Dear friends, I am still alive, contrary to popular belief. Needless to say, the end of the semester was rough for me. I think that my ass and this chair are now the bestest of friends. For the last week I have to admit, I have shut down...spending my days watching marathons of America's Next Top Model and not showering... loads of fun! I think (e:james) put it best when he called it postpartum depression. I have no books to read, no classes to go...I feel useless and worthless and washed up. However, the funny thing is, I am not even done yet! I still have one more paper that is due the 18th which, for the last 5 days, I have successfully ignored. Part of me wishes I had just gotten it over and done with so I could really be done, but that just ain't the way I roll.

And I am sorry that felly and I missed the party. I think that might have been exactly what she needed to get into the chrismas spirit and for me to remember that there are real life, 3D human beings in Buffalo that I can converse with rather that stare at. Ah well.

All in all though, I am happy with how this, my first semester in grad school, turned out. I am still unsure about this whole bufalo/city thing but I think I can handle it at least for another 18 months. Then, who knows...the possibilities are endless.

Finally, for those of you who don't know, Jodie Foster is a big lesbian. This is what I do with my time.

I know this won't take long, so here we go

Highschool

Boy-S

College

Boy-V
Boy-K
Girl-L
Girl-Felly


Note..."sex" is tricky business. I would say that I had "sex" with a girl when I did the same things that I would not call sex if I did them with a boy. I do this to make myself feel better. Boy sex equals penile penetration (sorry felly) and girl sex equals oral sex and/or digital or toy penetration.
Pretty sad compared to Felly huh? ;)

Soooo, Felly and I are going away this weekend, from Friday the 16th through Sunday the 18th and we were wondering if anyone would be willing to come and feed our cats for us while we are gone. You would only have to come once or twice a day and just poor some food into a bowl and thats it. You could also snoop around our apartment for an added bonus. Felly is offering a batch of cookies to anyone who would be willing to do this for us.

Something happened to me this weekend. My mind rebelled against school. Or my body, or both. I didn't do anywork at all compared to my normal hours and hours of reading and writng. On Friday I watched a Project Runway marathon for way to many hours. Yesterday I went to Niagara Falls with my cousin and her boyfriend. Today I feeling anxious, knowing that I didn't do the work I should have done for tomorrow's classes. Everytime I pick up a book I can't concentrate. I know that this is all created...I think I decided on Thursday night that I wouldn't be doing any work this weekend and I am sitting in that decision right now. There is some strange feeling of liberation however...since school started I have been dedicated. always doing all the readings, all the work, spending my weekends and free time immersed in school work, and now this. I can't say if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Next week Felly and I are attempting a trip to New Paltz...I have basically 2 weeks until hell descends upon me...hell being final papers due...3 20 pages papers in a matter of 4 days. I should be preparing for this. Getting my research together, working on outlines, blahdee blah. I can't quite come to grips with the fact that the first semester is almost over. This is a constant problem for me...recognizing that reality is right now, not some far off place that I can't point to.

so I have definetly become one of those people who reads other people's journals, but never writes one of my own. It's true, I do read, or at least skim the site everyday or everyother, but I never sign in...ah well.

Today was my scariest driving day in Buffalo, and I have an inkling that I haven't seen shit. I was literally at a dead stop on 33 because there was a truck that had gone over the railing and looked like it was dangling, but it was not, over I-90. The bizarro snow/sleet balls that were pelting my car made switching lanes rather dangerous and gasp! there is some accumulation on the sides of the roads tonight.

So uh, I have 5 weeks of class left That means 5 weeks till ALL my finals are due! holy effin shit. that amounds to about 60 pages I have to write on top of two "creative" projects that are also due. Isn't procrastination a wonderful thing!

I have an urge to post, but I don't really have anything to post about. I could talk about Planet in Peril or the California Fires or the party on Saturday. I could talk about the cat on my lap who just jumped in front of my monitor, blocking my view. I could talk about the weather. But, I think I am going to talk about dancing.

I have always loved to dance. I remember when I was young, grade school, middle school...my female cousins and I would put on shows. I would choreograph and then we would perform for the family. In middle school I would go to "activity nights" (they were dances and there was also volley ball or a movie) and I would get down to the Macarena and the Electric Slide. In highschool I kinda stopped...I was too cool for school dances and too busy getting stoned to care. In college I got back into it a little, but it was only encouraged by drunkeness. Dancing sober was out of the question. Now, I am sooo happy to be dancing again. I forgot that I could actually do it. I do have rythym. My musical past has given me the knowledge of counting and keeping the beat.

But the greatest thing, I think, is a kind of communication with the body. A kind feeling empowered with using the body to create. And feeling my body move and be moved. I don't hurt today, and many of you remember Felly and I's constant bitching after the first few weeks of class about the pain. Today I feel tired, maybe sore, but it is good. I am aware of my body rather than just floating around in it unnoticed. I was never one to excercise...and although I certainly am "excercsing" now, it doesn't feel like that. It feels like fun. I look forward to class, look forward to learning something new each time. Look forward to rockin out.

