Today I accompanied my father to his Lasik surgery in Niagara Falls, Canada. I even got to watch it, which I have to admit was interesting. Both eyes only took about 10-15 minutes, and they have a monitor hanging up in the room so you can watch all the good stuff up and close.

Not being regularly privy to the proceedings in the surgery room, I can only assume that "regular" surgery is far more gruesome, but its strange to watch you're fathers eyeballs on a 25" screen being held back by clamps and tape, while they continually prod and apply anesthetic eye drops as the laser does its work.

Quote of the day from the doctor's assistant (who I am attracted to, but I'll explain more in a second) - "You won't be able to feel the laser, but you'll be able to smell it." Yeah, she's talking about the smell of burning eyeball.

This office possibly had the most attractive women per square inch of any doctors office outside of a plastic surgery center. Beautiful girls - is it wrong to hit on or flirt with your dad's doctors? I say, hell no. Not that I would actually say this, but the thought in my head at the time was, "I think you're beautiful and I want to kiss you." As far as I'm concerned thats a better pickup line than "call me Fred Flintstone cuz I'm gonna make your bed rock." Too bad I'm shy.

I had about 2 hours to kill, so I went to the supermarket nearby and got some couscous salad, juice and some Chinese pears and Fuji apples - the pears were white, had texture like an apple and had virtually no flavor. While I waited for my dad's prescriptions after his surgery, I took my blood pressure... and I have to admit that I was shocked. 191 over 119, pulse 79. I really, really need to stop drinking redeyes from SPoT and get back on my diuretic. I must have among the worst blood pressures for somebody of my age and health - I have lost about 15 lbs. of my "travel weight" over the past 4 months or so, but I still have a little bit to go, and my diet isn't exactly the best out there at times. I need to find a good organic decaf coffee that I can live with.

One of my co-workers who lives in Miami is getting married to a girl he met in Nicaragua - they've only been dating for less than a year. I'm happy for him... I was invited to his wedding but I have Sabres tickets for the day before and I'll not be able to make it in time.

The interesting thing is that she speaks no English and hadn't seen snow before in her life before she came to Buffalo. I've been bringing her back and forth from my boss' house in Clarence when I come to work, and my co-worker asked me to speak English to her to help her learn. So.... what did I do?

Conservative talk radio. Sooner or later she's going to ask Julio, "como se dice 'tax and spend liberal' en espanol?" Or possibly, "como se dice 'dittohead' en espanol?" Or maybe, "como se dice 'defeatocrat' en espanol?"

I like driving around the area on warm, sunny days with my iPod, my aviators and a big fat joint.

I like grilling for my friends.

I like hanging out on my porch and watching the people, then wondering "where were all these hot girls when the snow was out?"

I like cruising the aisles at the Co-Op.

I used to like walking to Lexington to go to the Co-Op, but now I like walking to Lexington to get Kuni's.

I like to inject people with optimism when it seems like there is none.

I like classic rock - it hasn't been the same since.

I like trying to cook a completely new recipe, even if it turns out like an F minus.

I like arguing with people with whom I have disagreements - this is fairly obvious.

I like sticking up for people when nobody seemingly will.

I like to drink coffee and watch football (in the global sense) during the weekend.

I like getting up early on nice days to sit on my porch and read the paper or a new book.

I like politics, although if you think about it too

I like meeting new people and trying to figure out what makes them tick.

I like sex WAY too much for somebody who is practically celibate.

I like shopping for stuff online.

I like nostalgia.

I like speaking my mind.

I like looking at pictures from my travels, but I miss certain places so bad it hurts.

I like our nation a great deal, although by no means is it perfect.

I like blunt honesty.

I like reading short fiction and Kerouac.

I like the art festivals, especially the one directly in front of my house every year.

I like sleeping in.

I like to be mischievous.

I like the idiosyncracies of the neighborhood I live in - I know all the merchants and they know me, plus my neighbors are generally cool, thoughtful people.

I like playing my guitar, although my abilities are limited due to the fact that I haven't practiced seriously in 8 years. So I just strum along, make stuff up and enjoy myself.

I like taking my grandma out for lunch, just me and her.

I like to help people, which is why I keep my job and believe in the philosophy of the industry despite the obscenely low pay.

I like autumn the most of all seasons.

I like visiting my grandpa's grave and talking to him, although I can only hope that he's listening to me somewhere.

I like the fact that I'll miss Buffalo whenever I leave - this place has heart and has imprinted itself on me permanently.

