I have to say that tonight was a great night. I did feel like such a pimp with all of my Polish boys that I took out. I felt like the motherhen looking after them to make sure they were all okay. It is kind of neat to have a posse. Okay who am I kidding-I am flattering myself but i would like to live in this moment just for a second-hahaha. They were so funny and cool to hang out with even if I couldn't understand them a good percentage of the time. Props to my mom for setting me up-yeah!

So Jesse-I would like to hear what you have to say about the whole "relationship" thing....would you? I would be interested. Oh good luck with the self pleasure-you are a very stubborn person and I think you can do it. But now what I want to know is how often the self pleasuring generally occurs for each of you guys?-Cause that will give a good idea of who will go out first.

Stickboy...I mean boy...or guy...I am sorry that I didn't get a chance to talk to you tonight I meant to go over and say hello. Also, I wanted to tell you about that girl-EXCELLENT move. That was great, it will only make her want you more. Smart thinking. And please tell your buddy incase he doesn't get a chance to read this that I wanted to talk to him more-but I was starving and had to eat something. I am sad that we didn't get to chat more :-(

Mike, you are too funny! You know it will always be the three of us. Sometimes I need to go out, but I think really that is it. So you will always have me whether you like it or NOT!

Jill-WEIRD NITE...we have to talk...how strange things turn out??? Just so you know I am the "settled for" friend.

Alright well its about 5am and I have to finish entering some data before I have to get up at 7am to meet with my professor..yea that should be a blast on about 1 hour of sleep!

Take care all...hope everyone had such a great nite.

I just had a whole long entry abou all kinds of "important stuff" and I LOST IT-ahhh I am so mad. I was trying to add a sketch which i also lost to the entry which I apparently cannot figure out how to do. ahh I am so mad

I will recapture SOME Of it....

So I got up early and went to the gym again 7:45

Posting my entries early does not seem to get me into bed any earlier since I still went to bed last night at 1:30ish.

Mike and I went to AAA and put tickets on hold for $158.80 for Tampa-AMAZING price.

I am trying to calmn myself down about Justin, cause I get too wound up when I talk to him. It is just bad! But I seriously CANNOT wait to see him. It's been over a year.

My dad is upset at my sister and I for not writing out the standard nice Father's Day card. Generally holidays we write out really nice cards which bring him to tears. But we did get him presents and baked him a cherry crumble thing. But I decided that i didn't want to write out those kinds of cards unless I was actually feeling sentimental cause then I would actually be writing from my heart. This is the only way I think these cards should be written. They mean more than if it is EXPECTED-cause you know it is real. So I am upset that I was upset at.

Metalpeter I will be sure to try to remember to refer to you as Peter.

Jesse-I am sorry that you had a crap crap day...I know what ya mean.

Jill-I am sorry about the concert...that totally sucks. Don't worry though, there will be plenty a' concerts to cheer you up :-)

Jill tried to tell me how to upload a pic, cause it always says the file is too big...but I forgot. Can someone please help me?

It is a lot earlier than I normally update my journal. But I figure that if I update it now then I can get to bed early tonight. Yeah!!! Especially since Mike and I are planning on going to AAA tomorrow to make more solid plans for Florida-which I cannot wait to go-YEAH!!!

I would like to announce that I have still been going to the gym. Infact, the only day I missed in like the last two weeks was last Friday...but I did walk home (okay to Jill's) from Pano's so that has to be about 2 miles. Between stairmaster and the treadmill I went OVER 3 miles, like 3.5. SCORE!!! But food has been so appealing lately that it has been hard to stop eating :-( :-)

Do you think most people prefer to be in relationships? I think that they do. I feel like Carrie from Sex and the City how she wrote on relationships...except I don't' say anything interesting or had good advice. No one wants to hear anything about anyone else's opinion anyways. But its just that some people in my life are so attached to their relationships that it consumes their life and I really don't want to end up like that. It just makes me sad-but I supposed since most of the time they aren't sad I shouldn't be either for them. I just think that sometimes people give up after finding someone-as if that was the big "O" in their life and they can finally stop searching-but I think that is soul depriving.

