12/12/05 02:08 - ID#24575
I can't be silenced!
Something dawned on me today - well, no... I suppose this is something that I've known subconsciously for a while but have had too many distractions to acknowledge properly. I'm a creative person at heart - I was a musician for many, many years. My days of participating in organized music making are over, but I've found other ways of getting "it" out of me. For a long time I began writing - I had all kinds of inspiration... politics, girls... you name it. I was so head over heels in love for a girl one day in the past that I went over to Spot, armed with music, pen and paper and rattled off a dozen poems. Nowadays, I can't even look at them. I will share one with you, though - I don't have any presumptions of skill at writing... I wrote purely for myself..
Thoughts from 30,000 Feet
Being amongst the clouds makes you think
And lends itself to reflection
Like shifting colors in a prizm
As I ride through the sky
I wonder; if today I were to die
Did I let you know?
Did I say what I wanted to say?
Was I clear?
Do I regret anything?
Did you know that you mean the world to me?
When its time to come home
There will be no doubts
Looking through my eyes
You will know
What lies within my heart.
I wrote a poem after 9/11 that was EXTREMELY left wing - I'd share it but none of you would actually believe that I wrote the words. I was inspired to write it because of two things - at the time I knew that 9/11 was going to be a turning point for us, and not for the better. The second thing was that when it happened I looked at my poor grandfather, who earned a Purple Heart during WWII. He was a member of the generation that likely saved the world - we take for granted things that people during his generation died for. I thought to myself, "What would my grandfather think about the ugly things my generation would have to sort out?" I never thought to ask him, and he died during the coming springtime. Would we find a way to come together, like my grandfathers generation did, or would we be torn apart forever? As a result, I wrote about it.
I miss terribly being able to express myself... its like I have a lack of outlets. Maybe its because I've had a lack of inspiration. Maybe thats why I value (e:paul)'s project here - I'm able to get some thoughts out of my head - anonymously if I choose to but I don't choose to because I have nothing to hide... although I'm a difficult person to get to know. Whatever you might think about me, I know that you know one thing - I'm a complicated individual. Maybe thats why its important for me to express myself - I can be bad at offering more than whats at face value, and there are times where simple conversations will never grant the possibility for getting inside my head.
Want to know what inspired this journal entry? An Enya greatest hits album. New age music is my fathers thing, not mine... but I have to admit that Enya is a sexy lady.
Category: what... humility?!
12/11/05 01:06 - 29ºF - ID#24574
Ok, I'm Sorry
You have to understand something about me that would never come off in a journal - the only way you'd know this about me is by being my friend for a while. Or by reading my previous journal entry concerning what I did for my friend Mary. I'm intensely loyal to people I care about, and for principles that I hold close to my heart. If I witness somebody committing, shall we say, an unflattering transgression against a friend... I am the attack dog - and I won't lie to you, I LOVE the role. While being crude and rude isn't the most polite way of going about things, often times its the most effective. I don't waste my time debating people when its merely going to get in the way of me achieving my desired goal - if somebody pisses me off, I'm not in the mood to have civil discourse. Its rare that I don't get my point across to people who are doing wrong by somebody I know. I proved chivalry is not dead, and I also proved recently that if you have the guts to drop racial slurs in a public place when my co-worker is a black guy from Haiti... well... how many people would walk up to a table of 4 rednecks and tell them to stop dropping N bombs because it makes them look ignorant? I'm not telling you this because I want recognition, because frankly it disgusts me that EVERYBODY isn't keeping people in check like that. Calling someone a nigger is wrong, gay bashing is wrong... you get the idea. Why is it that our society has continually gotten less and less civil since the 1960's? To me its not an improvement - people can't talk without shouting anymore. Its sad, and it says a lot about us.
I guess you could call me a policeman in some respects. (e:ajay) got hit with the nightstick a little, so I'm going to atone the old fashioned American way - bribery.
12/10/05 01:54 - 30ºF - ID#24573
For some reason I have The Cars and Human League in my head and I can't get them out!
12/05/05 09:41 - 25ºF - ID#24572
Anyhow, I've lately just been pretending that I'm enjoying my job lately... put yer head down, grind through the holiday. '06 isn't that far away! Very soon its going to be time to look out for #1 like the "old" (e:joshua) used to do. If you think I'm a fascist now you should have seen me circa 2001. I've toned it down.
It was nice to see the beautiful and charming (e:lilho) and the fellas out on Saturday - my plan was to get sloppy drunk but at last minute I decided to be responsible. The Larsonmobile got broken into late Friday/early Saturday, and I was so uncontrollably pissed off during the afternoon that I decided to go on an extended bender. I chilled out a bit. Good news - the window will be replaced tomorrow at noon, and Progressive didn't try to job me on the claim!
