Discussion re: my last entry is ongoing but I HAD to share this.

People are asking whether or not this will hurt New York - the answer is yes. Our state taxes these Wall St. bonuses heavily, and knowing the size of these bonuses our state is surely about to lose out on billions in income taxes. It makes you wonder whether or not the state's budget had that "revenue" incorporated into their current and future budget predictions, and how that might affect next year's $12 billion budget deficit.

So - here is where we are. We're happy that these crooks are going to have their income controlled by the government as long as they are borrowing taxpayer money. However, if these fat cats are going to be paying billions less in taxes due to earning less income, who do you think is going to be closing that budget gap? YOU are, one way or another. Isn't that a bitch?

They won't shrink the size of government and spend responsibly. New York State politicians do not have the will to tell people that they've overspent and made obligations they never could have afforded, and now we are about to have to deal with that problem in a harsh way.

Addition of federal tax money to states in this $1T federal orgy will only exacerbate the problem. Politicians who are afraid of possibly having to get a real job would rather sell the state out than tell the people the truth - that the budget has been too big for too long, and that Albany relied on unusually high tax receipts from Wall St. (and now we know why) over the past 5 years to pay for expansion of government programs that wouldn't be sustainable otherwise. Right now, instead of acting responsibly and paring the budget down to match realistic tax receipt projections, they are waiting to make a decision until that $160B for states is released. Cute, huh?

Not to mention that our state (and our county, and our city...) does its budgeting backwards, thinking of what to spend on before understanding how much you actually have to spend.

Told you -



Happy Friday -

Josh


PS - I have a post coming re: the whatever you'd like to call it going on in Washington at the moment.

Sorry, Princess Caroline!



I'm absolutely thrilled that she bowed out. Then again, Andrew Cuomo, who I've previously been high on, shouldn't be selected either IMO based on his mismanagement of HUD, including having $59 billion of HUD money "disappear." If you want to read about how he was involved in the Fannie/Freddie scandal read this Village Voice article -

I'll go with Gillibrand. She's a Democrat that I'd consider supporting based on her positions, and it seems like she'd be more of a consensus candidate for the entire state. Steven Israel seems to really, really, really want to be a Senator... which is why he should not get it. He should be thankful his district was gerrymandered in his favor six years ago.

It was unremarkable, except for the fact that we have inaugurated the first black President and the sheer size of the crowd... the pictures on TV were very impressive. His speech was boring - I agree with people who say that he seemed more passionate in Denver. Overall I thought it was a sober speech, which I think was appropriate, but it could have used a bit more of that quasi-ecumenical uplift qualify that has seemed to sucker captivate so many people! I kid, I kid.

This, however, was an atrocity -

Praise song for the day.

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

A woman and her son wait for the bus.

A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin."

We encounter each other in words, words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; words to consider, reconsider.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, "I need to see what's on the other side; I know there's something better down the road."

We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.

WEW WEW - GRAMMAR POLICE - PULL OVER! Anyway -


Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.

Some live by "Love thy neighbor as thy self."

Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need.

What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.

WOT?

This is why you should not ever recite poetry at an inauguration unless you are an obvious genius, as Robert Frost and Maya Angelou are/were. (Don't have much of an opinion on Miller Williams). When Robert Frost was selected as the first inaugural poet, the poor guy was 86 years old and didn't have it in him to read the poem he wrote for the occasion, so he recited one he knew by heart, which starts like this:

The land was ours before we were the land's.
She was our land more than a hundred years
Before we were her people.

Ahhh..... that is like a warm comforting blanket compared to the nails on chalkboard of this "praise song," with its forced pretension and utter meaninglessness.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, any poet can be selected (apparently), any sentence passed off as meaningful.

This had me in a full-throated cackle that made my co-workers a little concerned...



Check out SorryMcKinley on YouTube -

Grandma - she replaced my mother when (e:jason) and I were 9 months old. (It's a long story). She's frustrated me to no end over the course of my life, but I'd lay down and die for her if it came down to it. I owe my life to this crazy lady. As long as I've lived, I've dreaded bringing girlfriends home to meet her, since there is absolutely no mouth filter on her. It is her honesty and unconditional love that I value most, and it is hard enough that my grandpa is gone - her husband - when she's gone I'll be lost. Until then my goal is to bring her the most joy possible.

