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joshua’s journal

I Disappoint Myself Sometimes

· 🌡️ 67°F

I've kept my blog relatively light-hearted for a while, but today I wanted to share with you guys something that really bugs me about myself. This is about an aspect of my personality that I dislike and would like to work on and change a bit.

I know myself and where I stand with my friends fairly well. I'm secure with myself more or less, although there are things that I wish were different, which is a statement that I think most people would make. I know that amongst my friends I'm broadly well-liked and amongst the more popular ones, even when I've been kind of reclusive. People do like me and I don't know why... but I'm thankful!

There is something about my personality that I hate and I feel like at times it betrays that sentiment from my friends and colleagues. Once in a while a pet peeve of mine will be in front of me, my thought process halts and a swift rush of annoyance hits me, and I'll stop what I'm doing and do whatever I can to stop that pet peeve. I'll even be vicious about it if I feel like someone is being annoying to me or a friend. Then, on occasion, I'll realize after the fact that I should have taken a different approach because my instant reaction to the pet peeve that I just described clouded my judgment, making me take too heavy handed an approach to begin with. Then I'll apologize, because I thought about it for a minute and realized that I was horrified with how I reacted.

I'm betraying myself when I do that. What it comes down to is that I am not giving people the benefit of the doubt at times, and I need to do that more because it is all that I would ask of anyone else to do for me if I were misunderstood or misinterpreted.
322 words

💬 3 comments

  1. metalpeter ·

    Not sure what to say really other then that I think most people have stuff about them selves they hate. I know I have many things. But from what this sounds like is that you want to try and change what you don't like. Hopefully you will be able to, most people aren't able to.

  2. paul ·

    I think I know what you mean but can you give a specific example, even if it is a hypothetical one.

  3. tinypliny ·

    Yea, confession time! I am horribly judgemental sometimes - and I hate it and it makes me repent all the time. I am hasty in passing judgements on people who:
    a) whinge - it makes me resentful towards them - which actually makes me a whinger.
    b) are indifferent - again I feel resentment towards their attitude - when its totally not my business.
    c) are insincere generally - who am I to even call them insincere.

    I say I need to practice the non-judgement live-with-flaws-and-let-live-with-even-more-flaws more this year.

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