here is my list.

boy-b
boy-e
boy-j
boy-b
boy-j
boy-r
boy-s
girl-j (she was THE BEST boyfriend i ever had)
boy-?
boy-m
boy-j
boy-c
boy-x

a lot of these were recycled every few years, especially marvin. if i didn't do that, this list would definitely be in the 30's.


that question mark is a boy on a beach in st. croix after waaay too many drinks. he was really sweet though. he felt really bad and tried to apologize and give me a gift the next morning before i left.

i have no regrets or weird feelings about any of these, except some disappointment in the really small dong guys. they were a total waste of time. i can't stand small dongs. i might as well be using a finger, a baby carrot or a gherkin.

so i'm back from key west. i had a nice little break. i can't post any pictures because the digital camera that marvin and i shared since our separation which has been in my custody since then is now broken because i let him have visitation rights. so i had to take the ancient kinds of pictures with film. plus, i didn't take the "good" ancient camera because it would have been too bulky (it takes such beautiful pictures though) so instead i took a few disposable ones. maybe i'll scan them once they are developed.

we went snorkeling and kayaking and sailing. the weather was beautiful the entire time. the sunsets were amazing. i stood at the southern most point of the US and took a picture for (e:libertad), because there was a sign on it that stated "90 miles to Cuba". i also thought of you, libertad, when i met a very hot cuban monk. there was so much eye candy!

hemingway's house was very interesting. i want to read a biography now. he was so crazy. did you guys know he had 60 cats living in his house in key west? there are about 47 living there now. and they're not like our normal domestic cats, they're very weird looking and about half of them have 6 toes on their feet. they were bred that way for the sailing ships, so that they would be better mouse catchers. i have to develop those pictures.

the key west locals are weird too. they all drink. i mean, seriously drink. so many of them look like crack heads. super, super skinny and everyone looks at least 10-15 years older than what they really are. everyone smokes and all the women sound like men. the men have full salt and pepper beards, have an earing in one ear and wear sailor caps. again, they all smoke too. i have never seen so many alcoholics in one place. every one was very friendly and talkative, though. everyone said good morning or hello when they passed you by, even the bums, when they weren't talking to themselves.

now that i'm back i'm so overwhelmed with work that i feel like i'm going to end up having a nervous break down soon. seriously, i kept dreaming about work the entire time i was in key west, and i was murdering people in my dreams. i remember i was shooting this guy and he wouldn't die. and i just had to keep shooting and shooting and he kept coming at me. he finally fell over after about 25 rounds.
i kind of want to run away and never, ever, ever come back or maybe become an alcoholic or a an addict so that i have an excuse to not participate in society.

i am off to key west!

as you all sit here and freeze your tushes off, i will be sitting on the beaches of the keys. lord, knows i need it. i thought today i was going to kill myself at work. i can't take the drama! and why the hell am i broke all of the fucking time????

i stumbled upon this list and thought that some of these are pretty funny. do people really have these fears? i mean, why would you have a fear of garlic? you may not like the way it tastes, but a phobia? or how about Opiophobia, i mean seriously? does that even exist? jenks? i mean i know they don't want to perscribe meds because we're all druggies, but again, a phobia?

although, i do wish i had Sitophobia, it would make life so much easier.

