11/12/04 05:23 - ID#34836
at Julie's party
This person must not know that I'm very sensitive as well, which means he doesn't know me enough.. Well, I know what he was just saying that was not to try to offend me, anything on purpose...... I know.. why do I care then..? I don't know..
I think I have some psychological unstableness...... I'm scared....
After Paul, Terry, Matthew left, we had crazy moments for a while..
I got crazy to make everybody's hairstyle with Julie's punky hair stuff..
I made Paul Vanouse, Steve Kurtz and Tony Conrad's hair style like party ladies..
All of us got crazy.. dance.. loud music.. birthday tunnel,,, taping all those crazy moments.. I really had fun.... but soon... I got feeling meaningless again..
Nothingness... meaninglessness.... what is all about..? it doesn't' make me feel full enough.... Rather it gave me bitter smile... hollow feelings..
So, I had to take off there soon...
Permalink: at_Julie_s_party.html
Words: 160
Location: Buffalo, NY
11/11/04 12:12 - ID#34835
Movie list that I should watch...
2) Stalker --- Andrei Tarkovsky.
3) Nostalgia --- Andrei Tarkovsky.
4) Sacrifice --- Andrei Tarkovsky.
5) Heart of Glass --- Werner Herzog and Norman Hill.
And, I really want to watch Eternal Sunshine..
Permalink: Movie_list_that_I_should_watch_.html
Words: 44
Location: Buffalo, NY
11/10/04 04:10 - ID#34834
Read Me To Sleep
Will the person know what I have loved in my life..? Sometimes, I feel like I'm ready to sleep because no one will be there..... it will go away beyond the irretrievable moments....
And, you will be the one who left me behind.
Permalink: Read_Me_To_Sleep.html
Words: 156
Location: Buffalo, NY
11/08/04 09:51 - ID#34833
The First Snow of the Season.
It's November 8th today.. so.. 7 days eariler than last year.. [inlink]u=soyeon&id=1[/inlink]
Well, still don't have anybody to call up for today.. Well, I called Robin.. my sweetheart.. Robin.. I love ya..
Wait... here more halloween party photos.
Robin, Julie, Anna, Steve Kurtz, Holly, Me, a friend of Vince.
Anna, Robin, Me, Steve Kurtz, Vince, Julie, Holly.
Me, Aaron and his girlfriend, Holly.
Steve Kurtz and Tony Conrad.
Permalink: The_First_Snow_of_the_Season_.html
Words: 108
Location: Buffalo, NY
11/08/04 01:49 - ID#34832
If I leave this country.
2) I will drive for 16 hours to be there for sure, actually I will do that soon.
3) I will give my computer(not powerbook), TV, DVD player, VHS to Robin.
4) I will give my Dishes and Wine glasses to Julie.
5) I will give some of my stuff whatever Alan wants.
6) I will also give some of my stuff whatever Paul wants.
7) I will give my small plants to Matthew.
8) I will give my scanner to Terry..
9) I will invite all my friends for a party.. maybe
10) Then, I will start writing letters to people I appricate in US.
11) Final thing, I will go to see Craig... and cry.
Then, I don't know what else I will do.. I was just thinking about that..
Well, I will miss my first costume for Halloween Party.
Permalink: If_I_leave_this_country_.html
Words: 188
Location: Buffalo, NY
11/07/04 04:23 - ID#34831
Great. No Books for People.
What is the next step to distroy human society in this country..?
Don't read books from now on.
Wow, that sounds really great to make people stupid like the host of this country.
Let's just be ignorant all together that would be better to live.
Oh!!!.. by the way, the bible will be available in any church in this country. Right..?
I am Furious.
I might have to take off this country as well sooner or later.
Permalink: Great_No_Books_for_People_.html
Words: 81
Location: Buffalo, NY
11/05/04 02:10 - ID#34830
Everything is meaningless
I miss my nephew and niece so much though.
So depressed from all kind of situations surrounding me right now. I don't have any energy to get off this depressing line. Rather it keeps pushing me down into the hell. I can't trust anybody in America. People are so individual and selfish somehow. Probably a lot of people who came here as abroad students had some expectation how this society would give them some kind of opportunities to find out valuable ideas in the long run. But, it's very blocked to those who are like me.
