"what the cia won't tell you" written by Zobar on estrip.org

Category: food

12/15/07 06:31 - 19ºF - ID#42527

what the cia won't tell you

[The Culinary Institute of America]

The real reason you learn to make sauce Mornay ['cheese sauce'] is not for eggs Benedict, Welsh rabbit, or potatoes au gratin. The real reason you learn to make sauce Mornay is that you bought some foolishly expensive herbed, veined goat cheese to impress your girlfriend's parents at Thanksgiving, which they politely ate but did not finish, and now that it's nearly Christmas with no food in sight, you're fucking hungry and you don't care whether that's a 'delicate rind' or 'disgusting crust of mold.'

Sauce Mornay: because you paid too much for that cheese to admit it's gone bad.

- Z

jbeatty writes at 01:42:19 01/03/08 - Comment #29866: My only experience with scrapple was at a stuckey's in Northern Va. Probably why I'm not too fond of it. But I must try the pork roll.

janelle writes at 12:54:58 01/03/08 - Comment #29863: Yuck. Pork rolls sound like scrapple.

zobar writes at 12:51:30 01/03/08 - Comment #29862: Pork rolls :::link::: are totally gross-looking but are actually pretty decent. As I recall it's very similar in taste and form to bologna [though it's a little chunkier], but it's used like peameal bacon [which is how it ended up on my 'jersey benedict' in the first place].

- Z

dragonlady7 writes at 11:49:26 01/03/08 - Comment #29853: Because the sort of person who eats old moldy cheese that's been sitting around too long is COMPLETELY the same demographic that has caviar all the time.

jbeatty writes at 11:35:06 01/03/08 - Comment #29850: This post is making me hungry. Btw what is a pork roll?

zobar writes at 11:24:31 01/03/08 - Comment #29846: If your eggs benedict come out tasting like cheesesteak, you really need to re-evaluate your life. I once made eggs benedict with Velveeta and something I have only ever seen in New Jersey called 'pork roll?' and it was definitely still somewhere along the benedict/mcmuffin axis.

That's not to say I have anything against hollandaise - it makes a wonderful sauce for, eg, fried smelt.

The thing about homemade vs store-bought mayo is that they're kind of totally different. Homemade is quite a bit thinner, more of a sauce that you spoon onto things, whereas store-bought really is better suited to spreading on sandwiches or putting on french fries. Believe it or not [and I cringe to say this], "reduced fat mayonnaise" actually tastes better than regular. I agree that mayo should be refrigerated in the store, if not for practical reasons then at least to give the impression that you're buying something perishable.

If I were invited to a party and the host said: "bring caviar," I'd probably go with blini, but I don't actually eat caviar either [unless you count tobiko on sushi]. Thing is, where I'm from people are not easily impressed and if you show up with beluga on toast points you're totally going to get pwn3d by just some really well-executed mini potato pancakes that cost less than two cents each to make. Rather than that, I'd tend to go with just real standard smoked salmon canapes - cream cheese, minibread, and some dill sprigs from the garden, if available. People totally scarf those and enjoy them, rather than eating them delicately and wondering silently whether they should be enjoying them more.

- Z

jenks writes at 11:22:34 01/03/08 - Comment #29845: i'm with you Z. Sadly, good hollandaise is hard to find (but I don't understand why) It should be lemony and zingy, not just some bland yellow tasteless garbage.

mrdt writes at 03:26:04 01/03/08 - Comment #29830: Hmm... I think I would stay far away from a restaurant that couldn't serve a proper hollandaise, let alone kept it festering all day in an enormous stock pot. That's probably why its seperated. Heat during the emulsification process will help the suspension stay together while being held in a steam well. You should try it and maybe someone will say 'Hey this guy really knows what he's doing in the kitchen.' And your benedicts won't taste like a philly cheese steak. Lol.

