when you have foster children. It's all the normal "everything changes" of having children. New people enter your life, new schedules to rotate around, and new rules to follow. But it's a little bit more with foster care.

The new people aren't just school teachers and day care workers. There are the foster children's social workers (so far the number of social workers is at 4 and counting) who in some respects have greater say over the children's lives than we do. And the family members who are all watching us parent a child that biologically speaking is "theirs" and not "ours". All the while we're trying to be charitable with our time; hospitable with our home; and stay on the same page as a good team player.

The new schedule isn't just school and day care, it's regularly scheduled family visitations. So far enjoyable, because it's the only small break we have from the children since we don't have approved babysitters yet.

And it's submitting not to just the usual rules and societal norms of rearing one's children, but also it's submitting to the regulations of the county who ultimately is the temporary guardian of the children.

No complaints here. I'm just musing over the differences between caring for your own children and caring for foster children. If we ever have our own children, I think it will seem so different and less restricting! How will I raise my own children without 4 social workers and permission from the county to take them on vacation (Janelle says in good humor)?

I run a day program that teaches social skills and a work ethic. When my staff and I address social skills and work ethics, we occasionally bump heads. And the root cause is generally a difference in values that inform how we believe one should act. And I have to negotiate those differences, while thinking about how my values are informing my decision making process, and come up with a compromise or a decision that may be disliked by everyone involved. But that's the unfun part of being a supervisor, being the one to make decisions when others can't jointly come to a solution.

Otherwise, my values are something that I live out with out a lot of talk, unless staff/co-workers specifically ask me about it. And even then, I often answer cautiously and carefully. I know I live differently than other people in my work place and I don't mind explaining why. But when I give my answers I want to gently say what I think is right without trying to start any serious discussion, but I work with pretty opinionated people, so it can get pretty interesting pretty fast.

I get a lot of questions from people about foster care. Questions about kids and talking about kids seems to be a fairly popular topic and on the surface seemed harmless. I expected a lot of unsolicited advice, and I was prepared for biting my my tongue and moving on. I didn't expect simple statements to quickly become a source of judgment. And refuting those judgments could so easily become a fight over childraising values that I'm just not interested at having at work.

But so far I have been criticized for:
Not taking the kids to McDonalds or Chuck E Cheese
Fixing home cooked meals (sometimes vegetarian) instead of serving chicken nuggets and hot dogs
Putting a 3yo and 6yo to bed by 8pm
Allowing and encouraging foster son to play with a kitchen set Thinking it's great that the 3yo foster daughter loves to play in the back yard for long chunks of time - digging in the dirt, playing with a wheelbarrow, banging things around

Sometimes I battle over the topic, sometimes I let it go. But I couldn't let the comment about the kitchen set go. The kid loves food. The kid loves watching me make food. Seems pretty natural that he would also love playing with a kitchen set. And I wouldn't let the comment go about playing in the backyard. If she likes playing in the backyard, then she likes playing in the backyard. She also loves going for a walk and loves animals. I have a feeling she's going to be a nature lover when she grows up...not exactly something I'm planning on discouraging.

I guess I find it interesting, because if it was politics or religion, people would tread more carefully, but it seems like a free for all when it comes to children. Yet how you raise children, is a very deep reflection of your values in the same ways that politics and religion is.

Almost exactly 4 weeks ago, we went from being care free DINCs to being foster parents of two. A 6yr old boy and a 3yr old girl.

Our days are full of relentless "why?"s, silly statements, smiles and tears, laughs and whines, the bureaucracy of foster care and school paperwork, toys scattered in the house, long conversations about kids and short lived attempts at non children related moments.

Still looking for Valentine's Day plans...

The church is hosting a romantic Valentine's Dinner on February 13th. Obviously not the traditional day, but you can have a Valentine's evening meal without the crowds!

Better yet, you can hear Theresa Quinn perform! She's a local pianist who sings old school R&B, really well. There will be singing waiters serenading you with romantic tunes. And I'll be showing off my mad clarinet skills with a little Brahms (a Romance era composer, get it?) You get to take in all this musical loveliness while kicking back and enjoying a full meal complete with appetizers, dessert and wine.

Have kids? If you don't want to hassle with fighting with everyone else for a babysitter, we will have onsite babysitting... just make sure to let us know if you're bringing children.

Interested? Here's some info on how to RSVP for the evening:

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If only I knew just how easy and tasty home made baba ghanoush and falafel was. I would have had many more happy Sunday evenings

A quote from a NY Times article today on the SOTU address and the SCOTUS

The flashes of discord between the two branches might have been avoided had the justices followed the example of Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, who once skipped the State of the Union address in the Reagan era to attend to other matters.

The speech “conflicted with the watercolor class he was taking at the local Y.M.C.A.,” Chief Justice Roberts, who had served as a law clerk to Chief Justice Rehnquist, recalled last year. “He had spent $25 signing up for the class, and he wasn’t going to miss one of the sessions.”

My thought is completely unrelated to the point of the article, but I absolutely love the fact that the Chief Justice of the SCOTUS went to the YMCA for a water color class. I love the modesty of going to YMCA and the frugality of not missing a class he paid for. And I'm imagining him doing his thing at class surrounded by people who had no clue who he was or what he did.

And continuing on a tangent...my husband asked me if people at my work place were talking about the SOTU address. I laughed. Loudly. I can barely talk about local politics with co-workers. They just don't seem to care.

Turkey Tetrazinni!

American casserole dish with turkey, pasta, cheese, and a cream sauce. Dinner tonight and two more nights.

Price Rite is selling Byrne Dairy milk for $1.85 a gallon. Byrne Dairy Milk advertises that it has no artificial growth hormones. It goes for twice that price at the Coop. 4 limit per customer. I bought two and am sticking one in the freezer.

Yesterday was a repeat of meals 3 and 4. Still good. Still not tired of it yet.

However, there will be a short break from the regularly scheduled turkey which will be resumed on Sunday.

Simmered the bones with meat still on them in a large stockpot for three or four hours. Took bones out. Picked meat off the bones. Threw meat back in the pot. Seasoned with lemon juice, salt, pepper, oregano. Simmered some more on the stove. Stuck in the fridge for later.

Heated it up tonight. Poured it over some cooked pasta and we had turkey noodle soup. Husband thought it was bland, but I found the broth to be tasty. Enough leftover for some more soup tomorrow.

On Sunday, I want to make turkey tetrazzini casserole.