"picture" written by Mk on estrip.org

12/02/06 12:04 - ID#29330

picture

Permalink: picture.html
Words: 2
Location: Kenmore, NY

11/20/06 09:54 - 33ºF - ID#29329

i want happy friends!!!!!

What is going on. I feel like all of my friends from Fredonia are depressed. Honestly all of them. They are all depressed about one thing or another...their weight, their current relationships, their current jobs....if I could give ANYONE advice it would be major in something "real" in college because most of them didn't and now they have jobs they hate. And I don't know what to say to them except if you are sad then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I know it is not always that easy but no one should be sad. You only live once as far as I know so if you are unhappy just freakin do something about it!!! I'm saying this in here because i can't say it to them in this blunt mean way but it is true!!!! Does this happen to all recent college graduates??? I mean I was definitely deperessed when I left college too and not that I'm 100% super thriled with my life, I feel that I have at least made efforts to be comfortable with myself and my current situation and it drives me nuts when I hear my best friends complain so much!!!!!!

Permalink: i_want_happy_friends_.html
Words: 197
Location: Kenmore, NY

11/19/06 12:12 - 39ºF - ID#29328

Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!

Do you think Kel is upset that Kenan made it to SNL and he didn't?

Although I don't generally find SNL that funny anymore, I think Andy Samberg is pretty funny. He just did a funny skit with Ludacris, which is why I am thinking of him.

I miss Weekend Update with Amy and Tina. I like Seth Meyers but I don't think he will be as good as Tina. Weekend Update was always the high point of the show when they were on.

Permalink: Live_from_New_York_it_s_Saturday_Night_.html
Words: 87
Location: Kenmore, NY

11/14/06 06:50 - 43ºF - ID#29327

I'm a posting MACHINE

Ok a) I need to switch my user pic now because I didn't realize how my chest was such a focus and that is not generally the look I go for.

b) I want to take a French and/or German class this summer. Kinda for fun, but it would also certainly be helpful towards my Master's. Anyone have any suggestions on where to look for that? I'm sure ECC is probably the easiest and cheapest.

c) Though it is far away, it is fun to think in advance: I'm thinking about getting a part time job for the summer, just for fun and of course to make money. I was thinking possibly a waitress? I feel like everyone should be a waitress at some point and I could see myself being okay at it. But there are many things people can do. I'm sure I can count on the estrippers to give me some suggestions for a fun yet productive (?) summer job I could look into? Also feel free to tell me any funny or ridiculous jobs you may have had yourself!

d) I just took out some anger on some old clothes that I still have left behind from HIM. (I don't mean Jesus...that reminded me of the way the word LORD is always capitalized in like church books). I took some scissors and pretty much went to town and cut and ripped until they were no more. I'm not normally that kind of person...I've never like set fire to old pictures or slashed any ex's tires...but I have to say it was kind of fun. Though I know I can't erase memories, and someday (soon), it won't bother me, it seems to be in my best interest to get rid of stuff that reminds me of him. Though it may seem childish, I think it helps. I can't bring myself to get rid of pictures, so I will at least have those around forever. But running shorts...I can bear to part with those...just means a trip to Target to buy more! Darn.

Permalink: I_m_a_posting_MACHINE.html
Words: 350
Location: Kenmore, NY

11/13/06 09:54 - 44ºF - ID#29326

done crying for now!

thanks for the advice and comments you guys. you always make me smile. after i wrote that post i grabbed the only piece of paper i could find...a jet blue credit card application...and just wrote and wrote which always seems to help me. seems to help me organize my thoughts and figure out that being upset over someone who has caused me nothing but pain and anger and sadness in the last year is totally ridiculous, and there is actually no good reason whatsoever to be upset about the whole thing!

i DO like jason's comment as well. not to divulge too much information about myself but i've had my eye on this one guy in this choir i sing in. i don't believe i've ever been so attracted to someone in my life! maybe it's just been long enough...perhaps it's time i actually did something about it... ;)

mk writes at 10:45:15 11/14/06 - Comment #12852: enknot, just for the record, i was definitely not crying because she is prettier than me because she is not! she is also very boring and has no personality. i honestly would have said the same thing before. so there's no way that i'm worried she's better than me in any department! ok she's skinnier than me. she looks anorexic. i suppose some would say that's an advantage??!!

enknot writes at 05:42:56 11/14/06 - Comment #12831: Hey MK. I Haven't read many of your posts, so excuse me if I seem a bit outta the blue, but in a really twisted kinda way it's really awsome that you can hurt about this situation.

