Hey everyone i see we are all winding up, or cramping up when it comes to valentines day. now unfortunately i am of the sentimental, romantic persuasion. last year for valentine's day i cooked my exgirlfriend Kerri dinner. Made her favorite, chicken cordon blue, (she was amazed i remembered her liking chicken cordon blue as it was said in passing) salad, garlic potatoes, and a lemon zest vegitable of which my memory escapes me. the apartment was filled with candles, and there was a vase of flowers on the table, these were hers to take after the evening. I also made a fantastic playlist on itunes, of which we ended up dancing to 5 or 6 songs, after dinner. following the dancing, i broke out the Moet. I had never had Moet, and I will tell you, i now know why it is expensive. oh wow is it good. We danced some more and then retired to my room, which was aglow from all of the lavender candles and tea lights around the room. it was a perfect evening. and i can't lie. i will definatley think of that night this year. hoping that she does not have someone to have taken my place. what will i do that nite? i don't have the foggiest idea. to be honest, i don't want a valentine that is not her. i have been dating, going out with other girls to varying degrees. but i have no desire, there is not even a cheap lust that would be able to sustain a tawdry little affair. i do have to agree with joshua's guidelines for fun on the holiday. kudos to you, hopefully you can implement the game plan and go, go, go, not gonna stop till you cross that goal line (hahaha inspired by the great cinematic classic, Rudy) I do have the option of going to see Tom Jones in Manhattan. i believe my friends Brian and his girlfriend Megan are going to see him at Roseland maybe. Now Joshua, I guarantee there will be some horned up single women there. i might be able to implement your shock and awe tactics there. i would definately need a few drinks to take the edge of as they say. im sitting here watching the English Patient again for the 4 time in probably a week. to continue on with the mush fest, i believe that the reason stories like this appeal to people is because it gives us all that wonderful high from the euphoric little four letter word.....Hope. Well i guess depending on the circumstances, that word can do more harm then good. A smile is still a powerful thing, i got one saturday nite. sent my weekend into a tailspin. wrote something new tonite. ill post it later, i have some chinese food waiting.

anyone here ever see A Box of Moonlight? John Turturo, and Sam Rockwell are in it. Funny movie. really funny movie. Bizzare, but definately funny. I'd like to join in the fun with dream comments. Lately I have been having some really vivid dreams, ones that are in great detail, and wake me from a sound sleep leaving me wondering what the hell just happened, if i am in trouble with the law, and just leaving me in a general state of anxiety upon waking up. none of the dreams are pleasant at all. the funny thing is i am not one to dream normally, or at least remember them. maybe its all the time i have on my hands. i mean i try to stay busy during the day, but there is only so much i can do. i read twisted's post on a book club, and think it is a col idea. of course the problem is keeping up with readings. i was invited into a book club with some friends in Astoria, Queens, but i never made a meeting, or even purchased one of the books to be read. i wanted to, just never got around to it.

Watched the english patient last nite. i really love that movie. i know it is long, and some peole think very boring/sappy, but it is really a great movie. makes me long for a time passed. sometimes i feel as if am living in the wrong time. or that i feel a desire to travel the world when it was a bit slower, a bit more innocent. Like what you see in movies. Casablanca, indiana jones. i know it sounds like i am probably off kilter, but there is a romance to it maybe. America was a different place then. I would have loved to see NY City immediately following WW II. last nite before watching the movie i loaded all of my writing that i had on 3/4 inch disks in to my laptop. I have decided that i am going to make an effort to publish my own little chap book. this blog that i go to written by jami attenberg (whatever-whenever.com) well she has published a few books, two of which being self published short stories, called instant love and instant love 2. My plan of attack is to go to the few independent bookstores around here in Long beach, and Rockvlle Centre, and see if i can get some shelve space, or even a spot at the counter. of course i would have to give the store a cut of the profit, which would mean i would have to go and figure that out. i would print out a certain amount for the first printing, and then hopefully after the first priniting sold out, print more. each time being careful not to print to many, so as to have a surplus. i think it is totally possible. i also would like to print my great uncle's story of the a typhoon that his landing craft weather in the south pacific during WW2. well this post is a definate rambler. ithink i am going to go into the city saturday for a Canisus ALumni party. yeah i know didn't go to canisus, but its molson beer, and buffalo wings.

so yesterday i went and got my passport photos taken. for what i have no idea. i guess i would like to go on a nice vacation sometime soon. i don't see that happening though as i need to get a job first and then of course i can't just up and say hey i am going away for a few days. unless i make that known before i am hired. well it is just a good idea to have a passport. apparently more than 80% of americans do not have a passport. this i learned from this English girl i was dating awhile back. i had gone out with her and all of her english friends, and being the only american i was, well the topic of conversation. it was like 20 questions. and of course they were taking bets on whether or not i had a passport, and well they were right, i did not. so i went out and got an application, and filled it out, and......well.....that was as far as i got. so yesterday while i was running errands i decided to get the photos taken at AAA, i used to work there and they are free for gold card memebers, so i stopped by said hi to some old friends and got some pics. i called Kerri last nite. got her voice mail, and then of course my minds starts spinning, maybe she is out on a date. funny thing is i have been out on dates, and each one made me feel farther away from her. then of course saturday nite when i ran into her as i said before, her smile took it all away. put me on cloud nine, i can totall dig what jenks is saying about simple things. i feel like i am in the movie Singles right now. you know the scene where the architech/city planner guy is jobless, and sending out resumes, and the girl come back. he says, i want to start again, i want to get to know you all over again. well thats what i feel like. i want to start over. no making out, well a little bit, but, nothing major, that sounds so junior high, eh i don't care. i want to spend time together again. i think it can work. normally when someone breaks up, i just say fuck it, i hurt for awhile, go through the stages, sad, depressed, then the intense disliking. well for some reason. i have not gone through that. maybes its because it has had no finality to it. it is an ongoing mess. ah whatever. if she says now, then it is time to mosey on. so last nite we played cards again. i think we are going to officially dub it Tuesday nite trouble. it was Mickey, Calvin, Dan, this guy Chris who used to manage Riverside in Lewiston, and myself. I took the first pot!!!! it was only 60 bucks cause it was only cal, mickey and myself. then i lost the next two and quit. it was fun all in all. well i have to run to the bank before it closes. and i might go into long beach to take some pics. i really enjoy posting them here. tschuss

