do you think it's possible..? I don't know.. wow.. it looks crazy.

tatoo..? I'm not against with getting tatoo, but I think it's too much. what do you think..? --- sorry, I'm very distracted from reading Deleuze, too complicated, so I had to take some break, but this tatoo is too much for my little break

---

I got almost heartattact from my presentation in [inlink]u=soyeon&id=82[/inlink]the photo graduate seminar today. Yes, it was a very intensive critique course. As my acceptance was previsional, I got so nervous and scared while the class was going on. Also, I'm not familier with the photo faculity, they are not Media Study faculty whom I always talk, so it was more than twice scary situation. Well, I remembered that a photo MFA student told me last time.. "hey, Soyeon, don't tell me that I warned you" and finally I realized why he told me like that. Oh well.

Okay, after I got his email back, I was so scared so I had to talk to someone I know in the art department about the course everything.. She said.. don't worry and brought me to his office. So, I had a chance to talk to the professor. At the time he was very nice to me and everything what he said was totally make sense. Well, he saw some media students work, but it wasn't enough for graduate level and photo MFA students are very selective, they did all portfolio review but mine is not.. and he added "we won't kill you"

It was challenging to me.. should I back off..? I was thinking of that.. nope.. I can't. It's already started.. So.. I had to look at all my work for two days.. but.. I thought everything what I did wasn't good.. getting scared.. I selected some work I have made and put them together on a DV tape and I wrote about my concept and description everything because I knew I wouldn't talk very well in the class whatever.

I went to the class.. I felt that I'm totally an alien there. My audition started it..
After watching some my video and installation, performance.. they started asking me a lot of questions and they pointed out every single problems.. Wow. Even someone said one video I made 2 years ago was immature. I thought so too at the time, but I didn't realize it yesterday.. why.. why..

After all, the professor said, "you can stay in the class" I passed my audition.
Even though what he said was so blunt.. but.. he didn't kick me out of the class. God.. I got almost heartattact.. It was so intensive.. I thought I could be kicked out of the class from what they were talking about my work. I don't know I feel really weird about it.

I ran into the professor after the class outside of CFA.. and he came up to me..
"We didn't kill you.. it was just tough" Yeah, I can handle it.. it's good for me..
I can handle their critique.. I'm old enough.... everything is good for my work everything.. it's good.. I need it.. I need it. They gave me the direction what I have to do.. it is good..

Love Cycling...

who wants to run away from school with me..? come on to join me.
I'm already too stressed out about school.. :( I feel like I want to run away...
It would be great if I were on the train to go somewhere without stress..
Think.. Think... Internalize... Then, I might miss you... well, I miss you.

Tell me.. I have to take a bath right now..
Tell me.. Get off out of my computer.
Tell me.. Write about an abstarct idea of my thesis.
Tell me.. Don't listen to Radiohead right now.
Tell me.. Tell me.. Tell me..

I was up till 9 am this in the morning. I feel like I'm a magnet to my computer. Well, I was gonna write about my abstract idea of thesis. My video professor told me that I have to give it to him as soon as possible. Hum.. I'm being lazy again.. Just doing computer.. making something.. surfing internet whatsoever.

Well, while I was sitting in front of my computer, Robin logged on her AIM around 5 am this in the morning, so we chatted little while. She asked me if I want to go to Panos for breakfast. We started again. Last semester, we suddenly decided to go to panos in the middle of night sometimes. Well, as a night person, it is fun sometimes. So, Robin came over my house to pick me up around 6 am.

We went to Panos.. but they don't open till 7 am because it is Sunday. So we went to town house on Allan Street. Of course they didn't open by the time we got there. But we saw people in there and gave a sign "let us in" something like that.

It was okay.. but I felt little offened by a waiterass there actually. Well, it's morning and I stayed up all the night. I dressed up very comfortablely. I was putting my sandles at the time.. well, I felt very comfortable so I took off my shoes and sitting there. The waiterass came up to me.. "you should put on your shoes" Hum..
Okay.. I did at the time.. but while talking to Robin and I put off my shoes naturally again.. and the waiterass came to me again.. "you should really put on your shoes" with a serious face. I don't get it.... why..? Was I rude some point..?
I don't know..

But it was fun doing like that with Robin sometimes.

By the way.. I think I should let you know my Korean collection website too. Well it is linked from the my website.. but.. just in case.. Well, you can't open this website with firefox.. and if your web browser blocked pop-up window.. you can't open it either..

Here my Photo album and some collective stuff website..

www.cyworld.com/livingston.

I'm just letting you know my website, but it hasn't really finished yet.
I'm still working on it. Well, I don't know when I will finish it though.
But, you can look at my personal collections that is one of menu lists on the main page of my website, and do not freak out from Korean letters there. It's like my photo albums and communicating with my family and Korean friends. On my Korean website, you can find a board where you can write something for me. It would be exacting to explore Korean letters for you. ;)

Here it is.

www.soyeonjung.com

School will be in a few days. I know this year will be dead for me because I'm trying to finish up my student life, hopefully, forever. I'm tired of being school these days. Well, I know I like learning and this is perfect to try whatever I want or think of my work. But, I just need to get out of school and do real work at some point. I don't know there is always good and bad in any life-style.

