07/27/08 02:26 - 76ºF - ID#45165

Update in Anger...

So its been a little over a year, and all i want to say is:

What the hell is wrong with women?

But ill get back to that.

-Flashback-

A year of imagery swims by, like a deluge of events:

It goes from the last post to this, in these flashes- Bike riding with people mid-last summer and then deciding to ride on my own in the end, moving in with my pal Hip (with enknot and I believe another estripper helping us!), Last years Dionysian Celebratory (Which I still have pics of), working for the man, great party at our place, more working for the man, a not so great party at our place, meeting someone special (?), pissing in the mans face (Which I Also have pics of), going freelance, losing health insurance, making much more money, getting ill, getting a new job working for a younger version of the man, moving in with this someone (special?), being called a tool daily (co-workers, no less), apartment limbo, a nervous break here, a nervous break there, and last night.

-Flash forward-

Man, I can have some bad days with the rest of em- and I have been damned moody lately. This wasn't so life shattering or altering- but it made me see a part of her I was trying very hard to ignore all this time.

Alcohol makes people do a lot of mean things, and some people just get mean drunk to begin with, but I am highly sensitive to being disregarded. On more than one occasion, at a party filled with drunk (older) people I have had little to no encounters with, I was left alone with no-one to talk to. The entirety of the evening my choices were either to stand by her side like a doggie, be antisocial and uncool with my laptop inside the house to avoid everyone, go for walks alone to take pictures, swim, or be social. Well, I did all these things (despite my non-proclivity to being social with people I know nothing about).

The whole time I felt like I was getting this weird attitude from her, and it was almost always exemplified in how she treated me or regarded me: she was suffering me, wanted little to do with me, and cared little for about how I felt or what I was going through. Now some of you out there might have social anxiety issues- I was diagnosed on so many levels with so many issues that I "should" be taking medicine for (they made me sick, in many ways) but don't, from choice. The whole fucked up part about it, she is going to school to help people like me, who have these problems.

All I wanted was to feel welcome. All I needed for that was for her simply to handle me with some kid gloves and make me feel cared for in a situation where I may have needed some you know, backup.

Instead as is generally so, I was expected to collapse when she decided to turn the fan off last night as I was sweating balls so she could hear the fucking crickets. I spazed. The only thought left in my mind was to get away from her as fast as possible. Strangely, I realize how much has been let go as far as my issues are concerned just to simplify the relationship... and avoid haggling and arguments. This culminates in a torrent of resentment which apparently has been suppressed. She says for me to take her car, so I go.

Next day, today. She Drives me crazy. I go all the fuck the way out there, and spend another 1.5-2 hours driving, just to pick up my glasses and swimming trunks. She wants to stay and is angry at me for having a hissy fit in front of her friends and leaving. I argue with her on the phone for half the ride home... and she still could care less about how she made and is making me feel.

So what the fuck should I do? i feel horribly disregarded and shit upon, even if it isn't for this particular event. She always asks me to give her examples, but how do you give an example of an attitude? I'm not the karma bank and trust, i don't keep score of these things- I'm off the cuff, I shoot from the hip. The only thing that ever mattered to me the most was always the present, I'm supposed to let things go. Apparently Im not, however... what am I supposed to do about things I can't remember? I still feel the way I do, but have no grounds to justify it to her...

vincent writes at 10:58:20 07/29/08 - Comment #37515: As bad as things may seem to you, things are actually not bad for you. You're out there, you obviously can get girls and an attractive one at that. So all is not lost.

What I'm basically saying is you could be me, someone that has given up on finding someone all together. There's other things at work for reasons on why I have kept myself back, but doing that in this forum would do no good for myself or you.

All I'm saying is you are out there, you're trying and apparently getting back up after you got knocked down the last time you posted.

jason writes at 09:46:18 07/28/08 - Comment #37477: It's nice to see you posting again, although I wish it were under better circumstances.

Listen man, I'd like to offer some unsolicited input here. Hopefully it will help you. I've been there and felt and thought these things too at points in my life. Just hear me out.

