I hope everybody has been doing well - sorry for not saying much. I've been busy and have been keeping to myself. Here's a couple recent pictures, for those of you who may not keep track of my silly ass on Facebook -

This year's birthday picture, outside of Sweetness 7 -



Me, this evening, at Bidwell Park -



I hope you haven't forgotten what I look like! Hahaha.

Anyway, I've had at times an annoying past few months, with many thoughts coursing through my brain that I'm not going to bore you with. Suffice it to say that life sometimes sucks and sometimes regardless of how you act or what you say, someone is going to be unfair to you. I have a hard time dealing with that. The thing I like the least about myself is at times I'm too sensitive for my own good. I wish I had it in me to change that, but on the balance things are cool and I've got countless more people looking out for me than not... and that is a damn good feeling.

Let's talk about love for a minute - lacking it, maybe having it but never knowing it... via getting gawked at. Really for the first time in my life I've been noticing people noticing... and I don't know how to handle it or react. I do not think I am an object of attraction and never really have... when it happens I tend to think, "wow, someone is checking ME out?" I guess you can say that it is the opposite mentality to your stereotypical alpha male standard operating procedure. So yeah, when I walk into a coffee shop and see that the girls at a table right next to me are checking me out, I tend to be skeptical of what I'm seeing and do not look back.

I had a barista in front of me once who I knew for absolute sure wanted to know my name and have a little introduction. I did nothing - a couple months later she was standing in line with me at another place, very out of the blue and very random. It was like the hand of fate was trying to teach me a lesson about taking a leap of faith - and now I've met her.

One of my bosses is like a mother to me. God knows she's looked out for me and she says things to me like, "what's wrong with you Josh, why don't you have a girlfriend? You're a good looking guy, this is your prime years, you're freaking crazy not to step forward and take what's yours." Anyway, parts of the answer lie in this entry.

I like the freedom that bachelorhood provides but you cannot hide from the fact that it's an ultimately lonely existence. I really only think of it at night, when it is actually quiet enough for this stuff to bubble up to the surface. Freedom is NOT free, is it? Getting smiles here and there has added both joy and confusion to my life. Yeah, you are damn right that I love my freedom, but I love the thought of giving up some freedom if it means that I don't die alone. I don't want to be everybody's cup of tea, I just want to be one girl's cup of tea. Eventually...

It is strange how these thoughts can all come swirling about just as a reaction to being checked out more often. I push and pull my own thoughts on this stuff all the time. In the end I have an irrational belief in myself that things will be fine.

Hi everybody -

This will make no sense to anybody except for a lady that had sent me a note regarding my genealogy, so don't mind me too much :)

Coleen - send me your email address. I don't have any of those details you are asking about, but my uncle happens to be a genealogy freak. I'd be happy to put you in touch with him and maybe you can compare notes. Just leave me an email addy please! I'm sure my uncle can at least provide you with some answers in the affirmative/negative.

Josh

I sent this to the White House today - I really hope that something happens for Zilly Rosen.

Hello White House -

President Barack Obama is visiting my home city of Buffalo, New York on Thursday, May 13 and many citizens here in Buffalo are excited. The purpose for my message to the White House today is twofold; first, to send a warm welcome from a city with a lot of heart, and secondly to remind the right person within the White House of a particular Buffalo citizen with a particularly big heart.

Although I'm sure these plans are made in advance and can be a pain to adjust, I think it would be appropriate to pay a visit to Zillycakes and Zilly Rosen, the creator of the Obama cupcake image, as well as the cupcake image of Presidents Obama and Lincoln that were installed at the Smithsonian American Art Museum.

For reference:





Zilly is a very humble lady and is the owner of one amazing bakery here in Buffalo. I promise that it will be a highlight in the President's short trip to the city and for people from DC that wants a taste of some fantastic sweets. Anyone who gets to tag along will love it. Please let the President come get a custom cupcake!

People have put a lot of faith into President Obama as a politician and a person, but would you deny somebody who would go so far as to create the cupcake art that you have seen?

Sincerely,
Joshua Larson
Buffalo, NY

First of all, hi, it's been a while -



I've got a question - which is better, playing chat roulette and finding a gross dude with a huge erection in his hand, or is it better to find a dude with a huge rifle in his hand?

C'mon. You know me well enough to understand that if I saw this I would do exactly as follows -



Josh

PS - loving my time out west.

Inspiration is seeing a friend, who was confined to a wheelchair, standing on his own two feet. There's no words to express how I feel right now - it's enough to make you weep. If that doesn't make the voice in your head scream "NEVER GIVE UP!" then nothing will.

What, you don't have a voice in your head?

For the past 6 weeks or so I've noticed chest pains whenever I get overwhelmed with stress. It's really weird - kind of like a rock the size of a softball has been planted where your heart should be.

Today my heart seemed to be throbbing quite a bit and I started to feel the pain again, so I went home from work early and laid down. It seems that once the weird stuff starts, it has a hard time letting it go... kind of like yours truly and grudges.

In other words, I'm having trouble facing up to the fact that I should see a doctor. I worry about hearing bad news, although I know that one has got to gulp down the bad news whole and face the facts. What do you suppose a doctor is going to do to me when I tell them that I'm a 31 year old guy that has a medical history of on and off treatment for hypertension (160/100) diagnosed since age 18, and that here and there I'm getting chest pain?

Bleh.

Hmm, this might be my first mobile entry. Long story short - I am going back to SF for work again. Three days in SF, one day in Sacramento and a redeye back home.

It is because I cannot relate to social conservatism or the ridiculous machinations of phonies like Pat Robertson. Wanna get sick? Click the link and watch -



Pat Robertson - you are a fucking disgrace to Christianity and to humanity in general. We've got thousands dead because of an earthquake - a legitimate catastrophe - and all you can think about is your objection to voodoo? You've lost, or perhaps never understood, the concept of God's grace. You are the very embodiment of what it means to be a disservice to that which you claim to be.

When I think of Christians I think of people like Drew Ludwig, not some rich, bigoted, racist white guy who occasionally comes down from his multimillion dollar mansion to let us know exactly how shitty the world is outside of his fascist Christian mindset. Pat Robertson makes Drew's work all that much harder because when outright lunatics like Pat Robertson speak their mind, guess who is unfairly left to explain away the nonsense?

You know what - some day I might have a kid out of wedlock. Who knows? It isn't outside of the realm of possibility. If so, I would never tolerate a man like Pat Robertson telling ME that my child is somehow lesser in God's eyes. I don't even think Pat Robertson has a connection to God any longer, if he ever did.

I cannot describe in words how much I loathe people like Pat Robertson. So tell me Pat, how is this tirade advancing the Lord's work? The answer is that it does not - you're a discombobulated old fool. Yep, St. Peter is going to be happy the day he meets you. I'm sure he'll be fascinated with the message you've been spreading all these years. Pat Robertson - you aren't a Christian at all, from my perspective.

Yesterday we were trying to figure out where to take Dad for food - a stroke of brilliance revealed Lagniappes - Dad would love it!

So, we stood for 10 minutes telling Dad how much we love this place, how the food is great and we'd be positive that he'd enjoy it. I told him about the full alligator roast he used to do, how you can smell the restaurant all around the block, thus suffocating and negating that other ridiculous and contrived spot on the corner. Hey Jay, let's get the takeout menu and put together our order! Man, I haven't had this in a while Dad, I can't wait!

Oh, hey, are they open today?

• SCREEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCHHHHHHH***

FYI, Lagniappes is closed on Mondays!

What a hilarious and spectacular letdown.