I already mentioned to Paul earlier that the re-elected guy is a nationalist, not a globalist, which means, he's gonna do whatever he feels right to have benefits. And, actually this society is based on these conservative value structure like what he wants, which I didn't really realize it before. I thought it's more like conflict value system between individualizd liberity and uptied sexuality. But, there is something more than those issus.
I always don't feel safe. Probably I just realized that nationalism or patriotism is more expanded than how the re-elected guy is in this country. It can be the supremacist structuralism.
I always don't feel safe, then why I have to do that again. I don't know.
Permalink: Everything_is_meaningless.html
Words: 257
Location: Buffalo, NY
11/03/04 04:27 - ID#34829
So depressed.
Wish people in every countries of the world could vote for this election. I really want to know what the world think of this..? I think nobody is happy with this result.
I'm not feeling good because I know it will affect on every single country in a bad way in the near future again. Please look at what's going on the world.
No peace for the world because the peace has been owned for only this country.
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Permalink: So_depressed_.html
Words: 136
Location: Buffalo, NY
11/03/04 03:28 - ID#34828
It looks like..
Tony Conrad just said at the pink about half hour ago that we don't have his class tomorrow because he isn't feeling well and wants to be sick all day long tomorrow because of the result of the election. Then he added that even he doesn't want to hear more depressing news. Yes, this is depressing and I still can't believe it that they chose him again.
It's not only about US, but also the world. So depressing and very sad.
Permalink: It_looks_like_.html
Words: 89
Location: Buffalo, NY
10/31/04 11:43 - ID#34827
Cynophobia
I think it was probably when I was 6 years old. I remember that I went to my kid friend's house with other friend. From outside of her parents' house, we could hear a dog's barking so loudly. (Remember? I was just a little little girl.) So, it could immediately make me scared enough. As soon as my little friend opened the door, the dog suddenly came out that happened so quickly. (Of course we got so surprised and scared.) Well, my the other friend started running away, and me? I got frozen, and then I had to witness the dog bite off my friend's leg in front of me. How horrible was it..? I saw bloody from her leg and my friend passed out. I was just standing there and probably I couldn't take a breath. I was just a 6 years old kid. I don't remember what happened afterward. I can just photograph the moment exactly even now.
So, I never liked dogs, even cats as well. If any dogs on my way anywhere, I just automatically got frozen, couldn't keep walking, and had to wait any people who could walk with me. Cats were little okay.. but.. dogs.. no way in my life for a vary long time.
At one of my professor's party few weeks ago, when I was holding a dog and petting it, a friend of mine said, "oh my god, I can't believe my eyes, I never thought that Soyeon can hold a dog" Yeah, I did and I can hold one dog I know right now. Her name is Missu, one of my professor's dog. These days, I feel happy from the things that Missu can recognize me and comes to me everywhere. It's kind of weird for me, I'm getting over my cynophobia finally that I've never expected it. It has happened when I could start petting Robin's cat and My friend, Craig's cat, however petting or holding dogs was different issue. Well, apparently, I can hold dogs. I think small pets are okay, but I'm not sure I can hold or pet big dogs. Anyways, I like Missu a lot, she is so cute.. very cute and very quiet.. Never seen her barking.
So, I was thinking of how the traumatic memory that still bothers your feelings can go away from what has happened to me.. any phobia or any trauma can go away eventually oneday.. so.. I'm thinking, it is just our mental consciousness? or something else.? Well, I guess, how we are able to bear thses psychological problems that are all depending on our mental perception. I don't know.
by the way, thank you so much, Twisted. I looked at the website you recommanded. I like those bags so much.. but, my new powerbook is 15 inch which doesn't fit the one you think nice. So, I was searching one for 15 inch on the website, but there is nothing like that for 15 inch, So sad.
and, I will update our halloween party photos very soon. Paul, I feel so bad that we had a halloween party on the same day. I wanted to have all you guys. I didn't know that you would have one until last Friday. I feel bad.. really.
Anyway, you missed my first costume ever in my whole entire life
Permalink: Cynophobia.html
Words: 680
Location: Buffalo, NY
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