Your failing to address your medical issues is your real problem here, and it is preventing you from enjoying your relationship and negatively affecting your well being overall. This shit cannot continue.

I'm not saying you have to get on the meds, I hate those too so I don't use any. You do however end up having to do the hard work, the real worthwhile stuff, so you can improve your quality of life. You have to make an effort. Life doesn't meet you half way.

Because I have to say, based on this journal alone things ain't pretty. I don't think you're looking at things objectively here. I see a guy who is presently very difficult to be around because of his moodiness. Your girl DOES give a damn, and that you aren't already on your bike is a testament to that fact.

None of this is a criticism, okay, so don't get defensive. I think you need to do what I did, and install an impulse filter. Whenever you get a thought in your head like "I want to blow up in front of my girl's friends" you need to stop yourself and ask whether that shit is appropriate to be thinking.

The tendency is to get bitter and when you feel shitty it is the WRONG TIME to be making any kind of judgments on this stuff. You need to be able to look at things objectively and separate fact from fluff. I've ruined friendships in the past because of a failure to do this and I will regret it forever.

Forget all the external stuff and look in the mirror for an answer to the crap you're dealing with. That isn't some new agey bullshit.

brit writes at 08:51:49 07/28/08 - Comment #37474: I disagree entirely, if you have a problem with a man or a women then it is a good idea to not accuse the entire race of men and women of the behavioral problems of the person in question. If you make generic statements about a group of people based upon the behavior of one person who has offended you..you DO come over as a misogynist and a very angry one at that

metalpeter writes at 06:47:41 07/28/08 - Comment #37469: I will have to admit that a lot of times I don't agree with things that (e:joshua) says and then sometimes I kinda agree with some. But here I completely agree with what he says and just wish I knew how to say what he said. I my self have been called Anit-social and others say I'm just shy, but there is the other side of me that isn't shy at all that a lot of people don't see. I can't imagine what having social aniexty would be like (most people have a tiny spec of it) I really can't. I thought you said you didn't like how you felt on the drugs. I don't know if this is true with the your Condition (made wording) but with some things (like depression) there are lots of different meds you can take and they all are not the same and some work for some people and some don't so they have to change meds. I can't really tell you what is right for you to do but I would try maybe some different medication and see what happens. I'm guessing that what you don't want to admit is that you are scared that if you leave this girl that since it is hard to meet people that you won't meet anyone else. That is a legit feeling but that could also be part of "Your Condition". Try not to hate all women they all are not bad. I hope everything else is going good for you.

joshua writes at 11:45:25 07/28/08 - Comment #37447: Brit, the guy isn't a misogynist... it seems this sort of thing always comes up whenever a guy has a complaint about girls. Trust me - I could easily say the same thing regarding at least three girls on this site, and the last thing I would do is characterize them as serial man-haters. Let's not go down that road.

Vycious - your solution is simple. If you aren't happy with her then leave. If you feel that it isn't working, you are doing a disservice for both parties involved. If I were you I'd become more comfortable with the idea of letting go and looking inward to solve the problems, rather than lashing out when you feel like you aren't getting adequate attention.

Here is the shit part of the shit-filled twinkie - dude, I'd be doing you a disservice if I didn't tell you that you're own behavior isn't helping things either. I would expect that the readers here can see it but I wonder about how much you realize your own behavior is affecting the situation. It seems you are playing the victim, and in certain situations it seems justified. If you are going to a party where you may not know anybody, it is incumbent on her to at least introduce you to a couple people. However, that doesn't mean she should be holding your hand all night long and attending to your needs. After all, it's a social function and while she should be introducing you to people, you in return should be able to "roll with it" better than you appear to be doing. Another example - the incident you mention where you wanted to leave, she wanted to stay, so you flipped out. Look, regardless of the circumstances what you did was wrong. As they say in Texas, some times you have to paint that white stripe up your backside and run with the antelope.

