipotle sauce was faint, but that was fine with me. The scallops were perfecto. I love scallops in general, but these were fantasically cooked and coupled with the sauce and puree, they were just divine. Mmmmmm. Felly got some kind of fancy meat and potatoes which they called frittes. It looked pretty, but the meat was a little tough and the frittes, aka french fries, were awesome for about five minutes, then got kinda cold and not so amazing.

We had never been to Mode before. I have to say that, while I understand the whole ambiance thing, because of the tinted windows we initially thought they were closed. You can't see in and have no idea what kind of place you are entering until you are already there. However, it was really nice inside. the dining room is pretty small and we got stuck sitting next to the rich ladies wine and dine night, which was annoying and entertaining all at the same time. But, it's still pretty nice inside. Our waitress was really awesome. Very friendly and personable and everything a waitress should be.

Overall I think Mode was pretty great. We spent a little over one hundred for the whole thing, which isn't too bad. It's definitely not something we can afford to do all the time, but I wasn't disappointed in what we got for the money. I would recommend Mode, with the precaution that it's a little pricey, but if you are looking to get fancy and have some good eats, go for it.

Where is everybody lately? I posted on 8/17 and my post is still on the sidebar? Is it that it's too fricken hot to update or is everyone getting up off their behinds and enjoying summer Buffalo style?

Speaking of the weather...what the eff? Where did this come from? Now don't get me wrong, I prefer heat to cold any day, but I am sitting up in this second story apartment with few windows to speak of and papers all over that prevent the use of fans and I am down right miserable. I feel like taking a shower every five minutes. My forearms are constantly stuck to the computer desk and I am certain that I am sweating more than my water glass that has a small ocean forming around the bottom.

I have plans to go to Fantasy Island on Tuesday. Watch, thunderstorms all day long.

My thesis is due in EIGHT days. AAAAHHHHHHHHH. I am calm.

Felly and I have been packing a little every night, but I know that there are all those things that we can't pack until the very end because we use them on a daily basis...those things will kill us.

We did, however get rid of two garbage bags full of clothes and gave them to Amvets. Felt good to get rid of things...even though I am a hoarder who attaches sentimental value to inanimate objects, every now and then I get the urge to purge...eww...that sounded gross. but yeah, its good.

Alright. Just thought I would post a bunch of random nonsense and I think I successfully did that. Hope to see some of you out tomorrow night!

so...(e:fellyconnelly) and I went to see a place yesterday on Delaware, just south of Hertel. There was also another very nice couple who came to see the apartment at the same time. We walked into the place and it was HUGE and very nice. We quickly decided that we wanted it and afterwards, it was clear that the other couple wanted it as well. We stood outside with the landlord and chatted as he tried to figure out who he would rent it to. turned out they had a boxer mix that, according to the landlord, looked like a pit bull, so they were instantly like, "oh we will get rid of him"...so the landlord was like, ok.. well, what if I tell you that I am a member of ______. I won't put the exact name down because I know how searchable this is, but let's just say it's a caffeinated beverage that isn't coffee which is thrown into the water in protest of government interventions and taxes. Yeah. I just googled this guy and he's pretty anti-Obama, anti-healthcare reform, anti-"socialism" etc etc. So there's that.

what happened was, he decided that he was gonna flip a coin to decide who got to rent this place. They male of the other couple kept saying "ladies first" and I guess because we had two ladies and they only had one, I said "heads". Coin flips up into the air and lands heads up on the landlords hand. YES! We got the place!! Very exciting considering we were getting pretty scared that we had two weeks to find a place....

I can overlook the whole right-wing activist thing...I certainly won't ever get in a conversation about politics with him, thats for damn sure. But, for a HUGE bedroom with a bay window, a brand new kitchen, a dining room, giant living room with (non working) fireplace and a second bedroom...I don't care who the landlord is, as long as he treats me with respect, which I think this guy certainly will.

