I found a victim!

oh god, getting off birth control pills is never a pretty sight for me. usually i am a hard ass, stoic, unemotional, pillar of strenght. but the first few weeks of being off of homones turn me into an emotional, sex starved, crying sap, where everything makes me want to weep and cry while craving rough nasty sex. actually i'd probably be crying WHILE having rough nasty sex. i haven't had any brave takers yet.

today, i am going to the grandest, greatest party ever. all in celebration of the premier of the third season of Grey's Anatomy (THE best show on TV)

i am so excited to be working at my important job. in fact i am SO important that they've given me my own pager! now i am almost like jenks, rushing off to answer pages when important matters arise. unfortunately, my dumb ass forgets to turn off my CELL phone during a huge meeting with all the departmental honchos. good thing i didn't have 50 Cent's Candy Shop song as my ring tone.

i need to learn access yesterday. i don't understand why they have to make that damn program so damn complicated. its not like i can't make tables and forms, but its the complicated things, such as running updating queries as macros, that stump the shit out of me. thankfully, i have inside IT connections who is a self proclaimed access master, so he better get his ass in gear and help me NOW!

and i also get to go away for training in minneapolis! i hear its an up and coming city with a lot of interesting things to do and see. leaving on october 1st and returning on the 4th.

did i mention how much i hate doctors offices and their stupid receptionist? those nasty, snotty, sassy, bitches. they can eat my asshole raw and floss with my pubic hair.

wow, fergie from the black eyed peas had a meth addiction!



she said it was the heardest boyfriend to quit...no wonder she's so fucking skinny.

my parents must be the most penny pinching, frugalistic (I know it's not a word), cheapskates alive.

how cheap are they, you say?

they are so cheap that after they placed mouse traps around the garage and the little mice met their terrible fate, they pry apart they mouse trap, peel away the carcass and reuse them over and over again.

i mean, how expensive are mouse traps? i found $1.29 for 2 at walgreens. is it really worth the trouble (and disgust) to reuse a 70 cent mouse trap? i mean seriously, after using aluminum foil to cover a plate in the fridge i am not allowed to throw it in the garbage but rather must put it into the aluminum pile in the garage that my step-father then goes and sells for 18 cents a pound at whatever the place is where you sell back used aluminum, and he once got $200 for a load he brought over! he steals the toilet paper from hotel rooms when he goes away on business. we have not bought toilet paper in years. the same goes for shampoos, lotions, mouthwash, soap, matches. he collects old 2 x 4's to burn in the fireplace instead of buying firewood.

but i guess this is how they have over 100K cash in the bank all the while living on a 40K salary.

So the doctor gave me a new med for my mystery illness, klonopin. I'm a little weary of taking as I usually try to stay away from downers. I don't like feeling sleepy and retarded when I'm not supposed to. So to counteract that I went ahead and bought some smart pills on the internet, piracetam. lets hope the pharmacy actually sends the pills and not rips me off, and lets hope that once they arrive here they are real and not sugar dupes.

My MRI of the brain came back normal, so now they are sending me off for an MRI of the neck and more blood work to check for some rheumatoid stuff, among other things. The doc gave me some shots in my back again, this time going much deeper. They fucking hurt like hell and today I feel worse than I did before the shots. It fucking hurts like something awful. I refuse to take the muscle relaxers and the cymbalta they gave me. The relaxers make me stupid and the cymbalta made me feel panicky, like I was going completely crazy. the only thing i'm taking now is ultram, which helps somewhat, but makes me so irritable and mean and aggravated that i can't stand being around people and their stupidity. Maybe the klonopin will give me a good high. I heard some people like it, but getting high and taking away pain, are two different things. I seriously doubt they will do much of anything for my pain. The doc says I'm all stressed and uptight. I don't understand how he came to this conclusion, when he talked to me all of 5 minutes and knows nothing about my life. I am not anywhere near stressed, except form these headaches, and I live a laid back, calm, stress-free existance. I work 3 days a week, and lounge around the other 4 days. I live with my mom, who does most of the cooking and cleaning (because i just don't clean up to her standards), and I pay no rent. I mean seriously, it doesn't get any better than that.

i just want to be headache and pain free like normal people. i don't want my whole day to revolve around the headache that may come, and how to prevent it, the headache that is coming and how to ward it off and the headache that is there and how to stop it. i'm tired of puking, not being able work, or sleep, or being able to plan any social things. everything that i plan is contingent upon whether i have a headache or not. at times it hurts so much that the only thing i can think of is putting a bullet through my skull.

But whatever. bring on the meds.

here is an interesting job prospect for (e:zobar) (e:carolinian) and (e:jason) ! you can apply to become stephen hawking's assistant. it only pays around 40K, (which is way too little for (e:paul) to leave roswell) but the fringe benefits, i hear, are great!