We were in the middle, well, the end, of High School Chorus rehearsal. It was already kind of a shitty day - girls were talking and getting annoyed with each other - and then I heard a cell phone. I ignored it for like, 10 seconds, and I really mean 10 seconds, which is a LONG time to ignore a phone ring. And it just kept going and going and then I actually saw kids laughing. So I stopped playing. And I yelled. And I took the phone away. And it wouldn't stop ringing which was somewhat amusing but made me even more frustrated. And the kids were dead silent, and terrified. I mean, I don't get angry. But for some reason, that phone pushed me over the edge. The bell rang right after that, thank God. And the girl whose phone it was, who is usually a loudmouth - a nice kid, decent singer, but an ego/attitude problem - came up to me and said she was sorry. Her voice started to crack and I could see tears forming in her eyes. I couldn't believe it! She said "I don't want to be in trouble, well I know I'm in trouble, but I don't want you to be mad at me." So I gave her a hug and told her I had to keep her phone until the end of the day and she still looked so upset, and scared, so I hugged her again. And then I walked very quickly to the faculty bathroom and burst into tears.

I know this is a big step as a teacher - letting the kids see me get very angry. And I'm sure it means something that I made her cry. It would be one thing if they saw me getting upset as a joke, but obviously that wasn't the case. This is not a girl that cries at anything!! But regardless of how big of a step this is, it still makes me feel awful. I'm sick of blaming everything on myself. I blame EVERY classroom issue on myself and the way I teach. I can't admit to myself that kids can just be plain old bad sometimes. I hate being angry. I hate that I am not a great teacher yet. I hate it. I know I'm a perfectionist and I'm too hard on myself but I hate not knowing everything. I mean that sounds ridiculous but it's true. I hate it. When will it all be easier?!?!

I gave my first detention today!

Going to the nurse's office, my a*%!!!!

i hate ex-boyfriends.





particularly mine.






i need a distraction.





something other than teaching or running.




or someone.

Yesterday, I reached a running milestone. I ran 10 miles without stopping. Although it took a long time, I'm super proud of myself! And the marathon I'm working for is in September, so I have lots of time to add on the miles and take away the minutes! Wooooo!!!

There is nothing worse than the way it feels to pull apart cotton balls.

I missed out on most of the estrip festivities. Thank you to my esecret Santa for my gift card. It will be well spent! I ended up going downtown to see a friend I haven't seen in awhile. I would have put up more of a fight to stay at Linwood but one was the DD! So we ended up at Soho for the actual countdown, and then drove down to Fredonia to meet up with some people down there. I don't remember most of being at Linwood, SoHo, or the drive down to Fredonia (during which I drank classy boxed wine and also fell asleep...it's a long drive for a drunky!). But I had a pretty good night. Wish I could have been at PMT's more, as I said, but I trust it was a great time anyway!!!! Here's a couple pics from my evening. It's not from my camera though. Get this. The memory card in my digital camera was missing when i woke up in the morning. Isn't that weird? And a little creepy? And also annoying...those suckers aren't cheap! Anyway, onto photos!



laura, me and nicole (two of my best friends from Fredonia) at SoHo


laura, me, nicole and joel


nicole and i at a bar in downtown Fredonia. I don't remember getting that crown at all.


nothing like open containers of alcohol in a car! :)

I love these things...

Where were you when 2006 began?
Drunk in downtown Fredonia, standing outside a bar because my sister was only 20.

Who were you with?
My sister and two good friends from Fredonia

Where will you be when 2006 ends?
either at the PMT's or downtown at the ball drop (I would prefer the first choice!!)

Whom will you be with when 2006 ends?
either everyone at the party or my friends nicole and laura

Was 2006 a good year for you?
It was way too weird. I wouldn't say it was bad but I definitely wouldn't say it was good, either.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
I suppose getting my first teaching job.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Bursting into tears in the Jet Blue Terminal in November in front of everyone there

Did you keep your New Year resolutions of 2006?
I don't remember, but probably.

Do you have any New Year resolutions for 2007?
Just to run a marathon, and be happy with myself of course.

Did you fall in love in 2006?
nope

Did you breakup with anyone in 2006?
nope

Did you make any new friends in 2006?
yeah!