So, at the end of this month Felly and I will no longer be living on the elmwood strip, or even in Elmwood village for that matter. I am a little sad about that for sure. I love it here and am going to miss it. I am not especially looking forward to living on a four lane road across from Big Lots, but I do have a back yard and a quick walk to Hertel for a little culture and nightlife, so all will be well. Plus, winters coming and I generally stay in for most of that nonsense anyway :)

She never reads this anymore, but what the hell.

anyways, we had a successful trip down to Westchester/NYC/Queens/New Paltz. Spent about 5 hours in the museum of natural history! you can see pics on facebook. :)

My thesis is due on t-minus 16 days and only 19 days to find an apt. and move.

Hmm. apt. How long is too long to wait for the right one? All I really want is an upper with a balcony that has off street parking and is pet friendly. Not too much to ask right? But we just haven't really found anything yet and I am getting worried that I am holding out for a place that will never come. I guess I will wait maybe 5 more days or so and see if anything pops up and if not...I will have to make some compromise.

On the job front...when felly and I were still planning on moving to the city, I told my job that I was leaving and have decided that I am still going to leave in hopes of finding a full time job that will give me some resume experience...I don't know if this is the best idea either. Will I be able to find a job? who knows...let's hope for the best.

Oh...and for (e:metalpeter) and anyone else who is interested, Elmwood Regal had finally gotten the 3D projectors!! Going to take one of my kids to see G-Force in 3D today.

to begin, I am in the last 5 week countdown of my thesis completion. needless to say i am a little stressed...although it could be worse. i am trying to take a different attitude with the whole thing cause my lack of work over the last five or so months is a good indicator that whatever it was i have been doing wasn't working.

in other news
felly and i aren't leaving buffalo. we decided that we simply aren't ready to move yet. financially speaking, we don't have enough saved to be comfortable in making the leap and neither of us had found jobs when we made this decision. Emotionally speaking we just aren't ready and honestly, i think neither of us are sure that westchester/nyc is where we would go when we do decide to move. i think we certainly will be moving out of buffalo in 6-9 months, but not september, that's for sure.

we are, however, still moving out of our current place cause we told our landlords that we were and our downstairs neighbor already has her sights on our apt. im a little nervous about moving because we have it pretty good here, but i am on the look out for a pet friendly apt with a second floor balcony that doesn't have a bug problem and... oh yeah, good heat and hot water. i hate being cold. at first i thought we could move a little more north, but the truth is, i like down here in ye olde elmwood village. i could even do allentown or depending on the area, a couple blocks to the east or west of elmwood. maybe i am too picky. probably.

oh and

BATTLE AT BUFFALO
SATURDAY JULY 25 - - TOMORROW
7:oo ISH $5 cash at the door gets you hours of fun and excitement
910 Main Street above Hyatts Art Store just south of Allen
come one come all bring your friends

peace out.

I have to work tomorrow in Lackawanna...I usually take Elmwood straight down to get on the Skyway...my question is...should I just take the Thruway instead or will I still be able to get onto 5 from Elmwood?

Or

Is Elmwood closed off for Taste of Buff tomorrow and if it isn't... should I still just avoid that entire area completely?

I drove straight through the allentown artfest and thought it was kinda fun :)

Sigh. Ok...I have been thinking and thinking and thinking about this... and I don't exactly know why. I was not a Michael Jackson worshiper, I don't even own any of his albums. However, I have always had, I think, a complex understanding of how truly influential he was, beyond his music, beyond his dancing, beyond his persona. That being said, I have to get these things out of my head and this seems like a good place. Facebook is too big for me these days and I don't need all the comments that will certainly come if I put this there. But I need someone to read it and you folks are reliable...to give me feedback, or not. To read it, or not. But it will be there, at least.

To begin, what I think I mean when I say "beyond" is that beyond Michael Jackson as an individual, a human being (which I will get to) he, unluckily for him, represents only the beginning of the generation of tabloids, paparazzi, sick and sickening interests and obsessions with mega-celebrities and pop cultural icons. I think he was an easy target. A target, I mean that. Why we as culture, and I mean this both globally and the U.S. specifically, need to find outlets for our hatred, our disgusts, our sick fascination with people we believe to be different from us, I do not understand. I see Michael's body, his face, his heart as a dumping ground for our own self-loathing. How cowardly are we when our target is someone we cannot touch, yet secretly wish to so badly. We yearn for a taste of Michael's fame, his gigantic person even as we despite and chastise him for it. But there are many mega-stars these days who this can be said about, but none come close. None come close. Why Michael?

