From the 'I wish I'd thought of it first' file, the world's first $200 HSDPA ocarina



I lost this weekend to an emergency instaproject. It was a necessary thing that will let us offload a crapton of work onto the client; I just wish it hadn't been sprung on me so late for delivery so soon. I don't think I've ever spent so much effort shirking responsibility.

- Z

Cat and Girl sums it up for me:



- Z

'Yes' on Proposition 8? Since when are the Mormons an authority on traditional marriage?

Update from my west-coast correspondent:

fuck, man.... if the entire rest of the insane country (read:midwest) hadn't gotten involved and funded the shit out of "Yes on 8", no would've passed.... don't get me started.

- Z

There is a proposition on the ballot today, which may be difficult to find on your voting machine. It will be at the very top, above all the candidates for office.

All candidates for government employment need to pass the Civil Service Exam. Veterans who were disabled in the line of duty are eligible to get extra points on the exam, but only if they are currently receiving disability benefits from the VA. Vote 'yes' if you approve of eliminating the second restriction; vote 'no' if you'd rather it be retained.

- Z

Don't just go in there and start flicking levers. Don't vote the straight ticket just because you think it looks nice when all the flags are lined up. Don't vote for John Doe (Democrat) if you should have voted for John Doe (Working Families). Don't give up the opportunity to have a say in your local government just because you don't recognize any of the names that aren't in Column A Rows 1 and 2.

There will be one proposal on the ballot. In addition, the following offices are also up for election. If you don't know which districts you live in, follow the links to find out.

United States President
United States Representative in Congress (districts 26-28)
New York State Supreme Court, (district 8 - all WNY)
New York State Senate (districts 58-62)
New York State Assembly (districts 142-146, 148)
Erie County Court Judge
Erie County Family Court Judge
Erie County District Attorney
Niagara County Sheriff

The League of Women Voters puts together an informative voters' guide for every election and makes it available for free Read it to find out more information about the offices and candidates' experience, endorsements, and opinions.

You may be wondering what it means if a candidate is listed under more than one party. Suffice it to say that a vote for a candidate counts just as much on the Democrat line as it does on the Liberal or Working Families line. However if your beliefs are more aligned with a minor party, voting on their line will give them leverage with the candidate's platform. In close elections, endorsements by minor parties do make differences [in the opposite way of the Nader Effect] so most politicians are loathe to put third-party endorsements at risk. Here's kind of a long explanation


- Z

of prostatic massage... [Are we really on the subject of prostatic massage?]



What the fuck?! It's unavailable. It's Dr. Francis Fesmire, winner of the 2006 Ig Nobel Prize for Medicine for his medical case report 'Termination of Intractible Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage,' giving the scientific community waay too much information about how he cured his ex-wife's hiccups. And isn't he dishy.

Item two: I think I made up for not making (e:dragonlady7,46402) a sandwich last night by making us chicken fried steak with country gravy and tater tots for dinner. She's got pictures. I've got indigestion.

Item three: for those who are unfamiliar with Lemonade Stand, the intro and first day's worth of business:

Hi! Welcome to Lemonsville, California!

In this small town, you are in charge of
running your own lemonade stand. You can
compete with as many other people as you
wish, but how much profit you make is up
to you (the other stands' sales will not
affect your business in any way). If you
make the most money, you're the winner!!

To manage your lemonade stand, you will
need to make these decisions every day:

1. How many glasses of lemonade to make
(only one batch is made each morning)

2. How many advertising signs to make
(the signs cost fifteen cents each)

3. What price to charge for each glass

You will begin with $2.00 cash (assets).
Because your mother gave you some sugar,
your cost to make lemonade is two cents
a glass (this may change in the future).

Your expenses are the sum of the cost of
the lemonade and the cost of the signs.

Your profits are the difference between
the income from sales and your expenses.

The number of glasses you sell each day
depends on the price you charge, and on
the number of advertising signs you use.

Keep track of your assets, because you
can't spend more money than you have!

Lemonsville Weather Report
Hot and Dry

On day 1, the cost of lemonade is $.02
Lemonade stand 1 Assets $2.00

How many glasses of lemonade do you
wish to make ?50

How many advertising signs (15 cents
each) do you want to make ?5

What price (in cents) do you wish to
charge for lemonade ?10

Would you like to change anything?no

$$ Lemonsville Daily Financial Report $$

Day 1 Stand 1
50 glasses sold
$.10 per glass Income $5.00

50 glasses made
5 signs made Expenses $1.75

Profit $3.25
Assets $5.25

What a hoot, huh?


- Z

but Google News wanted me to.



I went down to the Apple Store this morning to finally fix my dang Airport card. I can only get reliable reception if I'm in the same room as the base station, which is seriously starting to cramp my style. (e:dragonlady7) came along to get her top case replaced since we discovered it was covered under warranty. While we were waiting for Geniuses [genii] I wandered around to the Edutainment department and picked up this gem Wandering back to the Genius Bar I told her I needed it. She was like: ok honey if you want to. Then when I read the back of the box I said yo, this shit is like a total ripoff of LEMONADE.STAND.



And she was like, wut. And I was like yeah it was actually kinda difficult because you'd get different weather and stuff and then the genius who was serving someone else was like yeah and then your mom would cut off your sugar and your costs would go up. And then the other genius was like yeah and then your road would be closed for construction. And I know the other people who had serious problems were getting kind of annoyed but we were taking it back old skool. Long story short, they want my box for 24-48hrs for diagnosis. Not today.

Here's an image I drew yesterday for reasons that are not anywhere near interesting*. I thought it was funny but couldn't come up with anything to say about it. No you can't buy this cap.



- Z

_______________

• We needed an image of a cap with a placeholder everywhere a logo would go.

I think the thing about Mac OS X is it doesn't have the same sense of humor about itself that Windows does.



Like seriously what does this even mean? Does it go into a larger Recycle Bin? C:/Windows/Dumpster?

Maybe it puts the Recycle Bin into itself, and you get Mobius trash.*

- Z

_______________

• For those who thought: 'wouldn't that make it Klein trash?' I bring you Acme Klein Bottles home of the Klein Stein and the Mobius Scarf

This is a jar of store-brand whole black pepper.



1. Why a shaker top? What kind of deranged individual shakes whole black peppercorns onto their food? I can think of two recipes* that call for whole black peppercorns, and when I make them I usually just pour them out of the top of the pepper grinder.

2. The copy on the label which is probably too blurry to read, says

These are the highly regarded Tellicherry peppercorns from India...

You don't mean the highly regarded Tellicherry peppercorns from India?! You mean the ones everyone has been talking about down at the Pepper Club? You mean the ones that won Pepper Spectator's most prestigious "Highly Regarded" award in 2003 and 2004? Wow, that must be some pepper.

- Z

_______________

• Corned beef, and poached salmon.

You can make hot dogs in the Toast-R-Oven. If I'da known this ten years ago, college would have been very different.

- Z