if you were chosen to design a bathroom for bill gates and you were not allowed to talk to bill, how would you figure out what he wants?

okay folks, i am happy to report that i made it back from china in one piece. it was an incredible trip, filled with sights, sounds and smells that i will never forget (especially the smells). my first day there i was so overtaken by the smell that i was on the verge of puking all day. fortunately, it didn't take long to get accustomed to the various odors and by the third day, they hardly bothered me at all. everything had an odor. especially the cars and their polluted gasoline smell. i am usually motion sick as it is, but adding a noxious gasoline smell to the mix left me ready to chuck yesterday's lunch.

beijing has around 15 million residents! that is an incredible amount of people living in one city. the irony is is that beijing is by far the cleanest city i have EVER visited. not in terms of pollution, but in terms of garbage. you NEVER saw a single piece of paper or refuse anywhere! the reason is that they have official street cleaners that walk around with broom in hand and surgical masks and clean the streets day and night. the government hires migrant workers to do the dirty work, so to speak. the city has an unemployment rate of only 2%, i guess that's one of the benefits of a communist state.

the weather we had was somewhat of a mixed blessing. each and every single day was terribly cloudy and foggy and rainy. it was somewhat depressing when paired with the dingy grayness of the smog and pollution. we were not able to see very much of the great wall at all, but the up side was that the heat was not as unbearable as it usually is. on a normal day in july when the sun is shining along with stifling humidity, it is as hot as it has been here. but the cloudiness kept the temperatures at 85. although the humidity was still horrendous and you felt like you were walking thought a giant steam sauna.

we got along fine not being able to speak any chinese and saw all of the usual tourist sights. we did some shopping (got ripped off when my mother decided to buy an ipod and discovered it was a fake). i tried to warn her but she still ended up getting a mp4 player for $25. i warned her that it was too good to be true. but we did get some good deals on scarves and pearls and knick knacks.


this is taken at the detroit airport. (e:ladycroft) told me about this tunnel that has musical lights. it was amazing. i have a video of this which i hope to post once i figure out how to.


i bet this tunnel would be a lot of fun on some shrooms.




we made a stop in tokyo and snapped a couple of pictures. this is faben's dream vacation. actually, she wants to live here after college. good luck with that, since tokyo is the most expensive city in the world, even more so than NYC, but i'll let the kid dream.


we arrived in one piece after a grueling 27 hours. our family from poland met us in beijing and were waiting for us in the lobby. (they also met us in london when we went in december)


our hotel, which was free b/c we used accumulated hotel points, was a five star holiday inn. i know that's such an oxymoron but i swear to you it's absolutely true. it was by far, the most luxurious hotel i have ever stayed in. stacked mini bar, robes and slippers, down comforters, beautiful bed sheets (that i wish i could have swiped) superb restaurants, beauty parlor, massage parlor, cafe, lounge singers. it kind of reminded me of the hotel in "lost in translation". we also lucked out, because my dad is a platinum member and has a bazillion points, in that we got access to the executive lounge. this meant we had free breakfast and free cocktails and snacks and food in the afternoon.




the next day we went to the temple of heaven. i was sick the entire day and felt like puking the entire time. i was freaking out in that there was a gazillion people around and no usable public bathrooms (see pics below) and i had no plastic bag to puke in. luckily i held it off and managed to wait until i got back to the hotel room.


the grass is so much greener in china, despite the pollution. i guess it must be the horribly humid air. it feels like a rain forest.


these were giant cooking vats.


this is the temple, which is the main attraction here.


it started to thunder and rain out of nowhere and we were wishing we had bought those umbrellas that the street vendors at the entrance gate were trying to sell us.




some building or other at the temple of heaven. these buildings all start to look exactly the same after a while.


this is one of the markets where one goes to purchase just about everything under the sun. it's composed of 4 floors on which there are individual vendors selling their specialty items. everything from toys, to electronics, to silk, scarves, jewelry, pearls (loads and loads of them).


the signature bicycles of beijing. they are everywhere and share the road with the 3 million cars that pollute the city. no one locks their bicycles up, because no one steals them since it appears, that pretty much everyone has one.



