i think i'm addicted to food. i seriously can't stop eating. i mean i eat fairly healthy things but i just eat a lot of it. if anyone notices me start to double in size please let me know.

i'm also watching my american idol tape from tonight (the new york auditions). taping this show is definitely the best way to go, because you can tell when a person is going to get all emotional and angry or upset and you can choose to fast forward if you don't want to subject yourself to it. otherwise i do find this show so entertaining, and i think i might actually watch it through till the end this time.

ok i probably won't. but it's a nice thought.

i'm running in the penguin race for cradle beach camp on sunday. come join me or cheer me on!!!

happy belated birthday (e:paul) !

We were in the middle, well, the end, of High School Chorus rehearsal. It was already kind of a shitty day - girls were talking and getting annoyed with each other - and then I heard a cell phone. I ignored it for like, 10 seconds, and I really mean 10 seconds, which is a LONG time to ignore a phone ring. And it just kept going and going and then I actually saw kids laughing. So I stopped playing. And I yelled. And I took the phone away. And it wouldn't stop ringing which was somewhat amusing but made me even more frustrated. And the kids were dead silent, and terrified. I mean, I don't get angry. But for some reason, that phone pushed me over the edge. The bell rang right after that, thank God. And the girl whose phone it was, who is usually a loudmouth - a nice kid, decent singer, but an ego/attitude problem - came up to me and said she was sorry. Her voice started to crack and I could see tears forming in her eyes. I couldn't believe it! She said "I don't want to be in trouble, well I know I'm in trouble, but I don't want you to be mad at me." So I gave her a hug and told her I had to keep her phone until the end of the day and she still looked so upset, and scared, so I hugged her again. And then I walked very quickly to the faculty bathroom and burst into tears.

I know this is a big step as a teacher - letting the kids see me get very angry. And I'm sure it means something that I made her cry. It would be one thing if they saw me getting upset as a joke, but obviously that wasn't the case. This is not a girl that cries at anything!! But regardless of how big of a step this is, it still makes me feel awful. I'm sick of blaming everything on myself. I blame EVERY classroom issue on myself and the way I teach. I can't admit to myself that kids can just be plain old bad sometimes. I hate being angry. I hate that I am not a great teacher yet. I hate it. I know I'm a perfectionist and I'm too hard on myself but I hate not knowing everything. I mean that sounds ridiculous but it's true. I hate it. When will it all be easier?!?!

I gave my first detention today!

Going to the nurse's office, my a*%!!!!

i hate ex-boyfriends.





particularly mine.






i need a distraction.





something other than teaching or running.




or someone.

Yesterday, I reached a running milestone. I ran 10 miles without stopping. Although it took a long time, I'm super proud of myself! And the marathon I'm working for is in September, so I have lots of time to add on the miles and take away the minutes! Wooooo!!!

There is nothing worse than the way it feels to pull apart cotton balls.

I missed out on most of the estrip festivities. Thank you to my esecret Santa for my gift card. It will be well spent! I ended up going downtown to see a friend I haven't seen in awhile. I would have put up more of a fight to stay at Linwood but one was the DD! So we ended up at Soho for the actual countdown, and then drove down to Fredonia to meet up with some people down there. I don't remember most of being at Linwood, SoHo, or the drive down to Fredonia (during which I drank classy boxed wine and also fell asleep...it's a long drive for a drunky!). But I had a pretty good night. Wish I could have been at PMT's more, as I said, but I trust it was a great time anyway!!!! Here's a couple pics from my evening. It's not from my camera though. Get this. The memory card in my digital camera was missing when i woke up in the morning. Isn't that weird? And a little creepy? And also annoying...those suckers aren't cheap! Anyway, onto photos!



laura, me and nicole (two of my best friends from Fredonia) at SoHo


laura, me, nicole and joel


nicole and i at a bar in downtown Fredonia. I don't remember getting that crown at all.


nothing like open containers of alcohol in a car! :)