It's actually a little bit more than a month, maybe 5.5 weeks left in the best country in the world, but even if I do love it, it still isn't home. I am definitely getting antsy to get home ever since my cousin & mom's visit has ended. I'm not really homesick I am just anxious to see feel smell and hear everything that is Buffalo. I can't wait to be wrapped in my family and friend's arms with hugs to go around.

Though going home means having to make decisions. I am excited at the thought of it, but scared that I won't make the best one. I am probably not going to have as much money as I would have liked when I get home so that could hinder plans for moving into my own place. My main dilema is whether to move to Pittsburgh to be with Justin (Florida/Pittsburgh boy) or stay in Buffalo. I am waiting to hear on a job to work with my sister because that would be magic. It would pay over $10 to have an office type job and bonus:I get to see my sister all the time. My mom is taking a job so she won't be able to help my sister with my niece all the time. If I stay in Buffalo I can help my sister keep her sanity. Staying in Buffalo means that I should probably begin to give up on my relationship with Justin. That is a problem in itself.

When is it that you know you should let someone go and not try to date them anymore? At what point should one say enough is enough, especially if you never actually dated but liked each other for 2.5 years? Is it when you have only seen the person 5 times in 2.5 years because they hated Buffalo too much to see you except once for a Pearl Jam concert. Or they just decide not to call for 2-3 weeks at a time when you were talking daily or every other day? How about mailing them countless things in the mail and only getting package in return? Or never sending you a birthday or Christmas present? Or they yell at you on the phone when you are already in tears? Is that enough? What does someone have to do to make you finally say we are not meant to be? I don't know what it takes when you feel like the person is your soulmate but just don't know how to treat you. But don't worry cause in his last e-mail he said he was finally going to give it his all and when he says that, its going to be pretty damn good. Is that enough of and enticement to give it a try with him? Should I say no and forget the whole thing? What if I regret never trying it with him? What if I regret trying? How much am I willing to put myself at risk? Did any sentences in this paragraph not end with a "?"

I was going back and reading my good friend's journals and it was so much fun. I haven't read them in so long and made me feel like I got about 3 e-mails from each of them (which is always the best part of my day). [search]Maureen[/search]'s journal entitled "Soul Mate" really caught my eye (beautifully explained). It was so amazing and something that I think about, the integrative thinking. I love the idea of integrative thinking. My class on the Great Apes was an integrative thinking class and that was what I loved about it. I love not having one answer but seeing truth in a lot of life and just seeing the connections between things. I don't think that I am smart enough to see a problem in a lot of different ways right off the bat, and the effort to get all those perspectives seems like a lot of work, but I really respect integrative thinking! So if you believe in integrative thinking then its hard to settle on one profession or one person. Both should challenge you like [search]Maureen[/search] said. I do feel like Justin challenges me to be a better person and we both like to think about the same stupid things that is why i feel like he could be my integrative thinking partner, BUT if I believe in integrative thinking then I wouldn't settle for just one person. There must be numerous people out there that are right for me in different ways. So I could just say goodbye to him and continue my integrative soulmate search, right? Does that make me content? I don't know? Thank for the food for thought though Maureen. Muy interesante!

In any event, despite the fact that I have no idea what I will do when I go home, I am trying to ease my leaving here with a future visit from Hamish my Scotsman. He was going to buy a ticket in the next couple of weeks to visit me sometime in january (yes that also creates complications for moving to Pittsburgh if that is what i decide) so that when I leave the Edinburgh airport I would know that I would see him at least once more. HOWEVER this was complicated today when we realized that he is going to have to apply for a visa and make a trip to London to interview to see if he can get a Visa to see me. This is because he was arrested. Apparently anyone arrested has to apply for a visa this way. He has to wait 40 days to get something and then who knows how long after that to get an interview? So I won't know before I leave if I will ever see him again. I am going to be a ball of tear for about 17 hours until I see my family. It's just going to suck! So even if he does find out that he can visit he is going to have to wait another 3 months to get a reasonably priced plane ticket and it might be like Spring by the time that happens and what if I am in Pittsburgh? DAMN IT THERE IS NO GOOD ANSWER!

I realize that in the end everything will probably happen and I won't have much say in it anyways, so I don't need to worry but I really can't help it

Well on another note I have been doing some traveling....

Highlands-absolutely amazing. i am inlove.