ahh...yes....this is the dreaded chinese toilet! it is a squat and aim operation that results in people mostly missing, judging by the putrid smell of every single bathroom i encountered. needless to say, i tried to hold my pee as much as i could, waiting for the trip back to the hotel. it seems that this is the preferred toilet even for modern chinese facilities, since even brand new public toilets, such as those being built for the olympics, have these squatters.


and yes, even china has a walmart! who ever said china was not on the capitalist bandwagon, clearly did not see this parasitic corporation staking its claim. in addition, there are over 100 mcdonalds in the city as well as numerous KFCs and pizza huts. the above toilet pic was taken at a KFC, and no, i did not eat at any of them.


tiananmen square from across the street.


this is the line that was formed to see the remains of chairman mao that lies in a building that is planted dead smack in the middle of tiananmen square.


the line wraps all the way around tiananmen square! i can assure you that that is quite a distance. people form all corners of the country come to see mao preserved in his glass coffin. it is their mecca, no doubt. they feel it is their duty, as citizens, to see their great leader and pay their respects at least once during their life time. (at least that's what the propaganda tells us). mao was responsible for the cultural revolution which went on in 60's and 70's and which was responsible for the destruction of countless cultural relics and widespread economic mayhem.


here is the count down clock for the 2008 olympics that will be hosted by beijing. it is amazing as to how seriously the chinese government is taking this endeavor. unfortunately i did not get a pic of the stadium that is nearly finished, but i assure you it is quite impressive. what's even more impressive is that it is nearly complete a full two years before the start of the olympics. i don't know if you can recall, but during the last olympics in athens, the olympic stadium was not finished until the week of the opening ceremonies. our great wall tour guide told me that that it's the chinese way of doing things, being prepared well ahead of schedule. there were 2008 olympic tshirts on sale everywhere, ALREADY!


this is the entrance to the forbidden city. it's located right across the street from tiananmen square. there are bleachers located on both sides of this gate, where all the political royalty gather for a military parade that occurs every 5 years. notice the picture of mao displayed above the entrance. this is a hand painted portrait that is replaced each and every year.


inside the forbidden city, some buildings are under restoration for the olympics, however, they paint a replica of the building on the material that is used to cover the building just so you can get your money's worth.




these little statuettes of dragons and phoenixes indicate the importance of the building. the more statues the more important the building. the stately official buildings where major decisions were being made had as many as 9 statuettes, where as buildings used as the emperor's changing room would only have 4 or 5. incidentally the number 9 was considered to be a very lucky number in chinese culture and the dragon represented the emperor while the phoenix represented the empress.


these enormous vats were placed next to all of the buildings in the forbidden city. since the buildings were all made of wood, and often caught fire due to lightning and sloppy heating and cooking methods, these containers were always filled with water and used to put out numerous fires throughout history. they were once covered in gold but pillagers that conquered the forbidden city on numerous occasions took the liberty of scraping the gold off. you can see the scrapings in this picture.


every entrance to each building and each room within a building has this raised um....what would you call it...stoop? in any case, the reason for this is that traditionally, the chinese believe that good spirits can fly and evil spirits cannot, thus only good spirits can enter the buildings, effectively keeping the bad ones out.




we took a rickshaw ride through one of the more touristy hutongs. hutongs are 700 year old traditional city neighborhoods. they consist of tiny alleyways and communal living with courtyards. there are of course, the not-so-attractive hutongs, that are poor and depilated. there is much controversy about the preservation of these historic neighborhoods as beijing is seeking to modernize in preparation for the olympics. many residents cannot and do not want to leave. land in this particular hutong is selling for $1500 per square meter. that is not the case in most hutongs.


during our great wall excursion we hired a tour guide. i was well aware that just about every tour that one takes in beijing, has some hidden agenda. the tours make stops in many "factories" where they also sell whatever goods they are making, in hopes of getting a cut from the porfits. this is a pic of a jade factory we visited. we visited two jade factories, one pearl factory and one ceramic factory. the prices are 10 times what you would pay at a regular market.



we also visited one of the ming tombs. here is a traditional head piece worn by the empress.


we finally made it to the great wall.


i cannot even begin to tell you what a bitch it was to climb. i have never seen steps so steep. seriously i thought i was going to die.




unfortunately because of the fog and clouds we could not see squat.


