I am sure you all will be very sad to hear that not one (Jill) but 2 (& Teres/Beast) of your elmwoodstrippers will be journeying to Edinburgh, Scotland for an undesignated amount of time. That is right, we have our one-way tickets and are ready to move on out of this small town. Mike, Jill, & Teres are planning for a get together at some bar, which is undecided. But I just wanted to get you pumped about it early. It is probably going to be May 21st.

And I would like to extend a special invitation to metalpeter...just think if you came to the party then you could find a balance between socializing & the computer. The bonus is that you don't' have to think about if you will regret life or not cause you have the best of both worlds!!!

As for other things going on...i have taken an amazing/amazingly hard course this semester all about evolution and who is our closest relative. I feel confident to say that it is the Chimpanzee. They commit homicide and are the only other animal besides humans that will kill to expand their territory. Aand in case you wanted to know there are four great apes, and the bonobos are my favorite!!!

Yes, the moment has finally come that I do in fact now own a cell phone...for the next 12 months at least!!!-free of charge to me. It's not just any cell phone, no way dude its totally top of the line. YES! With an outside screen, and camera-I am obsessed and in a bit of heaven.

I think everyone celebrating Christmas should walk away feeling a bit more "fetch" and more organized!!!

Why is it that water sobers you up so quickly? All those irrational thoughts of needing to talk/flirt with someone disappears. You realize that you weren't asked to give a speech at your undergraduate commencement, as your parents laugh at you. You remember to hate yourself again for almost stopping your aunt's 50th birthday party downtown because you forgot your ID, even tho your mom was there vouching for you, because you were taking your damn Subject GRE and you forgot your 2 greatest forms of ID in your jeans. You remember how incompetent and dependent you are, and you wonder when will you become a coherent person. And damnit you have an exam Monday and two exams Tuesday. Why is it again that I suck so much, oh yea because I am me!

Mike, thanks for the birthday wishes, and congrats on finishing your paper early. Do you think I have been too much of a GOOD influence on you? Well I hope you don't mind that i changed my user pic to a HOT picture of the both of us!!! You know I love ya "BABE"

So, I feel I am at the end of a lot of things in my life. Some stuff is good and some is bad. I cannot wait to be done with this semester as it has been grueling, but I have learned a lot about how to handle many tasks at once-not that I ever feel that I need to test that skill again, or atleast for a while.

But my 22nd birthday is Sunday and my body is now creeky, and I don't like it. I don't understand why my body now feels stiff, rusty, and grindy. It scares me, as I never thought that my body would become this way. Although I can see I am already one of those people likes to complain about getting older, I plan to give up that habit shortly. I am just in transition to acceptance. There are a lot of things I like about getting older and the fact that I am more capable of being a responsible person that is more able to be kind to others. Its really important to me, but I feel that I am more capable of this lately. I just cannot believe that I am going to be 22, there is nothing to do but grow up from here. I really need to keep an immature side, so I hope my friends can help me with that. For some reason I always thought I would feel 12. I think its just lately, but I don't really get excited at the thought of going out. I am happy to be low-key and do nothing and hang out with some cool people. I suppose I was never really a huge party person, except here and there. This is a really strange birthday, probably the first I have never counted down, the first time I was sad to leave a year behind. I really don't want to be 22, but i am sure that soon enough this "grow up" self will find peace in it, as I am always forcing myself out of stuff. Okay this is getting way too depressing.

So I am finally almost done wiht the whole grad school application process, and let me tell you that it feels damn good. It was more of a haul than I would have ever imagined, and made the semester the hardest I have ever endured HOWEVER I am just happy that I am almost done.

"Cutos" (sp?) to Jesse for taking the GRE's today and hopfully surviving it-GREAT JOB. You must be so glad to be done wiht it.

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving i guess, but I know Delprino and I will be hittin' the stats hard as we analyze our data on resiliency. I am not looking forward to entering in about 70 questionnaire with about 120 questions each. I probably will not be seeing straight for dayz after that, but this semester is almost over and then I will be able to breathe once again (NOTE TO SELF: Do not get myself into more work than hours I sleep in a day..i don't even really know if that makes any sense???) It will be good to see the group again as I expect everyone to be home for the holidays.

I really don't get why Thanksgiving makes people want to drink?-more than say the night before Christmas eve or New Years Eve.

On another note- I really cannot fathom that I am just about 22, although I will NOT be celebrating my birthday until after the school year is over as I would actually like to enjoy it. But I mean its such a dull year to turn 22, i mean fitting I guess as this whole semester has been, but still I cannot believe that I have already hit my peak and I still have not dated anyone etc. How does that happen?-I can't really figure it out?

One last inquiry-do you think there is a collective unconsciousness? Because I have to say that I think there is. First of all I think it almost goes without saying that "we retreat from that which pursues us"-we only like those that don't like us back. But like did you ever have a relationship wiht someone that they only wanted to talk to you when you didn't want to talk to them? And now of course I don't really want to talk to him, and now he calls. Okay its not as dramatic as it seems. ANd I will explain for all of those that care...THis kid won't call for like 3-4 weeks, even tho I called on occasion, no returned phone call. Then I decided that I am pissed at him because he wont come and visit (Florida dweller).-now i didn't tell him or act as if i were mad. but he has called twice within two days and even left a message which is unheard of for him. i don't get it? Whatev its not really important anyways...all that matters is that my grad school shit is almost done.

PS Peter I very much enjoyed your journal entry about guys and what they would do even if they were gay-very entertaining.

So my Polish boys are back in Poland incase I didn't say. But they have been e-mailing me. Here is a link to some of their photos. Damnit they are so cute!

SO I found out about this trip/class that I can take at Buff State and I would get to go for a week to the Bahamas. It would cost a mere $1,300 for EVERYTHING! And you get to do field research and hang out on the beach. AND the beach is pretty secluded as is most of the island, although there is a club met. YOu fly into Fort Lauderdale (sp?) and then take a charter plane. I am scared of dying on it, but other then that i think it would be so totally amazing. So I am pretty sure I am going to do it! Oh and its actually the island that they think Colombus landed on.

Mike and I went for a walk down elmwood which was most pleasant! It was so nice to have an evening off and just hang out and talk about everything that has been going on. It feels like ALOT has happened, even though it didn't. I know I just wrote an entry about being bored not too long ago. It was so pleasant to be in Mike's company. I hope you feel better mike. I love you!!!

I feel like I only ever want to journalwhen I am sad or upset. Damnit that isn't the way it should be!!! But I am going to write anyways. I really think i need to make a firmer committment at work mostly but life in general (its just that its hardest to be nicest at work) to be kinder and more patient to our fellow human being. Sometimes I let my negative thoughts become rampant, when my compassionate/patient thoughts are hiding right behind those mean thoughts. Its just that the mean thoughts are first, so a lot of times I react to them first. But I am learning a lot about patience and persistence lately. I just really want to be able to come to all people in my life from a very honest and jovial place.