Okay.. I already told some of epeeps last night about one course that I'm intended to take for this semester. Well, I'm being lazy and haven't made any work for this Summer. But, I know I have to do a lot of work because it is going to be my thesis year. So, these days, I'm trying to get motivated, so try to look up a lot of courses in Art side and Media side. Then, I found out one interesting course in Art side which called "Graduate Photo Seminar" and I thought it could be fit on my directed electives for MFA fullfillment requirements. Well, I need to get critiques for my work from different perspective side. But, I was little wish-wash about this, so I called a Photo grad student and asked him about the course. He said, the professor can make you cry and it's very hard whatever. But, he recommend that course if I want to have good critiques and it doesn't really matter although I'm not a photo student. They, actually all photo faculty, paticipate in and talk about all kind of works such as video art, installation, painting and so on. Hum.. sounds good to me.
So, I emailed the professor and asked him about the course. Here the emails are between he and I.

Dear, ******

My name is Soyeon Jung and I'm a graduate student in the Department of Media Study.
I'm considering to take your course called " Graduate Photo Seminar." But, since I'm not a photo student, I'm little worried if the course is okay for non-major students. So, I want to know about the course in detail. I'm a video student and do multi-media artwork.

Thank you.

Soyeon Jung.

After emailing him, I went out to a bar with Liz and Julie. Of course, we talked about courses what we are taking for this semester. I told Julie that I signed up for "grad photo seminar" and then, Julie said.. oh no.. the professor is very serious and he wouldn't let media students take the course easily. Then, I got really scared.

Then, I got his email back today. Here it is.

Mr. Jung,

Sorry but the Graduate Photo Seminar is a very intensive critique for Photo MFA's and not at all suitable for people who are not working at the same intensive level of art making.

Oh no. Now I'm a boy student. Okay.. that's understandable if he isn't familier with Asian names, but what is it? "the same intensive level of art making"? He even doesn't know my work and who I am. Then, I was thinking of how I'm going to write him back again. And I called the photo student I asked about the course again. He said, don't even bother to take the course because it is probably not necessary for my work whatever. Hello.. no.. I heard that he is a good teacher. What is that.? He just assumed Media students don't make high intensive level of art making.? Hum.
So, I emailed him back again. Here it is.

Dear, ****.

It sounds very interesting to me because this year is going to be my thesis year in the MFA program in DMS, so I need a very intensive critique that can help my concept and my work. Since contemporary art has been getting much more like an interdisciplinary and multi-disciplinary, I don't see why the photo camera lens can be distinguished from the video camera lens. As a video art student, I want to have some significant opinions about my work from different perspective that can push me. I'm now in the


sanctuary of learning so that I have to learn as much as I can. This is the reason why I want to take your
co
urse. Also, some of Art MFA students recommend that I should take your course, which actually caused me to determine.

I don't know, I already signed up for your course last night (that isn't closed for non-major on the website) and I was very excited, but at the same time I was scared too. Is there any way that I can take your course or I should drop it.? I'm willing to talk to you about this more if you want. Please let me know.

Thank you.

Soyeon Jung

PS: Actully, I'm a female student.

And, I was excited to see what's gonna happen, of course I got really scared too.
Finally I got his email back when I came back from hanging out some epeeps.
Here it is.

Ms. Jung,

I agree with you on there being little or no distinction between the still and motion camera as photographic processes in terms of artistic validity and our ability to critically engage them in common. We would be happy to have you join us provided that your work is up to the high standards of the photo MFA students and that you are willing and able to "keep up with the pack" and be prepared to regularly produce and present new work and enter the high level of discourse that is the basis for the seminar. A sincere and dedicated work ethic is the key to participation in this process. Accordingly, please consider your acceptance provisional and your first presentation next Friday as and audition for participation. The seminar is conducted by the entire photography faculty: myself, Prof. ***,, Prof. **** and Associate Dean *****. The final grade is collectively agreed upon by the faculty. As stated, our first meeting will be on Friday, Sept 4 and we will develop a meeting schedule according to our needs (i.e. after the first couple of meetings we will probably need to meet only every other week). Be prepared at the first meetings to present a summary of your work (showing clips of your best prior work and your current projects). Also be prepared to discuss the conceptual basis for your work as well as any theoretical concerns. Part and parcel of this seminar will be to develop a comprehensive artists statement that can be used for proposals and grants, etc. See you next Friday.

P.S. If you have further questions and concerns my office is at ****** and I will be around (but in and out of the office) during most of Monday and Wednesday.


Wow. oh my god. I'm very scared. I should've done this or.. I don't know. I have to work right now. I have to have my theoretical concerns and high level of artwork, otherwise I can be kicked out of the course. Presentation..? I don't know.. I get always shy to talk in front of people in the classes, even I can't verbalize some theorical things. I don't know..

Wish me a luck.

I've been too much sitting in front of my computer that is totally making me sick now. Finally I got something weird headache right now. But, I'm still addicted to doing computer. This is not good actually because I know I can turn off my real life, which is I have to take care of. Too much concentration that cause my all problems sometimes. I'm ready to go out soon. Are you guys going out tomorrow night..?
Old pink..? where..?