"dirty smut" written by Fellyconnelly on estrip.org

04/23/08 10:26 - 56ºF - ID#44121

dirty smut

I've been listening to a book on tape - a really random gross one that I didn't realize was more of a romantical book than a historical fiction - which is more my interest. So of course today on my way home from work I was subjected to about 15 to 20 minutes of a sex scene that uses delightful words such as "member" and "maidenhood".

Oh and incidentally, part of the reason the sex scene was so long was because they had to keep pausing to wonder aloud if the ghost of his grandfather was watching. Or to describe, in detail, the number of petticoats the young gent had to fight his way through to do his husbandly duty and officially make her his wife. BLAH!

Point of the story? I was pulling into the city when I realized my face hurt from the awful jaw dropping expression that was apparently plastered all over my face during the entire drive.

Apparently listening to heterosexual romance sex scenes set in medieval england during my long drive just doesn't do it for me.

but on a brighter note - three years ago today lauren and i made out for like 3 hours at the bar. happy anniversary love!

Permalink: dirty_smut.html
Words: 204
Location: New Paltz, NY

Category: randomo

04/22/08 08:51 - 57ºF - ID#44095

Name That Bum!

Every time I go to the zoo i get faced with animal bums. so here is a fun new game for all of us to enjoy... NAME THAT ANIMAL BUM!!!

..

..

and we have to check out (e:lauren)'s bum while she checks out animal bum.

and, oh my goodness look how (e:lauren) has shrunk!

Permalink: Name_That_Bum_.html
Words: 77
Location: New Paltz, NY

Category: randomo

04/21/08 05:21 - 76ºF - ID#44087

more

I'm at work.... and its slow. Watching a kid across the street trying to bust his face open by riding his bike up a makeshift ramp. I'm afraid to look away in case he succeeds.

otherwise, the day is slow. dull. boring.

yesterday I enjoyed the 420 holiday by taking care of (e:lauren)'s hungover butt. We watched movies (i am normally too antsy for movies) which included Liar Liar and Pirates of the Caribbean. It was kinda as if the cable company knew that everybody would be stoned and ready to zone out to stupid movies all night.

today was my day to go back on my diet. i cheated soooo much in the past few days. so far so good.

i need to make up a list of all the things that I need to do before the trip, so i don't have to think about it.

Permalink: more.html
Words: 148
Location: New Paltz, NY

04/20/08 05:41 - 70ºF - ID#44069

hungover sunday

Spent last night at my grams. Good times, good times. Of course i didn't bring my phone charger so my battery was dead.

(e:lauren) took the opportunity to go out without me. Which is why she is sitting on the couch in pain today. Poor little hungover lady. apparently if she is not concentrating her efforts on keeping me from drinking too much and being ridiculous, she is, herself, getting ridiculous... poor drunk lady...

and of course she got to admit how it was better the other way around because when i was the one with the hangover she got to make me wrong for it. Thats my girl.

back to laundry

Permalink: hungover_sunday.html
Words: 113
Location: New Paltz, NY

04/19/08 08:16 - 55ºF - ID#44051

ZOOmalaFLOO

We spent yesterday at the Toronto Zoo. Here is a recap of a couple important things.

1. Canadian drivers can be scary at times.

2. FOcusing on the inner set of numbers on the spedometer instead of the outer set of numbers can be distracting. It doesn't matter though because apparently 100kh speed limit does not actuallymean 60mph, it means 85 mph.

3. Except when you are trying to leave around 5 pm on a friday night. then 100kph means 3 mph then 0mph then 4 mph for 2 hours.

4. The toronto zoo needs to stop expanding their exhibits. Why? because I thought my feet were going to fall off during the 4 hour walk we took around the zoo, and several exhibits weren't even open.

5. Why is it that every time I go to visit a damn zoo the polar exibits are closed? The tundra was being built, along with the australian and canadian exhibits. I know I know, if I want to see some damn penguins i should just go to the aquarium. But dammit!

6. The rumors of Toronto being a very clean city apparently do not apply to the smog that looms everywhere. But being a city of such ridiculous size, I bet its hard to not have smog.

7. Does anybody know the real reason that when your car goes through the border patrol, and you stop at the gate to talk to the nice man who has a lovely border patrol script that he is reading to you... why is the pavement angled so your car is tilted like 40 degrees and there is a grate udnerneath the middle of the car? are there people under there?

8. My collection of photos of animal asses is increasing nicely.

9. Happy Birthday Grandpap.

Permalink: ZOOmalaFLOO.html
Words: 284
Location: New Paltz, NY

04/16/08 08:42 - 41ºF - ID#44027

drill sargeant maxx

My cat is sitting on the floor waiting for me to come do my morning stretches and exercises. He stretches next to me. And by stretches, I mean flopps his ass on my head.

I had a dream that I had my dachshund finally... and of course somehow that equated to my friend's bulldog humping my leg.

My fridge is empty. Well not too empty. Hummus, mushrooms and celery should make a delightful lunch for me today, shouldn't it?

dammit. the cat is like my own damn personal trainer. He is meowing at me and just inserted his claws into my leg. I guess that means its time for exercise. Bastard.

Permalink: drill_sargeant_maxx.html
Words: 111
Location: New Paltz, NY

04/14/08 07:54 - 35ºF - ID#44006

I'm blind!

I broke my glasses yesterday. BOOOOO no vision on my health coverage. Or should i say BOOO me for not adding the vision part to my health coverage.

