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lauren’s journal

Last Wedding

· · 🌡️ 52°F

I attended this weekend what I hope to be my last wedding of the year. Not that I'm not all for people gettin hitched and all, but man that shit makes me tired. I drove 4+ hours to some place in Ohio on Saturday, sat through a wedding and many hours at a reception with a bad DJ and then went to a hotel and then got up in the morning to drive back home. Weeeeeee!

In other news.... e:felly got me sick so on top of drinking too much which for me always means smoking too much, I was sick and making myself sicker. But I feel better now.

Today I have to read the last 250 pages of Uncle Tom's Cabin. Wo! Man, what a book. It's terribly fascinating and curious to me how books become canonized...what a racist piece of garbage. But at the time it was crazy talk that these "simple, childlike critturs" maybe had feelings too. Good grief.

I guess I will go on a minor rant right now for lack of something better to talk about it. 4 hours in the car with my high school best friend led to us talking about racism...and she was like this: well when I sometimes try to show black people that I am not racist, like holding open the door for a black woman and her three kids, sometimes they aren't even grateful, like they don't smile or thank you or anything.

So first of all, I was like...why a black woman and her three kids? Where does this image come from?? Second of all...I think a lot of white people have this notion that because they do something they deem to be "nice" or anti racist or however they frame it for a black person, they deserve special treatment. Like black people should get down on their knees and thank the white person for being a human being. If you were to hold the door open for a white person (sorry, her example) you wouldn't think about what a wonderful white person you were being and if the person didn't thank you for your kindness, you would call them an asshole, not deem them ungrateful for your attempt at being a good whitey. Ug. Ya know? Am I crazy?? I would love feedback on this. And jeez, if the best example you can think of on how to be anti-racist is to hold open a door for a black person then you got a long ways to go. Meh.

Oh yeah and one last thing. I always hear this bs about how "surprised" people are when they overhear overtly racist arguments, as if racism has magically vanished into fairy land and only the grossest humans who think they are safe among friends would dare to speak that way. But seriously, overt racism obviously still exists but in my opinion, that is the least of our worries. The same can go for sexism. Not that I don't think this kind of thing is terribly, I do, but I think that it is that shit that we can't even see in ourselves as being racist or sexist or whateverist that is the scariest thing. The ideologies that make up the fabric of this country and this "global" world that are so entrenched that they are invisible are what scares me. Because how can you fight something that you can't see???
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💬 4 comments

  1. jason ·

    Sure, I'll offer some feedback.

    I think you're right, overt sexism and racism do still exist in this country, and many times people fail to see it in themselves because of other concerns. Sometimes it is just accepted as a means to an end, other times it is deliciously unconscious.

    I don't understand why your friend feels she has to go out of her way to be seen as "anti-racist" - and I really don't understand her misguided (although well intentioned) attempts to be seen as such. Nobody really has to go out of their way to do this, and anyway I can see how it would appear to be incredibly patronizing.

    Normally people don't do this unless they really have something to feel guilty about, or they are backed into a wall and forced into a faulty argument where they try to prove a negative and explain how they are not racist in nature. In either case I don't see the point. We're all judged by out actions anyway.

  2. james ·

    you are surprised? Um, HELLO! They can now vote and sit anywhere on the bus they like. They won. Everyone is equal now.

    or something....
  3. metalpeter ·

    The thing is that your friend was trying to show them she wasn't racist. To me that seems weird. It is like saying I'm racist but I don't want them to think I'm a racist so I'll hold the door for them. It is like how some people will state facts about African Americans and since they don't use "The N Word" (but they think it) then it looks like they aren't racist. The other weird thing is holding a door open is just good manors and I didn't know it had anything to do with race. What I think though is that some one with those same Manners would say thank you. Now maybe if someone black held the door then the mother might have said thank you but maybe not. It could be that the women didn't want her to think she was doing her a favor. Hey she also has 3 kids to deal with saying thank you isn't the biggest priority.

    Yeah some people are surprised by racism and act shocked and really are. But see a lot of it is BS. See if they act shocked then that implies that they aren't that way. Racism like a lot of things is ok when you are around other people your own race but not when the races are mixed or you are out in public. Lets not forget that whites are not the only ones who are racist I have been on both sides of this. My life has taught me that everyone is at least a little bit racist or hateful of some group of people.
  4. fellyconnelly ·

    i bet you were a big jerk to her, weren't you? you yelled at poor christine and made her feel stupid. tsk tsk..... :)

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