It worries me that you don't buy mayo in the refrigerated section of the grocery store. Imagine it sitting on the shelf for months or years before some sorry sap walks into Wilson Farms to pick up his favorite condiment for the ol' classic turkey club. Personally I make my own in about 2 minutes using this tiny B&D food processor and people say 'Hey take my money and show me how to do that!'

No toast points? Do you prefer your Beluga straight up or what? Personally I'm a crackers guy.

zobar writes at 11:09:26 01/02/08 - Comment #29826: Hollandaise _used_ to go on eggs benedict, until I'd had enough of restaurants totally ruining the experience with that separated oily runny crap that you know has been festering tepid in a huge stock pot for way longer than is reasonable. When I make eggs benedict, I go with a sharp cheddar sauce, with just a little bit of american [yup]. And everybody goes: 'Hey! This is like eggs benedict, only instead of being terribly depressing it's something I actually enjoy eating!'

I wouldn't eat _any_ cheese on "toast points" because "toast points" is something Martha Stewart does, and she's a ridiculous human being.

But the whole point of the post is that blue cheese is milk that has been forgotten about so long that it is neither fluid nor particularly white, and if you're looking at the thing and trying to tell how much of the mold is P roqueforti and how much is R stolonifer ... you really need to get a grip. If it still smells basically like moldy cheese, which is what it is, and there's nothing else in the house, which there isn't, chuck it in a pot and boil it.

- Z

mrdt writes at 09:33:21 01/02/08 - Comment #29820: Hollandaise goes on eggs benedict and if you wouldn't eat the cheese straight up on say some toast points or something why would you make a sauce out of it???

drew writes at 07:06:50 12/16/07 - Comment #29311: yeah. I never have this problem 'cause I would never have leftover cheese.

dragonlady7 writes at 12:47:40 12/16/07 - Comment #29310: Hey, you've never done a thing to impress my folks. You've never had to, they irrationally adore you beyond all reckoning.

And that was good cheese, but we ran out of crackers.

But it was really good on the macaroni too...

james writes at 07:15:57 12/15/07 - Comment #29298: I am a big fan of so called 'garbage cheese'

I mean, it is rotten milk, how much worse can it get?

Permalink: what_the_cia_won_t_tell_you.html
Words: 108
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: tidbit

12/13/07 11:16 - 36ºF - ID#42509

in swedish

'television static' translates to 'myrornas krig,' or 'battle of the ants.'

- Z

Permalink: in_swedish.html
Words: 15
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: politics

11/30/07 09:38 - 30ºF - ID#42339

'gay bowel syndrome?'

Has the American conservative movement lost its focus? According to the statistics page

from 'Conservapedia: The Trustworthy Encyclopedia,' it seems as though American conservatives are just as ~~preoccupied~~ focused as ever.

- Z

Permalink: _gay_bowel_syndrome_.html
Words: 39
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: a series of tubes

11/27/07 09:12 - 30ºF - ID#42309

are you man enough for this

OK, I admit to being a webcomics geek, and a tagline of 'Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines' sounds like the kind of thing that's already been done a bajillion times before. But when faced with 'Are you man enough for this,' Steven Frank of Spamusement came up with 'Derek Jeter, carrying a fishing pole and a keg, atop a riding lawnmower on the flatbed of a pickup, deep-fried and smothered with country gravy.'

That is unusual talent.

- Z

Permalink: are_you_man_enough_for_this.html
Words: 91
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: a series of tubes

11/08/07 08:22 - 40ºF - ID#42051

"in hell, this is all you get"

To anyone who considers him or herself an adventurous eater, I recommend "Steve Don't Eat It,"

a website wherein a guy named Steve eats things he ought not to.

I think the term "ROFL" is used too often and never literally, but I came very close. Don't worry; there is a happy ending.

- Z

Permalink: _quot_in_hell_this_is_all_you_get_quot_.html
Words: 67
Location: Buffalo, NY

11/01/07 01:12 - 52ºF - ID#41919

a couple of you may find this funny

From: molly miller
To: webmaster
Subject: Dance
Date: Thu, 1 Nov 2007 08:52:52 -0700

Are you really doing the hokey pokey tonight?