I like laughing and making people laugh.

I like drinking with strangers at airport bars - the truth is that you never know who you'll run into in an airport bar.

I like hanging out with old friends in far away cities.

I like saying thank you, holding doors open and being polite - I'm old school like that.

I like barbecue sauce - A LOT.

EDIT: I almost forgot - I like my brother!

EDIT: I had to add a third for you - seriously, I feel like I'm looking at two blonde-colored Q-Tips. I'm the one playing with his "thing".

Happy birthday to the new daughter one of my best friends and his wife just gave life to!



Emma Rose Sanfilippo - what a cutie!

Taking the piss is what I am best at - but seriously.

Good day people!

Lonely feeling deep inside
Find a corner where I can hide
Silent footsteps crowding me
Sudden darkness but I can see

No sugar tonight in my coffee
No sugar tonight in my tea
No sugar to stand beside me
No sugar to run with me

(Dat'n-doo-dow-dow-dat'n-doo-dow...)

In the silence of her mind
Quiet movements where I can find
Grabbing for me with her eyes
Now I'm falling from her skies

No sugar tonight in my coffee
No sugar tonight in my tea
No sugar to stand beside me
No sugar to run with me


OR MAYBE THIS SONG!


There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there
Telling me I got to beware

I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind

I think it's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

What a field-day for the heat
A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and carrying signs
Mostly say, hooray for our side

It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away

We better stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, now, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

The rooster in the henhouse, the vodka in the punch, the coke in the booger, Mr. Al Franken, is running for United States Senate in the state of Minnesota. Now Air America has lost its biggest draw in an otherwise bankrupt, unethical, completely shabby and mismanaged experiment.

Sam Seder - now is the time, brother! As you know, Sam, it doesn't take a great deal of effort to outshine Randi Rhodes and now that the "big dog" has been euthanized the doors have swung open! Not only have the doors swung open, my friend in liberalhood, but the doors have been practically been - *snicker* - UNHINGED! You can definitely do this - and in a cruel ironic twist, if you play your cards right my man, you can get the "Wal-Mart" rollback on the price of the station very, very soon. Sam Seder Radio Network - think of it!

I say D.O.A. obviously because he doesn't have a burning chance in hell of actually being elected. Not only does he not represent in any way, shape or form the political landscape of his 'home state' (he's spent 90% of his life in either Hollywood or Manhattan) but he has absolutely no traits that are required of an effective politician. Make no mistake - this is a vanity project.

I can't help but wonder what was on his mind when he decided to run, and one part of me would absolutely love to watch a characteristic Franken implosion live on C-SPAN. Further, I think it would be interesting to see Al Franken get gangbanged and checked by the Italian Grandmother From Hell, Mrs. Pelosi when he inevitably would drool out the following -

"GODDAMMIT - they aren't yelling at the Republicans enough!"

"BUSH LIED 4 REAL - and the Democrats refuse to impeach!"

"We need to cut the funding - NOW!"

"Rush Limbaugh is successful and I am not - therefore we need to enact legislation that would FORCE an otherwise unwilling radio audience to listen to unpopular, unmarketable content that was a proven failure when I tried it!"

Prepare for the next election cycle to get incredibly amusing, and not because they will be laughing WITH Mr. Franken. Minnesota is known for Jesse "The Mind" Ventura's escapades, but I assure you, friends, he'll never be a Senator.

You all know how I abhor Valentine's Day, but yesterday while working I was inspired to write some things decribing love in various ways.

So, I'll share with you the haikus I wrote as well as a poem while I was "working" yesterday.

A note - haikus are traditionally 5/7/5 format but modern rules are essentially very loose. For fun I used 4/5/4, 5/6/5 and 7/7/7 - as I said in my MySpace blog, 7 is a lucky number and I need all the luck I can get!

For those of you who are in love and will hopefully do right by your lovers today - enjoy your day. To the rest of us who aren't attached - remember that love gives us the greatest human experiences... the highest highs, the lowest lows, hope and optimism. So for my sentimental side, and for those who I loved and who loved me, and for those who feel lonely on days like this - here are my thoughts.

The last haiku is my dedication to the brunettes out there - I have never dated a blonde, so to all the brunettes who have been charitable enough to like me more than blondes do - I love you!

Through My Eyes

only this thing
can make still waters
and dry the sea

as the water sings
hope eternally springs -
love is not yet lost

earthbound oceans of starlight
sunbeams on dark hair shimmer
water for a dying world

A Simple Answer

What makes the walking gaze
a breath that moves away
the wintry, anchored haze?