Bristol/Bath- Bristol was crap. Bath was beautiful with the Roman Bath houses that I didn't get to see. The atmosphere in Bath was really cool, very old feel. Stonehenge was AMAZING! I loved it, has to be one of the greatest things I have ever seen. Granted it is just rocks but I was enchanted. I was prepared that they don't let you get too close, so i wasn't disappointed. Really great!


Next on the list is Spain. I leave next Saturday and will be gone for a week. The week after that is Amsterdam. The week after that is Prague. The week after that is Cardiff, Wales (possibly) and then BUFFALO!

The only place that I am disappointed that i didn't get to see was Barcelona.


Well that is about it for my updates. Just getting ready to come home, excited about it and trying to deal with everything that is going to happen.....

(I will try to post some pictures soon if I can get it to work!)

MIKE I hope that you had the most amazing birthday EVER! So good infact that you are still recovering. Miss you tons!!!

I just wanted to point out that I posted a new picture. It's not actually of Edinburgh or Scotland at all-Yikes! It's of England, the Lake District to be exact. And YES those are sheep in the background (the little white dots!)

I won't make mention of how long its been since I have posted, because that would be the cliche thing to do! I am having an amazing time in Edinburgh. I can't tell you how much I love this city and I can't imagine finding a place that I like better. It always keeps me content between the people in my flat, my handsome Scotsman, the hills to climb, the pubs to drink in, and the places you can go. My freshmen year of college used to be the best time in my life, but I have to say that being in Edinburgh exceeds Niagara University by miles!

Starting with work...work is the foundation of my being here because its giving me the money to meet my basic needs and travel. I love where I work and I don't think that I could have found a better place. It is totally stressfree, completely opposite the pharmacy atmosphere, which I am greatly appreciating. The people that work here are so nice. I only really get to greet them when they walk through the door, but its great fun anyways! I am getting paid enough that I am able to do just about all the traveling that I can handle.

Traveling...I am taking this weekend off to enjoy the pubs and basically relax. I have a hectic schedule just about from here on out.


Sept 10th-a full day journey (12 hours) to Glencoe in the highlands. It's supposed to be absolutely gorgeous.

Sept 17-19- a journey to Bristol by myself! This will be my first big trip that I do by myself, so we will see how it goes! I will also be going to Bath (about 12 mins by train) while in Bristol and getting a tour out of there to Stonehenge and Avebury (supposed to be more impressive than Stonehenge and you can actually go up to it unlike Stonehenge).

Sept 24-Oct 1st- My mom and cousin will be here. We are going to do some sort of trip, either to the highlands or Barcelona. I am just too excited to see them.

A few weeks off

Oct 22nd-29th I will be in Spain with Christina from my work. We will be going to the Island where Palma is.

Nov 5th-6th- Amsterdam with Hamish. Its going to be way too short of a visit, but I am going to try and fit in as much as I can. I guess there is a sex museum, prosititute information center, Van Gogh museum, Anne Frank's house, and of course cannabis museums.

I may also end up going to Prague and Alicante? Yes it is going to be an intense next couple of months but then I can come home and relax for a month or whatnot! Wha Hoo!


Well my little Jill has been returned to the E-Strippers and Edinburgh is not the same without her. I have been bonding with the flatmates in attempting to make up for her absence. The newest flatmates seem a bit anti social with their door always closed, but I think they might come around yet. Ilana and Carrie are cool! We do a lot of cool things together like-color. Trust me its what all the cool kids do here.

As for the pubs they are fantastic. i don't believe I have had a proper night out in about 3 weeks or something? Tonight may be the night? We'll see how I feel when 9 rolls around, it might be sleepy sleeps but it might be dancing all night long. The current plan is to pick up a 6 pack of StrongBow (so freakin good!) and begin the night early. Or take a nap and then start drinking, its hard to say. You know its really a battle between sleeping and partying. Its like I could fulfill one of my basic needs that feels really good and saves a lot of money OR i could probably have a really good time and spend a lot of money. I supposed you need both, but probably more sleep than party is better for your body and wallet. Who will win the battle this Friday??

As for my Scotsman, Hamish he is awesome! Personally I find him to be devastatingly handsome and great company. No I don't have any plans to get married and stay in Edinburgh, but I am definitely enjoying my Scottish fling. I think this kid actually wants to be American with the way he dresses and talks, BUT he is a Scotsman through and through. He has been my first relationship and its been a great one. He is great because I know he would do just about anything for me, BUT he does lie and that pisses me off! He talks about coming to Buffalo which would be fantastic but I don't think much more than that. I am just happy to have found a Scotsman to pass my time in Scotland!

