"Meh" written by Lauren on estrip.org

10/14/08 10:25 - 68ºF - ID#46105

Meh

Last night after reading my post and responses (e:felly) told me that i came off sounding condescending and...bitchy. really, that is the farthest from my intent..and i had it all up in my head that i wasn't "that" way, but apparently that's not the case.

i do however think that some of my points are being misread. Like I said...I was not talking about individuals and was certainly not attacking anyone, or rather, that was not my intention...Remember, I go to school all day and hear all kinds of shit. So when I write something it is the culmination of a day or a week or a book or whatever. I do however get that I used examples from people's journals on here... but that was for effect rather than being the point of the argument. I apologize for singling people out.
I am not saying that I am the almighty or that I have all the answers either. If I could I would take all the periods out to assure you that my words are not end points, or "final answers" but ideas in progress... And for the record, I don't consider myself a liberal. I think liberalism is a bunch of bs just as much as "democracy" is in this country. but i will be out there voting just like i hope the rest of you will.

and (e:paul), I think that if you read my post you would see that we were on the same page. I said, "Perhaps what they should say is that they are surprised that someone said it IN PUBLIC." Again, just because I used you as an example does not mean that I was attacking you or talking to or about you. Note, I said "who the hell do WE think we are". Not you, them, they... we.

Maybe I need to step back a minute because I really need to make clear that this is not about one on one nonsense. The entire point of my post was to say that our SOCIETY/culture/system allows for and perpetuates this type of thing, not that individual human beings are at fault for the sake of pointing fingers. I don't think that bickering or in fighting gets anyone anywhere.

Honestly, I hate the internet...hate it because I can't' ever properly express emotion via emoticons and bold letters. The sound of my "voice" is read however the reader wants to "hear" it so you can't see that I'm not standing up on a soapbox with a megaphone screaming in your face, but rather, I am dealing with my own shit, working through things and trying to understand and maybe trying to share my ideas with other people. Share, not shove down your throat.

metalpeter writes at 07:17:06 10/14/08 - Comment #40258: I will admit that when I read it, it didn't sound condescending or bitchy to me. I also want to add that it did seem to be written about certain people as opposed to the system. I think that once that was clarified that made things better. Yes writing in voice is tough. Once someone knows you better and knows how you talk they can kinda get a sense of what you mean more. If you are around someone enough when you read there blog you will hear it in their actual voice, that happened to me for a couple months with someones blog, it was interesting. I used to have favorite blogs and I really don't anymore but yours are all ways interesting or at least they are a lot of the time so keep it up, and keep things interesting.

theecarey writes at 03:54:56 10/14/08 - Comment #40232: Our true 'voice' is a challenge, as you said, it is the readers interpretation (and we interpret based on our experiences etc). If things are misinterpreted then we have the chance/opportunity to re explain, ask questions, open a dialogue. Given what you have written in the past, I think if you were targeting anyone you would have said their names. If you had a specific issue with someone you would have named them specifically. I get that you were taking in and processing peoples thoughts (specific and in general) but that your rant output wasn't an attack- more of a springboard. For what its worth, in this case, I simply 'get it'.

Keep writing!

jim writes at 11:12:44 10/14/08 - Comment #40218: Tangentially related: :::link:::

paul writes at 10:57:38 10/14/08 - Comment #40214: It is very difficult to give a tone to writing on the internet which does lead to misunderstanding. Its probably good practive for writing books though ;) I do not think you should stop writing about your feelings on the issues, but rather you should just write about them more. The more you write the better you will get at judging how your writing comes across. Sadly, even after 3000+ journals I am still not that good at it.

To me it was definately this paragraph. If you had continued with the we perspective it would have read totally different:

"I am so sick of good intending white people talking about how 'surprised' they were when they overheard this or that explicitly racist or sexist or homophobic remark. Perhaps what they should say is that they are surprised that someone said it IN PUBLIC."

