Love by Billy Collins


the boy at the far end of the train car
kept looking behind him
as if he were afraid or expecting someone

and then she appeared in the glass door
of the forward car and he rose
and opened the door and let her in

and she entered the car carrying
a large black case
in the unmistakable shape of a chello

she looked like an angel with a high forehead
and somber eyes and her hair
was tied up behind her neck with a black bow

and because of all that
he seemed a little awkward
in his happiness to see her

whereas she was simply there
perfectly existing as a creature
with a soft face who played the chello

and the reason i am writing this
on the back of a manilla envelope
now that they left the train together

is to tell you that when she turned
to lift the large, delicate chello
onto the overhead rack,

i saw him lookiing up at her
and what she was doing
the way the eyes of saints are painted

when they are lookiing up at God
when he is doing something remarkable
something that identifies him as God


...yeah i know how that feels..




In my craft or sullen art by dylan thomas

in my craft or sullen art
excercised in the still night
when only the moon rages
and the lovers lie abed
with all their griefs in their arms
i labour by singing light
not for ambition or bread
or the strut and trade of charms
on the ivory stages
but for the common wages
of their most secret heart

not for the proud man apart
from the raging moon i write
on these spindrift pages
nor for the toweing dead
with their nightingales and psalms
but for the lovers, their arms
round the griefs of the ages
wo pay no praise or wages
nor heed my craft or sullen art

Eric --
[noun]:

A level headed person who always makes the wrong decision


Michael --
[adjective]:

Banshee-like


Eric --
[adjective]:

Benevolent to a fault

Eric Michael --
[noun]:

A person who is constantly high

Wow, ladycroft looks like we have a lot more in common than i originally thought :) hahahahahaah this site really is quite amusing

so i went on another interview today for a job at a bank down here on Long Island. It's for a personal banking position. you come in to the branch and i play with your money. oh gotta go, the optimum online guy is here to figure out our internet problems. i will write more when he s gone.

ok so this is in continued response to dcoffee's post. I feel that one of the reasons buffalo is in the current state it is in is because we don't properly use the resources we have right in front of us. yes i still say we, i still identify strongly with my home. it disturbs me that we have a control board with members fromm Greenwich Village, Albany, and other parts of NYS directing buffalos future. we need to take charge and get competent people office. i know its easy to preach from down here. but let me get to my point. now i believe that the richardson complex/center is the psych center on buff state's property. and if i am correct it is on a national preservation registry. it is not in use right now, yes? well why not renovate the building in accordance with preservationist guidelines to become the hotel in the elmwood village, thereby saving the businesses that sparked the elmwood strip revival, and are a continuing force in the success of the village. the hotel would be steps away from the albright knox, the historical society, shakespeare in the park, and the strip itself. it just seems like our city squanders so many opportunities. the water front obviously being one. move the golf course from deleware park to the waterfront, and turn the old pier into the counrty club building. who golfs in the winter? no one. what would be a better backdrop, and make the course more competitive than the weather from lake erie. also solving the problem of driving golfballs into kids playing baseball, soccer, basketball. turning the park, into our central park. there are flashes of brilliance, and then really big duds. and again it is easy for me to be critical, but i left buffalo, i would like to come back someday. anyways. and as for the suits at the pink. whats the problem with that? i don't see anything wrong with a couple of suits being there. they may be freaks who just have day jobs with the man. i don't forsee in the near future the Pink being taken over by the yuppies, preps, jocks, geeks (going on a ferris bueller kind of rant). the pink will always be the pink as long as its standing. those two make it a more interesting nite. at least thats the way i see it.

I was just looking at my journal and for some reason the last entry is posted 3 times. kinda odd. i wonder if it was because of my computer. oh well. so i didn't call kerri on valentines day. it was killing me not to. i did get a valentine from a stranger though. that was really cool. i went to visit my friend mickey at the inn, he was working so i popped in there for a drink and stayed for a little while. nothing crazy, but there were these 4 girls who i have seen around, and i was brought into a conversation about relationships. then the one girl asked why i was not with my girlfriend and i explained to her that i chopped her head off and threw her in the bay. hahaha...no i let her know i didn't have one. now these four girls seemed nice, and they are attractive. the one next to me was like here, happy valentines day and gave me this bag of candy and it had a cd in it too. it was really nice because i was REALLY down. valentines day last year was a big nite in my relationship with kerri and it struck me as odd how much can change in the passing of a year's time. well of course i ran in to kerri on wednesday nite. she was going outside to have a smoke with her roomate courtney and she stopped and said hi, and that she would be back in. she came back in and then it was her turn to sing, so she gets up and sings are you strong enough to be my man. hahaha...funny shit. mickey and i got up and left. i think shes in florida for the february break. her and her girlfriends go every year. it seems like everyone is blah right now. last nite i went to dinner with an old friend. that is a great statement. it was my friend kat, whose 30th suprise birthday i went to last weekend. we had lost touch, mostly because of her, but since christmas she has made an effort to get our friendship back on track. i am really happy about that. she is a different person now too. a lot happier i think. we went to tgi fridays for dinner and had a few drinks. 3 hours went by and it seemed like a few min. its really cold and windy here today. what baxter you ate a whole wheel of cheese? hahaha don't know where that came from, kinda like a brain fart. fart. hahaha....someone smoking the weed in here????? anyways. back on track here. i'm thinking about sending kerri this poem i wrote her in the mail. any opinions on that? its just that i feel like i have to fight for this. i don't know why. normally i just chalk it up and say fuck it. it hurts yeah, but something about this one. everything reminds me of our time together, a stupid flavor of snapple, of course songs, dates, times, places, i can remeber what she wore the first date we were on, the night i met her, the first time we kissed, what she wore on valentines day. it all sucks ass. hahaha...as bad as love is, its great. it really is. if we didn't have it what would we really live for. im talking of love of our familys, our friends, and our lovers. that affection, that caring, that closeness. i miss the closeness. the physical closeness. laying on the couch falling asleep watching a movie with her in my arms. the feel of breathing. the smell of her in the morning. the hair and skin with that warm morning soft scent. im going to go do laundry. clean something, take my mind somewhere else. anyone have any suggestions for good books. i have to get my mind stimulated. thursday i was thinking about all this shit above, and my job hunt, and i got back to the deli with three deliverys stil in my car. alright kids, im out the dishes are done man.