Lemme explain. If you didn't have real feelings for this dude you wouldent care... ok maybe it's something more shallow and baseless like you thought she was prettier than you so your crying about it, but I'll just give you the benefit of doubt.

When I broke up with my ex (ok it was more mutual than that) I was glad she was gone and I missed her presence more than her. Actually I hated her. She was pretty selfish and really sucked in general, but that's enough dirt.

My place is still rather empty with just me in it, but at least I like all the occupants and none of the are cats, which I miss, but am deathly allergic to.
Either way I look at your situation, you win, since you had something real even if your ex didn't share your joy. Wish I could say that much about Becky. Now that your not with him you can find someone who cares about you as much as you cared about him.

Besides, I bet that even with a turtleneck on your still rather atractive, so have a few more good crys then go get that chior boy he don't know what he's in for!

jason writes at 08:21:37 11/14/06 - Comment #12819: Well I think you should definitely show some interest. I mean why not? I was told by my friend last weekend that this one chick thought I was cute, but hell if I knew, she more or less just broke my balls.

mike writes at 11:28:08 11/13/06 - Comment #12816: can't wait to hear more about him. And holy boobs in your user pic!

Permalink: done_crying_for_now_.html
Words: 151
Location: Kenmore, NY

11/13/06 12:30 - 38ºF - ID#29325

fuck

So here's what's not fun. Looking on Facebook and seeing your ex-boyfriend in his user picture with a girl. Granted the picture is so small that you can't see who it is but you're pretty damn sure it's a girl and you also know pretty well who it is and are not fucking shocked at all who it probably is. What's not cool is sitting in the middle of JFK. crying your eyes out around a bunch of strangers. What's cool yet embarassing is someone you don't even know giving you a packet of Kleenex. I want to just die right now. I just can't even stop crying and I don't know what to do with myself.

jason writes at 02:53:40 11/13/06 - Comment #12798: Ugh, I hate squelching the temptation to write disgusting filthy things but in consideration of the mood I have to do what's right!

joshua writes at 02:10:54 11/13/06 - Comment #12797: My brother is so right here its not even funny - ignore the second thing he said but pay close attention to the first. It is fabulous advice - you will see. Holding a torch for an ex that has moved on is useless.

Anyway you are beautiful and talented. Time will repair how you will feel, like Lee says. There will be a guy that comes along and will give you what you need - don't worry so much and enjoy yourself in the meantime.

hodown writes at 01:12:11 11/13/06 - Comment #12796: aww, im so sorry. we've all been there. heartbreak is the worst.

jason writes at 11:52:35 11/13/06 - Comment #12793: Another thing I've heard is the best way to get over a guy is to get under a guy, but hey I'm not in that position so I have no clue.

leetee writes at 11:20:43 11/13/06 - Comment #12792: ((((( (e:MK) )))))) Heartache sucks. But that ole dumb line that time heals all wounds is true. Time will fade the pain. Hang in there!

And just think, if you were still with that guy, you might not be available for the wonderful beautiful charming guy that is going to come into your life!!

museumchick writes at 09:35:26 11/13/06 - Comment #12789: I think Jason had some good advice- but I definitely know how you feel. Its as if someone churned your heart out and then stopped on it.

lilho writes at 08:56:28 11/13/06 - Comment #12788: i feel your pain, and trust me, mine is probably multiplied by a million.

jason writes at 08:38:34 11/13/06 - Comment #12787: "I just can't even stop crying and I don't know what to do with myself."

One thing you can do is remember that he is one of many, and that he's not the first or last guy in the world. Ex's are ex's for a reason. It wasn't meant to be. What if you ran into a really great guy? Don't waste any opportunities because of an attachment that serves no purpose.

Permalink: fuck.html
Words: 117
Location: Kenmore, NY

11/12/06 11:52 - 38ºF - ID#29324

Update on my stupid flight!

Ok well now I'm at the airport. I can't believe I have another hour and half. Puke. AND to make matters worse, THEY TOOK MY HAIR GEL!!! My favorite hair gel that I can't even find in Buffalo and had to buy in Toronto. The jerks took it. This especially annoys me because I got through Buffalo security without anyone noticing or caring. I love that hair gel. Waaahhhhh.

