i suck i know...

hey greg, if youre reading this....i'm sorry i didn't call you all weekend....sorry i didn't return your call on sunday.....and i'm sorry i didn't call you all week. i promise i'll make it up. don't go reading into it or anything. it's nothing, i promise.

i'll take you out to dinner soon.


but first,

i'm going away for the weekend, to detox...er...or cleanse myself or something. i took thursday and friday off and i'm skipping town.

more to come.

father tries to kill baby in microwave....

did anyone else see this???

a two month old baby, and the mother says the father would never do something like this, it was actually the devil that was working through him, not the father.

i don't get it.....why microwave? ok, listen....i'm not for killing babies, nor do i think it's by any means acceptable, ok, or excusable, but if you are going to kill your baby, why put it in the microwave? why wouldnt you just suffocate it or something like that? why make it so much more grosser and disturbing than it already is?

ohh...just watched the pursuit of happyness. if that is not the all time feel good movie....i don't know what is. it made me mad, it made me laugh and lord knows it sure made me cry. the director says...that is what makes a man happy, having a job.....to move forward. i couldn't agree more. a job where you feel needed, and appreciated and valued. a job where you feel significant, where what you do and what you say, makes a difference to those around you.

hmmm.....that kind of sounds like what a person looks for in a relationship. maybe that's why i am not lonely, or sad or feel like i want someone to share things with. i don't ever sit there and think to myself..."aww...i wish i had someone to watch this movie with" or ever feel like things would be so much better if i could have someone in my life to share this with.

my guess is that this feeling will not last forever, although it's been going strong for about a year and a half now. i'm sure everyone will hear about it when it ends.

i wish i could be as determined and hard working as that guy in the movie, was. i HATE laziness. that is probably the trait i hate the most in myself and most definitely in others. i hate when people do half assed attempts at doing their job. for christ's sake, don't wait for me to tell and explain everything to you, make an effort to figure it out yourself!!! who the hell do you think told me????

faben's laziness makes my blood curdle too. she needs to be taught some kind of lesson. like some huge famine needs to come along and show her what it really means to bust your ass.

UGH!!!

anyway..

finally marvin has stopped being a lazy wannabe artist, that thinks that one day his luck will get him where he needs to be. finally he is realizing what hard work really means. he's been working two jobs, one doing landscaping form 7am to 3pm and the other waiting tables from 5-9pm. he works this schedule everyday of the week, monday through sunday with no breaks and no excuses.

welcome to the real world. in the real world, no one wants to hear how you WISH you could do this or that but you couldn't because.........., or you could have done something ONLY if ..... ....or you might have been able to do it if x, y, or z didn't get in your way! that is SUCH a turn off. either do it, or shut the fuck up.

no one wants to hear your excuses. no one cares why you are late or why something is not done. all that matters is that you failed, and you most likely did not do EVERYTHING in your power to get it done. There will always be someone else willing and waiting to do what you could not.

i hate excuses more than i hate laziness.

as lazy as i am, i try not to make too many excuses for my laziness. i know i deserve everything i got for my laziness. i know I could have done much better. ugh....i make me sick.

anyway...

my mom is leaving for a month. so if any boys want to come over and try to feel me up in my bed, now's your chance. but you have to come here, because i never leave my house anymore. and when you come over, you can only stay until my boobies are felt, and then you have to pack up and go. i'm lazy and it's too much work being social.

i went to the susan g komen luncheon on saturday. it is an annual luncheon put together for breast cancer survivors. the susan g komen foundation also supports a LOT of research and donates a lot of money to a lot of organizations. i think i recall listening to NPR a few times and hearing that this, that or other show was made possible by the susan g komen foundation. one of my two bosses was the keynote speaker, so i was excited to be there to cheer her on.

mmm...i had my weekly massage today. it never lasts long enough. i could sit there for hours and hours. i decided to cut back to only getting the massage done every other week, but instead i increased the time from an hour to an hour and a half. ideally i would like at least two hours. there is a woman there who does thai massages, which are done on the floor on a yoga mat and can last anywhere from an hour and a half to three hours. the woman does all kinds of things to you like stand on your back and pull on your arms and legs. i'm not sure how i would feel about something like that. i want to be able to walk the next day. i also don't want to shell out $185 for a three hour massage that will make me hurt...badly.

i wish i could do a media dump, but my camera on my phone sux. why wont they finally make a fucking camera phone that takes semi decent pictures??? how fucking hard can it be??

