so i almost got arrested yesterday.

i parked my car by roswell and started walking to my building. i was parked by the biostat's building. I've been parking there for a while now. its the only place where you can park for free, without getting a ticket. i used to park on washington, but that was if'y, most times you'd get away with it, and then the parking police would come around for like 3 days in a row.

so, as i'm walking, i see the parking nazi pull up and start looking at my car. now, if you can recall yesterday morning, i was in a middle of a blizzard. so, i was like, oh shit, and started trekking back so that i could move my car.

i get in my car, start it, and am about to pull off, when the guy, who is pulled up right next to me, but not enough to block my way out, beeps and yells "where do you think you're going?"

i reply, "to work"

and he says, "no you're not". and i was like, oh shit! what? so he tells me to get out of the car. and then he's like, "do you know how much in parking tickets you owe?"

so i knew i owed a little bit, maybe like 200 or 250, but he says close to 700! and i was like holy shit!

he tells me that he is supposed to impound my car and arrest me. and i was like, pleeese don't arrest me officer.

so i'm standing in this blizzard, wrapped in my scarf and he stays in his car and starts lecturing me for about a half hour. he tells me that i have to go downtown and plead something, and tells me all the things i should say to get them to lower the fines. and tells me about how a friend of his had a daughter and she had $1800 in parking tix and they brought it down to $400 and that every cop car now is equipped with this thing (forgot what it was called) that automatically scans your plate when they're driving behind you, and if they scan mine, they WILL arrest me. said, that they're bringing in about 60-80 cars a day because of it.

and so i was standing there, soaking wet, with numb fingers thankful as hell that i wasn't arrested, because i KNOW my mother would let me sit in jail for days if she found out, and would not bail me out for such stupidity. and he asked if i work at roswell and i said yes, and he said, "as far as i'm concerned, anyone that works here is an angel" and because of that he was going to pretend that he didn't see anything. i asked him if he wanted me to move my car and park it in the garage, but he said that since he's the only one that patrols this area, he knew who i was and would not tow my car, but that i had to make sure i went downtown to get this taken care of.

he couldn't believe that my boyfriend or husband let me get this far gone. i thought to myself, i know a few boys that aren't any better.

so, needles to say, i am making a trip downtown, to plead not guilty to some of these tickets and to try to work something out with the parking nazi's because i reeeeely don't want to go to jail.

so my cousins that met us in london last jan. and in china in august, are meeting me in paris next month!

i love the way we can meet half way across the world on a whim. i love my life. i love the travel. i am one lucky mofo.


now i'll get to see all the things i didn't have time for last time. although last time i had a week, whereas this time i'll have 4 days. but faben is pretty stoked, even if she doesn't show it. it's no big deal if you grow up traveling all over the world, but she totally has the travel bug too. that is why i can use it as punishment when she fucks up at school.

i have to work on a way to get more vacation time out of my job. the measly 3 weeks is not enough. i need at least 8. the year has just begun.

Aurevoir Peaches!

just because your mom gave you a dictionary two years ago and you throw as many adjectives as possible into a sentence, does not mean you know how to write, YVONNE!

good writing doesn't come from convoluting the english language into this unbearable garbage that you shit, every day, onto my screen. describing everything you see and hear with those big words you learned for the SAT's, does not constitute a good piece of work. it just means youre trying too hard to appear like you have some talent. trying to sound deep and cerebral just looks plain stupid. you sound like a prison inmate, YVONNE, who spews a lot of words with nothing to say.

interesting people are interesting becuase they show interest in things other than themselves. theyre interesting because theyre educated and experienced and can form opinions and hold discussions about things that require intellect. you, on the other hand, try to find 75 different ways to analyze yourself when there's nothing of interest to analyze!

why do you keep trying so hard? can't you just accept the fact that you really are not as special as you think you are? and can't you see that the really smart people of the world would never, ever, consider you anything more than a wannabe intellectual? and don't forget, you still are a fat heffer, so even the dumb skinny crowd wouldnt want you.

-The REALITY

but i'm still suffering from the damn headache. it hurt all night long. i hope you guys had a better time than i did.


Happy Birthday, Paul!

so, you think that by writing these deinspirations, youre being some kind of rebel? you think youre somehow unique and different and special? here's a news flash, YVONNE, youre ordinary and boring. youre about as unique as everybody else. this little protest does not make you appear smart or witty, nor clever. going against the grain is not a passport to coolness.

remember, standing on the other side of the tracks doesn't mean youre exotic, it just means that you have to watch your fat ass so that it doesn't get plowed by the train. youre still a lameo, accept it.

-The REALITY


on a serious note--i'm still at work. been here 11 hours. im so tired and i have a headache. i don't know if i'll make it to the party. :(

saying youre big boned or that it's in your genes, or you're just thick and not fat, is a complete lie, YVONNE. in actuality youre fat AND lazy AND most likely a slob.

-The REALITY

so,

seeing as how the site has been filled with feel good mantras popping up at the most (for me) inopportune moments, i felt it is necessary to provide a nice counter balance that will reflect my life philosophy which consists of "you suck, life sucks, fuck off"

instead of filling one with hope and inspiration, i feel we need words that will bring us down to grim reality and provide a much needed sobering for our disillusioned psyches.

so, i vow to write, each and every single day, in the spirit of (e:inspiraysean), a DEINSPIRATION for the soul.

here goes,

If doing your best is not enough, YVONNE, you probably are not good enough after all.

-The REALITY

i had the strangest dream last night.

dreamt about a three dimensional model of the probability of an event happening, if that makes any sense what so ever. it made sense in my head at the time.

in the dream i had this vision that every event in someone's life is suspended in a vacuum on an axis. the event then (in a three dimensional model) spirals from the bottom to the top of the axis where the whole length of the event is divided by half of the whole, infinitely and the lenght of the axis is the lenght of the event. and the further out one goes on the spiral the less probability there is that the event happened or that it was done by or happened to you. and so your entire life consist of these spirals perched on these axis'(or axi?) connected by their infinite (but visibly concrete) probability of happening or not. and existence was a big convoluted blob of 3-D spiral mounds of nothingness.

i'm not kidding, this really made a whole lot of sense last night and it was a lot easier to understand when i didn't have to use words to describe it.

there are so many movies out there that i want to see. maybe today i'll make a day of it. here is a list. I have to prepare myself for the oscars. What good is it watching the show if you have not seen the movies, granted, some of theser are not oscar material.

Children of Men
The Pursuit of Happyness
Dreamgirls (because Beyonce's body is dreamy)
Night at the Museum
Stomp the Yard (i was in the drill team in high school)
The Painted Veil (Edward Norton is my dream man)
Volver
Perfume
Babel
Blood Diamond (because Leonardo is dream man #2)
Bobby
Borat
The Queen (because although i'm not british, i do loooove the queen, i wish we had one)
Chrlotte's Web (who doesn't love this story)
the two Clint Eastwood movies (because theyre going to be nominated for a bunch of stuff, even though i don't like war movies)
Miss Potter (because it looks so damn cute)
Pan's Labyrinth (because it looks so damn cool)
Notes on a Scandal (because an adult and a 13 year old love story can't ever go wrong)

this is what I'm doing at work. I am going to have the most banging database known to man!