My sister is thinking about travel nursing of course with Steve and Cid. That would be so sad if she moved away...but you know what would be really cool?-If she took me with them and we all raised her and the next mystery child. That would be amazing!!! We could go to Hawaii or Chicago or NY or even internation!!! Man that would be the life, watching babies and not working while traveling. Nope, you really couldn't beat that!

(oh and thank you metalpeter for answering my entries!!)

I have been thinking more about this whole giving people space thing-especially boyfriends. The thing is that is why so many relationships fail. There is one rule that I have found to be quite true no matter the situation-"We retreat from that which pursues" Run after something and it will go away...magnets are a good example of this. This quote was said in the movie The Tao of Steve-if you would like a better explanation. A pretty good movie. It also talks about how relationships have become our national religion. It is even more important than God-I see ALOT of truth to this. People need to get over relationships. Hahaha-which is why all of my entries about about the opposite sex, right?-hahaha. Maybe my way of giving it up should be to stop talking about it?-Okay yea that is not going to happen.

Since I have been talking about how I want to get into photography-today i was going to get a digital camera. I was going to get a Cannon at Target for about $150. Is that a good price? I so want one. I mean my family has one, but I am so afraid of runining it. Plus I am going to need one in the future when I go away.

Six Feet Under is such a good show-but nothing has been happening AT ALL? What is up with that?

Oh I am excited because I got ahold of the Polish boys and we are going out Thursday I think, as well as my dairy girlz I hope-Savanah and Samantha.

So I think this website is a very strange thing-but in a good way. Like it is strange to write semi-personal things that one may have to admit to later to people in person. It is kind of a test to see how open a person is. It is one thing to tell a computer screen and quite another to confront personal things one has said. I do like it-and yet it still kinda scares me.

Oh and if anyone notices that I am getting possessive of people in anyway please let me know. I really don't want to be that kind of woman. Please God just let me be a hippie!-there is nothing wrong with mate swapping or whatever its called.

I am still trying to recover and catch up on sleep that I am desperately in need of. Although part of me would really like to get ahold of the 4 Polish boys in town and go out. NO...I have to work tomorrow!

Today as I was coming home from Shogun for my sister's birthday, I was thinking about how nice it would be if people just actually thought more about people other than themself. It just seems cliche to be mean to people at their place of employment-does it not? Everyone does it-people just have no respect for people as human beings. I guess most people feel overworked and generally at the edge-so asking a customer in anyway to be considerate just pushes them over the edge. Does that make sense? Maybe people just need to chill out and do nothing more often, so they don't always feel so on the brink of a breakdown.

You know what I think is silly (that we all do-yeah most definitely me too!)? That we always think that we somehow own people. For some reason or another we think that we have dibs to tell people what to do or think. Especially in relationships-I think we just need to let loose and let people do what they want. But we instead sacrifice (sp?) freedom for a fake sense of security. It just seems silly. Just because boys many a time like my friends over myself doesn't mean I should dislike anyone in the situation but myself if I could not deal with it. But I have to say that I haven't really ever been in a relationship-but God help not become a possessive petty bitch whose life revolves around her "boyfriend." Its for people that don't have enough of a life and needs to depend on others for their sense of fulfillment. You know what?-I just might be one of these people?????

Okay, so that plan to stay sober just didn't happen. I really think it was necessary that i did a little drinking, in moderation its alright. It had been over a month so that is good enough for me. Last night through today has been most eventful-but damnit I need to actually do something productive. So Thursday night was a crazy night. Let's just say I got home at 8:30, and I don't mean at night. It was very interesting! My first naked dance party-are those even legal?-not sure but I may want to participate in one before the end of the summer? I have to say though that I would like to be sober when I do decide to take off my clothes. So other than that I had a lengthy and most enjoyable make out session.

I really should be in bed getting ready to work (9:30-6) instead of updating my journal-but I just couldn't help it!!

Tonight was interesting as well. The prom party was really great. What an absolutely BEAUTIFUL house-I was totally impressed! The people were great too. I cannot believe how sweet elmwood people are. I like Elmwood the more i hang out there. It feels like such a close community on elmwood and i just love it. So I just want to say thanks to everyone for being so nice and fun to hang out with!!!

Alright everyone get enough sleep and rest up this weekend-I hope that I will do the same!!!