By using they instead of we in this case, it puts your in the category along with the good intentioned white people, instead of putting you somewhere else, which lead me to perceive you thought you were judging from outside the scenario.

james writes at 10:48:23 10/14/08 - Comment #40213: well, we will just have to settle this like civilized people in a jello wrestling match at the halloween party.

Permalink: Meh.html
Words: 467
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: rant

10/13/08 06:12 - 72ºF - ID#46098

Nothing's Shocking

I am really not trying to be

scratch that. I apologize too much. Whatevs.

I am NOT surprised that there are racist gay men out there. Or racist white lesbians for that matter. I am NOT surprised that the white power movement is alive in well all over this country. I am not surprised that there are murders every day of queer and trans people in this country and across the globe. I am not surprised that Obama's name was "mis"spelled as Osama. Is it possible to vote for Obama and still be racist? Hell yes. Is it possible to "love" Ellen and still be homophobic? Hell yes. Give me a break.

Who the hell do we think we are?? The 60's was not that long ago my friends. The truth is, people ASSUME that racism and sexism don't exist anymore because PCism has pushed people underground, which is perhaps even more debilitating toward whatever it is that we think we've achieved. I am so sick of good intending white people talking about how "surprised" they were when they overheard this or that explicitly racist or sexist or homophobic remark. Perhaps what they should say is that they are surprised that someone said it IN PUBLIC. I think that we have some skewed and warped perception of ourselves as a progressive, politically correct, modern "civilized" society that has somehow magically overcome this bullshit that has been entrenched for thousands and thousands of years. What we really need to grasp is that racism and sexism and homophobia and ethnocentrism make up the VERY CORE of this society and this globalized world. Until there is a fucking revolution, this things will continue to live and breath and grow and consume. Maybe, just maybe if people would stop being so godam surprised all the time, we could get somewhere.

matthew writes at 09:34:29 10/13/08 - Comment #40205: (e:lauren), I think you totally missed the point of the journals you refer to. You have made rash judments on people without being properly informed about them or the issues they talk about. It's kinda offensive.

paul writes at 09:33:09 10/13/08 - Comment #40204: "I would say maybe particularly toward 'liberals' who think they are so great."

Wait isn't that you?

I, like (e:james), also have innate racist feelings that I wrestle with, spare me I don't need your congratulations for admitting it. Is there anyone of any race that doesn't? I think it is a fear/misunderstanding of the unknown.

Do you think, that I think that life is just a united colors of Benneton ad because of my "liberal" education?

In reference to my journal (e:paul,46096) I was not at all shocked that the man was racist, but rather the way he said "If I don't vote for McCain, the niggers and spics will rule the street" in a public, generally progressive setting with no hint of apprehention or shame about it. It is totally shocking to me especially considering he was saying it to a total stranger, in an environment that is typically progressive and accepting.

While I don't think Political Correctness is an answer to the problem or that it will make people really change their opinion about their racism, sexism or homophobia, I do think being offensively racist in a public setting, sets the ground for the next logical step - hate action.

Think about it, as soon as people are comfortable saying racist, sexist things in public to strangers, there is really no reason to hold back. Moreover, they might actually garner support of other people who are more mildly racist/sexist/homophobic and would not act alone but are susceptible to group mentality and join them to commit actual crimes. Ironically, it was in that parking lot behind underground that I experienced this best when a gang of porto ricans decided to try and kill us for being gay a couple years back. I would have been much happier if they drove by and thought, damn I hate faggots and want to kill them but feel uncomfortable saying something in public, without blocking the street, feeling comfortable enough about the scenario to scream we are going to kill you faggots in public, taking out knives and then trying to actually kill us.

drew writes at 09:28:29 10/13/08 - Comment #40203: yeah lauren--it's not a direct line from your concept to that of Total Depravitiy, but they are conencted.

Total Depravity does not mean that we are incapable of change, just that we are incapapable of doing it solely on our own. If you think about it, it makes sense. We need feedback, instruction or a model--even if we have to get it from a book.

Society has changed, but people have not (not too much, anyways) Even though there is less racism written into law, and racism is less accepted in polite company, people are still selfish and prone to scapegoating people that are different than them.

