Sitting at my desk, I've been thinking about how little choices really are like a pebble dropped in a pond. Whether they be decisons made in regards to love, finance, living arrangements, even something as simple as a 5 min window at a grocery store. Now just so you know nothing dramatic has happened. But recently I've been thinking a lot about my relationship "status" as facebook so delicately puts it.

I thinks it partially due to the fact that my uncle passed away on Saturday. He had been sick for a while, and after undergoing radiation and chemo he was weak. Understandably so as he was not a large in stature, and 80yrs old, he lived a long life. He immigrated from the Phillipines in the 50s and became best friends with my nana in med school. He became part of our family (well before I was a thought! Lol)

The reason for a lot of reflection recently stems from something my sister said sunday nite while she was sobbing in the phone. She made a comment,and I immediately understood where she was coming from. It was an emotion that I had been experiencing since my nana and pop passed away. My childhood has ended. Sarah felt that our uncle was the last tie, whatever was left of our childhood, our nana and pop. It was the end of Christmas, summers in Chatauqua, helping in the garden out back, sun warmed raspberries right of the bush...a lot of great memories. Nothing was the same after they were both gone, but Uncle Fran was there, he was what was left of all of those moments.

Now being that I am 33, and my sister is 29, I have no illusions about the fact that I am no longer a child. Its more the idea that my is further away than it has ever seemed to be, yet at times the term adult does not seem to fit.

I would suspect that this recent bout of reflective melancholy is because I have been looking back at certain instances in my life and been wondering how things may have been different had I made a different decision. I'm not saying these are regrets.just that had I made different decisons my life would probably be drastically different. I would not have meet the people I now know and have known. I would not be living where I am. I would also not be going to London for a week long holiday. I think the reflection is more a mental monday morning qb type thing. Yes there are certain things I wish were different. Who doesn't. But there are many things in my life that I enjoy and that I am thankful for.

I am worried though that this trip will open a pandoras box. One that I feel is rattling, and shaking, waiting to be broken open. We will see what happens. Well I've said enough for now. Sorry for the verbal walkabout!