my secret girl crush is like, debilitating. i can't go into the place where she works b/c i don't know what to do when i get there. i don't know how to speak, and i feel like i turn all 200 shades of red and my stomach turns in knots and my feet tangle under me.

(e:enknot) keeps threatening that he's going to tell, but i think he's scared of her too.

easter is around the corner. i wish i could get a week off to just sit around and play zuma.


omg, i wish i could tell you guys who we interviewed for the project coordinator position, and the story behind it. you'd never believe it. unfortunately if i want to keep my job, i have to keep my mouth shut and as (e:paul) and (e:enknot) know, i CAN do, and do it well.


nothing new with my life. well...maybe there is....but i can't advertise it here anymore. i'm doing things that i don't want to...but i almost can't help myself (no not drugs). i think spring is making me extra, extra...um....receptive ? but then i hate myself afterwards. i need a super star affair to spice up my boring existence. i had a dream the other night that i was katie holmes and i was married to tom and he was doing all kinds of mission impossible shit like running on roof tops to save me from demons who wanted to imprison me in a life of pornography.

i got asked to go up to toronto this summer with my super secret cross country friend.....i asked marvin if he'd like to babysit while i go get my freak on. (oh and in case my super secret cross country friend is reading this....it doesn't necessarily mean that we will be getting freaky in toronto, but i CAN use the idea to make certain people jealous) but then again....you never know....

i feel like i'm sweating "fuck me" scent or something these days. the pheromones are definitely turned on high.

hmm...maybe i want to be saved? by a strong, smart, assertive, grounded, and gentle man? somehow i don't think that will ever happen since all men are either scared of me or put off by me. AND because those kinds of men don't exist. why is it so hard to find that kind of combination? where are the smart sexy men, that are charming and comfortable with themselves? the guys who can talk to just about anyone and are not afraid of rejection, but are not pushy or cocky? men who can dress themselves (WELL!!!). Why are there ABSOLUTELY NO MEN WITH ANY STYLE.....ANYWHERE??????
for fucks sake, learn how to dress! stop spending your money on playstations and buy a nice suit, maybe you'll get some more damn pussy!

maybe i need to focus on women? but seriously, who wants to date such crazy monsters? they require too much upkeep and attention and are the most fickle and insecure creatures on the face of the earth.

UGHGHGGHHHHHHH......i just want to feel that thrill that i remember feeling towards boys when i was in high school. that feeling like youre just going to melt into the ground if he laid one finger on you. that feeling you felt whenever he walked anywhere near you, your hair would stand on end and your breath quickened and you lied awake for hours, replaying his every movement over and over thinking he was the most beautiful and most perfect creature that ever walked the earth. and that feeling, once he did touch you, that you were the most feminine, the most beautiful and the most vulnerable girl in the world and you were alive only to be able to feel him beside you.

for christs sake, i just want a guy to make me feel like a girl.

i need someone to have sex with. must be hot and cool and charming, but not cocky or dumb. previous applicants need not apply. gay men and women, welcome.

im so over it.

i win, i win, i win, i win..........well...not quite.


ok, so i kind of tempted marvin and thats the reason he called, but still.
i text'd him, saying that he should not respong, b/c he'll loose the bet, but i wanted him to know that i miss him terribly. (because i really did)

AND HE CALLED! because that message made him sad :( and somehow in his brain, he thought he's already gone two weeks without talking.

but i decided to give him one more chance, b/c i led him to temptation and i want to be fair.

and no phone call.

so i said to marvin, that he would not be able to go a week without talking to me. he calls nonstop, everyday, all day. calls my cell, calls my work, calls my house. at least 5-7 times a day. i think i'm like his best friend or something. well...it's that...and it's that he really, really, REALLY... wants to get some of my booty.

he calls when he wakes up, when he goes to bed, when he's got women issues, when he's got ex issues, when he's horny, when he's sad, when he's taking a shit....you name the reason, he calls. half the time i don't answer the phone, but then he just leaves a 5 minute message that rambles on and on and on and the other half i tell him how annoying it is that he calls so damn much and end up aggravated and annoyed but it goes in one ear and out the other.

