Things are always changed quickly in human beings. It took me long time to understand, rather compromise with that. So, I'm trying to memorize everything what I like, what I love, but I keep forgetting it day by day. Then, on a insignificant day, suddenly everything comes up to me and swamp me into the irresistible yearning for the period of the youth.

Oneday, my co-worker, he told me over the phone that I have to see there are a lot of gradient colors between the white color and the black color in human beings. Even if something I think right went the wrong way, try not to be questioned or frustrated that is what he meant to me. Of course I was against with him like.."I DO NOT DO LIKE THAT." But he is right, and I'm still struggling to deal with the virtue of the middle path.

Autumn of the year in 2003 has almost gone. I loved Autumn in Korea, especially I loved November in Korea. People in Korea say that Autumn is for men and Spring is for women. Well, I think I'm not a woman then. hu~ There was a gingko tree behind my company, which was used to locate in the middle of downtown in Seoul before moving to the new building. The circumstance surrounded the old building seems always busy from many many high buildings, people and cars. There are a lot of planted gingko trees on the streets and they change their leaves to the yellow color in Autumn. It makes the busy city beautiful.

On a rainy day in November, I went out for a lunch with some of my co-workers and found out a gingko tree that was stood alone away from its friends behind my company. The tree was soaked by rain and lost a lot of leaves that scattered randomly on the street at the moment. It looks so lonely and poor, but it's beautiful that I told my co-workers at the time. One of my co-worker replied to me that I'm very romantic.

Hum, It hurts me a lot now.

-- One person who is quiet, Not harsh, - When alone like this, is beautiful

November 23, in Buffalo. SJ..

One Sound,
Reflection to You,
Drifiting Down and Down.

The Sadness,
Once,
has gone and never come back
Holding with the Dreams,
Emptiness.

A Strangled Shade,
Set at the edge of another Shade.

Bruised Hearts.
Though united as One,
There are still Blank Spaces,
Transience.

On a Sunny Day,
I dance with a lilting Music,
While Driving.

By Soyeon Jung.

I had a belief of the first snow in my unsophisticated childhood. - In Korea, there is not that much snow like Buffalo so that many people have some romantic wishes for the first snow day - Now, the belief is already faded away beyond my memories. However, it sometimes comes back every Winter because there is always the first snow day.

I used to tell my friends that I would call a man I love on the first snow day of the season, then tell him "I love you". But, I never had a chance to do like that.

A male friend of mine from high school joked me a long time ago. He said, his phone would be very busy on the first snow day because he might have gotten a lot of phone calls from girls who want to do like me. So he said, do not get disappointed at him although I can't reach him on the first snow day. Just keep trying to reach him. Well, we laughed a lot at the time. I still remember that. I miss my teenager life. I was so innocent. Everything was so innocent.

There is a particular flower in Korea. - I don't know the name of the flower in English - It blossoms out in the middle of May. Many young girls or people grind the flower with some Korean powder until the juices from the flower comes out, then put it on their finger nails. Later around,it comes out as nail manicure like died nails with the natural color. If the died nail with the flower can stay until the first snow day of the season, people say your first love will come true. That's the story of the first snow day in Korea. I don't think many people still remember that. Or believe it, Or they do not care of this anymore.. Or it is already forgotten.

Of course,I believed it. So, I tried it many many times. I wanted my first love to be come true, but my nails grew up very fast and it disappeared quickly before the first snow day. For the reason, I made own my way that I wrote above. So, my friends joked around with me a lot at the time. Well, I'm too old to do like that or too old to believe it. But it always leaves me a sentimental smile and a yearning for my innocent feelings.

This year, I still don't have anyone I can call. Instead, I'm telling people I know about the story. I don't know whom I will tell this story for the next year. Well, I will just keep telling people the story as long as it stays inside of my mind.

Perhaps, the flower wants to be just there like the way it is...

November 14th.. on the first snow day in Buffalo. -- SJ