here are some pics of today's jaunt in pt lookout. the last two pics are of my car and the inside of my apartment. i had to see if the camera was charged enough and yes that is first daughter or whatever katie holmes movie on the tv. enjoy the pics, i couldn't put them all up. there were too many!!!

Went out last nite and had a really good time. I actually had visitors, well a visitor at my place last nite., My buddy Rudy stopped by and we pregamed before going out. See no one every comes by, and its not like my place is not comfortable or that you can't hang out. Everyone just ends up going other places i guess. it was cool none the less. After that we venture down into Long Beach and bounced around a few places. Ended up at the Inn of course and ran into Kerri. It was actually really good seeing her. We talked and just basically smiled uncontrollably at one another. The kind of smile that hurts. nothing was resolved or anything, but she does want to talk, go to dinner. Today is a great day. just a smile can really change ones attitude. I also ran into an old friend who works in this bank, Astoria Federal, a big bank down here who wants me to come in and give her my resume. So hopefully this will be the beginning of a positive upswing. Work, and everything else. Maybe it was that blue piece of beach glass? It is like a four leaf clover they say. It would be nice. There are so many things I want to accomplish, get done, take care of. Being in a positive mind set really helps.

I was checking out the war of religion in the posts. I agree that healthy debate is important. unfortunately religion and politics are topics that always come under the gun, and no one is ever swayed it seems to the other side. For example i posted something a while back concerning my "liberalism" there are many topics i am liberal leaning. There are also many topics i am conservative on. As mentioned in the previous post (a while back) i think that is the best course for people to take. Deciding issues across the board, or voting party lines does not allow one to make use of their intelligence and good judgement. Abortion and war are very touchy subjects, as well as religion and politics, but to say that one school of thought or the other has the answers, or is best equipped to provide answers is a stretch. War is an ugly thing. Unfortunately wars happen. It is because humans lack the ability to live peacefully for extedended periods of time. There are various factors that lead to war, greed, jealousy, extreme vews, all of which are faults of being human. Our intelligence and reason are what we are to use to avoid such calamities. As seen with the earthquakes in asia, the tsunami, and the hurricanes in the gulf this year, we have all we can do to survive the wrath of mother nature. Now i am a realist. war is going to happen, but it has to be after healthy debate, all facts being rock solid, and the consent of a people. of course not everyone is going to agree but that is the beauty of our country, you can disagree. Abortion, well I don't like it. HOWEVER, i do feel it should be legal. Now abortion should not be used as a means of birth control, but in order to keep women from going to illegal clinics, or doctors performing unhealthy, unsafe procedures, it needs to be protected under the law. Every individual who is directly effected by this issue, has to decide and live with the consequences of such and act. who's right is it to legislate people's private lives, when the personal suffering by either outcome has to be endured for a lifetime. I believe in the sanctity of life, and i feel that in itself is involved with the whole god question. wow i really went off there. a lot of it is disjointed because i am watching this movie the Jack Bull on HBO, John Cusack is in it. its really good. I think i am going to start trying to take more pics and post more. maybe this week while it is nice i will go to the beach and take some pics around long beach show you all where i live. I mean i know where all of you are, well not really. but you know what i mean.

the blue piece is right next to the green one.

those were the pics from today's excursion. it was 50 degrees here and i got up early this morning probably because i didn't go out an punish my body last nite. i think tonite might make up for it. though i would like to get up early again tomorrow and go walk the east end of long beach. i found a BLUE piece of beach glass today. i am going to take a pic of my beach treasures and post them for you all to see. i wish that i could take pics of what i see as iam driving. i mean if i had one of those fancy cam corders, they have a feature like that. getting to Robert Moses State park, you drive out the ocean park way which is between the ocean and the great south bay. you have a great view of jones beach, as well as the jones beach ampitheater. It is a really beautiful drive. had the sunroof open flying down the parkway jammin to lowest of the low. nothing better. after that i went to saloon to have lunch. a battered fish sandwich and a pint of bass. it was all in all a great day.



the pics are above peeps

all this talk of religion lately sparked by ejtower's post on atheism is cool. Today saw a show on the history channel and it was from the bible to the battlefield. it basically explained how the bible's accounts of battle's can be decoded and really make sense. I believe in god, but more in a sense of a spirtual energy that ties all of us, nature surrounding us, together. a being or something that is a higher ideal. a morality. i do feel that intrinsically we have a battle between good and evil in us all. different circumstances either make us stronger, or weaker in this fight to maintain the decency that we should live are lives with. It all ties in with idea's on liberty and philosophy and the like.