So i have to work 7am-3pm every day this week. except friday, when (hopefully) I'll be on a European adventure with my mom and (e:mk).

this leads to a problem for me.

Wednesday night I want to go out...there's this guy I'm interested in and I know where he'll be on Wednesday night, and its in a place that it would be totally normal for me to be there as well. Therefore, I of course plan to be there. Problem: It's like 10 miles away. I have to be up by like 6:30 the next morning. ouch.

The whole process/bullshit of being interested in someone sucks. I have no reason to think he might be interested in me. He's a really nice guy, he's cute, now granted he's a republican (I'm not and yes this does bother me a little because he's super politically conservative) and he's not a guy that I went to college with.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if there was no bullshit? You could just say "Hey! You're cute, funny, smart, single and straight. Hey! I'm all those things too. Let's see where this goes" and if they weren't interested they would say so, no one's feelings would be hurt, and we'd all move on with our lives.

Alas, this is not how we function as a society. Therefore I will be forced to conveniently show up a few places, find random (and few) reasons to send him a message on facebook or post on his wall, occasionally bring up his name in conversations with people who know him better than I do, and basically suffer through that irritating feeling I get in my stomach when I like someone but know nothing will come of it. Becuase, let's face it, it never does.

I have his phone number but only because of facebook events he's invited me to. I don't know if he has mine, we've never officially exchanged them. This is annoying. What I need is more confidence.

Therefore, I constantly psych myself out and convince myself that there's no way any guy could or would like me, especially this guy. I don't think any ever has, other than the couple that I've dated. I just don't think I'm the kind of girl that guys like. What does that mean I think guys like? Couldn't really tell ya, but basically not me. Then what's even worse, if a guy does like me, I'm afraid that once they get to know me better they'll be like "oh man I can do better than this" or that they only like me because they're desperate and have lowered their standards.

If I read these words written by a friend of mine, I'd punch them in the face. But please don't punch me in the face, I've felt this way about myself for....my entire life.

In like every other aspect of my life I'm probably too confident, so I dump all my insecurity in this part of my world.

So I finally have a grown-up job. i'm a litigation secretary at Lipsitz, Green, Scime, and Cambria. I'll be working as a secretary/assistant for 2 attorneys. I don't really feel that I'm totally qualified for the position, by knowing my education, experience and skills, they stilll hired me. So...sweet. There are some perks, 1 hour for lunch, (unpaid but whatev), full benefits and other stuff. I'll start July 9th. so byebye Urban Valet.

on a not so awesome note, I still haven't received my passport. I filed my application march 27th, and as of today have not yet received it. I called the office and waited on hold FOREVER and some woman took care of things because my trip is within 2 weeks. I will be beyond devastated if I can't go on our trip. I'm sure that I'll be able to, considering I filed my application 12 weeks ago and it was supposed to be to me in 10-12 weeks and it isn't yet. Fortunately it isn't that I received it and accidentally threw it away or anything, it's still at the processing center in New Hampshire. I should've just paid to have it expedited. My friend did and got his like 4 weeks before he expected to.

Any tick, now I get to go shopping for work clothes, how bizoring/ I'm really excited to have nice clothes. I generally dress like crap. haha.

So (e:mk) and I are all moved in but we are without the internet/cable until Tuesday. booooo. I'm pirating wireless from Spot coffee right now. how enjoyable.

We're planning a 'woohoo we have our sweet new apartment' party for the near future, but our apartment is not huge so it can't be tooo many people, we'll keep ya posted, who knows when it'll be.

The job search continues. I had an interview with an agency today, and I had an email this morning from a woman and another call from an HR manager both who saw my resume on Monster.com. Its looking like Monster.com is the way to go for getting jobs. I had to take this wacky computer skills test. Anne hasn't used Excel in a while and she's pretty sure she didn't do so hot on that section, but she knows she aced the typing and Word tests because she uses those skills on an almost daily basis. Nevertheless despite my probably lackluster performance I got an interview with the office that needs a receptionist. Sweet. Here's hoping by the end of next week I'll have a real job!!!!!

yay! think good thoughts for me!!

So tomorrow's the big day!!!

except for a few clothes and a few odds and ends, and my bike, everything I own is packed up and sitting in my living room. its not that weird actually, i've only been at home since last thursday, and before that I was last at home for about 5 weeks last summer. I'm not emotional about it. My new place is actually closer to my parent's house than my old apartment was.

so a (i thought) good friend of mine told me she couldn't help me move because she had to work all day tomorrow, fine, not a big deal, work is work, I didn't think twice about it.

This was about a week ago, fast forward to this afternoon. I see about 5 facebook wall posts of her asking people if they want to go to the beach tomorrow...excuse me? Even if your work schedule changed and you still didn't want to help, at least call me and say so, don't just ignore me. She sat in her room while I moved all of my stuff out of our old apartment and didn't even offer to help, and I was doing it mostly by myself.
This whole thing just leaves me feeling hurt. I guess its out of sight out of mind. I didn't realize she was such a fair-weather friend. I won't even get into all of the things we've done together and all that. She wouldn't even live in the fucking apartment we shared for a year if I didn't make it happen. She's always been immature and passive aggressive so I don't know why this surprises me. Oh well, I was never 100% sure we'd stay close, I wanted us too and thought we would, but apparently I don't mean as much to her as she did to me. I guess dirty dishes mean more to her than our friendship.

Ok got that out of my system. Together with my 8 year old cousin we created a secret handshake for the apartment, all who enter must learn it.
anyone wants to help: 432 Richmond at about 10:30-11:00am!!! :)

I love the song black river by amos lee. Anyone else?


Thank you Cesar Salinas for using this song for a dance piece in from the wings a few years ago, you've changed my life.....not really but hey, good song.