[box]Acarophobia    Fear of itching or of the insects that cause itching.
Aerophobia    Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airbourne noxious substances.
Aeroacrophobia    Fear of open high places.
Aeronausiphobia    Fear of vomiting secondary to airsickness.
Agoraphobia    Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place.
Agyrophobia    Fear of streets or crossing the street.
Aichmophobia    Fear of needles or pointed objects.
Ailurophobia    Fear of cats.
Alektorophobia    Fear of chickens.
Alliumphobia    Fear of garlic.
Amaxophobia    Fear of riding in a car.
Amychophobia    Fear of scratches or being scratched.
Anginophobia    Fear of angina, choking or narrowness.
Anglophobia    Fear of England, English culture, etc.
Angrophobia    Fear of anger or of becoming angry.
Anthropophobia    Fear of people or society.
Aphenphosmphobia    Fear of being touched. (Haphephobia)
Arachibutyrophobia    Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Astrophobia    Fear of stars and celestial space.
Asymmetriphobia    Fear of asymmetrical things.
Ataxiophobia    Fear of ataxia (muscular incoordination)
Atelophobia    Fear of imperfection.
Atomosophobia    Fear of atomic explosions.
Automatonophobia    Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues
Bacillophobia    Fear of microbes.
Bacteriophobia    Fear of bacteria.
Batophobia    Fear of heights or being close to high buildings.
Batrachophobia    Fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc.
Belonephobia    Fear of pins and needles. (Aichmophobia)
Cancerophobia    Fear of cancer.
Carcinophobia    Fear of cancer.
Catagelophobia    Fear of being ridiculed.
Catapedaphobia    Fear of jumping from high and low places.
Cheimaphobia or Cheimatophobia    Fear of cold.
Chemophobia    Fear of chemicals or working with chemicals.
Chiraptophobia    Fear of being touched.
Cholerophobia    Fear of anger or the fear of cholera.
Chorophobia    Fear of dancing.
Chromophobia or Chromatophobia    Fear of colors.
Chronophobia    Fear of time.
Chronomentrophobia    Fear of clocks.
Claustrophobia    Fear of confined spaces.
Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia    Fear of being locked in an enclosed place.
Climacophobia    Fear of stairs, climbing or of falling downstairs.
Clithrophobia or Cleithrophobia    Fear of being enclosed.
Cometophobia    Fear of comets.
Coimetrophobia    Fear of cemeteries.
Coitophobia    Fear of coitus.
Coprastasophobia    Fear of constipation.
Coprophobia    Fear of feces.
Coulrophobia    Fear of clowns.
Counterphobia    The preference by a phobic for fearful situations.
Cremnophobia    Fear of precipices.
Cryophobia    Fear of extreme cold, ice or frost.
Crystallophobia    Fear of crystals or glass.
Cyberphobia    Fear of computers or working on a computer.
Cyclophobia    Fear of bicycles.
Decidophobia    Fear of making decisions.
Deipnophobia    Fear of dining or dinner conversations.
Demophobia    Fear of crowds. (Agoraphobia)
Dextrophobia    Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
Didaskaleinophobia    Fear of going to school.
Dikephobia    Fear of justice.
Doxophobia    Fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise.
Dromophobia    Fear of crossing streets.
Dutchphobia    Fear of the Dutch.
Dysmorphophobia    Fear of deformity.
Dystychiphobia    Fear of accidents.
Ecclesiophobia    Fear of church.
Electrophobia    Fear of electricity.
Elurophobia    Fear of cats. (Ailurophobia)
Enochlophobia    Fear of crowds.
Enosiophobia or Enissophobia    Fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism.
Entomophobia    Fear of insects.
Ergasiophobia    1) Fear of work or functioning. 2) Surgeon's fear of operating.
Erythrophobia, Erytophobia or Ereuthophobia    1) Fear of redlights. 2) Blushing. 3) Red.
Felinophobia    Fear of cats. (Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia)
Francophobia    Fear of France, French culture. (Gallophobia, Galiophobia)
Frigophobia    Fear of cold, cold things.
Galeophobia or Gatophobia    Fear of cats.
Gallophobia or Galiophobia    Fear France, French culture. (Francophobia)
Geniophobia    Fear of chins.
Gephyrophobia, Gephydrophobia, or Gephysrophobia    Fear of crossing bridges.
Germanophobia    Fear of Germany, German culture, etc.
Glossophobia    Fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak.
Haphephobia or Haptephobia    Fear of being touched.
Hellenologophobia    Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.
Heresyphobia or Hereiophobia    Fear of challenges to official doctrine or of radical deviation.
Herpetophobia    Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things.
Hierophobia    Fear of priests or sacred things.
Hormephobia    Fear of shock.
Homophobia    Fear of sameness, monotony or of homosexuality or of becoming homosexual.
Hydrargyophobia    Fear of mercurial medicines.