Anyhow, it looks like I am going to Chicago tomorrow, then St. Louis the next day with a brief stop to Peoria, IL in between. I've been enjoying seeing the United States the past couple months. Well, with the exception of certain areas that I wont disparage in public. I have free drink coupons for the airline, so my ride home is going to be short and sweet after 2 or 3 Dewars and soda.
P.S. Atlanta had billboards up with the Tutankhamun showing there recently - the sign said "The Original King of Bling" - I had to laugh.
11/17/05 09:19 - 29ºF - ID#24571
Oh yeah - Ohio sucks. This has got to be the reason why Ohio State football sucks. I've made sure to be vocal about my devotion to Michigan this week in basically what is Ground Zero for Buckeye fans. Wearing a Michican hat in Buckeye country is like wearing Rush Limbaugh's "Club 'Gitmo" shirts in Berkeley, CA. You're liable to get harrassed, spat on, verbally abused and not served at restaurants.
11/14/05 10:35 - 41ºF - ID#24570
11/08/05 02:49 - 52ºF - ID#24569
1) We selfed our sativa pheno Blueberry, this is a rare find, full on purple stocks, very beautiful plants. A 1 in 100 find, medium yielder, likes organics, can be a touchy feeder. Really great medicine. Succulently sweet with piney undertones. A sativa dominant high, up with a strange facial tingle that lets you know that your stoned, but no feathers tickling your ass. This is a plush ride, like a pimp daddy's cadillac.
2) Odin kept his hammer in his pants, only the ladies and an occasional enemy he wished to defile ever got to see it so the legend goes. Odin’s hammer is an F1 hybrid of mythical proportions comprised of Kodiak Gold (Thunderfuck) and Acapulco Gold. Tha Hammer offers some real WHACK in the head dept. as both parents are some real head hitters, great weed for sex and frolick. I will bet Odin’s hammer was pretty abused just like this F1 will be! Nasty, crazy-ass grass! Likes organics. Be careful this is some serious creeper!
3) Acapulco Gold x Highland Nepalese. True American Weed. A landrace based 100% Sativa hybrid that will fuckin’ amaze you. Tops in tokes, true reefer madness, like heroin in a joint except you don’t barf. Old school sativa lovers need to try this. Big super vigorous sativas with big yields, great outdoors in southern climates. A real Texas ball buster.
4) The original Sour Diesel clone was crossed with a classic citrusy Kush ibl to make something really explosive. Easy to grow, making high yields, crazy shit in both the flavor department and deep stash headies compartment, weed that you lied to your wife about and said it was gone much sooner than it actually was, all just to fulfill your hunger, your fiendish fiendish cannahunger.. this weed proves some good things actually come from New York ..SOME BAD ASS SHIT!!!
11/08/05 01:00 - 52ºF - ID#24568
Vote Helfer and NO on Prop 1
I feel like absolute ass. I stayed home today (not like there is anything for me to do at work lately) so I went to vote, then went to Talking Leaves. You know, its amazing how many obscure art magazines with virtually no circulation they shelve there in the place of news magazines. I guess if I want to read something relevant to anything I'll have to trek to Borders. I did pick up the lastest issue of High Times though, because (a) I'm dying to smoke, and (b) I've wanted to pick up an issue for the longest time but I can' t exactly pick that up when I'm travelling and my co-worker is around.
The girl at the counter of Talking Leaves was like, "I swear I recognize you from somewhere!" Seriously, its not even a joking matter.... I get that ALL the freaking time. So she asked me, "What high school did you go to?" It turns out she is 3 or 4 years younger than me, and we both went to the same high school! Now this may not be terribly rare for you people who grew up in the Buffalo area, but for me this is a rare occurance. She was a cutie, too!
There is only one thing pulling me out of this apartment today - okay, maybe two.
11/04/05 09:51 - 55ºF - ID#24567
If you haven't heard about this project, check it out. Its got to be one of the most interesting and important projects going on in America today. Essentially the idea is to bring in your relatives and record them - an oral history project. Have them talk about their lives; funny stories, sad stories, the whole gamut. This way, you have a recorded piece of your heritage that you can reflect on years later when those people have passed. Copies of these recorded conversations are then kept at the Library of Congress. I wish that I could have done this with my grandfather before he died, VERY badly. StoryCorps has recording booths in two locations around Manhattan, as well as two roaming trailers that travel the country to get people to come in and do this.
How I would love to prepare a list of questions to ask my grandmother, and get her to go record it all with me. I'd love to ask her questions about her relationship with my grandpa, her circumstances growing up, the type of jobs she did when she was young and recently married, what she was thinking when (e:jason) and I were born, her happiest moments, her proudest moments, mentionings about her sisters and brothers, her advice for my brother and I on how to deal with life as we go, and anything involving what she would like to do with herself now and in the future. Among other things!
10/31/05 10:50 - 50ºF - ID#24566
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