• WARNING, IF YOURE EASILY DISGUSTED BY BODILY FUNCTIONS, DO NOT READ*

ok,
so,

i didn't crap for about a week. so since i didn't have to work yesterday, i figured it would be a good day to take some laxatives, and since i had a serious case of back up, i decided to take three. whatever. i take a lot of pills.

OH MY GOD! LORD, JESUS, YAHWEH, ALLAH, BUDDHA. what a mistake!

1pm rolls around and the upset stomach feeling comes.
2pm the cramps begin.
3pm the god damned REVOLUTION starts!!!!!

it was as if the french revolution, the communist revolution, and the industrial revolution all came together and decided to stage the biggest protest known to man inside my large intestine.

i felt like i was trying to shit out dry ginormous pine cones with thorns. i sat on the toilet crying for my mommy and for god and for george bush and hezbollah and lebanon....oh wait....wrong post......well...take it from me, being in labor was a walk in the park compared to this.

incidentally, i also forgot that i had dinner plans.

but since i thought the worst was over, i went to dinner to grab some sushi and promised myself i would not eat much of anything. unfortunately, my promises are worth nil, and i ended up eating tempura shrimp roll and tempura vegetables and the cold sweats began again. i felt weak and hot and cold and shaky and had to speed home in my little hundai accent like i was dale earnheardt, muttering under my breath, seeing double, dripping sweat while rocking back and forth.

and so today, the storm was over when i woke up feeling ok. i was able to eat breakfast, even though my stomach was a little sore, but no biggie. so i took a trip to the farmers market and bought 2 lbs of cherries.

i forgot what cherries do to me.

so i'm doubled over in pain two days in a row and a new revolution has begun and i'm cussing at myself for doing this once again.

fuck.
shit.
fuck.

owwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

HA HA AHAHAHAHHA.......my exgirlfriend was named MR. GAY BALTIMORE 2006!!! was in the paper and everything......hee hee hee.

so here is a recap of my NYC trip on Friday.

we got up at 4am to catch a 6am flight.

arrived at 7:30 am and caught the M60 bus out of LaGuardia to 125th and St. Nicholas to catch the A train. This is the first time i took the bus and i must say it's definitely worth not spending $35 dollars on a taxi. we then bought an all day unlimited subway pass for $7, which proved to be a great investment.

we went to the Chinese consular office to drop off our documents and quickly headed to the MET. although the admission policy states $15 RECOMMENDED, most people miss the recommended part and pay the full $15 per person. for a family of four that ends up being $60! last time my mother went, she too paid the full price because no one told her it is not required. as long as you make SOME kind of donation, even if it's dollar, you're in. so that's exactly what we did, being that i'm super broke, and i tried to inform a few other tourists of the misinformation. they were kind of pissed that they ended up paying so much money when they didn't have to. my feelings are, if you are going to make the admission to the MET donation only, make that well know to the visitors. don't trick them into paying $15 dollars without letting them know that they have an option to donate just a few dollars.

once inside, we were able to catch a free tour and saw some of the museum highlights.

here is the outside of the MET. it reminds me of the Spanish steps in Rome, where everyone goes to hang out and pick up members of the opposite sex. (well probably the same sex too)







ancient samurai gear.



my knights in shining armor.





this was part of the house that the tiffany's creator built. in the 50's the house burned down and this is all that is left.



this was acquired from Egypt, where it was submerged under water for 3/4 of the year because of a small damn on the Nile. when they decided to upgrade to a much larger damn, this would have been submerged entirely, forever, so instead they decided to donate it. both the Smithsonian and the MET fought over this structure. the MET won because it promised to build an enclosure (the one that is pictured here) in order to protect it from the elements, whereas the Smithsonian was going to have it displayed right on the mall in D.C.



this is a tiffany fountain. it is a beautifully constructed mosaic. the entire piece is constructed from tiny pieces of colored glass (and possibly colored stone, not sure). but it is absolutely amazing.



some stained glass windows, salvaged from some really old church.



