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Start Date 2004-08-27 03:15:49 |Comments 52 |Entries 74 |Images 8 |

12/21/08 02:42 - 15ºF - ID#47123

Sorry in advance for being a cliche

Yo.

Ok, so sorry this entry is going to be all like "I'm a girl and I'm a little dramatic".

So I'm 23 years old. I have been single for a while. This is for a variety of reasons, one of them mostly being that most of the men I surround myself with are gay or way too old for me or already married.

This is actually fine with me. I genuinely enjoy being single while I'm studying my butt off and basically I'd have to really really really want a particular person to consider letting them interrupt my life as is.

Whoops.

I haven't been genuinely and seriously interested in someone since this guy from college who lead me on and I won't get into the details but he lead me on for quite a while and said things and did things he had no business doing or saying and it messed me up for a little bit. He took advantage of the situation of two girls paying him lots of attention and basically screwed me over. Jerk. But now he's a hot mess living in NYC and apparently doing drugs? Advantage: Anne.

Anyway, since then I've been happily unattached, a few innocent hook up type dealies in college and a few HILARIOUS and terrible dates, but mostly not interested in a relationship.

Of course in the last few months I've started getting to know this guy and he's basically perfect. Well, perfect for me. He has his flaws of course but really he's damn near perfect for my purposes. He's smart, incredibly funny and witty, cute, great smile, tall enough and is really sweet and thoughtful.

Ok, 2 catches. First he's basically too young for me and he has a girlfriend. He actually has only mentioned the girlfriend in passing twice and his Facebook status says so. I thought this was no big deal, she lives far away and he basically never mentioned her. Not so much. They've been dating for at least three years. Time for a change, right? That's what I think anyway.

The age thing really isn't a big deal. It's not like he's 16. I always find myself interested in younger guys for some reason.

I just can't believe this. I thought this kind of crap wasn't supposed to happen after like college was over. You're not supposed to fall hard for someone like this. That's what I always thought would be the case. Shouldn't I have gotten some sense by now? Where has all the "I'm never going to fall like that again for someone" malarkey I've been building up? At least he's not a douchebag who's leading me on intentionally.

I honestly feel like I'm 16 when I think about him. Butterflies in the stomach like crazy.

I can guarantee you he has no idea. I've been avoiding talking to him so as to avoid being too in his face.

We just can talk so easily both face to face and even freakin' online. UGH.

I just can't believe I'm back in this place.

Haha the only difference between this situation and all others is that even though I know I'm not going to be winning any sexiest woman alive contests, I am definitely prettier than his girlfriend, hahaha she's kinda busted.

We're not at the "I need to tell him" point. I know that point and we're at least 2 or 3 more interactions before we even think about that point.

It just tough and surreal. You know what I mean about this feeling? Its just so exciting and smiley and hearts and puppies and confetti. I want to enjoy the happy warm fuzzies I feel but its hard to just let go and enjoy having a crush when the last time I did that it ended up breaking my heart kind of sort of.

Boys are frustrating creatures.
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Permalink: Sorry_in_advance_for_being_a_cliche.html
Words: 642
Location: Kenmore, NY


12/12/08 03:42 - 28ºF - ID#47037

Finally Finals = Finito

Its 3:30 am. I just finished my last real paper and "response" that was supposed to be due last week but I just kept putting it off.

I love when the basis of a paper is completely disagreeing with another writer's interpretation of a work of literature. Its especially enjoyable when that article was published in 1958. I'm pretty sure if the author is still kickin' she wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight.

Remember when you were in 6th grade and writing 350 words seemed like an insurmountable task? My blood pressure was hovering at normal when after my final this morning I had the task ahead of me of writing a 4 page paper (roughly 1500 words) I hadn't yet picked a topic for. If you combine all the time spread out from about 12:30pm-2:00am in which I ACTUALLY worked on the paper, it probably took me 2 hours. Well, 2 1/4 if you count the 15 minutes it took me to find a decent and short article to use. I didn't initially intend the paper to just be a vehicle to rip someone's writing apart, but it was a nice change of pace rather than spending 4 pages writing about the symbolism of the sound of a string breaking in Act 2 of The Cherry Orchard. Excuse me a second, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Anyway, I cannot WAIT for Saturday. I plan to sleep for about 2 days.

