I started writing journal here that was the first snow day of the winter, 2003. I wrote about one particular flower in Korea.[inlink]u=soyeon&id=1[/inlink] And, I'm waiting for the first snow for this year again although I tell people around that I don't like snow anymore. It is always like that if something is too much, that is not desireble anymore. Isn't that sound so sad in a way..?

For another 100 entry, I've just started writing my journal again here. I don't know what kind of things will be on my mind.. Feelings?, Events?, Jokes..? I'm sure something will be on my mind and I would want to write about it day by day..
Just never guess what will be.. and all my memories always leave here.

A Quotation:

All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique.
All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last,
to tell the whole story, to vomit the anguish up.

An Art of Mine:

December, 28. 2001.

soyeon,

wow, what a crazy trip this has been so far. I'm sorry I didn't get to see
you before I left from Buffalo. The security people took me away because I
was going to be late for my flight. They went through all of my bags -twice!

It was all very strange and I'm wondering what you're thinking. I didn't do
it on purpose, they just made me leave right away so I would make the
flight, I wanted to say goodbye to you but they wouldn't let me see you.

In fact, in every city they have been checking me and going through my bag.

My first flight was late to Chicago which messed everything up. Now I'm very
late in getting to St. Thomas because I missed all my flights, also I have
no idea where all of my luggage is, I could never see it again. It had all
of the Christmas presents I was going to give to my family plus my clothes
of course.

Right now I'm in San Juan, Puerto Rico. It is 2:30 am and there is nobody
here. I'm the only passenger in the airport. It's weird and very lonely. I'm
very sad and very tired.

My flight to St. Thomas Leaves at 7:00 am and will only take 45 minutes.

I left a message for my mom telling her I was going to be late, she was mad
because she thought I missed my flight out of Buffalo.

I hate flying, it is so bad now, I like to travel but I really hate flying
now. This whole vacation has been very bad.

I also feel sad because I left you back in Buffalo. I really want to come
home now. Now it really sounds like I'm a baby.

Help !

I really really really miss you.

I hope things get better. I sent pictures of the lonely airport. I'll to my
parents house to rest and will call you in the afternoon. Talk to you soon.
love

---

It was raining a few minutes ago and I feel melancholy now, cause' I dreamed about you again. I realized that I already lost you at the airport 3 years ago. I was looking for you all over the places at the airport, but you just disappeared. I was on the security line for you. But, you were not there when I turned around to look over where you were standing again. I couldn't go home until most of people at the airport went away. I felt so strange and I got so feeling hurt at the time. Now, it left behind as my memory. Take care.

Soyeon.

The love which is started in passion calls a destructive future,
and the love where the passion is lost is dry.

I already know this two fact too well, it is empty.

-- SJ

That's me and robin's favorite place to eat out in the middle of night. I don't know where to go from now on. I love the pancakes with strawberry there. I should buy strawberry and make pancakes at home. That's better idea.? But, I'm not good at cooking american food. Well, the boycotting Panos email is circularing around media grads list server now.

And here the web address to sign up for saving the old building is.

www.petitiononline.com/1089elm/petition.html

So sad,..

Needless to say... 8*

[inlink]u=robin&id=272[/inlink] Robin, I'm not shy to talk about my dream with my close friends, but I just don't feel comfortable to talk about it with other people. Sometimes, I tell you my dream... "hey, Robin. I dreamed strange thing last night" like that because you are my sweet friend, so I can share some of my personal stories with you. But, you know why other people have to know about all my personal things. So this is totally a pressure, and I'm not ready to do that. So, do I have to lie about my dream because my professor told us.? Writing journal should not come from somebody asking. It's totally from our motivation. I don't know. I know they won't jurge me from reading my dreams, but still it is strange to me. I know you write about your dream, and it doesn't make me feel strange at all becaue it is your internal thoughts and you are motivated and willing to talk about it. But, I can't.. I mean, for myself, it is fine, I don't know.. anyway, I will think about it. . I'm not able to be articulate what's on my mind about this exactly.

I have so much things to do.. I've been lazy again, but something makes me feel good and smile these days. See you in the class tomorrow.

I have another seminar course in my department side, which is requirement one for all MFA students. Well, Uaually, first year, we should take seminar in the image 1, then last year, we should take seminar in the image 2. But, it's all up to us how we want to manage schedule whatever. So, this year is my third year and now I'm finally taking seminar in the image 1 to graduate. (I've already taken Seminar in the image 2, twice) But, I feel it is a little mistake for me. Well, I'm enjoying the class, but it seems more like designed for students who don't know what they're gonna do. Probably, I'm arrogant in a way. I don't know.

Anyways, my professor told us that we have to keep writing journal about life and dream. So, I mentioned about elmwoodstrip.com in the class today. I've been writing journal here, which is cool. Also, I' have a personal journal whenever I want to write down or draw in Korean or English whatever. But I don't know about dream stuff. Because dream can be very personal that I don't want to share with anybody. I think writing about dream sounds very cool, but my dream is quite complicated and it's very personal issue. Sometimes, I see something that imply to happen in my near future in my dream. For example, I dreamed that I lost my wallet and my money went away strangely. I thought I will have some financial difficulties soon whatever or I feel bad for my mom to support me. I don't know what I was thinking at the time. But, it turned out that somebody took my money away from my bank. I thought that is so strange. My dreams are like that sometimes. Well, this is just something l can share with people, but most my dream is not like that way. If I write about my dream in my journal, I feel like I got naked standing in the public area. Then, there is no personal story which I want to keep inside anymore. Sometimes, I want to hold my thoughts inside. Can't I..?

She never told me that she has a boyfriend, but I assumed she might have because she implied something about it on her website. Finally she told me today on the messager. She wanted me to check her boyfriend's picture on her website and kept asking me what I think. First my impression was that he is not a good-looking guy, but I looked at another picture of him.. he is cute in a way. Well, I feel sorry for my youngest sister because their relationship is the long-distance relationship. It's hard.
That's why she often says to me that she might wanna go back to Korea forgood.
I don't know what to say to her. It's actaully up to her. I think they look good together. It little surpised me because I know my youngest sister is kind of no interested in men. She is just a little baby although she is 24. I can't imagine that she can kiss this guy or anything like that. Well, they might never kiss each other. I kind of think so. I really don't know what to say to my youngest sister about having a boyfriend. I think I should ask my mom about this. Oh well, there is no secret in my family. (that's why I didn't tell my youngest sister what has happened to me the other day, I don't want my mom to worry about me anymore.)
By the way, I was gonna go to school today, but I'm being so lazy again.


Now, I realized when my youngest sister went to Paris, this boy is her boyfriend.


Can you see how innocent she looks.?


Oh well, he is cute in a way.

A man, who has no home, misses home,

A man, who has home, misses the wind on the empty open field,

I, thinking on a street after leaving home,

Nothing earned, Nothing lost in my life,

Everything is just gone away with years,

Like the wind on the empty open field,

A man in crying misses the day laughing,

A man in laughing fears coming the day crying the end of the day laughing,

I, asking a blooming grass on a street,

For what I have lived,

And, for what I will live,

An alive man worries the death,

A dying man yearns for the days being alive,

A man, who has no liberty, misses the liberty,

A man, who has liberty, is dying on a street with his excessive liberty.

---

SJ