I would like to hit up the airport bar actually but a) I'd have to drag everything with me and b) I already spent way too much money on this trip! But I got some good stuff so that's exciting. I bought new running sneakers which will hopefully motivate me to get back into running. A friend and I are going to run the Buffalo Half Marathon in May and then probably a marathon down in Long Island in September or October. I'm going to need a race before that though. A good 10K or something.

For anyone keeping track or keeping score, I've decided to stick around Buffalo for another year until I go to graduate school. So you are all stuck with me for another year. :D Mike, if you get that music school going, I will gladly apply.

Finally, the kitty in the picture in the last entry with me is not mine but my friend Lindsay's. I am totally and completely a dog person but I absolutely love this cat. His name is Reuben and he is soooooo playful and loving....unlike any cat I've ever met. He crawled right under me when I was lying on the floor playing with my laptop, hence the cute cute pictures of us together. I will put up one other, but then I have to put up pictures of my dogs because they are REALLY my favorites and I don't want them to feel neglected.

Permalink: Update_on_my_stupid_flight_.html
Words: 321
Location: Kenmore, NY

11/12/06 08:03 - 38ºF - ID#29323

jet blue

So I was supposed to leave at 10:40 pm from JFK tonight and now my flight is delayed until 1:10 AM. I feel terrible because someone has to pick me up at like 2:30 in the morning. And I think it's only because of stupid rain. Ugh I'm so mad at Jet Blue.

But in the meantime look at this cute kitty!!!

Permalink: jet_blue.html
Words: 63
Location: Kenmore, NY

11/10/06 12:43 - 44ºF - ID#29322

Another mini-vacation

So last week I was in Boston and now I am in (on?) Long Island visiting a few of my friends until Sunday evening. Right now I'm staying at my friend Laura's. Since she's not as lucky as me and has a normal job that doesn't have off today, she's at work while I'm hanging around her apartment. I think she feels bad but I'm honestly thoroughly enjoying just having the morning to myself. Soon my friend Mary Beth who is student teaching somewhere near here is picking me up and we're going to get some lunch. I think we'll go see a movie later or something with Laura after she gets out of work. I feel a little like I'm invading everyone's life and that I'm annoying because I don't have a car. (p.s. I ate BLUE potato chips on my flight here and they were delicious.) I want to go into the city tomorrow but Laura has some shoot in the morning and Lindsay, another friend of mine, lives about an hour away from where I am now, which means like an hour and a half from New York, and I don't know if she'll want go at all, let alone be there in time to really do anything. I would actually really like to see Rent while I'm here. I know you can do the whole rush ticket thing beforehand so that would be neat if that works out. I won't be totally bummed if we don't go to the city but it would be nice. I usually really enjoy New York City when I am here, especially when I actually have a plan and am not just hanging around. So we'll see what happens. I think I'm going to go enter grades online now. I lead a very exciting life!!!!

Permalink: Another_mini_vacation.html
Words: 305
Location: Kenmore, NY

11/07/06 04:54 - 50ºF - ID#29321

my freakin life

This is one of those life posts.

I'm rethinking my future and as always never know if I'm making the right decision, so any input would be fine.

Here's the deal...

So I've been planning for several months to stay in Buffalo for the remainder of this school year, and then move out of state somewhere to go to graduate school. I'm 23, I teach high school music and would be going for my Master's Degree in Vocal Performance or Pedagogy. Now I'm starting to think maybe I want to stay in Buffalo and wait another year to start my Master's.

The pros, benefits would be...

I can save more money. I can take voice lessons and improve my singing, so that I could sound better for my grad school auditions. I can get more teaching experience and delay the fact that I'm simply going to leave my students. I get to spend more time with my friends and family, and can continue singing with the groups I sing with.

The cons would be...

It is really just the way I feel. I have always been afraid to just settle. I feel like if I don't go away to grad school, I'm wasting my potential and talent and taking the easy way out by just staying here. I have felt that way for awhile and I don't know why.
Plus grad school may be a nice place to meet people. And I ain't getting any younger. By the time I get to grad school, everyone else will probably be married with 2 kids. Ha.

The bottom line is, most people move away because they are tired of where they are. But I am honestly not tired of being here at all. I love my friends, I love my family, I, well, my job is okay, I love my voice teacher. So I feel like if I leave...am I doing it for the right reasons?

There's nowhere in Buffalo I can do my gradwork. I KNOW that I eventually want to be a full time graduate student. The problem is just...do I want to wait? Will I feel like I missed out or that I'm not doing all that I could?

MEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!