What was your favorite month of 2006?
Actually despite its craziness, I've enjoyed December a lot.

Did you travel outside of the US in 2006?
awww, no! just to Canada. I NEED to go to Europe next year!!!

How many different states did you travel to in 2006?
Ohio, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Colorado, New Jersey

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2006?
a friend of the family

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
yeah...it was a rough year...most of my school friends are far away from me now.

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2006?
probably Bobby. I liked Confetti too.

What was your favorite song from 2006?
Hmmmm...I don't listen to the radio. But I do have a little crush on "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira

What was your favorite album from 2006?
I have no idea.

How many concerts did you see in 2006?
Oh wow I have no idea. As far as "cool" concerts...uhhh...0??? Wow what has happened to me?!

Did you have a favorite concert in 2006?
No

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2006?
not really.

Did you do drugs in 2006?
well yes i sort of did. how exciting!

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Nothing that immediately comes to my mind. Even if I did some things that I look back now and feel stupid about, I know that anything I did or felt was probably for a good reason.

What was the worst lie someone told you in 2006?
Uh?

Did you treat somebody badly in 2006?
No way jose!

Did somebody treat you badly in 2006?
Indeed

What was your proudest moment of 2006?
Doing my first concert with the high school kids :)

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?
hmm I'm not sure.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
I woudln't have eaten so much this past week! Damn holidays!!!!

What are your plans for 2007?

Give a recital
Figure out where I want to go to grad school
Get a full time job or at least something very close to it!
Go to Europe
Run the Yonkers Marathon
Visit my cousin and his new baby in Colorado
Save some money
Run away to the South Pole and live among the penguins!

happy new year everyone!

i just love the sight of the living room floor covered in christmas paper


and i also love presents...




a mouse for my laptop with a retractable cord. ooooooh.


a set of shower and bath stuff. i will probably end up giving it away. i swear i get at least 5 of these a year!


told you i like penguins...





this is pretty much how we all felt by about 7:15.

Merry Christmas!!!

So here I am, a Saturday night at 10:30, sitting on my bed wearing pajama pants. Sometimes I think I should be depressed when these kind of nights occur. After all, I could be downtown with Mike at a Naughty by Nature show (which I thought he was joking about when I texted him earlier). But since I already spent oodles of money this evening on dinner and bowling with a couple other friends, let alone the past 2 months, I thought I would save a few bucks tonight.

It's wierd how much I look forward to having time off, but then when I actually have it, I don't know what to do with it. I have soooo many things I could think about for school but, ehh, it's supposed to be free time! I don't know.

Maybe I'm a little depressed...I know it's not the end of the world to be by yourself on a weekend night. And I could probably call other people but we always all call Mike to see what's going on; the rest of us hardly ever call each other. It has been this way for years; why stop now? However, it usually results in nights like these.

Never mind the fact that I'm one of like, two single friends that I have.

Well I'm babbling. These entries always feel like they are more appropriate for livejournal rather than here, but I don't have a livejournal. And I don't really want one.

Can't wait for Christmas, and I REALLY can't wait for New Years at my favorite Linwood mansion.

And hey, if you're free tonight, let me know. The pajama pants haven't completely killed my urge to party tonight... :)

a) I am the worst gift wrapper ever. Period. I am awful. I always manage to cut just slightly less than is needed to make the folds on the ends of the box, causing me to either cut out more paper and awkwardly attach it somehow, or leave a little bit showing so that the person opening the gift gets a sneak peek before they've even taken off the bow.

b) Thanks to everyone for suggestions about the spa. I ended up getting my mommy a gift card to Euphoria at the Galleria. Convenience. And they had some nice stuff it looked like, so I'm sure she will be happy.

c) I'm very excited because I decided that I'm going to take both of my classes on a rockin field trip to................the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!!!! I think they will be so excited. Almost as excited as their dorky teacher (me).

d) I would like a White Christmas. Just for like, 4 days. Stupid global warming.

e) This is the second time I'm writing this post because it got erased before. I remember that my list at least went to F, but I have no idea right now what E and F were. So I guess I will say that I'm super excited about Secret Santa and New Years at PMT's on Linwood!!!! A party thrown for the estrippers has yet to disappoint, and I hope to see everyone there ... !!! :D

f) Bye!!!