Anyway, the dynamic between you and this girl seems poisonous and completely incompatible. I'm only getting one side of the story so I'm not taking any sides. I think establishing the identity of the aggrieved party is irrelevant anyway. Even if, for the sake of argument, I'm getting an overblown description of your situation, it seems obvious to me that on some level she is independent if not somewhat uncaring about other peoples needs, and on some level you are more needy than is reasonably healthy. That is like water and oil. That isn't a criticism, by the way - it is something to learn from that I've undertaken in the past myself.

Your social anxiety issues and refusal to medicate yourself is exacerbating the problem as well. That is a fact. If you choose to help yourself in other ways (I've seen people use meditation, alternative medicines, etc.) that is good - if you are ignoring a doctor's medical advice that is incredibly bad. Do you have any people around you with the guts to actually tell you these things and try to guide you in a helpful direction? If so, and you ignore them as well, there is only one person at fault when things aren't improving. I'm seeing a lot of finger pointing but not a lot of introspection - think about it man.

brit writes at 08:42:50 07/27/08 - Comment #37437: I don't know... when I read your (numerous) and ranting posts about women it makes me feel very uncomfortable, maybe they are picking up on the underlying hatred you seem to feel for women as a whole and it is making them queasy. And I know you usually defend yourself by saying you are just upset and venting but the fact that such vitriol is there in the first place and bubbles to the surface so frequently and magnificently may be why they can't quite be what you need...

Permalink: Update_in_Anger_.html
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Category: castration

07/05/07 12:18 - 66ºF - ID#39918

what the hell is wrong with women?

what is the deal with women saying they are going to hang out, make plans to do something, or say they want space or whatever, AND NEVER GETTING BACK TO YOU OR IN TOUCH WITH YOU TO AT LEAST LET YOU KNOW WHATS GOING ON? i mean, wouldnt it be considerate to just drop a line and be forward and say-

"hey, i don't feel like hanging out"

-or-

"hey, im not going to be able to make it"

-or-

"hey, this just isn't going to work"

and here the typical stereotype is that men never show enough concern for plans/emotions/commitment.

i swear to god, as far as romance and gender roles are concerned, more and more im beginning to believe the proverbial tables have been turned.

on another note, i have met somone... and she is gorgeous. but, for some reason, i cannot get the last one out of my head(heart?). i don't know what to do, because she could be soo much better for me, but im just not feeling as into her as the other (previous) one. i seem to have little in common with her comparitivley to the last girl, who was by all means, save reciprocation, my dreammate.

its been more than three weeks. when somone asks for space, generally they don't mean 4+ weeks. she still hasn't deleted me from her myspace profile, but has ignored the few attempts i made to reach her to at least get some form of closure.

i don't want to hurt this new one, but i don't want this previous mess to tangle me up, either. i want to be able to move on and try somethin with somone, and why not with her (new girl)? she is gorgeous, and i mean that, but she dosent interest me as much (or quickly?) as the other. maybe its just because we didn't fuck within the first 4 hours of meeting each other like i did with the last one. i feel like my heart is constantly being put through a rock tumbler.

maybe if im lucky it will come out all smooth, polished, and pretty. hopefully somone might be able to ignore the fact that despite its brilliant veneer it has gone cold and hard...

pyrcedgrrl writes at 12:59:51 07/06/07 - Comment #20456: Since Peter mentioned Sex and the City, I will chime in with my absolute favorite episode that I happened to watch the other night.

"She's just not that into you."

What you said in your post is ABSOLUTELY right...no one needs 4+ weeks of "space"...especially if they are interested.

Cut your losses, chalk it up to an extended one night stand and don't bring that baggage into a new relationship with you.

