im back....so yeah my roomie is back with his ex, ex...and well i am not going to lie, it gives me hope. a foolish thing i know, but what am i supposed to do. i actually went out saturday nite with my roomate in long beach. he has not been out, free and unfetered in 2 years. it was insane. the drinks that were being consumed, and the dancing. we ran into a group of girls that are friends of mine, and just seriously boogied down. it was an awesome time. he left me at the Inn, i don't even remember him leaving me there, that is how much fun it was. I know its alittle delayed but i hope everyone had fun on new years, i had a pretty good time at a party in astoria. even came up with a haiku for the fridge.

gardens felt like you
and a sea of aching petals
worship delirious language

i need to start writing more. i need to start writing and get the broken string on my guitar restrung. i have time to do both. i just need to do them. anyone have post its?? going to bed, it is supposed to be nice here tomorrow. 50's i think. maybe i will go down to the beach. probably lots of beach glass. talk to you all later.

We finally have internet in my apartment again!! no more going to starbucks, or running to my buddy calvins house to plug in. hooked up my wireless router and everything. now i just have to figure out how to make a network that is secure for my roomate's computer and mine. the signal is just out there and i am not sure if that is a good thing or not. well no job as of yet, went on an interview, and the guy talked me out of the positoin. it was another recruiting job. my friend courtney works there and wanted me to come in just to see if i was interested. i am kind of, but i feel that i am at the point in my life where i have to start building a future, i mean 29 is not to early, hahaha. i want to feel more secure and have the ablility to do more of the things that i want to do. so i did not want to take a position that i would not be happy with in a few months or even more so, not be doing well at. that leads me to another trouble area in my life. kerri. well i have decided that i am going to take her to dinner, and say listen, i think about you a lot, and i don't like what we were doing. going out, and then spending the nite together and not talking for two weeks. i am going to propose that we see each other again. with more space than the first time around. now with that, though i am going to ask if it is something she wants to do, or if it is something that she will just do. does that make any sense? i have to do this to move on. i think about her entirely too much. this weekend will be the the 1 year from when i met her. martin luther king weekend, the sunday. i called a bunch of my friends to go out, i said there would be a lot of cute teachers out because of having monday off. well i was right. my friends were hitting on her and her friends, and she walked away from them and sat down next to me at the bar and said hi. and then we started talking. i said i would meet her out that wednesday at open mic, but i was really sick. we had no heat in the apt for that whole week. my friend roland told her, and then the next time i saw her i didn't think she was interested. finally 2 weeks later she came over to me and said are you going to talk to me or ask me out or what? i walked her home, and we spent the nite kissing, cuddling and talking. it was great. from then on, it was always kerri and eric. i don't want to move on, i would like her back, but if i have to, then it has to be like that. my roomate has started seeing the girl he moved her for. they broke up 5 years ago. they had talked about marriage, houses, kids. now he doesn't know what he is doing. i told him that sometimes things like that happen, don't let your pride get in the way. however if it is something that you really feel is not the right thing to do then, well i guess you have to do what you think is right. i personally think that they will get back together, and pick up where they left off. though i did see what happened to him when they broke up. i am going to get kicked offline. have to finish up in a min......

Leaving for Long Island tomorrow morning. Hopefully i will be up early enough so that i can get a good start. I would like to be on the road by 4:30 am, thats right kids, i said 4:30 am. that way i will be home by noon or a little after that. this was a pretty good trip. ran into a few people i have not seen in years, met a couple new people, and well spent time with my family. Tonite my mom, dad and i went to dinner at Ilo DiPalo's. I really like that place. its homey, very family oriented. Had french onion soup, salad, and canneollo something...this long pasta stuffed with spiniach and veal with a alfredo sauce. very good. had to bring a lot of it home. While we were eating my dad asked me why i like living on long island so much. I gave him a slew of reasons. though i must say, i would probably like living back here too. Though i would have to live down off of Elmwood in order to maintain my sanity. my parents live out in the burbs, west seneca/op border. to quiet, nothing going on out here. i do miss buffalo, and a lot of things about it. i could definately see myself moving back here some day. that day, however is not anytime soon. at least i do not think it is. Last nite at mr. oneills was a classic one to say the least. he got into some wine, and my buddy mike and i got into a little johnny walker black label. whew, what a nite. his dad is so quiet, and the things that come out of his mouth, are just way to funny. he is not one of those good time charlie guys, with a big belly laugh, or back slapping hugs, but very sheepish, and maybe that is what makes what he says so funny. i don't know, but i almost pissed my self a few times. gotta love mr. oneill. there is a picture of the queen and prince phillp hanging above his toilet. so standing there, you give the queen a show. i took a pic of the pic using my phone, now i just need to send it to my email so i can load it on here. not the most tech savy guy here people. so it may be awhile, but i definately want you all to see this picture. it is hilarious. they are just sitting/standing in pose, and you are standing "in pose" really funny. Kinda like a PEEP SHOW! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA yeah that was a cheap one, had to slipe it in there. it is funny though especially after 2 scotch and waters! well that is enough for now. kinda tired and bored. gonna go find something to do.