If racism ever goes away (it could--since race is an invented concept, it could also be discredited and forgotten), the problems associated with racism (favoritism, bigotry, scapegoating, hate) will remain. In this way, racism, though horrible, isn't really the core problem. The core problem is human behavior.

metalpeter writes at 08:42:27 10/13/08 - Comment #40202: I'm sorry I just have to ad one more thing. I try not to be racist and compared to a lot of people one could say I'm not racist. But do to things that Happened in my past I have been made that way some. I do get that most blacks are good and that it is the small amount of people who are "Bad" but I also get that the game is rigged and that is a factor. I have read about some one in the paper and thought I knew someone with that name in High School who lived over that way I wonder if it was him. Also sorry if I misunderstood that you where more talking about the system then people, I took it as people and not the system.

But that brings up a good point. I think that the reason we have straving kids in Africa is because the people are black. If They where white I think more people would donate money and more American Companies and politicans would send help. But since they are black they are thought of as Savages and not the same as whites, or at least not as important. Even if the USA helped more there would still be problems in Africa. Anther sign of our racism is that Most people speak of Europe by country but all the countries in Africa are Called Africa. Ok that is the end of my rant I can't type anymore.

lauren writes at 08:15:30 10/13/08 - Comment #40201: (e:matthew), I am talking about pretty much everybody. I admit, I wrote this after first reading (e:joshua)'s post and then (e:jim)'s response and then (e:paul)'s, but I didn't write especially about or toward them. I think this is more of an overall generalization and I would say maybe particularly toward "liberals" who think they are so great. I would say that usually my arguments are made about the SYSTEM rather than the individual. Although individuals are always already creating and perpetuating the system, and I don't want to argue that the system somehow exists outside of our ability to change, but rather that the system shapes individuals and hence, we are all products of it.

(e:drew)...hmm...this total depravity thing is interesting, but I'm not quite sure that that's what I'm saying. (although sure this wiki article doesn't say it all :)) My point is not to say that we are incapable of change or transformation, but rather that we think we have ALREADY changed when we have not...or rather, we have changed in way that allows us to think that we have.

(e:james)...thank you. It's so hard for progressive people to admit that they benefit from racism, let alone that they are racist. As if some how the magic of liberal education has cleansed them of the "past" and present realities of white privelege. I mean, when we talk about race, we are almost always talking about blackness just as when we talk about gender we are almost always talking about women. I could go on...but I think you got it :)

metalpeter writes at 08:12:00 10/13/08 - Comment #40200: I completely agree with your first paragraph and you make a lot of great points. I think that being PC (not the computer) has made things worse. I think that it is important to know that there is a difference between good and bad sterotypes also. When I was a kid the only time I saw relatives was at get to gathers and there was all ways beer so I thought everyone who is Irish was a drunk or had a problem, that isn't true and it is ok for me to say that. But some one else saying that out loud is a problem and if it is at an Irish Bar and really big problem. If someone black talks about the problems of his family and his hood and what they want to do to change it (maybe a preacher or something) that might be looked at as black power and if I agree and go on a march that would be ok maybe. But for me to have those same views and express them, than I'm a racist, if I say it in a negative light or if I think that just because someone is black they are from the Ghetto. Lets flip this most of the sterotypes I have heard about asains were postive like good in school, over achivers, and things like good in math. But if I ask some dude in school and ask if he can teach me self deffense (yes they all know kung fu) dude is going to be pissed or he might be if I ask him for math help and none of the white boys. It is a very fine line from having information about people or a culture and sterotyping.

Ok back to my point about being PC. Every term for someone who is black doesn't really fit or is used wrong in my opinion. The reason why being PC is bad is because it gives people a way of saying what they would say with out sounding bad. For example when Blacks and Hispanics moved onto the westside lots of Italians and other whites didn't like that and so they moved. But instead of saying Nigg... and Spics moved in they say the hood got bad, you mean the Mafia hits were not bad (even if you never saw or heard them). See now they have a way to say something racist in a non racist way. Now people think Nigg... and mean it but they say African American or Homosexual instead of Fag or what ever. The atitude hasn't changed just the wording. Gerorge Carlin had lots of bits about this, in other avenues. Like how no one says he died it is "He Is gone" or "Pasted Away".