i bought faben a bicycle last week. why was the cheapest bike in the shop $300? when did bicycles get so expensive? they had the cutest bikes there though, like this one......






it's pink and covered in hearts!!! too bad it was like $450!

this is our food at the luncheon. it wasnt bad at all. and they even had a vegetarian entree for my non flesh eating coworker.




i can't stress enough how much i love working at roswell. our park is so beautiful this time of the year, and it's so lovely to see people really enjoying the park and sitting out there, soaking in the sun and view. often times we have performers and a couple of weeks ago we had a wonderfully talented violinist do a set. she was the prettiest little thing ever. She was beautiful and graceful and she is also a breast cancer survivor who formed an organization of whom the name i've forgotten. its something along the lines of "artists for breast cancer". She has performed with so many symphonies and artists from around the world. i've never seen a violinist perform. it was fascinating. when the former president of roswell, handed her a bouquet of flowers, i had to hold back tears. i love seeing passionate people doing what they love, whether it's science or art or philosophy or philanthropy. (but not religion. i don't want to see your passion for your religion, because being passionate about religion usually involves telling those around who are not as passionate as you about your beliefs, how wrong and bad and lost they are. no thanks, keep moving down the line.)

here is a picture of joan kwuon




and another one...



and one i got off of google....



and another...

Missing Image ;(

this is a quick biography taken from www.joankwuon.com

Born and raised in Los Angeles, Joan Kwuon made her solo debut at age twelve, performing the Mendelssohn Violin Concerto with the World Youth Symphony Orchestra. She holds advanced music degrees from Indiana University, The Juilliard School and the Cleveland Institute of Music and is a member of The Juilliard School Assistant Faculty.

A young breast cancer survivor, Ms. Kwuon is co-founder and president of the non-profit organization, Artists for Breast Cancer Survival, Inc., presenting Artists for the Cure at Carnegie Hall, a series of benefit concerts featuring such artists as Kristen Chenoweth, Roberta Flack, Denyce Graves, Mandy Patinkin, and Itzhak Perlman. ABCS has raised over 1 million dollars for research and patient care while celebrating life and music.

Joan Kwuon plays the "Mary Portman" Guarneri del Gesu, 1735, on generous extended loan from Karen and Clement Arrison through The Stradivari Society of Chicago.


did you get that last sentence? she played with a violin that was once owned and played by the composer, back in 1735, of the piece she was playing. how cool is that?

ohh...just watched the pursuit of happyness. if that is not the all time feel good movie....i don't know what is. it made me mad, it made me laugh and lord knows it sure made me cry. the director says...that is what makes a man happy, having a job.....to move forward. i couldn't agree more. a job where you feel needed, and appreciated and valued. a job where you feel significant, where what you do and what you say, makes a difference to those around you.

hmmm.....that kind of sounds like what a person looks for in a relationship. maybe that's why i am not lonely, or sad or feel like i want someone to share things with. i don't ever sit there and think to myself..."aww...i wish i had someone to watch this movie with" or ever feel like things would be so much better if i could have someone in my life to share this with.

my guess is that this feeling will not last forever, although it's been going strong for about a year and a half now. i'm sure everyone will hear about it when it ends.

i wish i could be as determined and hard working as that guy in the movie, was. i HATE laziness. that is probably the trait i hate the most in myself and most definitely in others. i hate when people do half assed attempts at doing their job. for christ's sake, don't wait for me to tell and explain everything to you, make an effort to figure it out yourself!!! who the hell do you think told me????

faben's laziness makes my blood curdle too. she needs to be taught some kind of lesson. like some huge famine needs to come along and show her what it really means to bust your ass.

UGH!!!

anyway..

finally marvin has stopped being a lazy wannabe artist, that thinks that one day his luck will get him where he needs to be. finally he is realizing what hard work really means. he's been working two jobs, one doing landscaping form 7am to 3pm and the other waiting tables from 5-9pm. he works this schedule everyday of the week, monday through sunday with no breaks and no excuses.

welcome to the real world. in the real world, no one wants to hear how you WISH you could do this or that but you couldn't because.........., or you could have done something ONLY if ..... ....or you might have been able to do it if x, y, or z didn't get in your way! that is SUCH a turn off. either do it, or shut the fuck up.

no one wants to hear your excuses. no one cares why you are late or why something is not done. all that matters is that you failed, and you most likely did not do EVERYTHING in your power to get it done. There will always be someone else willing and waiting to do what you could not.