sample conversation

ringing phone.....brrrring...brrring..

me: WHAT!
him: what do you mean what?
me: I MEAN WHAT DO YOU WANT?
him: um...i dunno...i was just seeing what you were doing.
me: the same damn thing i was doing two hours ago, MARVIN!!! WTF!
him: why are you being so mean to me?
me: because you are calling me! what the hell do you want!!!!
him: fine bye.
me: jesus fucking chirst...BYE!


in all honesty, it's kind of endearing, and he does make me laugh, because really, he will NOT give up and tries so hard and actually he's been one of the very few people that 1. can stand me for extended periods of time, and 2. i can stand (for a very short amount of time). but it's safe to say that even though we broke up a long time ago, he has continuously been a very big part of my life.

however, i refuse to get back together with him. so his new mission in life is to get back into my pants. he tries so hard, and i tell him to bugger off each and everyday and remind him that when we were together he didn't want to have sex at all. and it's not like he's not getting any ass elsewhere. he's got someone he's seeing.

so i made a bet with him that if he could go for a month without calling or texting or emailing me, i would give him the booty he's been chasing...thinking that there was no way he'd ever be able to do it, but then the phone went dead and i haven't heard from him since.

this was on saturday and i have not heard from him all day sunday, all day monday, all day tuesday, and all day today.

i am starting to get worried. very, very worried that i'm going to be forced to pay out on my bet.

my mother is laughing at my stupidity with each passing day (naturally she asked what had happened, b/c there were no phone calls from him the last few days)

so the count down begins. i still think he'll crack.

yeah, that's right. i said it. i fucking hate when its nice and sunny like this, cuz every fuck wad and his grandmother come the fuck out of the wood work and decide they want to drive their big fucking cars all over the streets. it makes my commute home that much more annoying and longer.

i've def changed my mind. i want it to stay gray and dingy and cold. i don't want summer coming around, b/c then i'll feel obligated to leave the house and do something. i have grown so anti social over the winter that it makes my skin crawl thinking about being anywhere near where annoying humans congregate. i really wish i could live alone in the woods in a log cabin or something without a phone.

oh and did i mention i hate the phone. i hate when people call my house. i hate talking on the phone. i don't understand how people can spend hours and hours on the phone talking about nothing. anyone that knows me, knows that i never ever answer my phone. i don't return calls and rarely return emails. its not that i don't like the people that call me, (i usually just hate strangers) but i'm just not a social person in the slightest sense.

oh and another one. i hate obligations. that's why i never commit to things, because then i'm obligated to do them or be there. i hate having something hang over my head. having one trip outside of the house a week is too much for me.

and no, im not depressed, just annoyed. i don't feel sad, or hopeless or unhappy (unless someone is bothering me). when i'm alone i am as happy as a pig in shit. i just want to be left alone. (not by you guys...but you get the drift)

(faben has become a mini-me)

these are the little cute irish dancers we had at rowell on friday. I want to irish dancing so bad! riverdance here I come.

this is how sick i am right now. whatever my mother had, i have now too. i think i'm going to die :(

to the big cock sucker, cum wad, asshole that stole my debit card information and western unioned him/herself 279.99 of my dollars....FUCK YOU!!!!!! i hope they catch your stupid ass and stuff you in a cell with big bubba. your mother made the worst mistake of her life when she had you. i told her to get that abortion, but she wanted that extra fat welfare check you brought in, that dirty whore. rot in hell, you wart infested misfit. i hope you die in a dirty, smelly ditch, just like the one you were born it, fucking asshole.

ok, so i did it. redid the captions and descriptions i lost yesterday. i think it's really important to talk about the things youve seen instead of just posting a bunch of pictures. people get a lot more out them that way. i hope you guys enjoy.

i have to say that just about everyone we came across in paris was so extremely pleasant and friendly and polite that when i came back to the US and had to deal with americans, i was disgusted. i don't understand what is happening to this country, but the attitudes of strangers are often unberable. more on that later.