I think that there is still lots of hate in this country it is just that the words we use now are better at hiddig it. Because of that people since it isn't in the open pull the act of I'm so offened.

james writes at 07:58:02 10/13/08 - Comment #40199: I am racist.

I don't say that to be shocking or am making a joke. But I recognize the learned racism in me. I try to be mindful of the almost subconscious things I think and I try to work through them, discover the root of my ignorance and supplant it with understanding.

I find it is a much more constructive task than just patting myself on the back for pretending to be free of such bad thoughts.

drew writes at 07:10:54 10/13/08 - Comment #40192: Theologically speaking, you are touching upon the the concept we call, "total depravity," :::link:::

Which also might be called, "Don't be surprised."

matthew writes at 06:41:41 10/13/08 - Comment #40189: (e:lauren), who exactly are you talking about?

Permalink: Nothing_s_Shocking.html
Words: 307
Location: Buffalo, NY

10/10/08 10:45 - 56ºF - ID#46039

Haunted Houses?

OK...Felly and I want to go to a haunted house on Saturday and I was wondering if any of you had been to either:

The House of Horrors

or

Fright World

I'm just looking to see which is cooler, scarier, etc etc.

We used to go every year to the Headless Horseman Hay Rides

just outside of New Paltz and it was great, partially cause it was outside and usually freezing and you literally were on the a piece of wood being pulled by a tractor through this giant park. And, when you would actually get to the "house" part of the haunt it was effin hot cause you were wearing your winter coat. Good times. I just want to see something scary, something cheesy, a little fake gore and maybe drink some cider. So...suggestions?

Permalink: Haunted_Houses_.html
Words: 151
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: randomo

10/06/08 11:46 - 52ºF - ID#45959

Last Wedding

I attended this weekend what I hope to be my last wedding of the year. Not that I'm not all for people gettin hitched and all, but man that shit makes me tired. I drove 4+ hours to some place in Ohio on Saturday, sat through a wedding and many hours at a reception with a bad DJ and then went to a hotel and then got up in the morning to drive back home. Weeeeeee!

In other news.... (e:felly) got me sick so on top of drinking too much which for me always means smoking too much, I was sick and making myself sicker. But I feel better now.

Today I have to read the last 250 pages of Uncle Tom's Cabin. Wo! Man, what a book. It's terribly fascinating and curious to me how books become canonized...what a racist piece of garbage. But at the time it was crazy talk that these "simple, childlike critturs" maybe had feelings too. Good grief.

I guess I will go on a minor rant right now for lack of something better to talk about it. 4 hours in the car with my high school best friend led to us talking about racism...and she was like this: well when I sometimes try to show black people that I am not racist, like holding open the door for a black woman and her three kids, sometimes they aren't even grateful, like they don't smile or thank you or anything.

So first of all, I was like...why a black woman and her three kids? Where does this image come from?? Second of all...I think a lot of white people have this notion that because they do something they deem to be "nice" or anti racist or however they frame it for a black person, they deserve special treatment. Like black people should get down on their knees and thank the white person for being a human being. If you were to hold the door open for a white person (sorry, her example) you wouldn't think about what a wonderful white person you were being and if the person didn't thank you for your kindness, you would call them an asshole, not deem them ungrateful for your attempt at being a good whitey. Ug. Ya know? Am I crazy?? I would love feedback on this. And jeez, if the best example you can think of on how to be anti-racist is to hold open a door for a black person then you got a long ways to go. Meh.