Hello everyone. mmmm my typing is green,i think i am going to have to try and adjust this. Well lately all i have been doing is working for this deli, and trying to get interviews. tomorrow i have a second interview with AXA and i am really hopefull that it goes well. so i may be reporting a new position tomorrow!! this past weekend was pretty good. for all of my complaining seeing my ex girlfriend Kristen was actually really nice. We basically talked all evening. I mean there were times when i would break away and be part of the wackiness, but other than that my evening was spent with her, her old college roomie allison, and my roomate. we talked and aaron and I drank. Kristen told me about her son Dillon, and Alli asked what names were good for a boy, because she is pregnant. Seeing Kat, whose birthday it was , was also good because we had kind of lost touch. I think that will change. One funny things was how interested Kristen was in who i have been dating. I sure as hell wasnt asking about her husband. then the drive home the next day was rough because of the snow storm we got hit with. they have no idea how to plow this stuff of drive in it down here. though i must say, i do not really care for this weather anymore. i used to miss that about home, the cold nites and going from bar to bar shivering, then getting inside where it is warm and packed full of people yakking away, and washing the chill away with a molson or a labatts. I wanted to call and wish kerri a happy valentines day, it was a really important day in our relationship last year. but of course that was last year. the interview tomorrow is at 1130 then i have to do laundry, and a whole bunch of other fun things. though i think we have made an official decision to bring Thursday Nite Fun Club back from the dead. hang out in RVC. well i am going to sign off and make some dinner for myself. i hope you ladies have fun at jenks house if you go for wine and cheese. have some for me. If i were home i would have taken you all out. lol. Happy Valentine's Day all.

Hello everyone. mmmm my typing is green,i think i am going to have to try and adjust this. Well lately all i have been doing is working for this deli, and trying to get interviews. tomorrow i have a second interview with AXA and i am really hopefull that it goes well. so i may be reporting a new position tomorrow!! this past weekend was pretty good. for all of my complaining seeing my ex girlfriend Kristen was actually really nice. We basically talked all evening. I mean there were times when i would break away and be part of the wackiness, but other than that my evening was spent with her, her old college roomie allison, and my roomate. we talked and aaron and I drank. Kristen told me about her son Dillon, and Alli asked what names were good for a boy, because she is pregnant. Seeing Kat, whose birthday it was , was also good because we had kind of lost touch. I think that will change. One funny things was how interested Kristen was in who i have been dating. I sure as hell wasnt asking about her husband. then the drive home the next day was rough because of the snow storm we got hit with. they have no idea how to plow this stuff of drive in it down here. though i must say, i do not really care for this weather anymore. i used to miss that about home, the cold nites and going from bar to bar shivering, then getting inside where it is warm and packed full of people yakking away, and washing the chill away with a molson or a labatts. I wanted to call and wish kerri a happy valentines day, it was a really important day in our relationship last year. but of course that was last year. the interview tomorrow is at 1130 then i have to do laundry, and a whole bunch of other fun things. though i think we have made an official decision to bring Thursday Nite Fun Club back from the dead. hang out in RVC. well i am going to sign off and make some dinner for myself. i hope you ladies have fun at jenks house if you go for wine and cheese. have some for me. If i were home i would have taken you all out. lol. Happy Valentine's Day all.