Take care.

metalpeter writes at 05:38:19 07/05/07 - Comment #20434: Ok I admit I am no Sarah Jessica Parkers character on sex in the city. But You just said that the first girl you fucked with in 4 hours of knowing her, that is a huge factor. It sounds to me like you where her piece of meat. What happened after that first time I don't know how much more you two hung out. But it could have basicly turned into a booty call. The other factor is the term "hang out" it is very casual almost as much as when you write a note or letter and say see ya around. Often I think what it really means is if I have time and nothing else better going on maybe I'll think about calling you and then maybe I will. I say forget about the previous girl. If she calls great and if not, not. It is possible that the reason you aren't as much into this new girl is that you have some emotional connection to the previous one. You sound like you are still into the new goregous chick but just not as much. See what happens and maybe you will get into her more.

jenks writes at 10:18:45 07/05/07 - Comment #20412: 1: there's more to life than gorgeous, and if you're not into her, move on

and 2: I'm with you- I would MUCH rather have a guy just be upfront and TELL ME "hey you're cool but I don't think it'll work out", or hell, just say 'you're fucking crazy and I can't deal' than just play the ''i'll call you' and then not call' game. I think people think it's "nicer" to "spare your feelings", but I personally hate it. But I know some people prefer it, so, who knows.

good luck.

it's a minefield out there.

jason writes at 10:17:13 07/05/07 - Comment #20411: Vycious,

It is a human trait (not just female) to be a weasel, an unaccountable jerk when it comes to these situations. People don't like to have to answer for why they're ignoring you. They just are ignoring you, because they're great, and you're shit, so fuck you. It's a lot easier to just walk away, or lie to you (I want space? Please bitch, please) instead of being a grownup and doing the right thing. Everyone at some point is guilty of this.

As frustrating as it is, you should just understand and accept this fact. When a girl says she wants space, and it's been 4 weeks, and she's ignoring you, what she's really saying is you're out, permanently, and some other dude probably is in. Stings, don't it? I've been there, brother. That's life, so drink it up and like it, man. It's not the worst thing in the world, and the sky is not falling. Being able to accept things like this means never having to feel shitty over some chick who isn't talking to you anymore. It's grrreeeaaat!

And - think about how fair it is to date someone when your mind is elsewhere. It's one of those things that people do. I'm not judging you for it. Have fun, have some good times, all that stuff, but if it starts to get somewhat heavy then you'll know where you're at.

lilho writes at 01:35:49 07/05/07 - Comment #20405: you are too emotional for a man!

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Category: help!

06/27/07 08:26 - 79ºF - ID#39832

moving...

im moving on friday, around 1pm. im going to need a few extra pairs of hands, just to expedite the proceedure as i am only being given 2 days off to do this. im not asking for anyone to move heavy items, i will take care of those with my roomie, but it would save a lot of time if someone could help with the boxes/bags of clothing. i know i hardly know any of you, but the majority of my friends are unable to help and i don't want my old man having to move me as he is getting too old.
expenses are rough right now, but im willing to see what i can throw together for alcohol depending on your preferences. maybe even dinner when its all said and done.

anyone up for a moving party?

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Category: apologies

06/24/07 04:32 - 82ºF - ID#39794

okay, okay...

perhaps i was a bit cynical. well, okay.... i was. its not a very long story. simply put, the first woman i have had an attraction to in the past 6 years decided to just snub me over a feigned insult when i asked her if i was just a hookup after a bit of sex, cancelled dates, and shifty behaviours. i don't often get all soft on the pretty ones, but she had much more than that going on. so here i am, like, 3 weeks later, and still no word from her after she needed "space". nobody likes being played, you know? i suppose at this point im just sad for her and her inability to deal emotionally or maturely like an adult.
to boot, i work with a bunch of evil, catty women. in fact, almost every person i work with is female, and i really don't get too many positive impressions from them about the entire feminine gender- as they are all uncareing, vougue reading, view watching, husband-hunting, pieces of mass-media trash. what has happened to women in the past 6 years? it seems to me like they have all changed, become careless and caustic, with no regard for anything other than instant pleasure and gratification. to be honest, women are reminding me more and more of the typical MALE stereotype, and men- the other way around. i don't watch television or read any media, so what the hell is going on in america?! i don't understand women like i used to... and i didn't really get them to begin with. i really am beginning to feel like mass media has changed the demands of the gender roles in the past few years.
all that said, im going to apologize to the individual ladies who may not represent these "qualities" and in a twofold manuver, ask for you to stand up and take a shot at proving me wrong. godz know i need some positive impressions, right now. being a curmudgeon will not ever help me meet that special "somone".

