...stating point of view. Indicate precisely what you mean to say.

There's only sixty-four questions. What a gyp!


1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?

When the phone rings, it will be
a) a fax machine, because my phone number used to belong to an insurance company's fax machine, or
b) an irate customer, because if you've got shit for brains, my phone number (877-4xxx) is very similar to the phone number of the Better Business Bureau (1-877-4xx-x...).
Ergo, it would be best if the person hung up halfway through the first ring.


2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?

I stand on the axle and ride it all the way back into the store as nine-year-olds watch enviously.


3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?

I talk more, and listen less, than I'd like.


4. Do you take compliments well?

I am very gracious until the person leaves; then I gloat and do the Ickey Shuffle.


5. Do you play Sudoku?

I secretly believe that I would be very good at it. In the cold dark nights I cherish this belief and I don't want to ruin it for myself.


6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?

My first priority is clawing my way back to civilization.


8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?

I was a campfire girl and went to Camp Aloha a couple times.


9. What was your favorite game as a kid?

For some reason I always thought it was fun getting beat up by my big sister.


10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you?

It would fuck my shit right up and I would think about it nonstop, but not do anything about it until she was convinced I was an idiot and gave up.


12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?

Are my religious beliefs an obstacle for them?


13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?

Pursuing makes me feel like an idiot and an asshole - the way I usually do, only more so. I kind of hate it, but the fact is I'm way too dense to realize when I'm being pursued.


14. Use three words to describe yourself?

Good not evil.


15. Do any songs make you cry?

"Outside the Wall" chokes me up. Does that make me a retard?


16. Are you continuing your education?

It turned me off getting my Master's when I realized grad students were taking the exact same classes as the undergrads.


17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?

Yeah man.


18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?

My laptop. And when I got outside I'd curse that I'd left the Internet inside.


19. How often do you read books?

[sigh] I don't, really.


20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?

I tend to think about the present until it's well past, and then I'm surprised that it's not really the present anymore.


21. What is your favorite children's book?

Richard Scarry was pretty badass. I am predictably opposed to the new Dr Seuss(TM) franchise. I did not discover Tove Jansson's Moomintrolls until well into my 20s, but they're so awesome and warped I'm retroactively Photoshopping them into my childhood.


22. What color are your eyes?

Green.


23. How tall are you?

My license says 6'3".


24. Where is your dream house located?

I really like Buffalo. Does that make me a retard?


25. Best vacay ever?

When I was 16 I went, largely unsupervised, with a number of other 16-year-olds to Germany and mostly wandered around totally drunk. It was a Cultural Experience.


26. Coolest picture?

There was this one time I went to Cedar Point with my family and I was trying to figure out which hill on the roller coaster they were taking the souvenir pictures at - so I made a different face on each hill. It turned out to be the one where I puffed out my cheeks and looked like I was going to spew forth all over the bald-headed guy in front of me.


27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth

Yes. Does that make me a retard?


28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?

The last time I remember being at Olive Garden was on the road when my folks were moving me to New Jersey. That would have been August 2001. Olive Garden isn't bad, really - it's just that there's much better food at other restaurants.


29. How about the movies?

(e:dragonlady7) and I packed a flask of Jack and went to the Transit Drive-In last summer to see the most AWEXOMEST!!! double-feature ever: Snakes on a Plane b/w Clerks 2.


30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?

Allentown.


32. Do you like mustard?

I collect different flavors of mustard. Horseradish, dijon, whole-grain, ... Does that make me a retard?


33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?

Eating binds to my receptors in ways that border on the illicit.


34. Do you look like your mom or dad?

I went to a family get-together last summer and, remarking on my beard, one of my cousins said, 'Check it out! It's a 1972 Hap!'


35. How long does it take you in the shower?

Fifteen minutes exactly.


36. Can you do a split?

Not on purpose, and not without roller skates.


37. What movie do you want to see right now?

I have been jonesing to watch Tampopo again. It's a bizarre Japanese movie about love of food - a comedy, but respectful. Its narrative structure is really cool - sort of distracted and fractured, the way that I usually end up telling stories. It's one of my favorite movies.


39. What did you do for New Year's?

We got weird on absinthe and Singapore Slings and watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.


40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?

...


41. Do you laugh a lot?

That's not as important as whether I can get other people to laugh a [insert space] lot.


42. Do you own a camera phone?

Yes I have a spy-phone, sort of by accident.


44. Was your mom a cheerleader?

No, but her old photos look like interstitials from Laugh-In.


45. What's the last letter of your middle name?

R man.


46. how many hours of sleep do you get a night?

Any less than nine and I am a very grumpy person.


47. Do you watch MTV?

No man.


48. Do you like care bears?

I used to have a Care Bear that got so nasty that we started calling him Scummy Bear.


49. What do you buy at the movies?

Nothing - I smuggle in about a pound of candy Legos I buy bulk at Tops.


50. Do you know how to play poker?

No man.


51. Do you wear your seatbelt?

Yeah man.


52. What do you wear to sleep?

Usually, whatever underwear I was wearing that day.


53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?

Robert Redford made a movie there once, and my gym teacher had a cameo as a first-base umpire. Vincent Gallo made a movie there once, but it was kind of bad. Jim Carrey made a movie there once, but it wasn't actually there.


54. How many meals do you eat a day?

Two.


55. Is your tongue pierced?

No man.


56. Do you always read MySpace bulletins?

What?! Look, man. MySpace gives me the conniptions.


57. Most visited webpage?

Sadly, the one I work on every damn day.


58. Do you like funny or serious people better?

I like people who can be intelligently funny about serious matters.


59. Ever been to L.A.?

I went to LA once by accident, but that's a long story ...


60. Did you eat a cookie today?

I ate some contraband airplane cookies at lunch.


61. Do you use cuss words in other languages?

Not usually, but I am a big fan of 'duraks,' which is Latvian for 'buffoon.'


62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?

Let's put it this way: I no longer spend money on music I can't justify spending money on.


63. Do you hate chocolate?

Question 63: Are you a fascist? (Y/n)


64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?

Uh ... we don't really. Does that make me a retard?


65. Are you a gullible person?

Yeah man.


66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?

I have no hangups about being alone, but it is one of those things that is quietly oppressive. Like New Jersey.


67. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be?

If I could make money spending all day fucking around on my 'toy' programming projects, I would.


68. Are you easy to get along with?

Are you?


69. What is your favorite time of day?

I like the late afternoon, when the sun's too low to come in the window and the room's not dark enough to turn on the light. The numbers on the alarm clock keep changing, but they don't really jibe. A radio in the distance plays Solid Gold Hits. There are sounds of working, playing, cooking, talking, driving, all swirling around - they are here, but they are not Here. I'm not really here, but I am still Here, half-focused and just ... wasting time.

- Z