so i have been having some wildly lucid dreams lately. its gotten to the point where i cannot descern between actual conscious happenings and what is going on during my sleeping hours. its actually quite disturbing. i was at the laundromat today and trying to figure out if something i was thinking about happened, or if it was indeed a dream that i had remembered. i think it may be do to my use of the ac in my room. see i just got a comforter for my bed. yeah i know, end of june, what better time to get a comforter. i used to be a blanket person. liked lots of blankets, the feel of them piled on top, the ability to remove one and mediate the temp of my sleeping enviorns. i have to get up early tomorrow and go to church, well temple actually. my buddy who's wedding i am is having the wedding contract blessed by his rabbi. he called on monday and asked if i would like to go. it is a family and close friends event. i really didn't want to go, but being that i didn't go to the stag party in AC, and he invited me to a family event, and i am standing up in his wedding i felt it was the right thing to do. i just get very uncomfortable in religious settings. sounds ignorant, i know. but people can get so easily offended if you don't understand their spritual rites, and such. plus being that it is not christian, i am going to feel extremely awkward and self conscious. i used to feel unfcomfortable when i had to go to church with my cousin and aunt after sleep overs when i was little. my cousin and i would fight because i would not knell and genuflect before entering the pew. i would not use the kneelers, and i would not take comunion. even after being confirmed i didn't feel right taking comunion in a catholic church. didn't like getting up and walking done the isle. now i know that is one of the purposes, well i would assume, it brings a sense of togetherness, community in celebrating jesus's sacrifice for us. but i was raised sitting in a pew, and the "wine" and the waffers were brought to us and passed down the pew while some hymn was being sung by the choir (i think) and played on the organ. well that was a bit of a religious blabber. i really am excited for the wedding though. got fitted for my tux, they are really nice. maybe i will get a pic of me and my date and post it. hopefuly i will remember.

the girl victoria i went on the date with, two dates with and numerous phone convos...... Dead in the water. DUD. KAPUT. so we went to see the break up for our date after the migrane. we had a great time, and that weekend she was having a bbq with a bunch of friends from college, so i was like well i will talk to you later. i figured i would give her the weekend and maybe send a text saying hi. leave her time with her friends from albany, she had said they don't get together quite as often anymore. so saturday i text her hey want to say hi. maybe we can do the beach tomorrow. sunday she texts me, its not a nice day out, my friends have not left, i will call you later. so she does, we talk for a while. she calls back, talk some more and i ask if she has a busy week. working in the city and the commute restricts ones extra curriculars during the week, well for a majority of people at least. i wanted to set up a date for dinner mid to end week at this italian place Sole. its out of this world. she loves food, is italian and has never been there. after go for a walk on the beach and get ice cream at this great place in long beach. have her home before 11. well i ask if she has a busy week and she says "well thursday i have happy hour with a friend in the city, but i just want to come home. i hate staying in the city after work" i ask if she would like to do something and i get the pause. yep. the pause. i knew. she says..well i'm not sure, let me see how the week shapes up and then we'll talk. so we wrap it up cause now i have a hunch its not shaping up like it seemed, and i get the I WILL TALK TO YOU SOON. thats never good. so now i feel the ball is in her court. she knows i want to see her that week, and she said she will let me know. so i am not calling. (yeah i know its kind of gameish. but what am i to do. i have kerri's voice and the things she said when we broke up that kind of steer my thinking. and i know thats bad too.) anyways i don't hear from her all week so i decide to text her on thursday afternoon, hey just wanted to say hi, hope all is well. hoping to elicit a response and move on that.....NADA. its a shame. she was really quite beautifull, and we had awesome conversation, at least i thought so. a minimall of awkward moments, but thats natural i think. so now my roomate tells me that he new girlfriend is bringing a friend out here in 2 weeks or something to go to dinner, and go out and apparently they are all staying here. he's all excited, i guess they are trying to set me up. trouble is our taste in girls couldn't be more opposite. in almost every aspect. well not every, but girls i would date, he wouldnt and girls he dates i wouldnt. at least i don't think. lately everytime my phone rings or chimes for a msg, i have this terrible hope that it is kerri. school is over, and maybe she wants to hit balls, and then realize that she does want to be with me and has made a mistake. for some reason that happens a lot to me. as i am sure many others. funny side note, my date to the wedding, is Jana, the girl i dated before kerri and who after hearing about her came to me and said she made a mistake and wanted me back. the same one kerri and i ran into at dinner and kerri got jealous. it wasnt a conscious thing in asking her, she actually asked to go with me, but i can tell you that after the wedding i will be out in LB in a tux, with Jana, trying to make someone slightly jealous. yup. its mean i know. i guess not good? any moral police out there have any comments?????

spent last weekend in the hamptons. wild debauchery. thats all i have to say about that. oh and me making bloody marys in cups bigger than big gulp cups floating in the pool, bbq'ing, and rocking madras pants. yeah it was an awesome weekend. oh and my sister throwing up in to a garbage can for a whole day. good good stuff. i have more i am sure, but gotta hit the sack. gotta be up soon for this cermony. hope all is well. im gonna come home this summer and meet some of you. really, seriously i will

wow a whole month has gone by since i last posted. It feels like i have gone around the world, well maybe not. but i have been thinking about you all and estrip since i could not get on. my internet wass being quite difficult. had to call in some heavy hitters to try and correct the problem. now my computer works properly, all that needs to be done is to get my roomates up and running correctly. not a lot has gone on, yet it feels like a lot has gone on. ran into the ex a bunch of times and she wanted to do things, ie hit golf balls, get dinner, stuff like that. never ended up happening and i am kind of don't care. i actually met someone cool a few weeks ago. the day of the saturday sabres/hurricanes game. there were a group of us from buffalo watching the game at my house drinking labatts blue. it was great. my roomate met a girl from lancaster who works in manhattan and they have been dating for a bout a month now. my friend kim, who has earned the nickname buffalo kim, since i know a whol slew of kims down here, they are designated which kim by what street they live on an so on. so after the game buffalo kim and i go out in long beach happy from the win, and continue the celebration. she leaves with my friend doug, and i turn and introduce myself to this extremely cute girl, victoria. we chatted for awhile, and i got her number. we have been out and talk on the phone, and we were supposed to go out tonite, but she left work aroun 2 with a migrane. we chatted when she got home and decided to postpone the date until tomorrow pending game time decision. other than that i have been spending a lot of time on the beach. thats about it. i actually have a lot of catching up to do with email. i will write more, just wanted to drop a line and say hi to all.