so, my first two weeks of school, i was proud of how well i handled the enormous transition i just went through. i was not getting stressed at all about the fact that i suddenly was extremely busy all the time. i just moved in to a new house and greeted everyone (even the cat i caught peeing on my bed) with a smile. i even tricked my roommate in to thinking that i was a morning person because i would have a happy thought as i walked in to the kitchen and would come in every morning smiling.

well, yesterday, the last day of my third week, it got to me. i found myself in the computer lab at ub getting frustrated because i have to learn a whole new email program that is not user friendly in the slightest. i was emailing my pharmacology professor who i cannot stand. it takes a LOT for me to not like someone. i don't care who you are or how you express yourself, as long as you are a good person. if i can find some sliver of good in you, if i know that you live your life in a way that expressed that you are trying to identify with that part of you that is good.

it's hard for me to find the goodness in this professor. he has done all of these things:

1. came in to class around fifteen minutes late on the first day of class, which doesn't start until 6:45 pm. he said he got stuck at an intersection at ub for all that time. yes, it was snowing, but you are the professor. you make it a point to leave earlier to get to class on time.

2. spends the entire time READING the power point notes he made for the class. really, he doesn't explain anything, and the slides that he created have a ton of vocabulary that only someone who had taken a number of courses that were not even prerequesites for the class would know.

3. tells jokes. if you are a good teacher and you tell jokes, i will appreciate them. if you are doing it as a way to trick students in to liking you, i do not appreciate it at all. i was pretty much growling each time he wasted our time telling us something that did not pertain to the class.

4. lies. yes. in one of his "jokes," he gave us medical misinformation. he was describing the way an epidural is done and he pantomimed a needle that was over twice the size of the size that is really used. he continued his joke for dramatic effect, raised an eyebrow, and said in a scary voice, "does that scare you, punk?"
i was very, very glad to see that one of the students in class called him on how he exaggerated the size of the needle. the teacher then demonstrated the correct needle size.

5. on the second night he was lecturing, he stopped mid sentence to completely embarass this korean girl who was videotaping his lecture. i mean, he was RUDE in a bad way. i know the other students in class feel like i do about this as well.
i know my lecture is recorded on the ub website, and if i were computer literate, i would find that clip and post it here. i cannot describe how horrible he was to this girl. i really think he should be fired or at least be given a severe warning for what he did.

so,

i did all these things i'm not proud of yesterday at the ub library:

--i said and/or muttered "fuck" aloud at least six times in the computer lab.

--i wrote "fucking asshole professor" on the quiz i just took when the teacher i just described put a trick question on the quiz.

--i was unpleasant to the librarians when they couldn't find a book on reserve.

---i sent a theatening email to the company that i ordered my book from on amazon.com because it was supposedly delivered 10 days ago and i never got it. they had not responded to my previous request to contact UPS about this. (the bad news is that they responded within 10 minutes of recieving my threatening email, when they did not respond to the kind email i had sent them four days earlier.)

--when i was trying to figure out how to do something on my ub email, i sent myself a test email, in which i wrote "grrr."

i was so disappointed in myself.


i decided to remedy all of that by drinking a lot of beer and smoking SO MUCH pot and more cigarettes than i had smoked during the last week combined. at least i had a very, very fun night partying with all the people i used to live with next to pano's. i got to hang out with at least 10 people during the night and it was fun. i guess everyone's gotta let off some steam sometimes, right?

i learned yesterday in my microbiology class that there is a brand-new STD called MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus). it is caused by a superbug. it's a kind of staph infection, which is a really gross kind of infection. i've seen what it does to people's skin, i'd hate for that to affect my love hole.

from wikipedia:
Recently, due to overuse of antibiotics, strains of S. aureus have evolved to become resistant to certain drugs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methicillin-resistant_Staphylococcus_aureus


if we didn't overuse antibiotics, we could still treat this infection. there are antibiotics in our animal feed and water supply and there's not a whole lot we can do about that. this is really sad and upsetting and will lead to more and more diseases that are resistant to antibiotics.

if you like to buy antibiotic soaps, you may be helping yourself a tiny bit (not really, because you are also killing the millions of good bacteria that we have that protect us), but you are hurting everyone else and harming our earth.