Hello everyone. mmmm my typing is green,i think i am going to have to try and adjust this. Well lately all i have been doing is working for this deli, and trying to get interviews. tomorrow i have a second interview with AXA and i am really hopefull that it goes well. so i may be reporting a new position tomorrow!! this past weekend was pretty good. for all of my complaining seeing my ex girlfriend Kristen was actually really nice. We basically talked all evening. I mean there were times when i would break away and be part of the wackiness, but other than that my evening was spent with her, her old college roomie allison, and my roomate. we talked and aaron and I drank. Kristen told me about her son Dillon, and Alli asked what names were good for a boy, because she is pregnant. Seeing Kat, whose birthday it was , was also good because we had kind of lost touch. I think that will change. One funny things was how interested Kristen was in who i have been dating. I sure as hell wasnt asking about her husband. then the drive home the next day was rough because of the snow storm we got hit with. they have no idea how to plow this stuff of drive in it down here. though i must say, i do not really care for this weather anymore. i used to miss that about home, the cold nites and going from bar to bar shivering, then getting inside where it is warm and packed full of people yakking away, and washing the chill away with a molson or a labatts. I wanted to call and wish kerri a happy valentines day, it was a really important day in our relationship last year. but of course that was last year. the interview tomorrow is at 1130 then i have to do laundry, and a whole bunch of other fun things. though i think we have made an official decision to bring Thursday Nite Fun Club back from the dead. hang out in RVC. well i am going to sign off and make some dinner for myself. i hope you ladies have fun at jenks house if you go for wine and cheese. have some for me. If i were home i would have taken you all out. lol. Happy Valentine's Day all.

So its friday nite again. it feels as though i have been begininning with so a lot lately. well i had an interview this week with AXA financial and i am actually excited. i really would like the job, its a great opportunity. right now i am seriously intoxicated, so please do not mind any typos. met this really nice gal from toronoto who lives here now. it was good talking with some one from "home" cmon seriously, T.O is basically buffalo's big sister now. anyways. last nite i sang kareoke with kerri's lil sis. it was a wild and wolly nite. started off witha few innocent cocktails, and led to john denver and my ex's lil sis and i singing a duet. tonite (sat) i get to see another ex who is 26 and married to a 42 year old, they own 2 phsy rehap clinics, just built a million dollar house in syosset, and have a kid. i am unemployed, well delivering for a deli and on unemployment. surprisningly i am happy. there are times when i think what the fuck, but hey. i have great friends here. and i wouldnt' trade this for anything. well sometimes i wish i was home so i could hang out with all fo you awesome peeps. i am just going to bed now. gnite all. we are supposed to get socked with snow. 12 inches. yeah, its supposed to be a disaster. if they only knew what we get up home!!haha have a goood weekend

Hey everyone i see we are all winding up, or cramping up when it comes to valentines day. now unfortunately i am of the sentimental, romantic persuasion. last year for valentine's day i cooked my exgirlfriend Kerri dinner. Made her favorite, chicken cordon blue, (she was amazed i remembered her liking chicken cordon blue as it was said in passing) salad, garlic potatoes, and a lemon zest vegitable of which my memory escapes me. the apartment was filled with candles, and there was a vase of flowers on the table, these were hers to take after the evening. I also made a fantastic playlist on itunes, of which we ended up dancing to 5 or 6 songs, after dinner. following the dancing, i broke out the Moet. I had never had Moet, and I will tell you, i now know why it is expensive. oh wow is it good. We danced some more and then retired to my room, which was aglow from all of the lavender candles and tea lights around the room. it was a perfect evening. and i can't lie. i will definatley think of that night this year. hoping that she does not have someone to have taken my place. what will i do that nite? i don't have the foggiest idea. to be honest, i don't want a valentine that is not her. i have been dating, going out with other girls to varying degrees. but i have no desire, there is not even a cheap lust that would be able to sustain a tawdry little affair. i do have to agree with joshua's guidelines for fun on the holiday. kudos to you, hopefully you can implement the game plan and go, go, go, not gonna stop till you cross that goal line (hahaha inspired by the great cinematic classic, Rudy) I do have the option of going to see Tom Jones in Manhattan. i believe my friends Brian and his girlfriend Megan are going to see him at Roseland maybe. Now Joshua, I guarantee there will be some horned up single women there. i might be able to implement your shock and awe tactics there. i would definately need a few drinks to take the edge of as they say. im sitting here watching the English Patient again for the 4 time in probably a week. to continue on with the mush fest, i believe that the reason stories like this appeal to people is because it gives us all that wonderful high from the euphoric little four letter word.....Hope. Well i guess depending on the circumstances, that word can do more harm then good. A smile is still a powerful thing, i got one saturday nite. sent my weekend into a tailspin. wrote something new tonite. ill post it later, i have some chinese food waiting.

anyone here ever see A Box of Moonlight? John Turturo, and Sam Rockwell are in it. Funny movie. really funny movie. Bizzare, but definately funny. I'd like to join in the fun with dream comments. Lately I have been having some really vivid dreams, ones that are in great detail, and wake me from a sound sleep leaving me wondering what the hell just happened, if i am in trouble with the law, and just leaving me in a general state of anxiety upon waking up. none of the dreams are pleasant at all. the funny thing is i am not one to dream normally, or at least remember them. maybe its all the time i have on my hands. i mean i try to stay busy during the day, but there is only so much i can do. i read twisted's post on a book club, and think it is a col idea. of course the problem is keeping up with readings. i was invited into a book club with some friends in Astoria, Queens, but i never made a meeting, or even purchased one of the books to be read. i wanted to, just never got around to it.