Sometimes I like to go back and read old journals. I did this with Livejournal awhile back and sometimes it is just downright awkward, othertimes hilarious and others uncomprehensible. While reading my old journals here, I must say that I am a little surprised at how articulate I sound. I think I have some weird picture of my writing and knowledge in my head that simply doesn't match reality...like looking through one of those wacky carnival mirrors. I often wonder how it is that I can sound so damn smart when writing though my fingers but when I try to open my mouth things just don't quite match up. Its all coming from the same place, but something just doesn't translate.

I wrote a paper this last semester based on "participant observation" of the Battle @Buffalo community and three hour long interviews and last night I gave it to two of my interviewees to read. Weird. I spent countless hours preparing for and writing that paper and then handing it over to actual human beings, as opposed to professors, who clearly are not human beings, was very strange. I think that it really shows how locked up in academia I am. To write and academic paper and give it to an academic to read is one thing, but to give to someone "outside" is a whole nother ball game. I hope it doesn't come off as snooty and out of touch and elitist and all that shit that I hate and have spent a lot of time trying not to do, but the truth is, sometimes you have to play the game. I hope they give me their honest opinions, either way.

Anyways, I have my first wedding to attend next weekend and yes, I bought a dress. I dragged Felly to about 15 different stores before finding a very simple brown dress. I even bought some nice dressy sandals that aren't terrible and may be worn elsewhere...maybe. If you are lucky I will post a pic of me in it...maybe.

This is friendly reminder numero dos that
BATTLE @ BUFFALO
is
THIS SATURDAY
June 28th
at
5:00 pm

910 Main St
(big door between Hyatt's Art Store just south of Allen)
open the door, walk up the stairs and pay the nice lady
$4

this is a first reminder for those of you who are interested in Battle @ Buffalo aka Breaking, poppin, locking, funk styles, dance dance dance in Buffalo!!!!

BATTLE @ BUFFALO

SATURDAY, JUNE 28th 2008
5:00 pm (this is not the usual time...SPECIAL time this month only!)
910 Main St.
(Big door in the middle of Hyatt's Art Store)
Admission is $4 per person
Come late, leave early, whatever.

Felly and I will be there. You should too.

Trips to Felly's parent's house are always interesting. The beauty of that area is like no other...the huge mansions/castles sitting on itty bitty little islands...looking at the water and trying to wrap my mind around the fact that it is a river...I love it. And it is small and quaint and all that stuff that I like about my home... My only beef is that her mother smokes a lot...and I can smoke in her house, and don't have to hide it (like with my parents) which means I smoke. Alot. And I almost forgot what its like to be in a smoke filled environment...I woke up the first morning with a dry throat and stuffy nose, which certainly was the result of a combination of sleeping in smoke and voluntarily smoking too much.

I need to quit. On top of that fact that they raised to price of cigarettes by $1.25 or something like that...I have been smokin for way too damn long. Gross. Someone said to me that people who smoke don't love themselves...and I have to disagree. When I started smoking I didn't love myself. True. How many people are lucky enough to love themselves when they are 12? I didn't love myself and I wanted to be like all the "cool kids" The bad kids, the outlaws if you will. And for the most part, it worked. I made friends and they all smoked. The problem is no longer that I don't love myself. The problem is that I am a habitual person, and I am addicted and as much as I hate to admit it, I like smoking, some of the time. Mostly I am like...this is effin gross and why am I still doing this and I can't breathe and what the hell is wrong with me? I want to make this very clear...at least for me, I am not walking around thinking how great it is that I smoke and I am never quitting and fuck all you people who think that smoking is wrong. I know people like that, but I am not one of those people.

Anyways. Rant rant rant.

I have to buy a dress. A dress. I think the last time that I bought a dress was for my senior prom...7 years ago. I have one dress in my closet which was given to me by a friend and I have never worn it in public. Ha. At least I can buy one dress and use it for all three weddings. Don't even get me started on shoes. I am going to have to find something that is a casual as possible, with no heals, that I can multi-purpose, otherwise it will be one giant waste of money.

OK...I am done. I have to go to target in hopes of finding a vacuum belt from 1973 to fit my vacuum. Two cats and a dog means I vacuum a lot. I wish I had $400 dollars for one of those fancy vacuums. I would be in heaven. Does that make me a housewife??

Grr. can anyone please tell me why all people wanting to get their PhD must speak at least two, maybe three languages? Maybe, just maybe I am wrong on this...but how many people show "proficiency" on a language exam and then *poof* magically forget how to speak anything beyond, "hola, como esta?" within a week?? This to me is like math. I haven't taken a godam math class since my sophmore year and I rejoiced knowing that I would never have to do it again. The same for my sad and pathetic attempt at German for two semesters. Now don't get me wrong, I would love to be able to speak Spanish. It to me is the most useful in my line of interests, but shouldn't I be focusing on my dissertation? Shouldn't I be past all this standarized test BS?!?! Shouldn't people within the academic world be equally as frustrated and annoyed by this as me? Maybe I am overreacting, but I SUCK at foreign languages just as much as I suck at math. If one were to take all my math, science and foreign language grades off my transcript it would be impeccable. Maybe me scowering through the already limited pool of Women's Studies PhD's for no langauge requirement is pathetic, I don't know. But grr. Grrr.

I feel better.

Ok. This is getting ridiculous. We cannot walk our dog without getting accosted by random people everywhere we go. There is the dude bro from across the street who yells "Ralphie" and runs over and lays down in the middle of my driveway rubbing his face all up in my dog. There is the strange man who owns/runs whatever the jewelry shop down on the corner and apparently all of his friends who says Ralphie should be the next block mascot. There are random folks who pull their cars to the side of the road to ask about Ralphie and there are random girls who I can hear screaming and squeeling from their open car windowns. And there are of course your Elmwood dog walkers who have some little cutey of their own but are nonetheless mesmerized by my dog. Phew.