Iatrophobia    Fear of going to the doctor or of doctors.
Insectophobia    Fear of insects.
Isopterophobia    Fear of termites, insects that eat wood.
Ithyphallophobia    Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.
Japanophobia    Fear of Japanese.
Katagelophobia    Fear of ridicule.
Kenophobia    Fear of voids or empty spaces.
Kolpophobia    Fear of genitals, particularly female.
Kosmikophobia    Fear of cosmic phenomenon.
Leukophobia    Fear of the color white.
Lilapsophobia    Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
Lockiophobia    Fear of childbirth.
Logizomechanophobia    Fear of computers.
Lygophobia    Fear of darkness.
Lyssophobia    Fear of rabies or of becoming mad.
Mageirocophobia    Fear of cooking.
Maieusiophobia    Fear of childbirth.
Mechanophobia    Fear of machines.
Medomalacuphobia    Fear of losing an erection.
Medorthophobia    Fear of an erect penis.
Melanophobia    Fear of the color black.
Melophobia    Fear or hatred of music.
Metathesiophobia    Fear of changes.
Methyphobia    Fear of alcohol.
Microbiophobia    Fear of microbes. (Bacillophobia)
Misophobia    Fear of being contaminated with dirt of germs.
Molysmophobia or Molysomophobia    Fear of dirt or contamination.
Musophobia or Murophobia    Fear of mice.
Mysophobia    Fear of germs or contamination or dirt.
Nebulaphobia    Fear of fog. (Homichlophobia)
Nephophobia    Fear of clouds.
Nosophobia or Nosemaphobia    Fear of becoming ill.
Nucleomituphobia    Fear of nuclear weapons.
Obesophobia    Fear of gaining weight.(Pocrescophobia)
Ochlophobia    Fear of crowds or mobs.
Ochophobia    Fear of vehicles.
Onomatophobia    Fear of hearing a certain word or of names.
Opiophobia    Fear medical doctors experience of prescribing needed pain medications for patients.
Pagophobia    Fear of ice or frost.
Paralipophobia    Fear of neglecting duty or responsibility.
Parturiphobia    Fear of childbirth.
Peccatophobia    Fear of sinning. (imaginary crime)
Pediculophobia    Fear of lice.
Pedophobia    Fear of children.
Phalacrophobia    Fear of becoming bald.
Phallophobia    Fear of a penis, esp erect.
Pharmacophobia    Fear of taking medicine.
Phonophobia    Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice; of telephones.
Phthiriophobia    Fear of lice. (Pediculophobia)
Phthisiophobia    Fear of tuberculosis.
Pnigophobia or Pnigerophobia    Fear of choking of being smothered.
Poliosophobia    Fear of contracting poliomyelitis.
Politicophobia    Fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.
Porphyrophobia    Fear of the color purple.
Potophobia    Fear of alcohol.
Pharmacophobia    Fear of drugs.
Proctophobia    Fear of rectum.
Psychrophobia    Fear of cold.
Pteronophobia    Fear of being tickled by feathers.
Rectophobia    Fear of rectum or rectal diseases.
Rhabdophobia    Fear of being severely punished or beaten by a rod, or of being severely criticized. Also fear of magic.(wand)
Rhypophobia    Fear of defecation.
Scabiophobia    Fear of scabies.
Scatophobia    Fear of fecal matter.
Scolionophobia    Fear of school.
Scotophobia    Fear of darkness. (Achluophobia)
Scriptophobia    Fear of writing in public.
Seplophobia    Fear of decaying matter.
Sinophobia    Fear of Chinese, Chinese culture.
Sitophobia or Sitiophobia    Fear of food or eating. (Cibophobia)
Social Phobia    Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.
Sociophobia    Fear of society or people in general.
Soteriophobia    Fear of dependence on others.
Spacephobia    Fear of outer space.
Spectrophobia    Fear of specters or ghosts.
Staurophobia    Fear of crosses or the crucifix.
Stenophobia    Fear of narrow things or places.
Suriphobia    Fear of mice.
Taphephobia Taphophobia    Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.
Tapinophobia    Fear of being contagious.
Technophobia    Fear of technology.
Teleophobia    1) Fear of definite plans. 2) Religious ceremony.
Teratophobia    Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.
Tetanophobia    Fear of lockjaw, tetanus.
Textophobia    Fear of certain fabrics.
Thalassophobia    Fear of the sea.
Tocophobia    Fear of pregnancy or childbirth.
Tomophobia    Fear of surgical operations.
Topophobia    Fear of certain places or situations, such as stage fright.
Toxiphobia or Toxophobia or Toxicophobia    Fear of poison or of being accidently poisoned.
Trichinophobia    Fear of trichinosis.
Trichopathophobia or Trichophobia or Hypertrichophobia    Fear of hair. (Chaetophobia)
Tropophobia    Fear of moving or making changes.
Trypanophobia    Fear of injections.
Tuberculophobia    Fear of tuberculosis.
Vaccinophobia    Fear of vaccination.
Vestiphobia    Fear of clothing.
Wiccaphobia    Fear of witches and witchcraft.
Xanthophobia    Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow.
Xylophobia    1) Fear of wooden objects. 2) Forests.[/box]