i hate excuses more than i hate laziness.

as lazy as i am, i try not to make too many excuses for my laziness. i know i deserve everything i got for my laziness. i know I could have done much better. ugh....i make me sick.

anyway...

my mom is leaving for a month. so if any boys want to come over and try to feel me up in my bed, now's your chance. but you have to come here, because i never leave my house anymore. and when you come over, you can only stay until my boobies are felt, and then you have to pack up and go. i'm lazy and it's too much work being social.

i went to the susan g komen luncheon on saturday. it is an annual luncheon put together for breast cancer survivors. the susan g komen foundation also supports a LOT of research and donates a lot of money to a lot of organizations. i think i recall listening to NPR a few times and hearing that this, that or other show was made possible by the susan g komen foundation. one of my two bosses was the keynote speaker, so i was excited to be there to cheer her on.

mmm...i had my weekly massage on sunday. it never lasts long enough. i could sit there for hours and hours. i decided to cut back to only getting the massage done every other week, but instead i increased the time from an hour to an hour and a half. ideally i would like at least two hours. there is a woman there who does thai massages, which are done on the floor on a yoga mat and can last anywhere from an hour and a half to three hours. the woman does all kinds of things to you like stand on your back and pull on your arms and legs. i'm not sure how i would feel about something like that. i want to be able to walk the next day. i also don't want to shell out $185 for a three hour massage that will make me hurt...badly.

i wish i could do a media dump, but my camera on my phone sux. why wont they finally make a fucking camera phone that takes semi decent pictures??? how fucking hard can it be??

i bought faben a bicycle last week. why was the cheapest bike in the shop $300? when did bicycles get so expensive? they had the cutest bikes there though, like this one......






it's pink and covered in hearts!!! too bad it was like $450!

this is our food at the luncheon. it wasnt bad at all. and they even had a vegetarian entree for my non flesh eating coworker.




i can't stress enough how much i love working at roswell. our park is so beautiful this time of the year, and it's so lovely to see people really enjoying the park and sitting out there, soaking in the sun and view. often times we have performers and a couple of weeks ago we had a wonderfully talented violinist do a set. she was the prettiest little thing ever. She was beautiful and graceful and she is also a breast cancer survivor who formed an organization of whom the name i've forgotten. its something along the lines of "artists for breast cancer". She has performed with so many symphonies and artists from around the world. i've never seen a violinist perform. it was fascinating. when the former president of roswell, handed her a bouquet of flowers, i had to hold back tears. i love seeing passionate people doing what they love, whether it's science or art or philosophy or philanthropy. (but not religion. i don't want to see your passion for your religion, because being passionate about religion usually involves telling those around who are not as passionate as you about your beliefs, how wrong and bad and lost they are. no thanks, keep moving down the line.)

here is a picture of joan kwuon




and another one...



and one i got off of google....




and another...




this is a quick biography taken from www.joankwuon.com

Born and raised in Los Angeles, Joan Kwuon made her solo debut at age twelve, performing the Mendelssohn Violin Concerto with the World Youth Symphony Orchestra. She holds advanced music degrees from Indiana University, The Juilliard School and the Cleveland Institute of Music and is a member of The Juilliard School Assistant Faculty.

A young breast cancer survivor, Ms. Kwuon is co-founder and president of the non-profit organization, Artists for Breast Cancer Survival, Inc., presenting Artists for the Cure at Carnegie Hall, a series of benefit concerts featuring such artists as Kristen Chenoweth, Roberta Flack, Denyce Graves, Mandy Patinkin, and Itzhak Perlman. ABCS has raised over 1 million dollars for research and patient care while celebrating life and music.

Joan Kwuon plays the "Mary Portman" Guarneri del Gesu, 1735, on generous extended loan from Karen and Clement Arrison through The Stradivari Society of Chicago.


did you get that last sentence? she played with a violin that was once owned and played by the composer, back in 1735, of the piece she was playing. how cool is that?

the thing i think people are afraid to accept is that it's not that people who seem to be interested in us one minute and then not interested the other are playing games or doing it for kicks, but rather it's because they no longer like you.

that's why it's called, "talking", "dating", "hanging out" etc. the reason that person, that seemed so interested in you a couple of weeks ago, is no longer returning your calls, is because that person realized that they don't like you all that much, after all.

that's what happens. people spend time together and often times, one person decides that there is something about the other that they don't like, or something about them drives them crazy, or they are not as funny, smart, interesting, good looking or hot as they originally thought.