the climb down was hard as well, since your legs felt like jello from the climb up.


being the striving quasi capitalist nation that china is becoming, you could purchase a "I climbed the great wall" plaque engraved with your name and date, solidifying your climbing accomplishment for generations to come. (my picture turned out fuzzy and i'm too lazy to take another one)


one of the many trash bins found all over beijing.


kitty cat chillin at a gift shop on the great wall.



we attended a traditional chinese opera. this was faben's favorite part of the trip. i have a video of this as well.




more cats in a court yard at the opera during intermission.


one of the waitresses was playing with the cats with something that was loud and buzzing. i moved in for a closer look.


i almost fell to the ground when i saw this. i have a video of this as well. she is holding it by its wings and teasing the cats. YUCKKKKKK!



intermission over.






we had to make sure we at least once, tasted the famous peking duck that bijing is so well known for.


a cage outside of the restaurant with parakeets.


i thought this fella was on the menu, but apparently they were cleaning their indoor pond when we arrived.




besides the peking duck these were the other tasty dishes on the menu. nothing like a bit of some salted bull's stomach. hmmm....i wonder why it has to be bull stomach? why not cow stomach? oh look!.....all kinds of salted delicacies.....intestines and pig's stomach. how about some steamed duck webfoot? and for the undecided foodie, there's always the assorted spring pig, as the summer and autumn pig tends to be a bit too tough.


our duck arrived....without any salted innards.


except a creepy head.


but we managed to eat pretty much everything. we're not a picky bunch.


and finished it off with some 56% alcohol chinese vodka. we are polish after all.


afterwards we strolled though the summer palace. it was quite beautiful and since that afternoon was the only day that saw any sunshine during our stay, we found out just how hot it would have been if it was sunny during our entire vacation.








this place was truly beautiful but incidentally it was the dirtiest place i saw in bejing. maybe it was due to the fact that every other beijing resident thought it was a good idea to chill in one of the few green spots in beijing on a sunday afternoon.


and just to prove that i was really here.


the following monday on our way to the airport we departed at 12:30 pm for a 3:45 flight. unfortunately, during a mild thunderstorm the entire highway to the airport became flooded and we were stuck in traffic on a 10 km stretch of the highway for 3 hours. people kept getting out of their cars and looking at the mess. we were actually lucky that our cab driver did not just tell us to get out of the cab, as was the case for many other people traveling to the airport. i spoke to one woman who was kicked out of her cab and made to walk 5km with a small child and all her luggage through ankle high mud.




and that my friends is the end. i will post all of my pictures on one of the picture sharing sites. i have approximately 333 pictures. i will make a post soon with a link for anyone who is interested in seeing more.

thanks for reading!

i had a terrible nightmare in china that i was sitting at pmt's house, chillin, when terry, out of the blue, told me how much he and everyone here disliked me and how much of a looser i was and how lame i was and looked at me with such disgust that it almost made me cry.

i was so shocked and shamed that i tried to excuse myself to run home but kept running into everyone from estrip. i was jumping fences in back yards while looking for my car and kept seeing terry chatting with all the estrippers all the while talking smack about and laughing at my expense. i was so put off by my dream that i was actually MAD at estip when i woke up and told my self i was never coming back.

ok, peeps.

the time has come for me to bid you farewell and head off to the far east.

at the crack of dawn, i will be on my way to beijing, china! the journey there and back will be horrendous. we leave buffalo at 6am heading to detroit, where we will sit for 7 hours. we'll then board a plane to tokyo, which will last over 14 hours. once in tokyo, we change planes again and head to beijing for 4 hours. we leave tomorrow morning and will not arrive until 9pm tuesday night.

oh i am so super stoked! i will try to smuggle my camera everywhere and take pictures of everything, hoping the commies don't snatch it away. but if they do, i'll just proclaim my polish commie-hood, pay a few people off, and pretend it never happened.

i'll try to check in from some internet cafes and give a few updates, but i'll save the pics for later and i'll make sure to eat enough dim sum for each and everyone of you.

ok, peeps, time to pack. see ya in a while. dsai-jian!

sure, the one day that i pick to invite people to swim, is the day that it rains.

i've decided to hold off the swimming till i get back. will do to the movies instead, so anyone who wants to join ladycroft and i, just holla.