Oh yeah and one last thing. I always hear this bs about how "surprised" people are when they overhear overtly racist arguments, as if racism has magically vanished into fairy land and only the grossest humans who think they are safe among friends would dare to speak that way. But seriously, overt racism obviously still exists but in my opinion, that is the least of our worries. The same can go for sexism. Not that I don't think this kind of thing is terribly, I do, but I think that it is that shit that we can't even see in ourselves as being racist or sexist or whateverist that is the scariest thing. The ideologies that make up the fabric of this country and this "global" world that are so entrenched that they are invisible are what scares me. Because how can you fight something that you can't see???

fellyconnelly writes at 10:38:09 10/07/08 - Comment #39809: i bet you were a big jerk to her, weren't you? you yelled at poor christine and made her feel stupid. tsk tsk..... :)

metalpeter writes at 06:41:00 10/06/08 - Comment #39743: The thing is that your friend was trying to show them she wasn't racist. To me that seems weird. It is like saying I'm racist but I don't want them to think I'm a racist so I'll hold the door for them. It is like how some people will state facts about African Americans and since they don't use "The N Word" (but they think it) then it looks like they aren't racist. The other weird thing is holding a door open is just good manors and I didn't know it had anything to do with race. What I think though is that some one with those same Manners would say thank you. Now maybe if someone black held the door then the mother might have said thank you but maybe not. It could be that the women didn't want her to think she was doing her a favor. Hey she also has 3 kids to deal with saying thank you isn't the biggest priority.

Yeah some people are surprised by racism and act shocked and really are. But see a lot of it is BS. See if they act shocked then that implies that they aren't that way. Racism like a lot of things is ok when you are around other people your own race but not when the races are mixed or you are out in public. Lets not forget that whites are not the only ones who are racist I have been on both sides of this. My life has taught me that everyone is at least a little bit racist or hateful of some group of people.

james writes at 01:01:16 10/06/08 - Comment #39718: you are surprised? Um, HELLO! They can now vote and sit anywhere on the bus they like. They won. Everyone is equal now.

or something....

jason writes at 01:01:04 10/06/08 - Comment #39717: Sure, I'll offer some feedback.

I think you're right, overt sexism and racism do still exist in this country, and many times people fail to see it in themselves because of other concerns. Sometimes it is just accepted as a means to an end, other times it is deliciously unconscious.

I don't understand why your friend feels she has to go out of her way to be seen as "anti-racist" - and I really don't understand her misguided (although well intentioned) attempts to be seen as such. Nobody really has to go out of their way to do this, and anyway I can see how it would appear to be incredibly patronizing.

Normally people don't do this unless they really have something to feel guilty about, or they are backed into a wall and forced into a faulty argument where they try to prove a negative and explain how they are not racist in nature. In either case I don't see the point. We're all judged by out actions anyway.

Permalink: Last_Wedding.html
Words: 574
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/28/08 01:14 - 63ºF - ID#45817

Wooohooo

So we went out. (e:heidi), (e:drew), (e:fellyconnelly) and myself had a nice gathering of food and beer at Gabriel's Gate and then went to Battle @ Buffalo (minus (e:drew) unfortunately :( I am probably too intoxicated to be posting, but I will say that it was fun and you all should have been there.

Permalink: Wooohooo.html
Words: 56
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/27/08 11:49 - 68ºF - ID#45804

Bad Kitty

So last night after watching the debates, Felly and I were having a fascinating conversation about identity and negation when suddenly a large unidentified flying object flew into our apartment. holy hell what a ruckus. The bird, which I thought was a giant month and felly thought was a bat, was flying around, flying into things and going crazy. Needless to say that cats went instantly into attack mode. Maxx, our hunter, caught the damn thing in his mouth and tried to take it under the bed. Meanwhile, I grabbed the other cat and threw him in the bathroom and closed the door behind me. Felly got ahold of Maxx and somehow the bird got away, but it lost all of its tail feathers in the process. It landed on our fridge and just sat there, scared shitless I'm assuming. I picked it up in a towel and brought it outside and it sat there long enough for us to take pictures:

Eventually it flew away. We are not sure if it will be ok cause it lost so many feathers, but we got a good look at it and it seemed like the legs and wings were in ok shape. Poor little birdy. Bad Bad kitty.

