(e:zobar)'s dancing rabbit is traumatizing me.

He traumatized a lot of little kids too. That was pretty priceless. I am now filled with a perverse desire to breed. I can't explain it.

I've been trying to post stupid videos and cellphone-camera pictures because I now have a phone that does photos and video, but I can't seem to make the moblogging feature thing work, so you all are denied my cellphone-video directorial genius for now. We'll see if I can manage to figure it out. If so, I now will have tons of content for my (e:strip) blog, because I am trying to use my stupid expensive cellphone enough to justify the expense, and this will make me feel better about it.

Also my life is so fascinating it needs to be chronicled, hopefully in multimedia.

So, stay tuned, folks, for stupid grainy videos of pointless mundanity. Yay! I'm psyched.

(I'm uploading this video from my computer, but that's not really moblogging. I am determined to become a moblogger. it would help if I could actually type on a cellphone. Perhaps I'll learn.)

::DOWNLOAD MEDIA::

See poster, previous draft. I suppose it would be gauche to post it again. Nickel City Knockouts vs. Suicidal Saucies, 7 pm Saturday, Rainbow Rink (just off the Twin City Hwy).

The Knockouts got our team uniforms tonight!!! They are HOT. I am not just saying that. Dave from Jackdaw did the design and the screens, and some of you may be familiar with the caliber of his work from the Jackdaw merch: Our uniforms are beautifully screenprinted, impeccably designed, and absolutely gorgeous.

Much of the team will be out tomorrow night in uniform at the Jackdaw show at Mohawk Place, so if you're curious, you know where to find us. I hear that Jackdaw inspires spontaneous dancing and also spontaneous makeouts. I hope not to be disappointed. I will be wearing a very, very, very short skirt with a set of brass knuckles screenprinted on the ass, so I should be easy to find for the aforementioned spontaneous dancing.
I am kind of getting over a cold so maybe you might want to hold off on the spontaneous makeouts. But we'll see. Alcohol kills germs, after all.

I've been meaning to get to a Jackdaw show for over a year, so, I guess that's a minor indicator of just how extremely lame I am. Nevertheless, I am excited. And also will be wearing an exceedingly hot uniform. So consider the excitement exponentially increased. I can't sleep because I can't wait to skate. I can't wait. It is going to be AWESOME.

But I made a vow to avoid capslock, so I had better stop squeeing now.

I don't know if that's legible but it's the poster for the upcoming bout. Which will be awesome. I am not kidding. I'm not even talking about (e:zobar) in a bunny suit or any of that-- I'm talking about the sport. I'm saying, if you saw the last bout or if you didn't, we are so much more confident, competent, and fast now, we are a vicious unstoppable force of awesomeness, and anyone who takes sports in Buffalo seriously shouldn't miss this.

Tickets are available online for a fifty-cent surcharge. You order them there, they get your name, you can pick up the tickets at the will-call line. Get there at 6:15 to get in line! We're getting everyone in the door this time. Halftime show by Blue Rocket Trio.


But there's another event that some of you might be interested in as well, which is somewhat roller-derby related:

On the 30th, the day before the bout, Jackdaw is playing Mohawk Place. Their piper (Dave Moore, roommate of one Holly Lulu, outside blocker for the Knockouts) did the graphic design for the logo for the Nickel City Knockouts, and we owe him a few drinks, so the entire NCKO team is coming, in our brand new uniforms (which we're not getting until the day before......), to rock the fuck out with Jackdaw.
So anyone's up for that, it should be a good time.

I've still never seen Jackdaw live, so I'm really looking forward to that.

Our bout afterparty is at Mohawk Place too, so there's a reduced admission with one of our ticket stubs.
Never been to Mohawk Place before, so twice in two days will be pretty interesting.

I'm about to get a new cellphone with video capabilities.
So I hope I'll use it and blog here with it. I'll find out how. Somehow.

I only ever post bitchy rants on here, but hopefully once I can video things, I'll have more amusing things to post.

I mostly just wanted to post that (e:zobar) has, in fact, actually gone out and rented himself a pink bunny suit. He is entirely not kidding.
Anyone who wants to see (e:zobar) in a pink bunny suit should hie themselves to Rainbow Rink on the 31st because he will be wearing it there, then.