I don't mean to sound bitter. For the most part I think it is super cute and Felly and joke about how Ralphie needs sunglasses to hide from the puparazzi. Yes, we are that gay. Anyways, but sometimes I just want a nice quiet walk with no interruptions. Maybe I should get a shirt that says "Boy. Ralphie. 11 weeks. Mini Dachshund. No, you can't take him home".

But on the bright side, I have to admit that all of a sudden I feel like I am a part of this community, which is something that didn't happen before. And it really is Ralphie. he brings out the best in people. People who would otherwise be in their own little worlds, frowning, unresponsive human beings, brighten right up when they see him. They smile and I smile and for that second all is well with the world.
Ahhh, cute things.

I am falling in love with my dog. He is soooo cute and so little and so needy. I feel like a new mom. the first night we got him Felly had to go to sleep early and Ralphie was crying and wimpering so I picked him up and pet his little head till he fell asleep. At 3am. All day yesterday I was exhausted because not only was I up late because of the whining, but he also woke me up at 7am!! I have been cleaning up pee and poo on an hourly basis. It really really really puts into perspective what it could be like to have an actual human child. Props to all you moms out there.

Oh yes, and he is a chick magnet!! We took him to PetSmart and to Delaware Park and Spot coffee and I have never had so many strangers come up to me...and of course its not me they interested in at all. I have been subsumed by the cuteness of Ralphie.

Anyways, if anyone likes puppies and wants to meet him, you are welcome to come visit. I still don't have a job, or rather, a job that pays, so I am home alone most of the time with the cats and now the dog. But my house is a mess. That in itself stresses me out cause I am a litte OCD when it comes to a clean and presentable house. Newspapers spread on the floor. Makeshift puppy barriers blocking him in the kitchen. Ah well, so it goes....

Everyone should check out channel 2, 4, and 7...live police standoff on 190...

I have 3 weddings to go to this summer. THREE. Two of them are in the hometown vacinity which is a 4 hour drive and the other is on LONG effin ISLAND which is...I don't know...`100 hours away. Now don't get me wrong...my brother getting married and my best from highschool and two of Felly and I's friends from NEw Paltz getting married and all well and good, but damn. What a pain in the ass.

Also, the trip to Florida has reconfirmed my aversion to flying. It just feels totally and utterly wrong to me. Human beings were not meant to fly. Period. The plane we took from the Buff to JFK was SO small...2 seats on either side and a walkway down the middle. The last plane I was on was an international flight to Brussels and it was HUGE compared to that little dinky toy plane. I could feel every turn, every lift and every descent and needless to say I felt like I was on a rollercoaster for an hour straight. Not that I don't like rollercoasters either, but you know how sometimes when there is no line and they ask you if you want to go again and you do and then you want to vomit. Yeah. Like that. The plane to Tampa was slightly better, as we were in the air much longer and gave me time to adjust to the constant movement, but I can't say that I enjoyed it. I guess some people do, but not me. Who am I kidding? I don't even like merry-go-rounds!

I have one more paper to rewrite before the semester is officially over. This Prof. always gives way longer for final papers than the others, which generally is a nice idea but, it is very difficult for me to want to go back to a paper when I have taken a week off of fun and sun in Florida. My mind and my body are still in vacation mode and I don't wanna write no stinkin paper. Meh.

Oh yes...and there are a few pics in (e:Fellyconnelly) 's most recent post that show my shortened hair for those who are interested.

So, I did. I chopped off the majority of my hair. I will put up pics soon. I went to the New Age Salon and although I had to break down and spend $40...$29 for the cut plus tip, I must say it was pretty worth it. It's super nice in there. Smells all head shoppy but not in that gross kind of way. There are cute wide almost bed type benches to lounge in while you wait and stack of ArtVoice's to keep you occupied.
The woman who did my hair was also super cute. Julie I think. Anyway, when she washed my hair she was more like massaging my head, which I am a sucker for. And although she did that thing that alllll hairdressers like to do: put ridiculous amounts of "product" in my hair, I was really happy with the final result, although I did have to shower to get all that gunk out. It took over an hour for the entire process, which is probably the most time I have spent in a hair salon since I went to my Junior Prom. I guess it's just not my thing.
But my hair feels like summer to me. It moves and bounces and shit and it dried in less than an hour after my shower last night. Usually it takes at least two plus for a complete air dry. Now I can go to Florida and not have to pack extra shampoo and conditioner for my ridiculously long locks.
I have a bag of hair sitting on my desk. All other times I have donated my hair the salon has taken care of that stuff for me, but I think locks of love is changing. They don't list salons that participate anymore on their website and unlike last time, my cut certainly was not free. But its all good.

Oh yes, and I have 5 more days untill my semester is (almost) over. I have a half assed paper due Monday. A pseudo presentation on Tuesday and a big ass final paper on Wednesday AND THEN on Thursday Felly and I are going to see AVENUE Q at Shea's and on Friday at butt ass early in the morning we leave for FloRida. I have one more paper due when I get back, but I have a whole week to finish that one so it's no sweat. I can't believe the semester is over this quickly. Summer is here and I am a happy happy girl!

AND felly and I are getting a dog. As soon as we get back from Florida we will be on the hunt for a cute wittle weeener dog to love and cherish. This also means that we will be getting our asses off the couch and actually walking around elmwood and allen for the sake of our pooch. Should be swell.