So yeah. I like dancing. And shit...who cares if you are good or not really? It isn't about that at all. I think in many ways it is similiar to music, the universal language. People have been dancing for...shit, I don't know how long...a long ass time I would presume. If you can get someone to dance, you can have a good time with anybody.

So, in conclusion, if you want to be inspired, come to the Battle on Saturday...and if not, I hope to see you all at Halloween party later that evening!

<object width="425" height="366"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KmsOIjzQ1V8&rel=1&border=0"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KmsOIjzQ1V8&rel=1&border=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="366"></embed></object>

Ok so, this guy, uh "James Watson, a Nobel Prize winner for his part in the unravelling of DNA" ( ) has basically said that africans are not as intelligent as white westerners because of genes.
My first instinct is to say, of course they are not as smart because WE have denied them the ability to learn, exploited them, colonized them, enslaved them, and continue to do so. My next argument being that "intelligence" is relative. We as white americans have been trained to think in certain ways that is quite distinct from many cultures and this could easily be reflected in how we measure our intelligence vs. other culture's.
I thought Ok, maybe this guy did some "testing" and maybe his tests show some kind of difference, but as I kept reading, more and more information about this guy is revealed and not only is he racist asshole, he is also homophobic and mysogynistic. IE:

"In 1997, he told a British newspaper that a woman should have the right to abort her unborn child if tests could determine it would be homosexual. He later insisted he was talking about a "hypothetical" choice which could never be applied. He has also suggested a link between skin colour and sex drive, positing the theory that black people have higher libidos, and argued in favour of genetic screening and engineering on the basis that " stupidity" could one day be cured. He has claimed that beauty could be genetically manufactured, saying: "People say it would be terrible if we made all girls pretty. I think it would great."

There are toooo many connections here. Doesn't he know that "libido's" of black women and men have been used as a TOOL agaist them for hundreds of years? Does he have any idea that this kind of bullshit has allowed white men and black men to rape black women with the excuse that they are much more sexual than white women? Doesn't he know that the "black male rapist" was just another way to keep black men as predators to be feared? If this guy is so smart maybe he should know when to keep his goddam thoughts to himself.
And one more thing. I am always always always weary of science. Sometimes I really do think we are sticking our dirty little noses where they don't belong and that we are doing something terribly terribly wrong. What would happen if we made "all girls pretty"? What the fuck would that solve? And what would happen if we were able to screen out stupidity? It sounds more and more like a SciFi remake of the Holocaust to me. It makes me sick to my stomach that we are messing with nature's (god of you want) plan of who are are and what we are going to be.

On that note, don't forget about CNN's special report: PLANET IN PERIL premieres Oct. 23 & 24 at 8pm on CNN and stars 3 of my most favoritist men, Anderson Copper, Dr. Sanjay Gupta and Jeff Corwin from Animal Planet.

I had such a wonderful conversation with my mom last night on the phone. she called me...just to tell me she loved me...and we started chatting about whatever...

first she asked if i had had any more beers with the presbyterian minister...i said no but that we had been talking a bit about homosexuality and the church...and she started talking about how it might actually split the church....

and then she brought up how when she was in oklahoma (where she and I and my older brother were born and were her/my uber christian family still lives) she felt like my homosexuality was "the pink elephant in the room". they would ask if i had a boyfriend and she would reply..."well, no boyfriends". i think maybe she might understand a little more why I was so hesitant to tell her in the first place...its amazing to see your parents grow.

we also talked about how my little brother, who still lives at home at the age of 19, and spends all his money on "poker and pot". i told her i would rather him be buying pot than alcohol...she of course said she'd rather him buy neither, but holy shit...sometimes i have a twinge of guilt because I feel like we (my older brother and I) have taken down her ability to resist...she just lets it go now....maybe this is good, maybe not, I don't know.

I also talked to my dad a little while...he had just returned from grandparents house and it seems my grandmother is losing her memory...asking about me and my older brother, wondering what it is that we are doing when she "should" know that I am in school and he is in Seattle...its weird...my grandfather was really sick a while ago, first mentally then physically, but now he is on some good medication and now my grandmother is the one who needs help. I feel way guilty about not seeing them as often as I should...both of my mom's parents are dead...they lived in OKlahoma so I rarely saw them...and my dad's parents live across town and I rarely see them still....meh.

So yeah...I guess what all this boils down to is that I am absolutely blessed with my parents...I don't think I could have ever imagined having such an open, honest relatioship with them... I guess this is one of those growing up kinda things, although I certainly know that not everyone has what I have and I am grateful.

I know that writing about the weather is kinda lame-o but I am upset. Just a week ago I was in a tank top and now the wind is blowing like crazy and it is downright cold. I don't like it. Grrrrrr.

In other extremely exciting news, my cat's anal glands leak. Its lovely, really.