oh yeah, and im a pacifist. i could never resort to physical violence, let alone murder. lets just say my words can kill and leave it at that.

metalpeter writes at 05:41:59 06/25/07 - Comment #20115: So If I'm reading this right you hooked up with the girl/lady and wanted more then that but she only wanted the hookup? Maybe that is all she wanted. Or maybe what you two did wasn't what she was into maybe it wasn't good for her. That doesn't mean you waren't good it just wasn't what she wanted. If you dated before hooking up then something weird is going on, like maybe she wanted something casual and you wanted something more serious. But if you hooked up the first time you both met then the chance of a second date often is very low and she may have assumed that is all you wanted also. I will admit that telling the good ones from the Naughty ones is tough, but just remember how you define that is just what you want from your perspective. All women arn't evil even though it seems that way sometimes. On a side note a read an article somewhere where a women believes FWB is bad for women. Basicly the writer said that women are Only having sex and not getting any of the benifits they would from a "real" relationship. She had some good points not that I agree with them all. But women hooking up with guys and Having FWB's and the entire group date thing has changed the dating and sex world. I will admit that deep down there are things I hate about women but I try not to hold them against all women.

vycious writes at 11:24:41 06/24/07 - Comment #20083: my sentiments, exactly. but its so hard to tell the good ones from the naughty ones. :P

kookcity2000 writes at 10:14:23 06/24/07 - Comment #20081: The best estimates of world population clock in at about 6.6 billion people. And we can guess that there are on the order of 3.3 billion womenz up in here.

But most of them are old or young or dying or broken by life so we can narrow that down a little.
Lets just look at the Buffalo, NY metro area.
Thats roughly 150,000 women. And we apply certain criteria to account for grandmothers, nuns, girl scouts, ladies in comas and iron lungs, etc and there should be at least 5000 women to pick from.

What was the sample size for your findings? Hopefully at least 1%. That would be 50 women.

This population is highly variable and difficult to observe with any objectivity.
Perhaps you should increase your sample size and JUST DATE ANOTHER GIRL.

brit writes at 05:47:54 06/24/07 - Comment #20078: you are extrapolating from one woman and applying that to the entirety of womanhood then saying there may be exceptions; rather than actually seeing women as individuals which is what you are purporting to do.....'special' ladies don't like that. And, even in the most histrionic of moments, words cannot actually kill.

jenks writes at 05:07:31 06/24/07 - Comment #20075: "decided to just snub me over a feigned insult when i asked her if i was just a hookup after a bit of sex, cancelled dates, and shifty behaviours....so here i am, like, 3 weeks later, and still no word from her after she needed "space". nobody likes being played, you know? i suppose at this point im just sad for her and her inability to deal emotionally or maturely like an adult."

Wow. That's just about my situation exactly. maybe we should get to two of them together to break each other's hearts.

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Category: castration

06/23/07 03:04 - 53ºF - ID#39778

for the ladies...

i have got a major hate-on, right now. it will be a long time before i can feel even comfortable to hang out with females. they simply cannot be trusted worth shit, and are incapable of being forthcoming or upfront. its funny how i have allways been told the males of the species mature slower, and have never seen anything to prove it through my personal experiences. maybe its just because im not like most men.
i would like to think that women are all individuals, but im beginning to see base character traits among all of them, and it seriously disgusts me. petty, greedy, shallow, calloused, and unflinchingly manipulative- i see it every day in just about any way a woman regards a man. we are cattle to them, worker drones. all of us are replaceable by somone thinner, more attractive, more wealthy, popular, or just plain more anything. i simpley cannot trust the bond of a woman, anymore. genetics simply place their concerns with security over that of either emotion or social regard.
im sorry, im sure you are all great on an individual basis, but as a whole, you are deceitful, hurtful, plotting creatures whos only concern is hooking up with somone you can show off to the rest of your catty, fucked up little population of breeders.

maybe ill just get lucky and it will only be the women in buffalo.

hell, who am i kidding.

feel free to send me hate comments to perpetuate my new paradigm.

pyrcedgrrl writes at 01:04:41 06/29/07 - Comment #20230: "I'm sorry, im sure you are all great on an individual basis, but as a whole, you are deceitful, hurtful, plotting creatures whos only concern is hooking up with somone you can show off to the rest of your catty, fucked up little population of breeders."