and i don't know why it's so hard for us to realize that. we then lie to ourselves and say it must have been that that person was a game player or was flaky or was fake or whatever.

the bottom line is that they just didn't like you. but you never, ever, hear anyone say that to themselves. no one ever sits down and says...hmm.....tom/dick/harry stopped calling me because he probably didn't think i was as great as i first seemed. instead we sit there and call tom/dick/harry all kinds of assholes, and pricks, and jerks and call him a fucking player and tell ourselves what a wonderful thing tom/dick/harry just lost.

tom/dick/harry didn't loose it, tom/dick/harry didn't really want it once he got to know it. plain and simple. not everyone is going to like you and definitely not everyone is going to like you once they get to know you.

and i know there are going to be people that are going to say that if tom/dick/harry felt that way about you then they should have told you, but that is complete bull. i don't think that i would want someone to say to me...hey, listen.....when i first met you i thought that you were super hot, but now that i've had sex with you, i'm actually pretty turned off.

or

hey, when i first met you i thought you had a pretty good head on your shoulders, but now that i've hung out with you, i think youre a fucking moron with chitterlings for brains.


call me crazy, but i want to be lied to. if people were actually that honest, it would be pretty fucking brutal. much worse than say....not returning your calls anymore. tell you what....for those people who still want complete honesty, let's just say that it's pretty safe to assume that if the person you were dating has dumped you, it's because you sucked in bed or you had a little dick or you are kind of ugly or youre very, very annoying. there....happy now?

don't fool yourself into thinking that the other person is always the asshole. often times it takes a while for people to figure out whether or not they like you and often times once people get to know the REAL you, you are not as attractive as you or they, thought you were. we are so scared of thinking that there are people out there that think that we are ugly, stupid, dull, anal, compulsive, neurotic, cowardly or controlling, and as much as we'd like to think that some of those qualities are endearing (theyre not) more often than not, they're a huge turn off.

so, yvonne....the universe stopped calling because you look like shit in the morning.......would you rather it had told you that to your ugly face? sweetie....honestly.....you should be thanking it for sparing your feelings, by ignoring you instead.

so.....

SPIDERMAN SPOILER.....

so faben and i went to see spiderman saturday night, and i too was kind of disappointed. towards the end i was almost laughing because toby mcquire cried so many times during the movie...actually everyone cried so many times....that i thought i was watching some kind of chick flick. it was kind of funny when spiderman became evil, cuz he looked just like jared leto in all his new videos. kinda emo, very heroin chic.

i also went to see the sound of music friday night. funny thing is...is that marvin's most recent ex girlfriend (not the cunt i found in my bed), was one of the sisters. damn it, if i knew she was in it i would have definitely not clapped as hard. when he told me she was in the play i told him that at least now i know she's not hot....not even very cute, for that matter, b/c none of the sisters were anything to look at. i may not be hotter than a lot of people, but i'm definitely hotter than her.

god i hate marvin. i mean i love him...but i fucking hate him so much...does anyone know what i mean?

work is coming along great. the new project coordinator started and everything is coming along well. except of course, the stupid IT issues. at least things are now moving. i think she finally got her email working, and somehow our database guy appeared out of the blue. we have a meeting scheduled for this afternoon. i hope he doesn't hate us now for complaining to the big wigs.

i have so many things on my plate at work. a new drug trial is starting up that i'm supposed to be coordinating, but everything is so completely disorganized that both me and my boss are pulling our hair out. why does it have to be so difficult to get any solid answers at roswell? drug trials have so many more hoops you have to jump through, but it would be nice if the people with the hoops would know which one they want you to jump through.

i've been going to get massages every week. it's sooooo nice. i cannot tell you how much i like to be touched. if i was rich, before i would get a live in maid or a cook, i would get a live in masseuse. i would get massages in the morning and and night, every single day.

i am so ready for a vacation. i can't decide where to go this summer. i was watching today show's 'where in the world is matt lauer', and one of the places he went was dubai. that place if off the fucking chain! remember how they were building the palm tree islands in the ocean? well, now theyre building the world. its a map of the world, with man made islands representing each of the countries that people can buy, in the middle of the ocean. how fucking crazy is that?

ok, i gotta run and get ready for work now. gotta work till at least 9pm today.

I sent this to the VP of IT, and her boss and the president Dr. Donald Trump, of Roswell.

I have had it.



