The sweetness is always ephemeral.

Too much hanging out so that I couldn't get work done I am suppose to. Too much thinking on my mind, Too much distractive, Too much depressed, Too much..
I skiped my morning class today, and Robin called me what's going on and told me that we have a presesntation for 10 min this Wednesday.

Before going to my night class today, I have to stop by my bank and my mechanic. Some weird sound is coming out of my car since Saturday. I can't get rid of my car. I have to fix it. Hum..

I was too much out of my mind so that I couldn't notice my friend CDC logging on the Messenger last night. Finally, I noticed him onlne and talked him like.. "hey, are you crazy.. what time is over there.. it's 2 am in the morning over there.." He replied,, "Thank for noticing me." and added he logged online only for me. So I asked him again why didn't you talk to me first then. He said.. donnno.

He sent three songs through online.. I told him.. "you knew it that I would love these songs." He said.. "Yes, I knew it" then, I cried a lot. I never told him that I miss him.. Finally, I told him that I miss him a lot. But I should not have told him.

Please.. go out to meet some people.. CDC.. do not stay home too much.. Please..
I'm getting back to my place... okay..?

The water is already spilt out of the glass,
so it's impossible to fill the glass up with that water again.

--- SJ

I miss all my family and friends in Korea. I'm staying well here in Buffalo.
Mom I miss you the most. I can't wait to go home this winter.

I ordered food to go because I wanted to save time to work at school. But that stupid Korean restaurant didn't put spoon and folk or chopstick in the bag. So, I had to run around school to find out one of those things to eat about 30 min. I ran into Jesse in front of CFA and asked him if he has one. He said.. he has one at home.. God, it didn't sound helping me out. So stupid.. In conclusion, I just wasted time.

By the way, sorry Jesse to have missed your phone. You should've called me earlier.. Robin, Julie and I watched "Hero" at Market Acade.

I fell asleep left all lights on and computer on, even without washing my face again.
It was little funny night yesterday. I always get distractive by a lot of people at every openings. I kept running into people I know at CEPA last night. I was looking for Carolee Schneemann work, but couldn't find them for a while, and had to talk to people I ran into.

Finally I found out Carolee Schneemann work in the basement gallery, but got little disappointed because I've already seen those work in the books. I had a channce to talk to the curator, and he said they printed out her work a day before the opening. Oh well, so it's just nothing then.

Media Study Gangs..

I asked my new film professor, who just came from England, why he is so popular from female students. I hope he wasn't offened from the question. Well, he said he likes making friends. Making friends.. Good.!!!, But it was so funny. One of my friend asked me to get a ride to Hardware Store from CEPA gallery, then she changed her mind and told me that she would walk over there because some people were going to, and added that "the weather is nice".. (I don't think the weather was nice last night.. it was chilly.) Anyway,, why she wanted to walk over.. because the film professor was going to walk. At the hardware wine bar, the professor was surounded by all media female students. WOW.

I asked my friend Leah and Vince why..? They said because he is an young professor and his british accent. Also, he is cute and nice. Hum...

So, I was trying not to be one of them and mentioned that a guy sitting at the bar is cute. Then, got embarrasing happening. Akil.. oh no.. I should not have told Akil about that. But, Leah kept telling me that Akil did a very nice job for me on the way home. Oh no.

It was totally embarrasing. That's why I fell asleep last night.. Too much..

Very weird sound had been come out of it for a while. I knew that I might have to buy another one, but didn't expect it would happen very soon. I'm the one who needs hair-dryers after taking showers all the time. It is, to make my hair-style prettier, to make my look better... Actually, it doesn't really matter if I don't look good all the time.. well, I probably look same, it is just my obsession.
However, I can get feeling sad if I have to throw away something I used to have whether it is small one or big one. Just it's sad in a way of the fact that I have to get rid of it.

For one day, For an hour, For a minute, For a second, if I had it, I have to deal with the loss whatever it is. Well, my hair-dryer made me feel safe to look good for a while, but now I have to throw it away. And I have to spend money to get another one. See? There is a painful fact.. " Spending money to get another one."
That's the deal... well, it's the same thing as human being.

I didn't break my hair-dryer.. it just broke by itself today, because it's the time to be.

I started writing journal here that was the first snow day of the winter, 2003. I wrote about one particular flower in Korea.[inlink]u=soyeon&id=1[/inlink] And, I'm waiting for the first snow for this year again although I tell people around that I don't like snow anymore. It is always like that if something is too much, that is not desireble anymore. Isn't that sound so sad in a way..?

For another 100 entry, I've just started writing my journal again here. I don't know what kind of things will be on my mind.. Feelings?, Events?, Jokes..? I'm sure something will be on my mind and I would want to write about it day by day..
Just never guess what will be.. and all my memories always leave here.

A Quotation:

All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique.
All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last,
to tell the whole story, to vomit the anguish up.

An Art of Mine:

December, 28. 2001.

soyeon,

wow, what a crazy trip this has been so far. I'm sorry I didn't get to see
you before I left from Buffalo. The security people took me away because I
was going to be late for my flight. They went through all of my bags -twice!

It was all very strange and I'm wondering what you're thinking. I didn't do
it on purpose, they just made me leave right away so I would make the
flight, I wanted to say goodbye to you but they wouldn't let me see you.

In fact, in every city they have been checking me and going through my bag.

My first flight was late to Chicago which messed everything up. Now I'm very
late in getting to St. Thomas because I missed all my flights, also I have
no idea where all of my luggage is, I could never see it again. It had all
of the Christmas presents I was going to give to my family plus my clothes
of course.

Right now I'm in San Juan, Puerto Rico. It is 2:30 am and there is nobody
here. I'm the only passenger in the airport. It's weird and very lonely. I'm
very sad and very tired.

My flight to St. Thomas Leaves at 7:00 am and will only take 45 minutes.

I left a message for my mom telling her I was going to be late, she was mad
because she thought I missed my flight out of Buffalo.

I hate flying, it is so bad now, I like to travel but I really hate flying
now. This whole vacation has been very bad.

I also feel sad because I left you back in Buffalo. I really want to come
home now. Now it really sounds like I'm a baby.

Help !

I really really really miss you.

I hope things get better. I sent pictures of the lonely airport. I'll to my
parents house to rest and will call you in the afternoon. Talk to you soon.
love

---

It was raining a few minutes ago and I feel melancholy now, cause' I dreamed about you again. I realized that I already lost you at the airport 3 years ago. I was looking for you all over the places at the airport, but you just disappeared. I was on the security line for you. But, you were not there when I turned around to look over where you were standing again. I couldn't go home until most of people at the airport went away. I felt so strange and I got so feeling hurt at the time. Now, it left behind as my memory. Take care.

Soyeon.