Went cruising around down on Allen St. last nite with a couple of buddies. Started out at Colter bay, then hit frizzy's the pink and brick bar. It was quite an evening. we ended the festivities at bullfeathers. I have to say i was having a pretty good time at the pink, pix messaging to haikuster. Since she couldn't have a molson, i took a pic of one and then sent it along. it looks pretty good with the red tint. I couldn't help but wonder while i was at the pink and frizzy's if anyone in there was an estripper. anyways, tonite it is off to crystal beach to have dinner at one of my good friend's father's house. i have not seen his dad in almost 4 years, since my buddy's wedding. It should be great Mr. O'Neill never dissapoints. I know that it is only over the peace bridge, but i just love going to canada. unfortunately i missed the boxing day party last nite at mike's brothers house. I think now i am going to write about the comment i made about one of jenk's posts on ex's. Kerri and i broke up in june, and i had asked her not to call or speak to me. During our relationship we spoke about what we wanted in the future and goals, and came to the conclusion that we both wanted the same things, and of course we loved being together. ok that is the short clean version, anyways. we broke up in june as i said, and of course she would call, text, and run into me on a regular basis. so it made things very difficult. of course i didn't help things out myself, i was like a moth to the flame. i wanted to spend time with her, i loved her she is beautiful and just being with her was well, i felt at ease. so then it became a monthly thing where she would call and we would go to a movie, dinner, or drinks, and then we would spend the nite together. of course no good. i mean it was good, but doing it was not good for me. the last time this happened was the saturday after thanksgiving. she said somethings that were, well honestly fucked up. She knows how i feel, hell everyone knows how i feel. So now we had not spoke since thanksgiving. she didn't even ask if i was coming home, and i wasnt, had to work. last thursday i was out with some friends in garden city, and we ran into her sister karen. it was good to see her, she said she asked kerri about me all the time and wished that i would be spending christmas eve with their family. that is the big nite for them. we talked and it was nice. i explained to her that i had not spoke to kerri in almost a month. so after talking for a good long while, my friends and i left and then friday, around 4 or so Kerri calls. she asks if i am going home for christmas, and then wants to have a conversation. we talk for awhile, and then asks when i am coming back, and makes a point of saying that she will be around this week because she is not going away. normally she goes away during christmas break. i was like great, then she asks me about new years. now honestly, i want to talk to her, but i would rather not because after everytime i speak to her or see her, i have to "reset" and begin all over again. i know that it should be easier, but it is not, i don't hater her or anything like that but that might make it easier. ex's just suck. especially when you and everyone around them/you knows they had a great thing that they threw out. i guess maybe thats one reason why it is hard. you see a family with someone, a future and then it's gone, like that. she still does have the poem i wrote her on her wall with the beach glass in the jars. i guess that is something.

i was not able to put everything in my last post, for some reason aol timesout everytime i access estrip through AOL. anyways. i have an interview next week that i am very excited for. i am pretty sure that i have the job already, if i want it, and that the interview is a formlaity. see i was let go from my other job 2 weeks ago. yeah no shit. who fires people this close to the holidays? I know this other guy who was fired recently. at least keep people around until after the holidays. as anyone ever had the discussion on who cheetarah was hooking up with in the Thundercats? i am at my friends house right now and the discussion about Lion-o, Panthro, and Cheetarah. I am just sitting here while they dicuss this pressing issue. hahaha....well i will put more in later on. gotta run to dinner. Outback tonite.

I am leaving for home on saturday, yes the long drive home to buffalo on christmas eve. I don't mind the drive but it would be a lot better if someone else was in the car with me. I guess you kind of get the over the river and through the woods kinda mentality on a long drive up rt 17, seriously, through the woods and snow! i am not sure how excited i am about dealing with the snow, we have none hear yet. its cold as hell, but no snow. plan on hitting a few local watering holes when i am home. faherty's, bullfeathers, and any other ones that suit my fancy. are there any sabres games over the holiday weekend? i would like to go to one, have not been to see them play in a few years.

