12/15/05 08:28 - ID#23735

boy-crazy

I swear you would think I'm in high school if you could see the thoughts that go through my head. I'm not sure I think about much beside boys these days. It's pathetic. I think my (younger) sister getting married before me has freaked me out more than I realized. not to mention going to my ex's wedding.

But help me out here girls (and guys I guess)
This is my wish list.
Am I really asking THAT much?
(well the answer is yes. I want mr. wonderful, and I won't settle)

30ish
smart
funny
professional
attractive enough
similar values to mine
SINGLE.
As in NEVER MARRIED.
And not currently dating someone. (you'd think that's a no-brainer, but it's not).
And for god's sake, no kids.
Call me a bitch, but I do not ever want to be a stepmother or a second wife. I don't want to deal with your baggage. I will marry once, forever. Personally I think being divorced shows poor judgment on your part- you married the wrong person- should have known better. [yeah yeah flame away].
Preferably non-smoker.
Preferably non-religious.
Preferably graduate-degreed, but definitely college-degreed.
And call me shallow, but I WILL judge you by your shoes. ;)

(and I wonder why I'm single, with a laundry list like that!)

jenks writes at 01:21:05 12/16/05 - Comment #3029: Well yes. You make good points. And kind/thoughtful/considerate is first on my list, and I guess I assume it's implied. (though it was what my last guy was lacking the most. He had most of the other stuff, but as I learned slowly and painfully, wasn't too big on the giving-a-shit-about-me part, which hurt.)
And I don't consider these silly traits I list as absolutes- it's not like I won't give others a shot- it's just that I when I think about what I would like in someone, those come to mind. And I don't think I'm desperate, and I really don't have the ticking clock feeling... But at the same time I can't help but think that it's been a really long time since I had a guy that really cared about me and made me feel good and did the little things... And I miss that. Not that I can't live without it, not that I'm not ok with my life as it is... I just think sometimes that it would be nice to have someone to share it with... in a sane loving mutually respectful way. (and yeah, I miss the sex too.)
Sigh...
I know he's out there somewhere. And I know that you only find what you're looking for when you stop looking.

leetee writes at 12:28:56 12/16/05 - Comment #3028: (E:Ladycroft) has an excellent point. What you do not want to do is trap yourself into thinking there is a specific time in which you must be married. I think nothing scares away potential relationships more than desperation. In friendships or relationships. I think when the time is right, you will know it and feel it. Don't give up on the fact that it is out there for you.

Funny, i don't recall (e:Ladycroft) ever having posted a list of her own, but then again my memory just is not what it used to be (if it ever was anything to be impressed about!).

I find this whole subject facinating and interesting. I have seen others with laundry lists of what they require or want in a mate, both men and women. Rarely at the top do i see something as simple and basic as "kind" or "thoughtful" or "considerate" or "giving" or "generous" or even "accepting". Is it because it is implied?

As to your specific list, i understand a lot of it. I really understand not wanting to be a stepmom. That is a huge complicated responsibility. I also understand and relate to the non-religious and non-smoker thing (hey, i just quit smoking less than a year ago, folks; i can't understand why anyone kissed me for the 20+ years i was a smoker!). In fact, i understand all the things you prefer. That you have preferences.

What i do not understand is why you would limit yourself. What would happen if your soul mate really is younger than you? But you won't meet him because the person you end up with has to be 30ish? What if he is a plumber, earns an amazing living because he invented some do-hickey thingie but you will not date him because he is not a professional? What if he has tons of baggage from his mom or dad or the girl he dated in high school that slept with his best friend?

I think the reason i can puzzle it out the way i do is because i used to have a specific list of my own. And my husband meets almost none of it. Except that he is the person i knew i would end up with when i met him. Despite the fact that he is not a tall skinny pale british wordsworth type, he is kind and thoughtful and considerate and giving and generous and accepting. And i thank my lucky stars i was open to him when i met him.

ladycroft writes at 04:54:44 12/15/05 - Comment #3012: Don't fall in the "I'm 30 I have to be married now" trap. It'll happen it it's own time, when it's right for the pair of you.

I once posted a similar thought, only I was much more liberal (basically, be a decent human being) and I got railed for it.

This past May my ex got married to the girl he left me for. It kind of put me in a little spin too. Not that I had any interest in him, but the whole scenario just sucked.

I really hope you're stopping by the snow party, we have GOT to talk!