As usual it has been a zillion years since I updated. Tomorrow is the first day of this school year (though without students) and it's always an interesting feeling. Kinda scary, nervous, excited. I had these plans like 2 hours ago to work on some "to-do" lists, maybe write in my journal, sit in bed and fall asleep early, etc. But now it's getting later and here I am wide awake on the computer.

I am much more relaxed than I have been for a long time. Since around the fall of 2008, I had all this anxiety where I would go through periods of feeling stressed, anxious, worried and short of breath. It happened on and off for about two years. I had a zillion theories as to why this was happening, but I think I finally realized what was causing it. I was talking to a therapist (who I won't even need anymore, probably...) and she said that some nose sprays can cause anxiety and to call my pharmacist. Well I didn't even bother calling, I just stopped using it because I had a feeling that it was connected, and voila. I haven't felt short of breath at all the past week, maybe a bit here and there when I was working on something, but in general, I feel so much better than I have for so long. I am officially finished with nose sprays, allergy shots, and as far as I am concerned, I am never setting foot in an allergist's office again. Yes, I have terrible allergies, but I would much rather live with a stuffy nose and itchy eyes and feel calm than be allergy free and constantly on the edge of panic.

So, at least I can go into the school year knowing that I tackled one of my biggest problems this summer. Maybe that means this school year will be even better. At this time next year, I'll be a married woman. And heck, at this time in a couple months, I might be a homeowner! I guess life is okay for now :-D

Annual Oscar party with (e:Mike) and (e:Jill) tonight! Always a good time filled with tasty food and dress-watching!!!!

...how easy it is to eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting...

Well, here I am on my 3rd annual trip to Albany to spend time with my "sister-in-law" and her children. These trips always make me think of many things, such as the consequences of having children. I feel like whenever I see parents with young children, they are either 1) stressed 2) tired 3) arguing with their spouse 4) frustrated 5) some or all of the above. It really does not look appealing to me in the slightest...but I know that there are many positives to having children as well...

Being here also makes me focus on my lack of exercise. I've had the same problem since the spring of 2008. I used to LOVE running. Like I was kind of addicted to it for awhile. Then I ran a marathon. For some people, that might inspire them, but not me. It wiped me out. Ever since then, it has been a lot of effort to get me to run for more than half an hour. It's so freakin' sad. I also don't have a friend to run with anymore, and that was a big part of it. Cory's sister and her husband are really active. They do triathalons and stuff. So they get to sit and eat whatever they want, and they talk about their work-outs, and it makes me really depressed. I used to eat whatever I wanted and think about working out, too. But now I dwell on how I don't work out and how I shouldn't eat so much. It's really a sad way of living.

So of course I think to myself, I'm going to change things! I'm going to dedicate more time this winter and spring to myself! I'm going to run again!

Except what's going to happen is, I will probably run 3-4 times next week when I have off. And then BOOM school starts and I will not have time for myself anymore. It seems like I can have running or I can have my job. I can't seem to have both. Because now I have millions of after-school rehearsals, and who the hell wants to go running after putting in an 8-10 hour workday? Plus, I have my Master's Project to start worrying about.

So basically, I need to figure out how to balance everything. After-school rehearsals, Master's Project, and running. It doesn't seem like a lot but it really is. It's times like these I wish that I taught elementary school so I would have fewer after school and evening commitments.

I feel very whiny right now. I guess I just have all these things on my mind. It seems like I'm constantly wondering if I'm doing the right thing with my life. I see my friends who make changes and I get kind of jealous. Do I really want to stay in where I am for my whole career? Let's face it, my district is pretty lame. I love my job but I don't love the district. There's just nothing there. No one seems to care about much of anything, there's no standard for excellence, and it's so small. It's nothing like what I grew up with. I constantly look at people at other districts and wonder what it would be like to be surrounded by more talent, more money, more culture. It's just a lot to think about. What if I left my job, and found that I missed it?

WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF

I think I need to get home, go running, eat some Ben and Jerry's, snuggle with Maximus, and I'll be a little happier.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE WILL BE 12,000 PEOPLE RUNNING THE TURKEY TROT TOMORROW!!! THAT'S INSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE. I'm planning on spending the first part of the race waiting to actually get started and then getting out of the crowd. Sounds like....fun....

Go away. I hate you. I am boycotting you for the rest of the season and maybe for the rest of my life. Go to Toronto. Good riddance.

MK

Happy Veterans Day. I'm proud to be the granddaughter of two great men who served our country.

I don't like having to travel on a highway to get to parties at 24 Linwood. It makes me feel so far away from everything I used to be close to. (Granted, I could take Main Street the whole way, too...but the construction and lights drive me crazy). Oh well, it was still fun to stop by. I need to show my face more often, probably without my fuzzy companion who is not the most social person in the whole world...but I love him anyways.

If you missed out on Harmonia last night, you can still come see us sing on November 7th out in Orchard Park. I'm just putting this out there now to give plenty of notice :) I know it's a long drive, sooooo, I don't really expect anyone to come. If you did, however, I know you wouldn't be disappointed. You may even thank me. Hmm, probably not.

P.S. For every concert, I either email the faculty or I print out the fliers and put them in mailboxes. Last time, I only contacted the teachers who expressed interest. Still, in the two years I've been in the group, no one from my work has ever come...at all! Should I just give up or keep bugging people?