Oh yeah i am really jealous that there is this big party on the 17th. it sounds like a lot of fun. if i were home i would definately try and attend. sometimes i think about packing it up down here and moving home. it can't be all that bad. right? everyone have fun at the snow party. i am looking forward to reading posts about it afterwords. i have a couple party's on the itinterary down here. they should be fun. one is a dress up party, gotta get the shirt to the dry cleaners, i love the way the cuffs and collar are after the dry cleaner with med starch. so crisp. nice tie, and v neck sweater, dress pants, shoes. should be fun, cocktails, mistle toe, what is the a song here? anyways everyone have fun and be safe

hello hello hello! ok so here it is, i am just going to put it out there. Anyone, and i mean anyone want to move to the north, i mean way the fuck up there and well i guess start a ranch type deal? hahaha. that was great. a ranch type deal, so in case you are wondering i have no clue what i am talking about. well no really i do. plus i have a 4 day head start on all of you suckers with my beard. yeah i have a beard, and it is coming in quite nicely i may say. neatly groomed on the neck, and cheeks, i made it passed the ugly dirty phase with flying colors. anyways back to the homestead act. i figure we could trap and hunt and fish, and raise crops. drink great canadian beer and watch hockey. i mean we are not going to be living in the stone age, but just apart from everything else. what caused this snap in sanity you ask? or maybe not, well i was fired last thursday. yup. they said it was not working out, that though i was good at what i was doing, i missing that certain something, that one intangible that would have put me over the top, and kept my seat in the office. in other news, i have been bounding about the city and long island, i didn't get to come home for thanksgiving because we had to work the next day, it really was not that bad. i went out in mineola with some friends and then my buddy's girlfriend's family had me over for dinner. it was all people "our" age. they call it kids thanksgiving because Shauna, my friend, her mom and dad go to ireland every year to see family, and shauna's sister tara has dinner at her house. it was nice. lots of food and wine and beer, and then off to work on the 7:10 train the next morning. oh oh oh i did get to go see U2 at the Garden!! my friend julie, her company owns a luxury box, so she gave me two tickets and i got to bring a date. i thought about bringing kerri, but kaibashed that. took this girl jana instead. we used to date awhile back, it was just a fun time, thats it. kerri, well that is just a pain in my head, heart, ass. we usually go out twice a month, dinner, movie, drinks, and then i stay over. i tell you, like a moth to the flame. have not spoke to her since the saturday after thanksgiving. i really would like to keep it that way, but on the other hand it drives me nuts. i have been meeting a lot of girls randomly though. it is fun. here is something for ya. 4 years ago i meet this girl vincenza, meet her out at a bar in the city, we hit it off, dance, talk, make out a little bit outside the bar, S.O.P, she tells me she lives in Long beach i was like great i live over the bridge in island park. She is like honey, Long beach california. so we stay in touch, talk on the phone and she wanted me to come visit. i said sure, plus i could visit haikuster. well we lose touch. i send out a chain email the other day, something i never do. and well she responds back, do you even know who this is. i write to her and explain that i do. she calls me two nites later and tells me she is living in richmond hill queens. bout 1/2 hour from me. not even. she is coming over to watch elf drink wine and eat pizza tomorrow nite by my gaily decorated xmas tree. wild wierd shit huh. unreal. i wonder what her position on facial hair is. mmmmmmm i really don't want to get rid of this until it is absolutely necessary. well i have to go. gotta go work, well i picked up a bartend gig, and a couple catering gigs. i think i should just go back to school and try to be a teacher. get a job that i can work 9-5 make decent bank and go to grad school at nite. that sounds good huh? any advice, fire away i am all ears. oh the pic is me and the twins, nicholas, and my beeeeautiful godaughter emily. there dad left my cousin. he is a dick. just wanted to say that.

got my offer sheet!!! Well i had to go to garden city to get it. when i got to the fedex office, the man behind the counter said that i should call ahead with the number that is printed on the door sticked. i promptly informed him that there was no door sticker, and that i was home both days that the package was attempted to be delivered. he then said he would make a note of that. maybe the courier will get in trouble. went o the beach today for 3 hours, it was nice and cool there. started reading Another Road Side Attraction, by tom robbins. his books are amazing. the things that he writes, you just start laughing from shock and random moments of the book. really good so far. can't wait to start this job. i have nothing else in me right now to say. so i am going say adios .

i hear the train through
the dark,
i hear the train through the fog
the steel wheels, clack clacking
across the tracks
i hear the train because I do not
hear you
your breath,
i hear the doors open
and shut, echoing in the hallways
of my mind, footsteps
pacing back and forth
i hear the doors, the footsteps because
i do not hear you,
your breath