who ever wants to come swimming tomorrow before i leave for china, the pool is a whopping 85 degrees!

so

come by and bring your swimming apparel. let me know if you're coming i'll give you directions.

who ever said it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all is a fucking moron.

maybe it's passion that's the problem, not love. passion is what makes you do stupid things, passion makes you sick and demented. it's funny because i was working on a post about how i figured out that it's passion that i was missing and that's why i was feeling miserable, but now i've changed my mind.

passion is an infection, a sickness. it's like drug, when you don't have it you want it, and when you do have it, you STILL want it and you become completely blind sighted when high on it.

i want an off switch for desire.

i just watched the most depressing movie ever made. asylum and it features my newest hottie Marton Csokas
god, that man is the hottest thing walking on two legs, i probably would throw myself off of a building for him too.

shit, there it goes again.

oh good people of estrip, it seems that your funk has finally infected me.

i feel so sad and hopeless. i am the greatest underachiever that has ever lived. i'm getting old and lame and have nothing to show for my 30 years of existence.

unlike jenks, i don't and never will have a successful career.

unlike paul, i will never have passion for any particular thing and will never dream about coding.

and unlike leetee or ladycroft, i'm not a very nice person. i'm not happy and friendly and don't have nice things to say when i see you.

after watching all day, the weather man, the matador, must love dogs, notting hill and a few travel channel specials, and eating 4 bowls of ice cream, i feel like jumping off a cliff.

i want to cry. i can't connect with people. not because i don't know how, but because i just am not interested. people don't make me happy, things don't make me happy, food doesn't make me happy, alcohol (and other substances) don't make me happy. relationships don't make me happy. i've lost faith in humanity, in fact, i don't think i've ever had any. i'm not spiritual. i don't believe in god, i don't believe in love. we're all just animals, we fight to survive and shit and sleep and do nothing selflessly. those that do things for others do them because it makes THEM feel good in return.

i am miserable today because i know i'm a selfish fuck and i know that everyone else is too. and those far and few in between who are a little bit unlike the rest of the beasts that roam this earth, i don't like you either, because i resent and envy you.

i don't know who i am, what i want, where i want to go and especially where i want to end up.

the only thing that brightens my day is travel but you need money and time to do that and it depresses me to know that i will never have enough of either.

and now i have a proper pity post.

• WARNING, IF YOURE EASILY DISGUSTED BY BODILY FUNCTIONS, DO NOT READ*

ok,
so,

i didn't crap for about a week. so since i didn't have to work yesterday, i figured it would be a good day to take some laxatives, and since i had a serious case of back up, i decided to take three. whatever. i take a lot of pills.

OH MY GOD! LORD, JESUS, YAHWEH, ALLAH, BUDDHA. what a mistake!

1pm rolls around and the upset stomach feeling comes.
2pm the cramps begin.
3pm the god damned REVOLUTION starts!!!!!

it was as if the french revolution, the communist revolution, and the industrial revolution all came together and decided to stage the biggest protest known to man inside my large intestine.

i felt like i was trying to shit out dry ginormous pine cones with thorns. i sat on the toilet crying for my mommy and for god and for george bush and hezbollah and lebanon....oh wait....wrong post......well...take it from me, being in labor was a walk in the park compared to this.

incidentally, i also forgot that i had dinner plans.

but since i thought the worst was over, i went to dinner to grab some sushi and promised myself i would not eat much of anything. unfortunately, my promises are worth nil, and i ended up eating tempura shrimp roll and tempura vegetables and the cold sweats began again. i felt weak and hot and cold and shaky and had to speed home in my little hundai accent like i was dale earnheardt, muttering under my breath, seeing double, dripping sweat while rocking back and forth.

and so today, the storm was over when i woke up feeling ok. i was able to eat breakfast, even though my stomach was a little sore, but no biggie. so i took a trip to the farmers market and bought 2 lbs of cherries.

i forgot what cherries do to me.

so i'm doubled over in pain two days in a row and a new revolution has begun and i'm cussing at myself for doing this once again.

fuck.
shit.
fuck.

owwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

HA HA AHAHAHAHHA.......my exgirlfriend was named MR. GAY BALTIMORE 2006!!! was in the paper and everything......hee hee hee.