So roughly every couple of months or so I develop a "lets find something to occupy my day dreams" crush on someone. I'd say 95% of the time this crush is based on nothing but someone I pass on campus every day or have a class with or someone who sells me coffee and there is no indication it will go anywhere past my head. Sometimes its more than that, but not frequently. However, I'm fresh out of candidates. The former love of my life, the aforementioned Canadian dreamboat hockey player named Jesse is a total bust. Not only is he a moron, he didn't even read the book we were supposed to read for a final presentation and his contribution reflected that. He never flat out said he didn't read it, but if he did read it, he has a funny way of showing it. He was really non communicative leading up to our presentation causing me more stress than was necessary. Boo. So the "imaginary Canadian dreamboat hockey playing English teacher Jesse" I created is way better than "real kind of dumb, doesn't contribute to projects or communicate with his partners Jesse" and now that I officially know that, its over. Sad times. Our imaginary break-up was very difficult for us both.
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Permalink: Finally_Finals_Finito.html
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Location: Kenmore, NY


11/23/08 06:20 - 31ºF - ID#46813

Yay Bills!

54-31 Bills over Chiefs.

Ahhhhhhhhhh.... that was just what I neeed to end this "OMG BUFFALO SPORTS TEAMS SUCK" slide of sadness.

WOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Trent Edwards was AMAZING!!! Such good times.

6-5. Keep it rollin'!!!!
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Permalink: Yay_Bills_.html
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Location: Kenmore, NY


11/19/08 01:58 - 30ºF - ID#46755

Back to Black

Yo why do I keep wanting to write about music? Maybe its because I just got a new (old) iPod and I'm so happy to have music to listen to that isn't one of my 3 CDs I currently own. Getting your hard drive wiped and then iPod stolen is NOT sweet.

I currently need a regular part time job. I work at HSBC Arena but that's only like a few times a month. Of course after the 10 or 15 applications I've filled out, the only one that responds is another job that seems even less consistent than the Arena. Its teaching SAT prep to students. Good for the resume as I'm working towards teaching high school English. Bad because I only got a 540 on math when I took the test in, uhhh, 2002? And my math skills have seriously plummeted since then. Hopefully they're only looking for someone to teach the language arts category and someone else can cover math.

My "oh lord, please don't talk, because when you talk I see how stupid you are" crush, Jesse, WAS in class yesterday but, alas, we were unable to discuss our future together because 1. we did not meet to discuss our presentation and 2. we have no future together.

I like literature (duh), I like talking about it, I enjoy teaching it, I enjoy seeing how different people from different lives react personally to the same text. Even if you have 20 white jewish girls from the 'burbs reading the same book, they have different reactions. In spite of their similar superficial background, they're all different. However, at some point personal reaction can go too far.

In my Contemporary Lit class we're reading a graphic novel called Persepolis by Iranian born writer Marjane Satrapi. I HIGHLY recommend this book, its a super easy read and really gives great insight while striking a balance between "life in Iran" and "life as a woman". There's not a lot of plot to unpack, its straight up, but really interesting.

ANYWAY, the book centers around the Islamic revolution and the instituting of veils and fundamental principles on Iran. Therefore, religion is a strong and powerful overriding theme in the book, its unavoidable and a natural jumping off point for discussion of the book.

This guy in my class who's kind of a toolshed immediately drew a parallel between Islamic fundamentalists and Evangelical Christians. In the United States, the closest thing we have to the dominating outspoken radical religious thinking of Islamic Fundamentalists is Evangelical Christianity. I understand there are others, but at this moment in our history, they're pretty much in our faces all the time. Them and Mormons.

So the toolshed with 2 nose piercings, a really awful lisp and an overall vibe of "I haven't showered lately" starts talking about Evangelical Christianity and basically gets about 2 words out before the girl sitting next to him goes on the attack about how she's an Evangelical Christian and she doesn't like the comparison and basically told him to stop talking about it. The only other time this girl talked in class was to talk about how she voted for McCain and she wanted us to all know that not EVERYONE there voted for Obama. No one assumed that was the truth, btw, but, for the recordm the majority of the class, including the professor, was pro-Obama.