- Z

Permalink: a_couple_of_you_may_find_this_funny.html
Words: 23
Location: Buffalo, NY

10/27/07 03:04 - 57ºF - ID#41836

i got some splainin to do

OK so we've got two Halloween parties to go to tonight, and I'm only wearing one costume. The roller girls

will understand my costume without explanation, but I'm afraid it will likely leave many or all of you scratching your heads. I can hear it now: 'I understand you're a roller girl, but what's with the potato masher?' I will not answer your question. I will refer you to this blog.

The QCRG All-Stars* played against the Steel Town [Hamilton, ON] Tank Girls this past summer in a game where the officiating was bad and the sportsmanship was worse. Derby is a rough sport, but this rapidly became unsettling on an almost visceral level. Anyway, the costume is a Tank Girls' uniform.

That does not explain the potato masher. There is a Tank Girl whose name is Cheese Grater. She carries around a cheese grater. I'm not sure whether the name or the kitchen implement came first, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to ask. It's pretty random, but it's not any less random than, say, a potato masher. And I guess cheese is relatively badass as far as dairy products go, but consider this: if someone chucked a piece of cheese at you, you'd be angry but mostly confused. But if someone chucked a potato at you, you'd be IN PAIN!!!!!

- Z

_______________

ie, anyone who wasn't busy that weekend

Permalink: i_got_some_splainin_to_do.html
Words: 244
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: blagosphere

10/26/07 04:21 - 60ºF - ID#41821

something more interesting

"Winter in Blogville" by Jennifer ("14221") Wutz-Lopes (Buffalo Spree, Nov 2007, p26)

Someone ( everyone!) over at Estrip.org has their panties in a bunch about something to do with the fact that they are not taken seriously as bloggers. Take a number and get in line, I say.

But estrip is by far the most colorful screenshot in the bunch.

- Z

Permalink: something_more_interesting.html
Words: 62
Location: Buffalo, NY

10/26/07 03:09 - 60ºF - ID#41820

code

Because I know everyone's been holding their breath for this, here's the HTTP auth Javascript

server-side script

and database layout

Notes:
- does not require any hooks in your HTML code; just make sure your form has fields named 'username' and 'password' and import the Javascript
- can be attached to any form with an access-restricted target; script will pre-authenticate and, if successful, send the rest of the form as usual.
- You're not going to be able to use the server script as-is because it's kind of dependent on other parts of the project. You're not going to be able to read the server script as-is because it's Python. [Also in the full version you can change your authentication realm, and users in the special '_administrator' realm can log in to anyone's site.]
- no ~~backwards~~ Internet Explorer compatibility code in the Javascript
- on successful authentication, 'validate' returns 204 No Content. on unsuccessful authentication, server returns 400 Bad Request.

- Z

Permalink: code.html
Words: 184
Location: Buffalo, NY

10/26/07 12:42 - 47ºF - ID#41808

picking a scab

You know, I just can't fucking leave well enough alone. This morning (e:paul) mailed me a short Surebert script to do logins, which works, yet I'm still hacking this HTTP auth problem. Stay The Course, right?

But I got it solved. 1: Never send 401 Unauthorized without a WWW-Authenticate header. It's not allowed, and you'll get what you deserve. RFC 2617

briefly mentions using 400 Bad Request to report miscellaneous failures to the browser, and sure enough, that resets Safari. 2: If the script detects a failure, send another request to the same URL using a bogus username. This will of course fail, resetting Firefox in the process [thanks (e:kookcity2000)]. I think that's a gruesome hack, but if it works it works.

Why do I care about HTTP authentication? Most importantly, I want to support authenticated, noninteractive web services [specifically an authenticated RSS feed]. Since this code will have to live in my server somewhere, I might as well get some mileage out of it. HTTP Digest is often overlooked but it's a nice middle ground between static hashes [which are plaintext-equivalent] and full-blown encryption [CPU load].

Source code available upon request.

- Z