Also this bout is going to be awesome.


Otherwise I have little to say, except that I finally went to the doctor after like five years of not having any medical care, and I remember why I never go to the doctor.
I went because my knees have been really bothering me this past week. They've just been super sore, to the point that i was limping, and after limping for a 6-hour shift, my back and my sciatic nerve have been giving me all kinds of grief. So I figured, I'd better get a medical opinion.

The doctor said it was probably overuse and I should cut back on my exercise.
Then she glanced at my chart, saw how much I weighed, and asked how tall I was. When I answered, she said, 'You know you're overweight so you should diet and exercise more.'

I ask you this in complete sincerity: HOW am I supposed to both cut back on my exercise, and exercise more?

And how come she had to find out how tall I was before she could decide if I was fat or not? She'd just been examining me, right? Am I fat, or not? It seems like you should be able to tell on sight whether someone's really obese or not.

I'm sorry to rant about it, but I'm really upset now, because it's taken me a long time to become comfortable with myself. The Internet informs me that since I'm five feet seven and female, I should weigh 150 pounds, or somewhere between 120 and 166, depending on the chart.
By those calculations, the fact that I'm 190 pounds means I'm grossly obese. (As an aside, I can assure you, with complete horror, that I would be DEAD before I was 120 pounds. I have not been 120 pounds since grade school.)
But then other handy dandy online obesity calculators, upon hearing that my waist size is 33, tell me I'm only borderline overweight.
(They only want my waist measurement, though. They don't care how tall I am. Which makes me suspicious of how they could even tell anything at all from that number.)


And another thing that irks me is that I know my boobs weigh at least 20 pounds (don't ask how I measured that). The smaller my waist gets (and it has gotten a bit smaller these last six months as I've upped my exercise although my weight hasn't changed), the larger, by proportion, my boobs get-- that overbust measurement just won't budge no matter what I do. So I'm sliding from a 38DDD to a 36F to a 34FF/G, with no increase in actual breast size, because as the band size decreases, you have to raise the cup size in order to contain the same actual volume of breast tissue.
(If I exercise more I'll become a complete and total freak and won't be able to buy bras anywhere AUGGGHHH. I am a G now! Do you know what that means! It means only bad things! BAD THINGS!)


But nobody, not calculators, not doctors, not nobody, wants to take into account 20 pounds of boobs or a pair of heavily-muscled legs, in determining whether I'm overweight or not. So I'm stuck with the label now of Clinically Fat, and am still trying to work out how I can simultaneously exercise more <i>and</i> less.

I admit it, I let (e:strip) fall by the wayside. As it is I have the Livejournal I've had for almost six years, and the community of people I only interact with online through it, and now I have a Myspace (oh Christ) because my team captain for roller derby made me get one. I don't' use my real name on it and don't mention any of my other online identities; it's just for roller derby. And it takes me so long to write these long entries because I don't know when to shut up...

But that doesn't leave much time for (e:strip). I tried to set it up so I could read (e:strip) via an RSS feed on Livejournal, but that silently broke, so I just thought everyone had been being unusually quiet. I was just thinking I should come back here and see what's up and bug Terry for IRS advice.

I don't really have time for much nowadays-- either I'm at work, I'm at roller derby or in meetings for roller derby, or I'm online, mostly emailing about goddamn roller derby. Or I'm asleep; I've been sick all winter and have been constantly trying to sleep my way free of some illness. (Remember the last house party? How I was getting sick, all snuggly in
my bathrobe and whining about not feeling good? Yeah I'm still not better all the way.)

I was exceedingly pleased to find out that (e:zobar)'s been blogging about me. I was glad to hear he had pimped the roller derby match-- it was very nice of him. (Redfox's husband, by the way, has declared that "derby widow" is politically incorrect, and he prefers the term "derby groupie". I dunno man, whatever empowers him.)

