Vice City - A Duty Free Tale
Canada has the fucking bomb candy. Before I get into that however, I have to mention something. I had to go to Brampton, aka Bramladesh, on Tuesday for a day trip and before I crossed back over I stopped into the duty free. Guys, if you didn't know, they now sell bottles of absinthe for 69 bucks a liter - I couldn't believe it! I had to know if this was legal so I asked an employee. Apparently this stuff may have less of the wormwood in it, but as always and to sneak in a weed analogy, you better smoke the schwag when you can't get your hands on the sticky shit. In any case, this is apparently a totally legal brand to bring over the border after visiting the duty free... if you are so inclined.
What shouldn't be legal, however, is the ridiculous assortment of alcoholic chocolate that they stock in there. I brought back a 100g Swiss Grand Marnier truffle bar. Its enough to make a grown man cry my friends. This stuff is like individual bits of chocolate glory. If glory could be made into candy, it would be like this. I also saw some Cuervo stuff, various Canadian maple candies, other truffle bars including Mumm, Jack Daniels and a thousand other things. I didn't see any Kinder bars, which was total bullshit. They had a candy bar called Mr. Big, which was literally the size of my forearm. I can't figure out why it is that Canadians don't have teeth rotting out of their mouths en masse. Then again, anybody that ate this stuff on a regular basis would be bowling ball shaped and rotten teeth would be the least of their problems.
The booze seemed a tad expensive, but they had a great set of Johnny Walker ultrapremium blends - 4 separate bottles in a case. $200. If I had $200 to utterly and completely waste I'd be a Johnny Walker Blue Label drinking mofaka! The flavored Smirnoffs were a good deal though - $14 a bottle. It seemed to me that the scotch bottles were $10 more expensive than they should have been, and it had nothing to do with the exchange rate, which incidentally is now slightly back in our favor. The beer selection was poor and too expensive. The only thing I was even remotely tempted to buy was Alexander Keith's - the rest of the selection is commonly available in Buffalo. I think you'd be better off trying one of their government-run beer stores if you wanted a better selection, but remember - the Canadians take it in the pooper and beer is generally more expensive to begin with. You better want that beer bad. Actually, now that I really consider it, screw the beer altogether.
They had a respectable variety of tobacco available. Last week I snuck back a Cuban and enjoyed the everliving hell out of it while watching the Bills crush Miami. Of course, there are no Cubans available at the duty free, but they had a decent variety of cigars at reasonable prices. Where Canada loses the plot are with its cigarettes - I've found that Canadians are proud of their smokes but they are like smoking sawdust wrapped in construction paper. They are horrible... I have no way to be polite about it. They make Indian cigs seem high quality in comparison. Feel free to look and be amused at not only their price but the Canadian penchant for graphic pictures of black lungs, etc. that they put on the labels.
What shouldn't be legal, however, is the ridiculous assortment of alcoholic chocolate that they stock in there. I brought back a 100g Swiss Grand Marnier truffle bar. Its enough to make a grown man cry my friends. This stuff is like individual bits of chocolate glory. If glory could be made into candy, it would be like this. I also saw some Cuervo stuff, various Canadian maple candies, other truffle bars including Mumm, Jack Daniels and a thousand other things. I didn't see any Kinder bars, which was total bullshit. They had a candy bar called Mr. Big, which was literally the size of my forearm. I can't figure out why it is that Canadians don't have teeth rotting out of their mouths en masse. Then again, anybody that ate this stuff on a regular basis would be bowling ball shaped and rotten teeth would be the least of their problems.
The booze seemed a tad expensive, but they had a great set of Johnny Walker ultrapremium blends - 4 separate bottles in a case. $200. If I had $200 to utterly and completely waste I'd be a Johnny Walker Blue Label drinking mofaka! The flavored Smirnoffs were a good deal though - $14 a bottle. It seemed to me that the scotch bottles were $10 more expensive than they should have been, and it had nothing to do with the exchange rate, which incidentally is now slightly back in our favor. The beer selection was poor and too expensive. The only thing I was even remotely tempted to buy was Alexander Keith's - the rest of the selection is commonly available in Buffalo. I think you'd be better off trying one of their government-run beer stores if you wanted a better selection, but remember - the Canadians take it in the pooper and beer is generally more expensive to begin with. You better want that beer bad. Actually, now that I really consider it, screw the beer altogether.
They had a respectable variety of tobacco available. Last week I snuck back a Cuban and enjoyed the everliving hell out of it while watching the Bills crush Miami. Of course, there are no Cubans available at the duty free, but they had a decent variety of cigars at reasonable prices. Where Canada loses the plot are with its cigarettes - I've found that Canadians are proud of their smokes but they are like smoking sawdust wrapped in construction paper. They are horrible... I have no way to be polite about it. They make Indian cigs seem high quality in comparison. Feel free to look and be amused at not only their price but the Canadian penchant for graphic pictures of black lungs, etc. that they put on the labels.
You're right about the government stores, there is so much selection there. Which reminds me that I have to head over to the L.C.B.O and pick up some real vodka coolers for a X-mas present. The redeeming quality is that they are made with REAL VODKA and not the "malt" that is used as the base for the Smirnoff Ice stuff they sell over here.
What I was sick of hearing back in the 90's when I smoked over in Canada was the comment from Canadians, "You're smokes smell like WEED!!!" In all fairness of you were used to smoking say Export 'A' and then some Yank lights up a Marlboro it actually does smell like pot in comparison. I tired them all even the weird Canadian version of Marlboro in a weird white and yellow pack. In the end I usually would smoke a Benson & Hedges in a REGULAR sized pack or a Matinee, which weren't that bad.