The reason I bring this up is, should the guy have stopped? Was it appropriate for her to ask him to stop because she felt that he was going to generalize? The guy honestly didn't get a whole sentence out, he said basically "In this country, the Evangelical Christians are-" before she cut him off. Should he have continued his comparison? He stopped on his own, the professor did not intervene. Was the girl within her rights to cut him off? Was she being too sensitive? I feel she should've waited to hear what he had to say before just freaking out at those first few words that said nothing of substance about her religion.

What do y'all think. Should she have cut him off the way she did? Was it her right? Should he not have made the connection?
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Permalink: Back_to_Black.html
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Location: Kenmore, NY


11/18/08 09:40 - 26ºF - ID#46734

My iPod is a sad place

Ok, so its not a sad place as in its depressing, its a sad place in that the music on it is awful. I have awful taste in music. This morning I've had an awesome rotation of Mariah, the pussycat dolls, the beatles and Lady Gaga.

I just don't put very much stock in the quality of the music I listen to. If its fun, I listen to it, if its not, I don't. Simple as that. That's why it drives me crazy when I meet people who are like music snobs and only listen to independent label artists who perform on "found" instruments from the war-torn regions of the Gaza strip.

One of my favorite bands of the moment is a pop group from Denmark called Alphabeat. The fact that I like such a random band is completely foreign to me. I'm used to being such a Top 40 lover, that actually liking a band that isn't regularly featured on Kiss 98.5 is weird for me. I think this delving into other music phase comes from the fact that my car stereo doesn't work very well and I really can only listen to 103.3, 97 rock and 92.9 and sometimes 102.5 and 104.1. Whoopdedoo.

I also tend to listen to songs they play at the Arena a lot, like City of Blinding Lights by U2 and I Don't Wanna Be in Love by Good Charlotte. I might be the only person in the world who thinks of Jason Pominville taking shots on net when I hear Joel Madden sing "If you've got nothing left, say I don't wanna be in love..."

Anyway, hopefully Jesse, the new love of my life will be in my next class and I can inappropriately ogle him while my professor talks about Young Adult Literature and I name our beautiful future half-Canadian children.
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Permalink: My_iPod_is_a_sad_place.html
Words: 302
Location: Kenmore, NY


11/10/08 07:53 - 36ºF - ID#46634

Hey Team

Hey guys!!

So I'm always reading journals but never post my own. Whoops.

Stuff is going well. School is going well.

I have a car, I named him Jarome. Its a 2003 Kia Spectra, its basically the least sexy car you can imagine. It has totally PIMP tinted windows and a stress buffalo in the front windshield.

Not much else is new.

I write a Buffalo sports blog and the other night we had a get together at Fat Bob's and it was lots of fun. The weird part that was in spite of the fact that there are many Buffalo sports blogs written by females, there were only 3 of us there, and 1 of us came super late after the BPO concert. It was a little weird, but all in all a good time.

How weird (yet awesome) is it (for those of us in school or working on a school schedule) to have class on Monday, then no class on Tuesday. I can totally handle 1 day work/class weeks. WOO!!

Good times all around.

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Location: Kenmore, NY


08/17/08 03:05 - 75ºF - ID#45351

So its only been since April or so

Soooo I haven't posted on here in MONTHS.

What's new:

I'm heading to Buff State in a couple of weeks to start working on getting my certification to English 7-12.

I moved back in with the 'rents in Kenmore, kitten and all.

I still don't have a new car.

May 16th ended up being my ACTUAL last day of work at Lipsitz Green.

Teaching went really well this summer, it just ended on Friday. I enjoy teaching theatre, but working with nothing but theatre kids all summer is shown me that I will prefer the variety of teaching some NON theatre kids as well. Theatre kids are kind of annoying sometimes, lol. They're mostly great, but sometimes you want to tape their mouths shut.

Good times, how was everyone else's summer?

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Permalink: So_its_only_been_since_April_or_so.html
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Location: Kenmore, NY


04/20/08 10:23 - 66ºF - ID#44072

Helllooooo

So I haven't been here in a while.

Here's what's new:

My car was totaled on March 8, I wasn't inside it at the time, I was sleeping in my apartment and my car was parked in front of the house next door. I still don't have a car, but I know what I want, its just a matter of waiting for insurance and tax return money.