I also was totally psyched by this entry
and how it was decided that I am hella needy and whiny and need to back up off him. Yes. I am a terrible person, in fact, and none of my complaints are in any way valid.
He can compose all the essays he wants but if he doesn't post them then I don't get to read them. Also if you want to celebrate a holiday in an alternative way that takes the emphasis off the traditional way and makes more sense to you, that's fine, but you have to do it, and if it's something that involves two people, it really helps if you tell the other person about it.
I was very pleased to come home and find that he had made me dinner on Valentine's Day-- it was quite nice. Unfortunately i was ill and had been unable to taste food for about three days, and I'm still recovering from that, so I couldn't appreciate it as much as I wanted. At least it was a strongly-flavored dish with a pleasing texture.

I know I haven't been as appreciative to him as I should be. He made dinner last night and I was so upset that he didn't use half the ingredients I'd asked him to incorporate into it because they're about to go bad and we'd have to throw them out, and it made him super angry because he'd bothered to go ahead and cook dinner even though he was tired. But I'd told him that if he was too tired, we had perfectly adequate leftovers.
And I'm still trying to figure out how to apologize when I am still annoyed. I told him where the things were that I wanted him to use up! Does he not listen to me? Now I have to think of something to do immediately with all the ingredients I got for that dish, because they'll go bad, but I'm not going to be home for dinner for the next two days. [I was planning on taking Z out on Friday; does that ruin the surprise?]
But, of course, I'm in the wrong. He went ahead and made dinner. Which was nice of him. And lovely. And wonderful. And all that. And I'm ungrateful, but I can't help being pissed that he didn't listen to me.

And I am glad he made dinner on Valentine's Day, but then he left every dish in the sink and i had a nervous breakdown the next day [really, I was crying for 20 minutes while I was trying to do something else] because I had tried so hard to catch up on the dishes the previous day, because he sort of doesn't do any very often, and while I accept that I can't bully him into doing dishes every day, I have so little time and the skin on my hands is so badly affected by washing dishes that I can't keep up with them either, especially since I already damage my hands doing laundry and have never asked him to do a load of laundry in 3 years, blah blah blah whine whine piss piss moan moan.
So there you have it: I'm a needy bitch. I threaten and bludgeon him and demand unreasonable things of him, and mope and whine and cry and leave messages for him to find in a passive-aggressive manner. Because Valentine's Day should be, as he says, all about celebrating the special people in your life, by treating them the way you usually do, and it is unreasonable for them to expect you to tell them that they are important to you to their face when you can simply tell your journal about how little they appreciate how you feel, especially if you've never told them how you feel.
[Which goes both ways of course. I do the same. Turnabout is fair play. It also solves nothing. And I have been trying to make an effort to say out loud to his face that I appreciate him and the things he does.]

Amusingly enough a girl on my livejournal friendslist posted about how much she admires the relationship (e:zobar) and I have, how well I cope with having such an emotionally distant lover. [Her words.] Gosh, she said, I could never spend five years with a guy who had never even said "I love you" or anything remotely similar to it, and who didn't buy me things for Christmas or Valentine's. [Her 'emotionally distant' boyfriend bought her a rose, cheap candy, and a bust of her favorite DC comics character, and told her that while it wasn't easy for him to do mushy things, she was important to him. I cried when I read that entry, I'll admit it, but I didn't tell her that.]

I laughed and breezily told her that it's not always easy. And no, it isn't always easy.

I don't need the conventional mushy bullshit, I know I don't. I shouldn't need anything. I don't' want to be a needy, whiny person. It's not what I want to be. It's only so hard right now because I have so little time. What we have is that we enjoy one another's company so much. I never get to see him. We never get to talk. When we do we're so tired and have all these little irritations in the way that we can't really talk seriously.

I miss you, (e:zobar). I miss (e:strip) too. I wish I didn't have to spend so much of my life doing things I don't want to do, because now that there are things I do want to do, it leaves no time for the things I ought to do and squishes out the things I need to do.

I know! I'll become a webcam whore. Here are my boobs: Happy Mardi Gras/ Valentine's Day!





It would be a lot easier with a camera remote, though. Which I suppose I'll have to buy myself, but I don't have time to shop. I don't really have time to do anything, and I was just going to come here to make a quick post about roller derby and taxes, but then I got distracted.