What gives and takes away
from souls and saintly dreams
as sunset steals the day?

What sweeps the sullen earth
and casts all fears aside
to show what life is worth?

Stay warm!

- Josh

Boss Gambles While Being Oblivious To The Needs Of His Company

I absolutely fucking hate it that my boss is asking me for something while he is on vacation in Las Vegas.... THAT I FUCKING SENT TO HIM LAST THURSDAY. Since he apparently didn't see that, then I can safely assume that he didn't read the series of questions I had asked him pertaining to the same project... which he is now asking me about from a casino somewhere.

What kind of business person can get away with this level of incompetance?

His response? "I'll call you in an hour." Thanks for paying attention to your employees' correspondance only as long as it has something to do with money!!! HOPE THAT GAMBLING AWAY OF THOUSANDS GOES WELL THIS WEEK!!!

I can't say that I've dealt with this too much since I am usually as demanding on my superiors as they are with me, but this is ridiculous. If an employee is asking you questions about a project that a client is wondering asking about, then its probably wise for you to make sure that you are paying attention to the employee that is assigned with the task. Its inexcusable that he didn't realize that I was asking him about this very same issue several days ago.

Love Universal

In a slightly schizophrenic but sincere note I wanted to bring attention to a fantastic and inspirational story of non-Valentine's Day related love - - the power of a father's love for his child truly can know no bounds. I admire people who don't take the easy road, and I couldn't possibly articulate the amount of respect I have for this particular father.

Bucking Fabricated Holidays

I agree with (e:vincent) - we need a holiday that celebrates relationships of drama-free convenience. By this I clearly mean "friends with benefits" arrangements, or at the very least, friendships with (in my case, anyway) members of the opposite sex that are mutually beneficial and do not routinely end in dramafests. The only female that I've ever had such an arrangement with left Buffalo. It was not the "friends with benefits" kind of thing, but if it ever did slip in that direction it would have been solely out of sheer boredom. The bottom line is this - if I'm even remotely attracted to a girl, having a traditional friendship is just about impossible and so I maintain plenty of distance. For me its rare to have normal friendly, drama-free relations with members of the opposite sex partially because of my own idiosyncracies, but also because I simply believe that its a rarity. So why not celebrate such a rarity instead of a ginned up corporate holiday?

So, for the single ladies out there -



I drew you grassy, rolling hills with a box of chocolates, a credit card, a rose, seagulls, a smiling sun and a nice blue sky!

Seeing as flipping off "the man" and being non-conformist is hip again, I refuse to fill out this MySpace style bulletin question line. I would like to say that I used to use the picture booth at Frizzy's and get pictures with each and every girl I dated at the time. After I realized that this was horrible and assholish I stopped, but now I really want to go back and just get pictures of myself sans arm candy before I have to cut my hair.

When I was spellchecking the word "philanderer" I realized that www.philanderer.com is a site for married people who want extramarital affairs. This is what makes me incandescent with rage (thanks european football writers! mmm flowery language)... some straight people actually suggest that allowing gay people to marry (or have a civil union) ruins the sanctity of marriage. Sorry, I think straight people are fucking it up just fine all by ourselves. Here is some cynicism for you - are the people behind www.philanderer.com gay or straight? Straight, of course. This is not as if there is some nefarious gay cabal pulling the strings behind www.philanderer.com in order to ruin the holiest of marital holies. Its so damn ridiculous and upsetting - the next time I see or hear of an amendment to "protect marriage" I'm going to fucking snap. I don't recall any outrage when Ted Kennedy and Chris Dodd were busy making a waitress sandwich a few years ago. In fairness to Uncle Ted and Mr. Dodd though, Ted's wife was probably drunk somewhere and we aren't seeing either men try to write bigotry and sexual persecution into law either. The hypocrisy needs to stop; we should simply accept people for who they are. For me, sites like the philanderer site illustrate exactly why some of these judgmental, hypocritical, sadomasochist assholes should police their own before EVER attempting to bother gay people.

I am travelling for the first time in 4 months tomorrow, but only for one day. We're going to Toronto to visit a facility that makes "bodywear" - if this is Canadian for "clothes" I'll let you guys know tomorrow. The odds are high that I won't be able to privately interview workers to see if they have any problems - most factory workers in Canada are of Middle Eastern/Eastern European/Asian descent. Is there anybody around that can give me a crash course in Punjabi?

Your "RINO" for life,
Josh