This is the pompidou center. this is in front of the modern art museum of sorts. it also has a movie theater complex. notice how people are just sitting and chillin in the sun? there are many performers, singing, playing instruments, juggling, etc.









this is the actual building. it's super modern and spiffy.




one of many, many, chocolate shops.




just thought this would be a cool picture.




a parisian toilet.




the grand notre dame. the line was super long, but my family decided to cut. i hated it when people cut in front of me, and i would tell them they needed to go to the back of the line, but i couldn't do that if they cut and i would be left waiting in line forever, while they were inside.




not sure what this was, but everyone was standing around it, and my cousin told me we have to at least touch it with one of our feet facing...um south... i think?




inside of notre dame.




a miniature scene they had on display inside of how notre dame was built.




a huge candelabra.




these "free hugs" people were everywhere. i thought it was some kind of scam, where they wanted money, but they really just wanted hugs. i hugged this guy after taking the picture....and checked all of my pockets afterwards. why are we so cynical?



doggies are allowed in stores.




doggies are allowed in restaurants as well. here is a boxer chillin on a chair at the restaurant we ate in.




name your casing....any kind of casing!




these specialty stores are not so special in paris like they are here. they are everywhere, on every street, in every neighborhood, whereas, in the states, you only find them in swanky, trendy neighborhoods.



this was in the window of the restaurant we went to eat dinner at that night. it was an enormous pot of cabbage, potatoes, carrots and ham hocks.




faben said she would like to try escargot. she also wanted to try frogs legs, but they werent on the menu of any of the restaurants we went to. next time maybe.




my cousin had the escargot too.




my salad with warm goat cheese.



faben's potatoes, ham and cheese. it was really stinky cheese. i usually like stinky cheese, but not this one. she liked it just fine.




my steak and pomme frites. i ordered the stead medium, but it was mostly rare. i like my beef bloody but it was a bit too bloody. i noticed that their idea of medium was much different than our idea of medium cooked meat.




afterwards, we came upon a protest. i think the french like to walk in groups with torches and yell. kind of like they did in "beauty and the beast". this protest was about bringing back the franc and throwing out the euro. i guess the prices went up quite far after the euro was introduced. i can tell you, everything that was not food, was so expensive.








the view out of the hotel room.




every neighborhood has an outdoor market twice a week. this one was in ours. it was small by their standards, huge by ours. its not like our farmers markets, because they have meat, poultry, and fish stands.




their poultry still has the head and legs.








somehow, their vegetables look much bigger and more vibrant.




and more colorful.




candied items. fruits and stuff?




their fish also have their heads and gills and apparently their wings too.




mmmm....roasted chicken and baby potatoes.




this was our stop on the metro. paris has one of the best subway systems in the world. it transports approximately 4.5 million passengers per day (1.365 billion for the year 2005). It serves 297 stations.




when they were originally built, they predominant style of the metro was "art neuvou". that is one of my favorite art movements. that is the style of my tattoo.




we found an open air pet and garden market.












they have sleeping kitties in store front windows. why don't we ever see that here?




looks like they like gay people in paris.




this tiny church is called sainte chapelle. built in the 13th century, it only took 5 years to complete. that is amazingly short, given the fact that notre dame took over 200 years to build!




it is admired for the enormous 50 foot stained glass windows. there are 15 of them, depicting over 1000 biblical scenes. this was definitely one of my favorite sites.