I am sorry that I have to voice my disappointment with Roswell's IT department with you, but I don't know who else to turn to. I am a Project Coordinator in the Cancer Prevention and Control department. Since joining Roswell, I have overall, been impressed with the organization and its people. I have found that Roswell's employees are helpful and caring and behave in ways that show they are proud to be part of this impressive organization. People here are caring and friendly and interact with other coworkers the way they are expected to interact with patients and customers. I find most of our coworkers to be pleasant, kind, friendly and accessible.



I also know that our organization is in a state of transition, and I know that many of the systems we have in place are in a state of flux and although every effort is made to make them run as smoothly as possible, there are times when that is not possible.



However, neither of those two statements can be made in terms of our IT department. I have never worked in an organization where the IT department was so:



1. Unfriendly
2. Inaccessible
3. Disorganized
4. Unhelpful
5. SLOW



I have found that whenever I have to call the IT department, I begin to dread it well before the call is ever placed. On many occasions, I found the staff to be rude, and condescending. They behave in a way that makes me feel as if I am bothering them or as if I am incompetent. When a "Ticket" is placed, the wait time between its actual placement and the time it gets processed is extremely long.



One of my new coworkers, who began her employment 4 days ago, STILL does not have ANY access to her email or network drives. Please tell me how are we supposed to get our work done when we don't have the basics going? When we called IT to find out the status of the "Ticket" we get a snark comment of "There are 6 of us and 5000 of you!". The work orders were placed well before the employee's start date.



On her start date, we had an IT person come out to our office and hook up the hardware, but didn't stay to see if everything was running completely. Needless to say, the new employee was not able to sign into the system. IT then sent out another person to our office, and this time they signed her into the system but did not stay to see if she had access to email or the network. The entire time the IT professional was here he was on a personal call on his cell phone taking care of personal business.



Once he left and we tried to access her Outlook and realized that she is still not hooked into the system. When we called IT back they put in another "ticket" and told us to wait. The next day, when we called to ask why there still was no access to the system, we got the "there are 6 of us and 5000 of you" comment.



This is just ONE example of the type of issues we are forced to deal with when it comes to our IT department. We have been waiting to work with one of the Access Database professionals for over 2 months now. When the ticket was created back in February, we did not hear from IT until we called them. The person assigned to the ticket said he was then going on vacation and would get back to us in a few weeks, when he did get back, we again did not hear from him until WE called him. He finally met with us in the beginning of April and told us he would work with us on improving the overall design and functionality of the database. It is now May 3rd, and we have not heard from him.



Another one of my coworkers that works on my project with me, has been trying to get wireless access to our network system that she can use throughout the hospital for over 6 months. Whenever she calls to ask the status of her "TICKET" they tell her they will get back to her. When they don't and she calls back they tell her to put in yet another ticket. Absolutely no resolution, and an enormous amount of attitude is what we get from IT.



This view of our IT department is not just my own. Many of my colleagues share my concerns. I understand that our IT department is understaffed and underfunded. But the question then stands; How are we to become one of the top ten cancer centers in the country when one of the most basic and fundamental components needed to achieve this goal is so inadequate?



The future is dependant on having an Information Technology department that is both, willing and able to provide the technology and expertise that is crucial to our development. Information Technology is an integral part of all of our lives, both at work and at home. It pains me to say that our Information Technology department is sub par and grossly lacking when it comes to being a functional cancer center, much less a model cancer center. .



I strongly urge you to make this a top priority in the coming months and years and I please ask that the IT personnelle treat the rest of their coworkers the way that we "non" IT people are expected to treat each other.

i can't even imagine how scared shitless i would be if i saw this thing approaching. it looks like something out of a movie.

i want to thank everyone for all the wonderful birthday wishes. they meant a ton to me. even though i didn't go out anywhere, i did get lots of flowers and lots of warm wishes. it was one of my best birthdays ever.

now.....take a look at what i got in the mail today. how cute.


Dear beloved,

My name is Elrahman Sariff, A Bahrain national, I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer .It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for.

But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members bas well as a few close friends .I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have Distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Somalia and Malaysia.

Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of Twelve Million, six hundred thousand dollars($12,600,000,00) that I have with a finance House abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatch it to charity organizations.

N/B:KINDLY NOTE THAT 20% of this funds must go to the tsunami victims and another 10% for your effort and time.

Regards,
Rahaman sarif
saviour_00@yahoo.com

I got all the pretty flowers today!