we stumbled onto some kind of television production on Broadway. it was for some new show airing on TNT. as much as i wanted them to turn the camera on me, and make me the star of their new show, they did not seem as enthused about the idea as i was.




this seems a little inappropriate for public display....don't you think?



here we are chillaxing (credit to hodown) in front of the CBS building, waiting to get into MOMA. faben seems to be having a case of the sneezes.




we then headed to the MOMA where the lines were huge!

ok, here is the thing. i appreciate art, but i don't understand some kinds of modern art. i don't get how you can paint a canvas one color and call it art?

faben was so aggravated with this that by the end of the visit she was in a foul mood. she could not understand how so little effort, can get so much recognition.










and here are a few pieces of three dimensional abstract art stuff, which i still didn't comprehend.







this stuff was a little more interesting.







here is a monstrous Pollack piece with faben pondering (again) why this is art.



things got a lot more interesting when we got the the upper floors. this is where all of the Picasso, Klimt, Van Gogh, etc. stuff was.

Kandinsky



Klimt



i don't know who this is, (forgot to look) but we've seen it before and can't place where exactly, (maybe a children's book?) can anyone help me out here as to who this is?



Seurat (the guy who painted with dots)



Gauguin, a friend of Van Gogh's who hung out in the south pacific islands and took a 13 year old as his wife.



the infamous starry night by Van Gogh.



in between the museums we went back to the Chinese consulate and picked up our visas. the whole process went a lot smoother than i expected. being the uber bureaucratic country that china is, i thought we'd have to jump through a lot more red tape. although i suspect that the process was not as smooth for others, as i over heard a man throwing all kinds of fuck's and shit's at one of the Chinese representatives. somehow i tend to think that yelling fuck this shit, in a Chinese consulate office is not the best way of getting YOUR way....don't know...might be wrong...but that is just my general hunch.

we caught the 10 pm flight home, which as delayed by a half hour, and were home in 45 min. i slept for 10 hours that night.



p.s. new user sound.....the chemical brothers with beth orton, where do i begin

Don't forget about shakespeare tonight.....

look at post below.

We are organizing an outing for shakespeare in the park on sunday, (tomorrow).

you shall bring blankets.

you shall bring munchies, such as cheese and grapes, and other fancy foods.

you shall bring alcoholic beverages so that we may be intoxicated and more so inclined to understand shakespearean speak.

you shall all meet early enough to snatch a good place to sit, so as to not be off in the corner of the stage where we can only see the asses of the actors facing the real audience.

you shall be there or you shall be square, tis the fate that awaits those who choose to ignore this plea.

6:45 we need to meet at the park, all those coming let me know in the comments

someone just posted a comment (which i have now removed) on our amazing race audition, on you tube, stating that timika and i should just get in a barrel and jump from niagara falls and join jenny craig.

ahhh....gotta love flamers....where do they get their energy?

here are a few mushroom pics i took this weekend.

some are edible some are not.

does anyone need anything? any requests? need me to drop off any suspect packages?

i may be hitting canal street, cuz i'm super duper broke and that's all that i can afford...oh and the free art museums. the MET we can do during the day...cuz that's always free and MOMA has free friday nights from 4-8pm. i'm super stoked about that...i've been hoping to go, since the remodeling, but could not afford the $20 admission.

i'll make sure to grab some vegetable dumplings at ollie's and head home at 10:00.

mmm...this sicko is just what i've been looking for. i've always wanted someone to tell me how much and how often i should shave, when i should be naked and what kinds of sex acts i should engage in.

this guy is a whacko who awards "Good Behavior Days" or "GBD" to his wife when she's been compliant.

ahhh....what a noble man.

ooh wee! did i have a good time last night!

seriously, i have not partied like that in a loooong time. glad pmt joined in the fun. thanks trj for the best party i've been to in years!

thanks terry for all the humping and booty punching. save the date for the first sat in august for the pool party at my house. all those that want to have the same kind of fun, need to let me know now, so i can get the supplies ready.

man, i'm kinda cracked out today. but much better than having a hangover.

oh yeah, who ever finds a picture of my nipple on their camera, DO NOT POST IT, the nipple wasnt hard enough.