i must say that I am completely impressed with ECC. i decided to take microbiology there instead of ub because i figured it would be cheaper and easier. and it turns out that i keep hearing the students at ub complaining about how hard their microbiology class is, while my teacher at ecc is straightforward and and wonderful. he is so excited about microorganisms and we actually learn about what's new in the world of microbiology. (when i went to look up MRSA on the internet, i found that it was released yesterday that it is transmitted sexually.) he really keeps on top of things. microbiology was the class i was dreading the most this semester, because i really don't have a huge interest in bacteria and the like. but because my teacher is so great, it will end up being the class that i remember the most from.

also, the class size at ecc is great. there are only 8 people in my class. in the three science classes i'm taking at ub, there are between 200-300 people in each class. i really like to ask questions in class, but when there are hundreds of other studens, i feel that my questions should not be asked because if everyone asked the same amount of questions as me, there would be no time for the lecture.

anyway, i heart ecc. it is the most convenient location that anyone could ever dream of for a college (across the street from the bus station). everyone there is helpful (it seems i often need help with random things as school). and the veggie burgers only cost $2.06 in their cafeteria.

i just read that some peeps might be looking for housing.

i am living in a new coop on the west side, and we will be looking for some new people to move in withing the next few months.

we share vegan meals a few times a week and share all our food. we all take turns cooking and cleaning. when all the rooms are finished, we will have 11 good people in our house.

if you might be interested, give us a call at 881-7843

i love our ancestors an immense amount. i know we have incredible wisdom that came from all their experiences.

yet i have no idea why on earth any of our ancesters would have ever decided to move to an icebox. it seems near impossible that (relatively) hairless mammals would have evolved in such a cold climate. so, the nomadic peoples MUST have come here and to other cold places. but i can't understand why. i guess there must have been more food, but the earth was not yet full enough of humans to make this necessary.

actually, when the europeans came over, why didn't they all just move to the south? most of the old school colonies were in the north. it really baffles me.

it's 7 degrees right now. feels like -9. that is way, way colder than anyone keeps their freezers. i'd stay inside if i could.

i made it through what has been the most challenging day of work i've every had.

i gave a sermon yesterday at the unitarian church in jamestown. i talked about my time in new orleans and all the beauty i found there. i don't think it's something that people have heard before. people have only heard the bad things and about the destruction. i spoke more of the work i did there at the soup kitchen and the feeling that we were rising above the ruin. it's true, there was so much love there, it's difficult to put in words.

but wow, i was SO nervous beforehand. i really haven't done too much public speaking, but i knowi'm not nervous about it if i have something that i have perfectly written out and i can just read it. but since i haven't had a computer for a while, i didn't write it all out. that may have been a bit silly for me and caused me unnecessary worry, but even if i had a computer, i really didn't want read everything from a piece of paper. i wanted my message to be a little more personal and heartfelt and i intentionally left some stories to tell off the top of my head because i figured i would use my own words and be given a chance to look around at people while doing it.

nervousness. i practiced in the car on the way to church with my mom, and i started crying at least 5 different times. i am so glad i did this because i made it through my sermon without crying. (i did cry during some of the hymns, though. one of them, which is actually my favorite UU hymn, was so perfect that i couldn't sing it at all because i was crying too much. the words are at the bottom of this post.)

well, even though i messed up once, it went wonderfully. it did come out as heartfelt (according to all the people at church). and i will admit that it gave me a huge rush. i enjoyed giving my message of peace and love and knowing that people got to hear my positive words does make me smile.

one super straight laced guy in his 70's came up to me afterwards and said, "that sounds just like a rainbow gathering--have you ever heard of those?" yes, i assured him, most of us there are rainbow family hippies. i was surprised that he himself had attended three gatherings! you never know about people.


here are the first three verses of my favorite hymn, called "We'll Build a Land" the music for this song is really upbeat, daring you to take action.

we'll build a land, where we bind up the broken,
we'll build a land where the captives go free,
where the oil of gladness dissolves all mourning,
we'll build a promised land that can be...

