i hate when people break up. it is just so sad. no matter how it happens, people are hurt, sometimes devastated, and they can't even control it. and it's like you do your best to reassure them that it isn't the end of the world and things will be okay, and even if they know you're telling them the truth, they are still so sad and there is nothing you can do to make it all better. and i hate that. no more breakups.

Well, don't have too much to write about...but felt the urge...let's see

I can't believe how busy Christmas time is. I had a concert three nights in a row with different singing groups. Plus my school concert was last Wednesday, and I have another concert THIS Wednesday. Besides shopping and having to still plan for 2 weeks of school before break. It's nuts. But really if you think about it, it is all good things that I'm filling my time with, and so I'm happy about that.

(e:Mike) and I went to see Rent today. It was my first time seeing it, his second. I am really really happy I went to see it! I have listened to the music so much and it is okay but you really need to see what's happening on stage to understand. It was very good. I know my mouth was hanging open during some of the songs because I was just in awe and very in the moment and I had to keep reminding myself to look normal. The people next to us kind of gasped and shifted in their seats whenver there was a swear word (and there are many!) And it was very funny to listen to the conversation of whoever was behind us during intermission. This man was saying things like "So these people do all these terrible things to themselves and we're supposed to feel bad for them? They choose this lifestyle and we're supposed to care?" It was very interesting. (E:Mike) and I were talking about it, how we forget that there are people who look at Rent in that way. For us and people we know, we don't judge or think of the characters in the show like that. I just finished a unit on Rent in my Music Appreciation class, and I think I will tell them about those comments, because I presented to them using the idea that Rent was very edgy and controversial and brought many issues to the stage that no one had before, and there are lots of reactions, and now I heard one for real!

I had a very good time at the party last night even though it was brief :( Hope everyone had a great time. Makes me want a pinata at my next birthday!!!

Uhhh, that's it. Good luck to everyone with their holiday plans, etc. Christmas and 2007 will be here before we know it!!!

I just went to see the movie Bobby. It was written and directed by Emilio Estevez and has every celebrity you could think of. The movie takes place on the day that Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in 1968. The majority of the movie is dedicated to meeting many people who either work at or was staying at the Ambassador Hotel that day, where both the campaign rally and assassination took place.

I thought it was so well done and such a good movie. It made me cry my eyes out. Each person you meet in the movie, you are drawn to or feel some sort of connection to; whether you like or dislike them, you form an opinion about them. And though I don't know as much as I would like to about the whole event and Bobby Kennedy, it was clear that he had a large following and important ideas for our country and that his death was extremely devastating for so many people. It was just so sad to see clips of the actual night of the assassination, with him making speeches about his hope for the Presidency and for the future, and to know that moments later he would be shot in a kitchen. It was very emotionally draining but in a great way. I highly, highly recommend it!

I realized yesterday that it has been one year that I have been single. I can't believe that it's already been that long. When I think back to that night, to the end of that awful semester, and about how devastated I was...and I think how I am today, and it makes me feel really good. Virtually every aspect of my life has improved since then, and in general I am very proud of myself, both in how I handled the situation and the person I have become. Sure I have made some mistakes, I probably said some things I shouldn't have, or NOT said things I should have (that is for sure!), but overall, I was mature and adult about the whole thing, and I can't believe how I didn't call him ONCE, not ONCE!!!! I never called or went to him crying or begging him to come back. And I really think he expected it, and I DIDN'T DO IT! I think it made such a difference in the whole process. I mean I really can truly say that I'm....over it....!! Wow! I mean granted, if I went in a room with him and his new (ugly...seriously she is) girlfriend, I'm sure I would be uncomfortable and a bit unhappy, but I think that is probably natural. But the fact that I can think about it anytime and never feel sad or jealous is something I'm very happy about! Because I realize there is totally nothing to be sad about and I know things are working out for me in very good ways. I hate to sit here and toot my own horn or whatever, but I just wanted to say that I can't believe it's been a year and look how far I have come. Well you don't have to really. But I am looking and I am very happy about it. And thank you to my friends and all the estrippers who have helped and made me laugh and smile and think with your comments and responses to my previous journals. Everyone has really been great. I am so proud of me!!!!

So I was shooting a video with my lap top and I leaned over to check something on the screen, causing my nostrils to block out almost the entire screen. It makes me laugh every time. I hope you enjoy.

::Download Flash Video::

Paul I hate to say it but I still don't think Gather is looking like it's supposed to.

What is going on. I feel like all of my friends from Fredonia are depressed. Honestly all of them. They are all depressed about one thing or another...their weight, their current relationships, their current jobs....if I could give ANYONE advice it would be major in something "real" in college because most of them didn't and now they have jobs they hate. And I don't know what to say to them except if you are sad then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I know it is not always that easy but no one should be sad. You only live once as far as I know so if you are unhappy just freakin do something about it!!! I'm saying this in here because i can't say it to them in this blunt mean way but it is true!!!! Does this happen to all recent college graduates??? I mean I was definitely deperessed when I left college too and not that I'm 100% super thriled with my life, I feel that I have at least made efforts to be comfortable with myself and my current situation and it drives me nuts when I hear my best friends complain so much!!!!!!

Do you think Kel is upset that Kenan made it to SNL and he didn't?





Although I don't generally find SNL that funny anymore, I think Andy Samberg is pretty funny. He just did a funny skit with Ludacris, which is why I am thinking of him.



I miss Weekend Update with Amy and Tina. I like Seth Meyers but I don't think he will be as good as Tina. Weekend Update was always the high point of the show when they were on.

Ok a) I need to switch my user pic now because I didn't realize how my chest was such a focus and that is not generally the look I go for.

b) I want to take a French and/or German class this summer. Kinda for fun, but it would also certainly be helpful towards my Master's. Anyone have any suggestions on where to look for that? I'm sure ECC is probably the easiest and cheapest.

c) Though it is far away, it is fun to think in advance: I'm thinking about getting a part time job for the summer, just for fun and of course to make money. I was thinking possibly a waitress? I feel like everyone should be a waitress at some point and I could see myself being okay at it. But there are many things people can do. I'm sure I can count on the estrippers to give me some suggestions for a fun yet productive (?) summer job I could look into? Also feel free to tell me any funny or ridiculous jobs you may have had yourself!

d) I just took out some anger on some old clothes that I still have left behind from HIM. (I don't mean Jesus...that reminded me of the way the word LORD is always capitalized in like church books). I took some scissors and pretty much went to town and cut and ripped until they were no more. I'm not normally that kind of person...I've never like set fire to old pictures or slashed any ex's tires...but I have to say it was kind of fun. Though I know I can't erase memories, and someday (soon), it won't bother me, it seems to be in my best interest to get rid of stuff that reminds me of him. Though it may seem childish, I think it helps. I can't bring myself to get rid of pictures, so I will at least have those around forever. But running shorts...I can bear to part with those...just means a trip to Target to buy more! Darn.