I have been thinking more about this whole giving people space thing-especially boyfriends. The thing is that is why so many relationships fail. There is one rule that I have found to be quite true no matter the situation-"We retreat from that which pursues" Run after something and it will go away...magnets are a good example of this. This quote was said in the movie The Tao of Steve-if you would like a better explanation. A pretty good movie. It also talks about how relationships have become our national religion. It is even more important than God-I see ALOT of truth to this. People need to get over relationships. Hahaha-which is why all of my entries about about the opposite sex, right?-hahaha. Maybe my way of giving it up should be to stop talking about it?-Okay yea that is not going to happen.

Since I have been talking about how I want to get into photography-today i was going to get a digital camera. I was going to get a Cannon at Target for about $150. Is that a good price? I so want one. I mean my family has one, but I am so afraid of runining it. Plus I am going to need one in the future when I go away.

Six Feet Under is such a good show-but nothing has been happening AT ALL? What is up with that?

Oh I am excited because I got ahold of the Polish boys and we are going out Thursday I think, as well as my dairy girlz I hope-Savanah and Samantha.

So I think this website is a very strange thing-but in a good way. Like it is strange to write semi-personal things that one may have to admit to later to people in person. It is kind of a test to see how open a person is. It is one thing to tell a computer screen and quite another to confront personal things one has said. I do like it-and yet it still kinda scares me.

Oh and if anyone notices that I am getting possessive of people in anyway please let me know. I really don't want to be that kind of woman. Please God just let me be a hippie!-there is nothing wrong with mate swapping or whatever its called.

I am still trying to recover and catch up on sleep that I am desperately in need of. Although part of me would really like to get ahold of the 4 Polish boys in town and go out. NO...I have to work tomorrow!

Today as I was coming home from Shogun for my sister's birthday, I was thinking about how nice it would be if people just actually thought more about people other than themself. It just seems cliche to be mean to people at their place of employment-does it not? Everyone does it-people just have no respect for people as human beings. I guess most people feel overworked and generally at the edge-so asking a customer in anyway to be considerate just pushes them over the edge. Does that make sense? Maybe people just need to chill out and do nothing more often, so they don't always feel so on the brink of a breakdown.

You know what I think is silly (that we all do-yeah most definitely me too!)? That we always think that we somehow own people. For some reason or another we think that we have dibs to tell people what to do or think. Especially in relationships-I think we just need to let loose and let people do what they want. But we instead sacrifice (sp?) freedom for a fake sense of security. It just seems silly. Just because boys many a time like my friends over myself doesn't mean I should dislike anyone in the situation but myself if I could not deal with it. But I have to say that I haven't really ever been in a relationship-but God help not become a possessive petty bitch whose life revolves around her "boyfriend." Its for people that don't have enough of a life and needs to depend on others for their sense of fulfillment. You know what?-I just might be one of these people?????

Okay, so that plan to stay sober just didn't happen. I really think it was necessary that i did a little drinking, in moderation its alright. It had been over a month so that is good enough for me. Last night through today has been most eventful-but damnit I need to actually do something productive. So Thursday night was a crazy night. Let's just say I got home at 8:30, and I don't mean at night. It was very interesting! My first naked dance party-are those even legal?-not sure but I may want to participate in one before the end of the summer? I have to say though that I would like to be sober when I do decide to take off my clothes. So other than that I had a lengthy and most enjoyable make out session.

I really should be in bed getting ready to work (9:30-6) instead of updating my journal-but I just couldn't help it!!

Tonight was interesting as well. The prom party was really great. What an absolutely BEAUTIFUL house-I was totally impressed! The people were great too. I cannot believe how sweet elmwood people are. I like Elmwood the more i hang out there. It feels like such a close community on elmwood and i just love it. So I just want to say thanks to everyone for being so nice and fun to hang out with!!!

Alright everyone get enough sleep and rest up this weekend-I hope that I will do the same!!!

Yes, I am going to once again talk about the need for a late night booty call. So sad...at the start of the summer I made a goal to have 8 fine young men that I can call up/talk to when I need some late night action. Hum...I have none as of now. I think that I really need to get on top of this!

Point for me I once again went to the gym! I think that is like 3 times this week? I plan on getting up around 9ish tomorrow and going. I have so been slacking on this summer research project-I need to get some direction. Tomorrow I am going to start up again and find my compass.

I am looking forward to a nice picnic and Shakespeare in the park tomorrow!

I realized something tonight. Although I desire more than anything to be a hippie and believe in communal living-living for the community and good of everyone-connecting with people etc., I really don't want to push that on other people. I want a peaceful heart that is more easy going than I am. I think that i try to force things too much instead of letting them happen.

I don't know why but i have so much been wanting to drink lately-weird! I usually don't, but of course I have to work sat and sun. Not to mention I wanted to wait until Florida to drink, which looks like I won't be going until July 15th or so. That will be like 2.5 months of not drinking. I think? But yea, I don't know I just think its about time.

So, I hope everyone is preparing for an eventful weekend. Friday seems to be a big day for everyone seems to have many plans! But this girl is going to be sober :-( :-)

So I would guess that i am not alone on this one, but in the same breath I don't want to admit to it. But am I the only person that regularly needs a booty call late at night? Is that bad to admit to? Maybe I will delete this later? I can't help but bring it up because it is such a reocurring problem-hahaha!!!

I would like to make a comment on what Maureen said in her journal. I can see what you are saying about being insincere about what you write because it is public. It is kind of a neat exercise to see if you can publicaly admit to what you would think to write in a journal. Not that that many people are even going to see mine, but just if it were to come up-could i admit to it without feeling embarrassed? So I hope that doesn't happen.

Another thing that I am not sure that I want to make public-well quasi public maybe I should say? Is that I want this to be the summer of my breasts! I am sick of wearing bras. Okay not that I am not going to wear one, but I want to find tops with built in bras cause it is just so much more comfortable!!! I highly recommend it!

Just to update I did go to the gym today, but only made it to a little over 2 miles cause I ran a little short on time-hahaha!

I realize that I have not posted ANY interesting facts. Well i did read one in Time today-but everyone has pry already hear it. I guess the 9/11 plan originally involved 10 planes with Osama on the 10th. He was going to kill all the men on it, land the plane, give an anti-america speech, and then let the women and children go. I thought it was quite interesting and very creepy. Oh and I also read someone think that Shakespeare might have actually been a woman-Sidney something?-I forget. Strange! That was in Time-wow it doesn't sound so interesting when i say it like that.

Alright well I hope everyone is having a peaceful/exciting evening or day.

The strangest thing happened today. I saw this kid Rikki from my fourth grade class in AAA. I have not seen him since 4th grade but he actually remembered my name, which is mind boggling to me because my name is not the easiest to rememeber. I mean if he didn't remember me though it would have been very awkward. I interrupted his session with his travel agent and his buddy. "Yea, no I don't remember you sorry." So that was insane!

I was driving home from Steve Baldo's getting my rental car which I am excited about as long as I don't wreck it in any way. I could have it for up to two weeks?-THey don't know when the parts are going to come in? So anyways...I am driving home and these 2 kids about my age come up to the side of me and take a picture with a funsaver camera...wave....and speed ahead. It was so weird!!!

So I totally want to get into working out again. My goal is daily to run/stairmaster about 3 miles a day. While we are on the subject of "health" I don't know why but i really hate this Atkins craze. I don't generally get annoyed-I don't think? But it just annoys me that EVERYWHERE has to jump onto the band wagon (2 words??).