How can we "all be great" if "as a whole" we are all these terrible things? That statement makes absolutely no sense.

Perhaps you should take a look at the caliber of women you are dealing with.

Just as some men are lying, cheating, deceitful, soul sucking assholes (I should know, I was married to one), you are bound to find some bad apples on the female side out there.

Sorry that you've had some bad luck, but basing your opinion of all women on a clique of twats that you work with is ridiculous.

brit writes at 02:42:21 06/24/07 - Comment #20074: wow, this is the kind of stuff they put in the papers after someone shoots up the town. Good luck with the trial.......

lilho writes at 02:06:40 06/24/07 - Comment #20073: we all get our feeling hurt, and hurt other's feelings. it happens to everyone, heartbreak is just a part of life. chin up!

really, i've had my feeling hurt so many times by guys, but i still have hope! also, i've hurt guys feeling as well. neither is good... but we wait and hope that there is one out there who this wont happen with. until then, just enjoy the company of friends!!!

theecarey writes at 05:09:03 06/23/07 - Comment #20059: got some woman haters on the site, eh?

I'd say the same if it were a female disregarding the whole male population, but hey thats just me.

So, no hate comments- just sad that you have been hurt over and over again. And sad for any female that may sincerely like to get to know and care for you.

or would that be an oxymoron?

vincent writes at 05:07:07 06/23/07 - Comment #20058: I think in this area the trend of women is not towards "wealthier" but more in the "bad-ass." I just look at a good amount of local women supporting dudes. There is nothing like looking at some dude riding shotgun and taking the car after dropping off his girlfriend at the 2nd or 3rd job she's working to support him; While he just takes off to do whatever with his boys.

vincent writes at 02:00:16 06/23/07 - Comment #20046: I work with a big majority of women and all I can say is most of your points are spot on. The one that stands out to me is the manipulative trait :-/

As Henery Rollins once said: "All women are EVIL, but all men are MORONS!"

joshua writes at 01:26:38 06/23/07 - Comment #20036: Ha! Indeed it is good that you aren't a lesbian. I have no idea how gay couples cope with break ups or bad luck with some lovin' so I can't speak to that.

Don't sweat offending people over this Vycious. We dealt with half a year of irrational man hating on a fairly consistent basis so if they can't take it and get stereotyped and generalized over then they can go ahead and STFU about dishing it out. That being said your burn was very high quality.

The bottom line is that no sex is perfect and when people get burned or otherwise don't get their way all hell breaks loose. Whatever the issue is I hope that you work it out.

fellyconnelly writes at 11:49:31 06/23/07 - Comment #20018: good thing you aren't a lesbian, huh?

knife writes at 10:21:08 06/23/07 - Comment #20012: right on brother!

leetee writes at 09:55:54 06/23/07 - Comment #20005: i can only speak for myself in that i don't want to send hate comments to you. Can't say what the other chicks around here might want, though...

What i want to say more than anything is that i am sorry you were hurt and are hurting. I don't know you very well, but you seem like a good egg to me. Certainly not someone who deserves to be left crushed and bleeding...

Like you, i think that women can be petty, greedy and shallow. Particularly when it comes to romantic relationships. Friendships, well, the manipulation is just different. Not better, not worse, just different.

Not that i am an expert, but i see a lot of women saying they wouldn't have to be manipulative and greedy if men didn't cheat and deceive. Having been cheated and deceived, the behaviour reflects that all men must be the same.