Permalink: Bad_Kitty.html
Words: 213
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/25/08 08:51 - 68ºF - ID#45795

BATTLE @ BUFFALO

Ok ok I am never on here. forgive me. but, I want to remind everyone that its that time again!!

WHO: YOU, ME, THEM, US
WHAT:Breakdancing/funkstyles Battle
WHERE: 910 Main St. (just south of Allen...door is located between Hyatt's art store)
WHEN: SAT Sept 26, 7-11pm
WHY: CAuse its fun, different, and super awesome.

I also might be interested in getting a drink before/after whatevs.

Also, a shout out to (e:heidi) i hope you can come!!!

Permalink: BATTLE_BUFFALO.html
Words: 80
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/12/08 11:38 - 68ºF - ID#45657

Search engine Hijack?

So on our main computer we suddenly have this problem where when we go to google or yahoo the whole site is different looking and whatever search results show up are actually fake advertisements or whathave you. we have run spybot and some other shit and can't get it to go away...
anyone have any suggestions? im clueless and felly, although somewhat less clueless can't fix it either. grumble grumble. danke.

Permalink: Search_engine_Hijack_.html
Words: 71
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: school

08/29/08 01:58 - 71ºF - ID#45499

post

well, its back again. its amazing how something so simple as sitting in a classroom can light a fire under my ass everytime. my mind is already going into overdrive...and sometimes its very frustrating because the truth be told, i don't think in real world terms when i get going like this. i am a highly theoretical person and despite my generally negative attitude toward stuck up academics who can't talk like real human beings, i am equally at fault. i have been doing a lot of thinking about this major issue must be included into my thesis...somehow.

anyways, this is basically a warning post. i have already been doing a little commenting here and there and might i just say to not take them as attacks, just thought provokers or critiques or what have you. friendly intelligent conversation if you will. also, you all know how i love to procrastinate :)

Permalink: post.html
Words: 153
Location: Buffalo, NY

08/25/08 01:36 - 66ºF - ID#45451

my favorite topic...back to school!

i can't believe its that time already. lucky for me i don't have class today so i can put off this whole back to school thing one more day.. even though secretly i am really excited to be going back. even better is i only have class on t,w, and th which means four day weekends all the time! the scary thing is....this is my last semester of classes. thats it. 4 classes and then i have to write a thesis. my thesis. holy flying shit balls batman. i think it wouldn't be so bad if things weren't so screwed up in my dpt. i won't get into it but needless to say i think the nonsense that is going on goes above and beyond your typical higher ed bullshit which is why i can't wait to get the eff outta here.

i went to the elmwood arts festival on saturday. it was terribly hot and i had aching menstrual cramps, but i am glad i went nonetheless. however, although i certainly probably most likely would not have gone by myself...i think it is necessary to go with folks who you are one hundred percent comfortable with so that you can take your time and stop where you want to stop and not feel the need to press on. honestly, i didn't really look at any actual art. i strolled from one end to the other, got some artichoke hearts smothered in cheese on a pita and a chai tea from spot and went home. not exactly the full experience, but an experience nonetheless. i was sad that felly could not come with me though. boo.

felly and i are going camping next weekend in watkins glen near ithaca. i am terribly excited about this because, despite us saying we were going to go camping all summer, we didn't. we went to plenty of weddings, but no camping. and i think it will be just us and the dog which is nice. I have never been to ithaca, amazingly enough, so it is sure to be a good time...as long as something terrible doesn't happen like it usually does when felly and i try to do something fun together. ha. as long as there are no tornados i will be happy.

oh yes and i will say this. felly has gone crazy with the beer makin. crazy. she is sooo very excited and i am doing my best to be excited as well. don't get me wrong, i think its cool and all and i like beer, but i have a giant 2 gallon keg on top of my fridge and a cooler full of possibly explosive bottles of beer taking up my closet. awesome. i spose when the beer is actually ready i will appreciate all this.