Missing Image ;(

Missing Image ;(

we went to visit the catacombs. they give discounts to job seekers. this is the first time i've seen job seekers get discounts. but teachers get discounts everywhere.




we dared each other to touch the dead people.




these are tunnels underneath paris, that once were limestone queries. when disease was running rampantly throughout the city in the 18th century, they figured it was being caused by contamination from improper burials and decided to move the remains from cemeteries into these queries.




there are remains of about 6 million people here. the small part of the catacombs that is open to the public is about a mile long, but there are 186 miles of closed catacomb tunnels. there are secret entrances all over paris, that are found in the sewers, metro stations and manholes. i guess people sneak in all the time. they have graffiti dating back to the 1800's.




one would think that it would smell inside the catacombs, but it only has a faint mildew smell. no rotting flesh.




musee d'orsay. this is where a lot of the impressionists are housed. here is crazy vincent.




the huge museum is located in a former train station. why can't we convert our abandoned central terminal to something useful and beautiful?




degas, my favorite impressionist. when i draw, (charcoal) it is usually his stuff i copy.







brush strokes. i like to get close to the actual painting to see what kind of brush strokes the artist uses.




monet's strokes seem to blend into one.




van gogh's style is almost child like.




look, they have a picture of me, NAKED!




they have a lot of art nouveau furniture here too. i would love to have a few of these pieces in my apt some day.








licking the window, i was.




you can do just about anything in paris. why didn't i think of this?!?! this is a girls' dream come true.




this was an actual puppeteer. does anyone else think that this is almost unbelievable? like its out of a book or something? i mean, where do you see a puppet shop, with real, handmade puppets, anymore?




that night we went to a lebanese restaurant. it was quite an experience, as we didn't speak any french and the woman who owned it didn't speak any english. she was so sweet and welcoming. we just ate whatever she brought out for us. she decided what we should have from the menu. it was delicious. this was some of the hummus, our aperitif.

Missing Image ;(

this is the newest metro line that was built in paris; #14. it is completely automated, so that you can stand in the front and watch as you zoom through the tunnels.




there is glass all along the edge of the tracks so that people cannot commit suicide there.




we went to a pet store. i don't understand why every store that i've been to there just seems so much better? the merchandise is better, it's cleaner, more organized, better presentation and higher quality goods. i think europeans have different shopping habits. whereas we'd rather pay less for something in order to have more things, they'd rather have fewer things that are more expensive and higher quality. they will buy a very expensive pair of boots that they will wear for many years whereas we will buy much cheaper boots that we can change every year. i think this goes for just about all kinds of goods, including food. i've never seen a €1 store in europe, EVER.




a manga store that i went to with faben had this crazy collection of star wars figurines. they were terribly expensive though.












one of the art pieces located in the meto stations. i feel like i've seen this somewhere before. i'm thinking the philladelphia airport? the philly airport always has an art collection on display. it changes periodically, so i can't be sure if it was there or not.




a really cool scooter that faben wants.




a cool bed that i want.




one of the most expensive shopping districts in paris. what a stark contradiction. there are many, many homeless men in paris. i think it was even more than in NYC. there were people with tents set up on streets, with chairs and couches beside the tents. imagine elmwood, with homeless people pitching tents on the sidewalks and chillin on couches. i wanted to take a picture, but i was afraid i'd get my ass kicked. most of the homeless people also have a dog.

an NPR piece i listened to said that the homeless people are setting up the tents as a protest to make the homeless situation more visible to the public. like (e:paul) said; those europeans love to protest.




another cool picture, i thought.




ok, although this is a department store, "galeries lafayette", it is one of the most beautiful buildings i have EVER seen. it is indescribable how magnificent and breath taking this building is. the dome roof, is like a gigantic tiffany's lamp.




this is europe's largest department store. i didn't buy anything in here because it was so extremely expensive. i did eat here. i think they have around 12 restaurants and cafe's.








this is my gelato that i had for desert. real gelato is so unbelievably delicious that i would like to be buried with it in one hand and a spoon in the other.




a modern indian wedding dress?




more escargot.




who knew that the eiffel tower was so small?




it was nice that when we arrived it was dusk, so it was still visible against a blue sky but already lit up.








every hour on the hours for ten minutes they make the tower sparkle. you don't really realize how massive this structure is until you are standing close to it.




a view from directly underneath, looking up.




a view from the third level with one of the lights that rotate from the tower. paris looks beautiful at night.








a cute little fiat. why don't we have these miniature cars here? why does everything we own have to be so gigantean? bigger is NOT better, better is better.