I gotta run to work early and stop off at walmart's vision center and just see if they will sell me some frames for my lenses. i did that last time from sear's optical center.

i'm not impressed with spending extra cabbage this close to FL.

Permalink: I_m_blind_.html
Words: 74
Location: New Paltz, NY

Category: good times

04/13/08 11:25 - 37ºF - ID#43996

Schedule of EVENTS

Lets see... times comin for some fun!

Friday we are going to the Toronto Zoo. My aunt and cousin were going to come with us, but apparently not.

My parents are coming up to visit my grandparents that day as well. Haven't gotten to see them for a while, so Saturday after work I'm headin directly up to see them. Probably spend the night at my grams and come back sunday afternoon.

Lauren has about 200 scribbles on her calendar for the monday through thursday of that week - all those scribbles being final this due, rough this due, presentation this, etc. In other words, don't talk to her or she may flip her lid.

The 24th is our 3 year anniversary. (3 years? that seems like such a short period of time, and yet neither of us have ever made it this long!) I feel like we've been together forever.

the 26th is the next Battle at Buffalo.

the 1st is Avenue Q at Sheas.

THe 2nd we somehow make it to the airport at 4 am and head to Florida.

WHEW~! what a busy time of year?

Oh and then when we get back we GET A PUPPY!!!

Permalink: Schedule_of_EVENTS.html
Words: 196
Location: New Paltz, NY

04/10/08 01:40 - 50ºF - ID#43972

Smoke

Sometimes it blows my mind that I quit smoking.

Today I held the cigarette of a coworker while he was with a customer. It wasn't lit or anything, but it felt very natural in my hand. I think about the act of smoking, and of course it came right back to the social thing. Smoking was always a social thing.

Weird. Somehow I quit cold turkey after like 10 years without any desire. Except when I am drunk.

Permalink: Smoke.html
Words: 77
Location: New Paltz, NY

04/09/08 03:54 - 49ºF - ID#43963

Day Off.

Day OFF! I also have Friday and Sunday off.

Woke up at 10:30! Wow that is a great feelin- waking up late..

Chatting now with my brother whose Golden Retriever is in the middle of having puppies. He is doing the reporting while his wife is helping with the delivery. I was hoping that she would pop out a random dachshund for me, but I somehow don't see that happenin.

Snap Pea Crisps are so delicious, but something tells me that they are extremely bad for you.

My big plans for the day? carmelizing onions, roasting some garlic and making a big crazy pasta salad with it all. we will see how that works out... i have a feeling I may be getting a bit silly.

Watched Sweeney Todd last night. Wow gore. I knew it was (tim burton and all) but man.. Burning flesh is disturbing. I was also amused to see that three characters from the Harry Potter movies were in this movie. Bellatrix LeStrange, Peter Pettigrew and Severus Snape. I don't know their real names.

Anyway, I should be off to some cookin for my woman. She is soooo spoiled.

fellyconnelly writes at 09:27:20 04/10/08 - Comment #33779: hey i didn't know she was dating tim burton! good to know! what is johnny depp's excuse then? hehe

and the strange thing is that the blood that is involved in sweeny todd almost seems more jarring because, musical and all, you don't expect it to be as bloody... the first throat slashing experience you almost think... well they aren't going to be too graphic... and then... well they are...

leetee writes at 08:13:11 04/10/08 - Comment #33774: Helena Bonham Carter is a Tim Burton standard because he is her fuck du jour. She has a reputation for being a bit of a husband stealer.... i think Tim Burton is her 2nd or 3rd man who was married when they met and started to date right at about the time he decided to get divorce. Coincidence? Perhaps.

As an actress, i like her, though... with Johnny Depp, aka Mr Pretty, i cannot imagine anything but fun! I thought she was brilliant in a small Canadian film called Margret's Museum -- tres creepy.

The only thing that is stopping me from seeing Sweeney Todd is the blood... i can't take it!! My friend, Mark, says it isn't bad, but he likes slasher films and mob movies. How am i supposed to trust HIS judgement?

jenks writes at 02:33:36 04/10/08 - Comment #33772: yeah she's sort of a burton standard.... I spaced on her being bellatrix though. Cool, thx. (she was also in fight club. I love her.)

fellyconnelly writes at 10:54:55 04/09/08 - Comment #33767: helena bonham carter played both mrs. lovett in sweeney todd as well as bellatrix lestrange in harry potter. And as i look her up in Imdb, I realize that she, like johnny depp, are often in Tim Burton's movies (corpse bride, charlie and chocolate factory, Big Fish, Planet of the apes... etc... Shes my hero..

Oh and Timothy Spall is beadle/pettigrew. he creeps me out.

jenks writes at 07:53:05 04/09/08 - Comment #33756: weird, I JUST watched that the other day and have been talking about it. I didn't like that they totally didn't finish it. They never told you what happened to the chick!! I mean really.
but I do love alan rickman (snape). And hate the beatle. ewww. And I knew I recognized him, now I know it was as pettigrew. Thanks! but really, what an ugly man he is. which one was bellatrix?

tinypliny writes at 06:57:41 04/09/08 - Comment #33746: Hahaha. Caramelizing onions is a lot of fun and takes spoiling to a whole new level!

james writes at 05:10:12 04/09/08 - Comment #33743: I can just see the father's face "A Dachshund? You cheating whore!"

Enjoy spoilin your woman.

Permalink: Day_Off_.html
Words: 192
Location: New Paltz, NY