Phobiaguide.com. www.phobiaguide.com. Impulse Communications, Inc. November 7, 2007.

call me crazy, but i'm spending the night at work today. i brought a pillow, a blanket, shampoo, hair dryer, and ironed clothes for tomorrow. i have a little airline cosmetic case that you get in first class filled with deodorant, disposable tooth brush, mouthwash, toothpaste, comb and chapstick. i want to do a database cram session, a la paul. no i'm not getting paid overtime, but i'm taking friday and tuesday off (monday is a holiday) to go to key west, so it's totally worth it.

so i walked into the place where my work girl crush was working accidentally, not knowing she was going to be there, and suddenly panicked. it was as if i walked into a wall when i saw her in there. i totally wanted to high tail it out of there but realized that i would look crazy and she would probably know what the hell was going on. so i had to just kind of walk around nonchalantly, cool and calm, scoping the shelves like i was going to buy something other than what i originally went in there for because what i needed was right behind her and i would have to talk to her directly, which as everyone knows, i absolutely, positively, CANNOT do! and i think she totally knows! she give me the smirky eye like she wanted to just burst out laughing at how retarded this grown ass woman was acting.

ugh, i have to be more careful next time.

this is my FAVORITE song right now. it was in the closing credits of "a mighty heart". i can't tell you how unbelievably sad this song was within that context.

Toxoplasma gondii

ok, so this is the stuff that they tell pregnant women about when dealing with cats and kitty litter. apparently this parasite likes to hang out in rat brains, but can only complete it's life cycle in a cat. so when the rat becomes infected with it, it's behavior changes and the rat loses it's natural fear of cats, and starts hanging out in front of cats where it most likely ends up being eaten; allowing the parasite to continue it's life cycle.

here is where it gets weird and kind of scary.

scientists wanted to know....

"Given that human and rat brains have a lot of similarities (they share the same basic anatomy and use the same neurotransmitters), a question naturally arose: if Toxoplasma can alter the behavior of a rat, could it alter a human?"

and so.....

"Parasitologist Jaroslav Flegr of Charles University in Prague administered psychological questionnaires to people infected with Toxoplasma and controls. Those infected, he found, show a small, but statistically significant, tendency to be more self-reproaching and insecure. Paradoxically, infected women, on average, tend to be more outgoing and warmhearted than controls, while infected men tend to be more jealous and suspicious."

It's controversial work, disputed by many.....but.....

"E. Fuller Torrey of the Stanley Medical Research Institute in Bethesda, Maryland. Torrey and his colleagues had noticed some intriguing links between Toxoplasma and schizophrenia. Infection with the parasite has been associated with damage to a certain class of neurons (astrocytes). So has schizophrenia. Pregnant women with high levels of Toxoplasma antibodies in their blood were more likely to give birth to children who would later develop schizophrenia."

and....

"A year later, Torrey and his colleagues discovered one more fascinating link. They raised human cells in Petri dishes and infected them with Toxoplasma. Then they dosed the cells with a variety of drugs used to treat schizophrenia. Several of the drugs--most notably haloperidol--blocked the growth of the parasite."

btw, it is estimated that about 3 billion people around the world are infected with this parasite. i'm guessing the majority in developing countries.

i would like to have a little bit of this parasite, so that i could be a little more warm and fuzzy and talkative without the help of some kind of alcohol or drug.

you can find the entire article here.

this is what you do when your kid wont stay still.....

wow, i think it's time to remove some of that makeup.