I'm leaving my job basically ASAP. I always hated it but the nice weather has made it even harder not to loathe it. Knowing I'm about to get out makes it hard to go in. I've called in 3 times in the last 3 weeks. That's not a lot but considering in the previous 8 months I'd called in about twice, it's highly above average.

I'm moving back in with Jim and Peg when I go back to school. I'm planning on turning MK's old room into my bedroom and turning my old bedroom into a den/office. I'm kind of really excited about it. As long as I can paint it and decorate it.

I'll be co-teaching at Shakespeare in Delaware Park this summer. I was offered the job on Tuesday and I gleefully accepted it. I'll be teaching acting and Shakespeare as well as assistant directing the student show. It's for high school students.

I, obviously, have to get a 2nd job. I'd like to bartend or something like that, basically because those are the only hours I have free. I would be a terrible waitress, so that's not an option.

The Sabres missing the playoffs sucked pretty hard, but I've actually really enjoyed watching the playoffs this season. My #2 team, the Pittsburgh Penguins dispatched of my #1 least favorite team in 4 games, and for that I am appreciative. I really love hockey, it's kind of an addiction.

Um, did I mention that I really hate my job? I'm putting in my 2 weeks notice on Friday. May 9th will be my last day. Wooo! When I first decided to quit, I declared May 23rd would be my last day, and now I've shaved 2 weeks off of my date. May 9th. It'll be awesome.

Wooooo!
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Permalink: Helllooooo.html
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Location: Kenmore, NY


02/17/08 11:29 - 38ºF - ID#43367

Project Runway

Hello

Ok, so who watches Project Runway aka formerly one of my favorite shoes ever.

I feel like this season is totally anti-climactic. Last season, I was super duper busy all the time but I still made time to watch Project Runway. From like episode 4 I had strong opinions about each designer, it was awesome. I was biting my nails to see who would make it to Bryant Park and I was crazy excited to see who won.

This season? I didn't even realize it was "decide who goes to Bryant Park" episode until the episode had already started.

I just don't really care. I don't really like Chrisitan but only because he's kind of annoying, he actually is a good designer. I don't dislike any of them, there isn't much tension. They try to create drama with Chrisitian but it doesn't really work. The challenges aren't really that interesting, they didn't travel anywhere, they didn't really have to use crazy material. They had that candy challenge but most people got through it by using fabric from sheets and pillows. It's like this group of designers is really bad and they had to dumb it down. Remember how ridiculously challenging the men's clothing challenge was? That was redonkulous.

Anyway, I like Chris and Jillian. That's sweet.

SIDNOTE. I AM SO MAD. I love the name Penelope. For years I've wanted to name a daughter of mine Penelope. Now this crazy movie about a girl with a pig nose named Penelope comes out. This movie had better be good, and it better not be a huge hit. I hate when things like that happen. Just like I like the name Monica but because of Courtney Cox-Arquette and Lewinsky I feel like I can't name my daughter that. Although James McEvoy is in it, and I like him, same for Christina Ricci and Reese Witherspoon. Maybe it won't be a big disaster for my future offspring.
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Permalink: Project_Runway.html
Words: 324
Location: Kenmore, NY


02/11/08 11:48 - 12ºF - ID#43277

Hello

It's been over a month since I've updated. Well, that doesn't beat my 2 1/2 year non-update streak I had between 2004 and 2007

Anywho, not much has changed. I still live in the same place, I still have the same job, I still hate the girl whose desk is next to mine. I'm still planning on going to Buff State in the fall to get my teaching certification. I still have a cat named Oscar (Today is his 1st birthday, btw) and I'm still single.

Yep, that about sums it up.

Oh yeah and I was totally at the Sabres game yesterday and let's just say, if you were selling tickets to see Richard Zednik's throat cut open, my seats would've been very expensive, yuck.

I have a hockey blog that I update a lot. If you don't like hockey, I don't recommend reading it, although my friend and I are pretty entertaining.

Here it is: Sabretooth's House
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Permalink: Hello.html
Words: 155
Location: Kenmore, NY


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paul said to ladycroft
Nice to "see" you. I let the CPR ads stay because at least it was something lol...

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Sorry.....my finger went spastic. ...

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Happy Birthday! I had my 30th with two of those peeps as well :) Remember the failed (but awesome)...

ladycroft said to joe
Happy Birthday! I had my 30th with two of those peeps as well :) Remember the failed (but awesome)...