I got a car yesterday. How exciting. Actually I was really excited. But now today has turned into ridiculousness about getting the car registered and insured. I'm trying to make it to Albany today and it's already 10:03 AM and we haven't gotten to the DMV yet because my dad has some stuff at work to do. So who knows how long that will take, plus going and buying new bolts to put new plates on, getting back home, putting the plates back on, going to the insurance company so they can take pictures of it...all so I can go to Albany. I'm starting to think I should just go to Albany tomorrow. The worst part about all of this I can't do it by myself because my dad is registering the car under his name so he has to go to the DMV and the insurance and all this stuff. And my dad doesn't deal well with working under stress and waiting around and paying for things and pretty much everything that will be happening today. He doesn't get violent or something but sometimes it's almost worse the way he is constantly sighing and staring out the window and closing his eyes like nothing worse could be happening. He probably isn't even thinking these things at all but I have dealt with it for 22 years and since I'm so sensitive to everything it just makes me feel terrible and that I'm wasting his time. My sister can make jokes and make everything less tense, but I just feel guilty and helpless and I shut down because I don't know what to do. If I don't fight it I can end up being the same way, getting so upset about the most tedious and minor things that are definitely not worth the stress or energy to be angry. I definitely do that on my own sometimes and putting two people together who do that is NOT a good situation, and I find myself having to really make myself be as smiley and optimistic as possible so I either ignore or overcome the terribleness I feel from my dad's actions. I am really looking forward to going to the Adirondacks and I want to leave today and I will be upset if I don't. And I love Tom my new car and I wish that all this paperwork and errands didn't always have to be such a dramatic experience and such a big deal. And while I'm so lucky and grateful that my parents haven't cut me off and still support me, I know I could do this all on my own if I had to and I wish I didn't have to rely on others so much. I really do have great parents, despite what I say, they would do anything for me and my sister and I guess I can say that if the worst thing I can think of that's happening with my family is that my dad and I are rushing around so I can take my new car on vacation...I don't really have it bad and I am being silly. Of course at the same time I can't help but have these sad and frustrated feelings.

Of course much worse things are happening in the world today, so . . . blah I don't know I'm silly and sick of this entry and I hope the DMV isn't awful but of course it probably will be...

On Wednesday my Grandma passed away. My grandparents lived near Atlanta for my whole life, so here I am in Georgia at her house. Today was the funeral and tonight we began to go through some of hers and my grandfathers things (he passed away in 2002). It is so neat to see all of their stuff. Although I make fun of (e:mike) for being a packrat, that's what my grandparents were, and everything is so neat to find and look at. We've found old jewely, letters, worksheets and knick-knacks in their old cedar chest. My mom and I also found an envelope with the words "This is personal, do not read, destroy promptly in case of accident, Mom". How mysterious! So I went and asked my dad and he smiled and said that he and his two sisters had talked about it with their mother and she said that only her three children were allowed to read what was inside...which is love letters between her and my grandfather! (Or at least I hope from my grandfather?!) So I am a little jealous but I also think that is really sweet.
Being so far away, we only got to see my grandparents once or twice a year, so we weren't very, very close. But when we did get to see each other a couple times a year, of course it was absolutely great. I know many people would probably this same claim, but I am fairly certain that I had the best, most classic Grandma ever. AT LEAST the best cook. I mean if you didn't come back from a trip to Georgia weighing at least 5 lbs more than when you got there, you were surely ill. One thing I will miss soooo much is her amazing pound cake. She was so well known for it that I printed up recipe cards and we gave them out at the wake as people came in, and everyone loved it. Her pound cake was honestly the best and it makes us all sad to think she won't bake us another, something she loved to do.
And my grandfather was the most caring and selfless person. Many of the things we found of theirs tonight had little slips or paper that he had written, always marking down who gave it to them, when, and what/how much it had meant to them. They just loved their family. They even got to see their first great grandchild born in 2002, and my grandma lived to see a second great grandchild. Even though we weren't close it is really hard to be here and not have my grandmother here fussing and cooking and cracking a few jokes here and there. The last time she came to Buffalo was for my recital. She was sooooo happy to be there and I was so glad she got to come. I sent her a recording of it before I left for Europe and my dad said she loved it and they listened to it on the Monday before she passed away. It was really hard to sing at the funeral because it was as if I knew she was listening to me, so I wanted to sing well but at the same time no one can sing well with a lump in their throat.
We were here for her birthday last year too, and she got to meet Chris ("just the nicest boy" she told me EVERY TIME i talked to her) and because his birthday is so close to hers they had a birthday cake together...her last birthday, and we got to be there, which I think is really lucky.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I will really, really miss her, and am grateful that I got to talk to her when she was in the hospital last week. I know that when I sing I will always remember how happy my recital made her and that she was proud what I did no matter what...I love you and miss you, Grandma and Granddad...