We all know the allegations. We all know the stories that start from him being so young. So young. A human being, center stage for all the world to see. A human being who everyone thinks they know, they know it all. Children in his bed. Bleach on his skin. Hundreds of plastic surgery operations and now, now, drugs. Overdose? He was just tired. Just so tired. But what can any of us know of the pressure, the all see-ing eye that watches every move, but can never see it all. How does one maintain any for of sanity through such a hailstorm of criticism, of hatred, of allegations and fingers pointing, pointing, screaming at you. If it sounds dramatic, it's because it is.

And then I think. Why now? Why this out pouring of love now? Millions of people expected at his funeral. Where were the fans last week, last year? Would it have mattered to him? I don't think so, because that is not the type of love that makes a human being feel loved. We wonder why he loved children so much. I don't. I doubt that there were many adults who could be around Michael truthfully, honestly and free from misconceptions, assumptions and expectations. Children, I think, gave him that. Gave him his humanity through their innocence, their honesty, their ability to be outside of it all. This discussion of course merits another...and although I am hesitant to participate in it, I will. Do I think Michael Jackson was a child molester? No. I don't. Do I think Michael did somethings with children that could be considered child molestation? Yes, I do. I will not speculate as to what happened, but I will say this. I do not think that Michael ever, ever intended on hurting, physically or mentally, the children he had in his care. I think that he was mentally ill and that his actions were the result of his own upbringing, and his inability to understand and respect cultural norms of behavior. That we would expect him to do so, I feel, is unrealistic, because we as a culture have been expecting him, always, to not be normal, wanting him, demanding him, to be otherwise. This does not make what may have happened ok. What it does is, I hope, make us realize that Michael was simultaneously victim and victimizer.

This brings me to a point that has been in the forefront of my thoughts, one that makes me nervous. Makes me question everything. I think that Michael Jackson was, or would have been, a gay man. I am scared to say this because first, so often homosexuality, particularly in men, is equated with child molestation, and I DO NOT wish to imply that this is the basis for my assumption. What I do think is that Michael grew up not only in a family where homophobia was rampant, but also in a culture where, no matter how many leaps and bounds we make, faggot, cock-sucker, and pussy are the worst insults one can throw at a man. I also think that Michael's youth, where one begins to understand and explore sexuality, was filled with mixed signals and hazing sessions into heterosexuality. From early on I believe that Michael showed signs of femininity, gentleness and the like, all of which pointed to his father that Michael may not be the heterosexual man he was supposed to be. Chances are, Michael began hiding his sexuality before he even understood what it meant.
Related to this, I believe Michael suffered from body dysmorphia and, as a result, anorexia. These types of mental illness are, I think, much more common in gay men. I can't help but wonder why, while everyone was so focused on Michael's nose, his skin, they never, or rarely commented on his ever thinning body. They called him frail occasionally, but I have heard only once or twice over the last few days the mention of an eating disorder. Would people be so quick to chastise him if they considered this? I don't know.

So I return to my question. Why Michael? I will not hesitate to say this. Michael was a genius and unfortunately, so often what comes with genius is torment. You cannot hold that kind of genius in your hand. The music, the videos, the dancing, the performer, the clothes, the everything, all combined and never stopping. You simply can't touch it, but we all tried. We are all still trying and will be, I think, for a long time. What I hope people will begin to realize is that his genius was genuine, human genius. Fragile and powerful and alive. I am so torn between what I hope is true, honest respect for Michael in his death and the ever increasing media storm that is surrounding his family at this time. What I can say is that you can see now that even in his death, Michael is bringing people together, dancing and singing in the streets. Dancing and singing in the streets.