(chorus) come build a land where sisters and brothers, annointed by god, can then create peace, where justice can roll down like waters, and peace like an ever-flowing stream.

we'll build a land where we bring the good tidings
to all the afflicted and all those who mourn
and we'll give them garlands instead of ashes
oh, we'll build a land where peace is born

we'll build a land building up ancient cities
raising up devastations of old
restoring ruins of generations
oh, we'll build a land of people so bold

since i'm going back to school, i guess i need a computer, right? is it even possible to be a student these days without having a computer?

i remember that i even brought one to school when i went the first time. it was an 80/86. i don't know what that means, but even in 1993, everyone laughed at it saying that it was really old. maybe that means it was made in 1980 or something. i used that computer for four years and only really learned how to use a mouse after college.

so does anyone have any advice on how to find a used computer to buy? or is this sketchy and should i only think about getting a new one? if so, is there anything wrong with getting the cheapest one out there? i don't need anything fancy.

here is the grossest picture of me ever taken.



i was making jack-o-lantern mouth faces while i was trying to see if my nose really is that crooked.

i look like i'm in a lot of pain. how sad. but how fun to have a camera to play with!

i was told that i made a mistake in posting what i had previously posted about my experience at the new year's party.

i appologize that i was careless and would never, ever want to hurt anyone.

in order to not offend anyone, i have censored my journal entry.

at the party, ALL I COULD DO WAS MEDITATE. i had little desire to join the rest of the party, i just wanted to be quiet and peaceful and enjoy meditating. (although i did enjoy when people came in a couple times to visit for a bit.) it was so peaceful. it was really intense to sit in a room completely still and alone while people all around were enjoying a party. it was enjoyable to me, even if it doesn't necesarily sound it.

but then i realized that i did want to go to a party. and i decided that it was pretty fun.

i realized that there are a lot of drugs in buffalo: yesterday, i went to visit my neighbor and he described all the drugs he did on new years: lsd, k, pot, and various pills that i didn't know. when he was describing his experience of being in a "k hole" i realized that i never want to be that messed up in my life. and i am sure that i never will be.

definitely.

i got up super early this morning to go to the world peace meditation at the unity church on delaware.

it was the nicest service i've ever been to that was inside a church. this meditation is done all throughout the world at noon greenwich mean time on december 31 every year. it started 20 years ago, in 1986, the international year of peace.

it was a touching service, consisting of members of the church coming up to the front to read peaceful words that are meaningful to them. people read from a number of traditions, including rabbi harold kushner, psalms from the bible, a hindu swami, and the peace document from the unity church itself. there was a lot of emotion because people had chosen the readings themselves, especially from the blind woman who found her readings on the internet and read them from a braille page.

then we lit candles for each of the seven major religions of the world. (according to them, they are Islam, Judiasm, Christianity/B'hai, native american traditions, buddhism, hinduism, and daoism) people read a paragraph of how each of those religions defines peace as each candle was lit.

finally, we read the world peace meditation together. exactly as the sun rose (7:43), we read these words:

I now open my heart.
and let the pure essence of unconditional love pour out.
i see it as a golden light radiating from the center of my being.
and i feel its divine vibrations in and through me, above and below me.

i am so glad that i happened to drive by the unity church the other day and read "world peace meditation, 7am." this was a wonderful experience to have on the last day of 2006.

I celebrated christmas for the third time today.

today the invitees were:
bridget, my roommate
sabrina, roommate's sister
chuck, sabrina's boyfriend
ray, bridget & sabrina's schizophrenic father
hannah, bridget's 5-week old daughter
me

it turned out that all the left over presents that had been presented to me by the universe had a chance to be given out today. I couldn't find the duct tape that I had been using to wrap presents, so I hid the presents under a blanket <poof!> and we played "grap a gift." chuck chose the box of toothbrush, toothpase, floss, and chapstick, saying that he really could use all of those things. bridget unwrapped the 2007 calendar that I got for her a couple months ago. sabrina grabbed a clock that had a place for a photograph, of which bridget had many of hannah that she just had taken. everyone was surprised that there still was another present left for ray, seeing as I never could have imagened that he would come over. (I've known bridget for 13 years but have never yet met ray.) ray got a flashlight and was really happy with it.

I had never spent as much time with a schizophrenic person as I did today. it really seemed like he was on acid from how he talked and how many times he repeated the things he found interesting. i could tell that he really liked me, but luckily kept a respectful distance but did ask me interesting questions the times that i did talke with him.
eventually, ray and his girlfriend made up so I gave him a ride home. he was so pleased to get the flashlight gift that he gave me a gift, too (grab in the bag to get it, oda!) and he gave me 2 packs of guitar strings. turns out that I just got a guitar for christmas...