In a side note I saw They Lady Boys of Bangkok yesterday. Some of the drag queens were so beautiful i couldn't believe it! "V" from Marcellas remains my all time favorite drag queen, but these women (?) were quite impressive as well. They put on a great show!

So everything is great here and I will post again when I am bored at work

So Jill & I have safely made it to Edinburgh and even managed to get a lovely flat around the corner from JK Rowling. It's in one of the nicest parts of Edinburgh which is great! I am a receptionist at a building that keeps records on the monuments/architecture in Scotland. I have quite a bit of freetime at my job which has internet (hence where I am right now) which makes it totally enjoyable. I am beginning to get really good at knowing how to do nothing. Also I am picking up on the accents since I have to understand them on the phone, which can be difficult!

I am beginning to miss my family and friends ALOT!

It's weird but ever since I came here four years ago Edinburgh has felt like another home to me which is helping this transition.

Hopefully soon Jill & I will be posting some pictures, we just have to actually start taking some first.

So I have to say that I most definitely enjoyed the going away party, with a perfect level of drunkedness. I was introduced to something amazing-chilled So Co (thanks to Laura). How freakin amazing!!! I am a bit disappointed that a certain e-peeper didn't show up. I just want you to know that the party continued well after 12 midnight and infact i didn't go to bed until 10am.

It's really tough getting ready to go. It's so hard to say goodbye to my family and everything that is familiar to me, just things that I enjoy like driving or the elmwood strip. But thanks Maureen for helping to calm my fears, you always make me feel better.

So I have to say that I most definitely enjoyed the going away party, with a perfect level of drunkedness. I was introduced to something amazing-chilled So Co (thanks to Laura). How freakin amazing!!! I am a bit disappointed that a certain e-peeper didn't show up. I just want you to know that the party continued well after 12 midnight and infact i didn't go to bed until 10am.

It's really tough getting ready to go. It's so hard to say goodbye to my family and everything that is familiar to me, just things that I enjoy like driving or the elmwood strip. But thanks Maureen for helping to calm my fears, you always make me feel better.

Today I graduated. Although it isn't very exciting to say that I graduated from Buffalo State College with a Bachelor or Arts in Psychology. Everyone knows that means absolutely nothing. I feel its much more impressive that I graduated in 4 years, transfering 3 times. That is something that I am actually proud of. I don't think college (at least what I attended) helps you learn all that much, except the importance of managing your time. At the end of college you may have never really managed your time, but you realize how truly effective it can be!!!

I don't know exactly how I feel about being a graduate. I mean I don't know if i want to go back or not. Truth is I would like a good enough job:

-get to work with cool people
-not monotonous or makes me anxious
-paid enough to go on 4 semi-big travels a year
-good hours

The above are in order of importance to me!


Also I got my wisdom teeth taken out, and advice for anyone that can be "put under" DO IT. You really don't want to hear all of the cracking and pressure. It was quite traumatic, plus the novocane had adrealine which make me feel like a crazy person. I am recoving well I think. I can't have any complications before the big trip, which by the way I am getting extremely sad about leaving my mom. I don't know how long I will be able to stay away from her? I suppose the first little while will be the worst.

Also good news I got an ipod and I am trying to load all of my songs onto it!!!-yeah!

SO THE PARTY....

Should be May 21st at 10:30pm at Off the Wall

You should all be there!

Hi Maureen!!!


I just wanted to say Happy 22nd, you took it better than I did!!!

I am totally looking forward to seeing you soon.

I am sure you all will be very sad to hear that not one (Jill) but 2 (& Teres/Beast) of your elmwoodstrippers will be journeying to Edinburgh, Scotland for an undesignated amount of time. That is right, we have our one-way tickets and are ready to move on out of this small town. Mike, Jill, & Teres are planning for a get together at some bar, which is undecided. But I just wanted to get you pumped about it early. It is probably going to be May 21st.

And I would like to extend a special invitation to metalpeter...just think if you came to the party then you could find a balance between socializing & the computer. The bonus is that you don't' have to think about if you will regret life or not cause you have the best of both worlds!!!

As for other things going on...i have taken an amazing/amazingly hard course this semester all about evolution and who is our closest relative. I feel confident to say that it is the Chimpanzee. They commit homicide and are the only other animal besides humans that will kill to expand their territory. Aand in case you wanted to know there are four great apes, and the bonobos are my favorite!!!