I just did a whole entire school day on my own, without my cooperating teacher but with a sub. Everything went pretty well, except for last period, which is sixth grade chorus. I like to think of sixth grade chorus as the ninth ring of hell. I knew going in to the rehearsal that I was going to have to be way more firm and tough, because there are a few boys that are just awful. They talk, they don't have music, they don't stand still, they throw things, and they are a huge distraction to the rest of the chorus, who, for the most part, is a nice group of kids. Well of course those same damn kids were pains in the asses today, especially for their little student teacher, with no big mean teacher in the room. The accompanist ended up kicking this one awful kid out of the room, and from there rehearsal went more smoothly but there was just this negative vibe. Anyway I'm just babbling all of this because then afterwards, this kid came up to me and asked if we could talk. I already know him pretty well from the chorale I interned with last year. He's such a nice kid and good singer. He told me that he's thinking about quitting chorus, and that if he quits, then he's kicked out of the chorale, which is an auditioned and very accomplished children's choir. He told me this and I could see tears forming in his eyes. It broke my heart. What if things don't get better and he ends up quitting and doesn't sing anymore? All because of some damn pain in the ass eleven year olds who don't know how to behave and won't listen to directions or take anything seriously. If I could, I would kick them out in two seconds. I hate thinking that I would ruin music for some kid by kicking him out, but it would hurt me a lot more to think that the GOOD kids who really want to be there, might leave because they can't deal with all the bullshit, and I don't blame them.

Today just got me to realize that everything teachers do REALLY does make a difference, even on a day to day basis. Maybe if I had been a little stricter and not let it get to the point where someone had to be kicked out, the rehearsal could have been great, and I could have established a positive setting that would carry through to next time, but I didn't. Now who knows...That kid will probably hate me, and the accompanist, and just be a bigger pain in the ass in the next rehearsal...and that may impact a lot of kids. I don't blame everyone for being annoyed by the bullshit. Why can't some kids just get a clue?

Sorry for this rant. All I think about lately is children and music and school. And talking to a kid with tears in his eyes hit me so hard that I just had to get it out somehow. It was probably one of the only things I will remember from this experience. Even if I'm just a student teacher, I can do something to help out, and I wouldn't know how to forgive myself if I let anything get so out of hand that some children shut music out of their lives completely. What an awful thing to think about for me...

HOORAY for no school today :)

Student teaching is all right but I can't wait for it to be over...

Fredonia has a fall break - 3 days off this week - but I don't get it because I'm a stupid student teacher : (

Looking forward to being home next semester a lot :) :)

What else...anyone know of any music jobs I can get in January? If I don't findone I guess I will have to sub, which actually sounds super easy to me...like what do you do, all you have to do is make it through the day and you go home with no lesson plans and no responsibility to the school and you get paid! Sounds sweet to me, except no benefits. Oh well. Okay bye, gotta go take full advantage of this day off :)