The Ho sisters - you aren't going to find two realer girls than the Ho sisters. I can't think of many other girls I'd bother to be myself around. The first time I met Jessica and Sarah together was at Sarah's house party on Delaware a few years back, and I remember conversating drunkenly with the Ho sisters outside of Sarah's apartment - at some point it struck me that I was talking to two ladies that weren't bullshitters, and wouldn't accept bullshit either. I was basically in love at that point. Do you know how hard it is to find a girl that will tell you the truth? Maybe I'm wrong and am totally misplacing trust, but if I looked either one stone cold in the eye and said "please, please, please, I want to tell you this but I'm desperate for you to keep this a secret" - that it would remain a secret.

Janine - my former neighbor who is an incredible, incredible girl. I miss the times where we drank wine on Fridays when work was done. The single down to earth girl I've ever met from Long Island. She's in Brooklyn now and I miss her. She's beautiful, intelligent, independent - I'm lucky to be her friend. This is another girl I'd pretty much defend to the end.

Timika - I can't think of another female who has extended herself more to (e:jason) and I. I don't think there is a more generous person with her time and resources than Timika has been to my brother and I. I've missed Timiika's offbeat sense of humor - she understand me and I understand her. I'm a hard guy to understand and over the years I think Timika has gotten the closest. You won't find a more substantial diamond core perfect heart than what is beating within Timika's chest. Damn I love this girl! I owe you for more than what you've given to me. Thank you for being a good friend - Rory is an amazing and cool guy and I wish that you were both a little closer, because you both have depth of character that is hard to find.

So there it is, Mr. Stone Emotion letting certain ladies know where they stand. Thank you all for being generous to a quiet guy like me!

The gilded age remains?



Diamond encrusted (including a 6.6 carot diamond for the home button), cased in a few different types of gold.



It isn't tacky looking, considering how easy it is to make accessories look tacky by adding a trillion diamonds to the item. Still though, who in their right mind would regularly carry and use a $2.5m iPhone?

Today I found out that my ex-girlfriend got married, which is something that shouldn't bother me in the least, but for some reason I still feel sad about it. This is the girl that I've documented in the past in my journal, the one who pretty much ripped my heart out, cheated on me, etc. - really there should be no love lost but the news reminds me of how much of a colossal failure I really have been with ladies. Back then I was just "too nice" if that makes any sense. I let her walk all over me to an extent. Why I'm sharing one of the things I'm most ashamed of with you, I don't know, but I suppose this whole thing is an illustration of how mad at myself I am for letting someone get that far into me. This girl twisted me in knots! I'd rather jump out of a window than go through that again, but living is kind of sweet too, so what is a boy to do? This is the last girl I called my girlfriend and it's been about five years since I did anything other than "casual relations" so I suppose I've adjusted by just not letting anyone in at all.

If I'm being 100% stone cold honest with myself, despite all the stuff she put me through, I'd still be her friend and give her an ear if she needed it. I wish it weren't true and I hate myself for even having this sentiment, gotta tell you. The person singly responsible for the most pain I've ever dealt with, and I don't have it in me to hate her or never speak to her again. What the hell? I know that if I were listening to myself talk from the outside, I'd be saying "YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE FOR FEELING THAT WAY JOSH!" The guy she left me for was a real piece of work - locked her out of the house in the middle of winter, "allegedly" used his hands on her, etc. My spiteful side says that she deserves what she has - if that is what she wants then that is what she'll get. But I'm not living my life with spite - life is short and spite is poisonous.

In the end I think the reason why this news took me aback was because the whole episode reminds me of how for the first time in my life my judgment failed me, how I failed myself, that sometimes being wrong has deep personal consequences that aren't easily dealt with. At least I stopped asking myself silly introspective questions a few years ago. I accept part of the blame for the predicament I was in - I know both Ho sisters, had they been there, might have told me I was a pussy - and the bright side is that I learned what I don't want in a girl!

Some of my favorite pictures from the past year -

Walking home drunk from Fahrety's the evening of Taste of Buffalo... that Saturday is was 95 degrees outside.

My brother and my friend Andy, I can't explain what the object of attention was here.



Me, surveying my friend Walt and his gelato at Taste of Buffalo.



Me, and my extraordinarily good looking friends Andy and Jerry, followed by my kinfolk (e:jason), who is a fine mamma jamma in his own right.



Me and one of the statues on Elmwood... I was tanked.



My friend Andrea with the same statue...